Burning Butterflies
by Niphrehdil
Summary: In a rainy evening on March and three months after Trask, Erik gets an unexpected telepathic visit from Charles. When Erik learns why, he hurries to Westchester immediately, setting in motion a breath-taking chain of events.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Hey guys!

The massive amount of good feedback I got from my previous fic Dark Flowers inspired me to write more for this fandom. So here I am, once again - I hope you're all on board with me.

NOTE: This story is also posted to Ao3. The summary of this story is different there, since in here it has be suitable for all ages. Original summary:

_"On a rainy Tuesday evening in March, Charles Xavier tries to kill himself. He accidentally projects his last moments to Erik, thinking this is the way they part. But Erik is not going to let Charles die just yet. And nobody expects what happens after."_

So as you can see, a dark setting here. You can expect a lot of angst and rather depressing stuff true to my style - so read at your own risk. But most importantly, please tell me what you think and should I continue or not. I've got stuff planned and would like to turn this into a multichapter slow build fic but I'm unsure whether I should go down with this or not. It's really up to you.

_**CONTENT WARNINGS:**_ Suicide attempt, suicidal themes, self-harm.

Title inspired by:  
>"There were never butterflies, just fire." -Anonymous-<p>

**END OF AUTHOR'S NOTE**

* * *

><p>In the end, when Charles really does it, there's nothing solemn or ground-breaking about it.<p>

It's a rainy, miserable Tuesday night in March, and it's just around one in the morning.

He has been more or less locked in his study and rooms for three months now.

It took him two months to fully get clear from the withdrawal - alcohol, serum, painkillers.

His legs are gone. The serum is gone. Last bits of alcohol are gone.

He hasn't had a drop of anything since the day Erik dropped a stadium on him.

Since the day Raven walked away - again - but leaving Trask alive.

After Hank and Charles got back to the mansion, everything had changed. After ten years of solitude and foggy days, they just couldn't pretend nothing hadn't changed.

* * *

><p>Charles spent the first few following days in a dark room, vomiting his guts out, shivering and sweating, hallucinating.<p>

Hank stayed by his side, held his hair from the way of endless retching. Held him still as Charles screamed, as the voices came back. One by one. Then they were all there - hundreds of people and their emotions, all passing through him as if he was the gatekeeper of hell.

Pain, pain, _pain_.

Charles felt like he had eight bodies and seventeen minds, and the distortion and hysteria was overwhelming his senses, was making him pass out into Hank's arms. Once he almost stopped breathing. Charles almost wished he had.

After ten years of drinking and serum, Charles' telepathic shields are next to no-existent. His brain felt like it was lit up in flames, and it just never stopped.

Hank never said anything, just stared sadly at the far wall as Charles shivered and writhed in his grip, feverishly lost in the madness of his returning telepathy and strenghtening withdrawals.

Then the pain in Charles' back started, and soon his legs didn't carry him anymore, but his spine still flared up in flames. Charles was a sobbing, pale wreck on Hank's arms, because he was in so much pain, and he was begging Hank to give him more serum, begging him to make it stop. Tears in his eyes, Charles looked up to him and prayed him to bring it to an end.

Hank tried to stay strong and not to cry, and just shook his head after each and every request.

* * *

><p>After three weeks, the withdrawals finally settled.<p>

The mansion felt too quiet, now that its air wasn't filled with agonizing whimpers and screams.

Hank buried himself into the labs.

Charles locked himself into the study.

Silence settled.

* * *

><p>After two months, Hank noticed that something crucial had changed.<p>

He didn't know what it was, but there was something.

He became worried, tried to reach out for Charles.

But Charles' eyes were haunted and he rarely talked anymore, and Hank felt like they were two strangers in this house that didn't quite feel like a home anymore. The corridors were haunted by the people that had once roamed them - happy, hopeful young people. Now all dead and gone.

Charles became more quiet, and the light in his eyes became dull.

He used Cerebro sometimes, but never directly told about it to Hank.

Hank pretended not to notice.

Hank worried, and worried, but didn't know what to do.

* * *

><p>Three months and eighteen days later, Charles locked the door of his study and put the bathwater running.<p>

Several minutes later, if Hank had been close enough, he could have heard a loud crush and shattering sound from the second floor. But he was down in his lab, and he heard nothing.

He continued his work, completely unaware what was happening.

Completely oblivious that his heart would be broken during the next hour.

* * *

><p>Erik was in a dusty old motel room somewhere close to Nevada.<p>

It was close to one in the morning, and he was holding a cup in his hands, walking around the room slowly. He hadn't bothered to put a lamp on, even if it was dark outside. He had been hiding from the authorities and police officers for months now, waiting for the dust to settle around the whole Sentinel incident. Erik had had some time to think back to his escape from Pentagon, of the bullet he had put into Raven, and meeting Charles after so many years.

_Charles._

But Erik had tried not to think of him. Erik was angry, angry and disappointed, in both humans and the outside world. He had expected things to change when he had been locked away. But nothing had changed in ten years. Nothing. Humans were as stupid and ignorant as always. There was still so much to do, and Erik couldn't wait to get the police away from breathing down his neck all the time, since they were still hell-bent on finding him and putting him in prison. Erik planned to gather a new team for himself. Not that he needed anyone. But it was useful to have a team. Since all of his original team members - Angel, Azazel, Emma and others - were all dead. He needed to find new mutants, new faces and start to form a resistance movement. But doing that with the police constantly on his tail was making it extremely hard.

Erik was lost in his own thoughts, making plans, when he suddenly felt it.

He froze on his feet, stopped everything he was doing.

He felt a sudden wave of white noise, of jittery yanks.

Erik stared harshly straight ahead, gripping the cup in his hands with a steely grip, eyebrows furrowing. For a fleeting moment he thought that there was something wrong with him, but somehow he also knew that it wasn't the case, that this was something else.

When another wave washed over him and hit him like a hammer, breath got stuck to Erik's throat. Now he saw flashes of images - like seeing through someone else's eyes - and he saw a white floor. Water. A sink. Fresh, red blood on the floor tiles. But then the view distorted and tilted, and flickered back and forth, as if he was angrily blinking his eyes. Erik felt a flash of fear transferring to him and his eyes widened.

The motel room swam back into focus, as the images faded. But Erik could still feel alien sensations bleeding into him - agony, pain and sadness. The ghost echo of them hit him in his chest and made him gasp for breath.

Erik realized many things at the same time.

First of all, he realized that this was a telepathic interference coming out from somewhere outside. Secondly, it was far from hostile - it clearly wasn't an attack of any kind - it was way too sluggish and disoriented to do any harm or even cause pain. And thirdly - even if it had been an attack, Erik wouldn't have had any means to defend himself against it, since his helmet had been lost during the Trask mission.

Erik gritted his teeth in confusion. He embraced himself for everything just in case, and waited.

Second passed.

But there was nothing else; no more sounds. After some long wait, Erik warily blinked and let out a breath he had been holding.

Right before he was about to let himself relax a little, something at the corner of his eye caught Erik's attention. Erik jolted and turned instantly towards it, getting ready to lash out and attack against any possible intruder.

But then Erik froze when his eyes fixed on the figure in the middle of the room.

His hands fell slowly to the sides and his mouth dropped open, and Erik just stared in surprise.

_Charles._

Charles Xavier was standing few metres from him, in the dim light, staring back at Erik. And the oddest thing was that he looked as surprised as Erik did, like he hadn't expected to see Erik there. It was surreal, and Erik couldn't do anything but to stare. Charles looked around the room, then back at Erik. He furrowed his brows, like he was trying hard to understand or remember something.

Charles was wearing some loose clothes, a bathrobe and no shoes. Erik felt his heart starting to pound.

-Charles." Erik breathed out with a tight voice.

Charles looked at him, from head to toe, like trying to make sense of him.

The space between them felt thick and heavy.

Erik was thinking fast. Charles' form looked somehow odd; like he wasn't really in the room. And Erik was absolutely certain that he hadn't heard Charles entering either - and he wasn't wearing any shoes or jacket so he couldn't have exactly come outside. Besides, Charles was standing, and Erik knew too well that Charles couldn't use this telepathy and his legs at the same time. And now that Erik checked, Charles left no shadow on the floor either. Slowly, Erik's face darkened, and he felt a rush of anger, shoulders sagging.

-You are not really here, are you?" he asked through his teeth. It wasn't really even a question.

Charles opened his mouth, still looking even more confused as before. He didn't say anything, just stared.

Erik felt all of his old grudges resurfacing slowly. He despised the intrusion, and felt automatically offended and angry that Charles had obviously entered his head and projected an image of himself to the room - that he had used his telepathy on Erik. Even if it made no sense why he had done it.

-Erik.." Charles finally mumbled - partly aloud, but mostly the voice seemed to fill Erik's head. Erik felt vaguely surpised that Charles was using his powers in such an untrained manner - it was almost shaky at best - as if he couldn't control them fully. Erik had witnessed Charles doing same kind of things a lot more fluidly before - it was confusing that Charles was acting like he was a beginner at this. Maybe it was because of that wretched serum.

The room was heavily quiet for a while.

Erik just waited for an answer, or an explanation.

He eyed Charles' projection, even if he knew that it wasn't really Charles standing there. Erik crossed his arms in frustration, and tried to ignore the odd feeling growing in his chest, like a bad gut feeling. After all, Charles had_ never_ once did this before. Not even after Cuba. Quite frankly, Erik didn't even know Charles could reach this far - and it didn't seem like he was using Cerebro. And then Erik suddenly remembered that he had seen blood in those jittery images before. And Charles still hadn't said anything else, and he looked more and more confused. Like he didn't even know where he was or what was happening.

Erik's anger faded just a little.

-Why are you here?" he asked demandingly.

Charles looked torn, and blinked hard. He kept looking around the room, like he wasn't supposed to be there or was searching for something or someone to no avail. It was almost eerie. Erik tilted his head and sighed.

-Charles. Say what you came to tell me or get out of my head." he said with a tight voice.

But despite his harsh facade, Erik's bad feeling only grew. Charles looked lost, and the whole connection felt shaky - like it was about to break anytime. Charles turned to look at Erik. He suddenly looked small. Something fragile flashed in his face.

-Erik, I..." Charles mumbled. Then he left out a soft gasp and squeezed his eyes shut, like he was in pain.

Erik felt a nasty rush of sudden fear. Was the mansion attacked? Was someone going after Charles and Hank? It made no sense but Erik was coming up with all kind of different scenarios. If Charles was reaching out for him, it had to be for a good reason. This clearly wasn't a controlled, angry confrontation of any kind. Charles hadn't popped into fight or talk. No - this was an unstable and unplanned visit, that much was obvious.

Charles blinked his eyes open, swallowing hard. -I'm not...I'm not supposed to..." he stuttered, but his voice faded again, and he just kept staring Erik.

Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. Erik distantly thought that he shouldn't be so bothered by this, but couldn't help his heart starting to race. Erik eyed Charles more critically now, searching for any signs of attack or further clues.

-Charles? What's...what's wrong with you?"

There was no answer. Instead, Charles' projection started to lose its sharpness. He started to look ghostly instead of solid. Erik's heartbeat quickened and he felt an ugly wave of worry.

-Where are you really? The real you? Right now?" Erik asked, haste starting to creep into his voice.

Charles was just staring back at him.

-Charles. Answer me." Erik demanded, stepping forward. And suddenly the strong smell of blood filled Erik's nostrils, and he felt sickened by it - the smell obviously wasn't coming from this room. It was coming from Charles' end, where he really was, probably from thousands of miles away. Erik couldn't help but to widen his eyes. He was about to repeat his question when a hard throbbing suddenly shot up to Erik's wrists, a stabbing numb pain spreading to them. Suddenly Erik's fingers went limp and the cup fell from his hands, crashing to floor and shattering to hundreds of pieces.

Charles stared at the broken cup for a moment, before his eyes flickered up to Erik as he drew a shaky breath. There was something fearfully final in his face now.

-Erik..." Charles said with a tiny voice. Their eyes locked across the empty space. Charles' eyes were glistening. -I...I think I'm dead."

Erik suddenly forgot all of his previous anger and stepped blindly forward, pieces of porcelain crushing under his feet. The words sank in and crystalized into him in horrible detail.

-You're...you're what?" Erik muttered, tasting suddenly bile on his mouth. Charles' projection was fading fast now; turning quickly into thin air.

Charles looked at him with a shade of sadness, like he knew that he couldn't stop it from happening.

-No that's...No. No, wait!" Erik barked, suddenly feeling like his heart had jumped into his throat.

Charles looked at him, helpless. -I'm...I'm sorry." he muttered, and stepped backwards. Like he was apologizing for intruding Erik's head. Or that he was dying.

Erik stared at Charles, hand reaching towards him instinctively, even if at some level he knew it was no use. Erik looked around the motel room, anxious, not knowing what to do. His hands started to shake - he could still feel the ghost ache in his wrists - an ache that wasn't coming from his own skin Erik realized, disturbed. He stepped forward, pushing a chair angrily out of his way, breaths coming out as short gasps. He had to do something. He couldn't just stand here and...

Suddenly the connection at the back of Erik's mind flickered dangerously, like a wounded butterfly. So did Charles' ghostly projection - it faded into thin air, and suddenly Erik was staring into a wall instead of the familiar shape.

Erik stopped dead on his tracks once again, staring into nothingness. He could still feel the faint echo of Charles' presence at the back of his mind. _Charl-_

Gone. Suddenly, the presence was gone, like a door pulled shut.

Alone.

Erik was alone.

Erik could only feel himself inside his head, eyes widening. The motel room was empty. He kept staring at the spot Charles had just stood in, but there was nothing there. Erik couldn't even swallow, his throat felt it like it was on fire. Charles Xavier couldn't be dead; not yet. Erik had never considered it could happen in any near decade; they had been both alive and fine in the future like Logan had said.

But that future was erased, Erik remembered.

And Erik realized that he might have just felt Charles' eulogy, his last moments transferring to him across the miles and space between them. Maybe it had been a cry of help. Maybe it had been Charles' desperate attempt of saving himself from whoever had attacked him, and Erik couldn't stand the idea. There might have been a lot of poisonous hurt and grudge between them, but Erik would have never wished death upon Charles.

Erik suddenly swirled around, hurrying hastily towards his door and yanking it open by the metal lock.

He madly ran out the door and into the cold night, careless about anyone who might see him or try to stop him.

He wasn't going to allow this.

If Charles had reached out for him in hope of an intervention, an intervention was exactly what he was going to get. Erik refused to believe Charles was gone - not yet. Erik didn't exactly know why, but he wasn't indifferent enough or ready to let that happen.

Charles Xavier was not going to die tonight. Not if Erik had a say in it.

Erik almost broke the door of the first phonebooth he could find. He tricked the machine with his powers into thinking he had loaded coins into it, and he dialed the right number from the depths of his memory, briefly surprised he even remembered it after so many years.

The wait seemed to take forever.

Erik growled and hit the wall of the booth with a fist.

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

Erik swore he was going to break Hank's neck if...

-Hello?" came the confused, tired voice after a crack on the line. Erik blinked and for a moment, he tried to make himself focus. He was simultaneously surpised and relieved that this had even worked - that Hank had actually picked up.

-Hank?" Erik barked, suddenly out of breath.

There was a moment of silence. -Yes, speaking," came Hank's confused reply. -Is...is that you, Erik?" he asked, surprised.

-Yes," Erik hurried to continue. -And don't you dare to hung up on me. Where's Charles?"

There was another silence, and Erik dreaded the answer, or that Hank would really just end the call. The seconds that passed seemed to take forever. Finally, Hank rustled like he was sifting his weight at the other end and sighed. -You've got some nerve," he mumbled.

Erik felt his insides churning uncomfortably. He realized he was breathing too fast. -_Hank._ I'm going to ask this only once: where is Charles?"

He could sense Hank stiffening at the other end of the line before he answered: -What's that to you?" Hank was irritated, and not even bothering to hide it.

Erik gritted his teeth. -There's no time for this. _Where_ is he?"

Hank sounded like he had just rolled his eyes. -In his study. Like he always is. Not that it's any of your business." He sighed meaningfully. -Look, Erik, I'd appreciate if you didn't call here in the middle of the..."

-Hank, listen to me very closely," Erik said with as much authority as he could muster. Something in his tone seemed to catch Hanks' attention too, because he fell silent. Erik swallowed. -I'm going to hang up this call soon. When I do, I want you to call an ambulance and go immediately upstairs. I don't know what has happened but Charles is either dead or dying. Since you're obviously uninjured, I'm guessing there's no obvious attackers in the mansion."

Hank inhaled loudly. -What the hell are you..."

-Hank!" Erik snapped, punching the wall in frustration. -Just...Do as I say."

Hank's breathing had suddenly become hitched. -Erik, I swear to God that if this is some kind of trick..."

-No, it's not! Not when it comes to him," Erik said, and his answer even surprised himself. But he just shook his head and tried to focus on Hank's doubtful voice. -Now _do it."_

-But...but everything was alright with him earlier. And how could you possibly know if..." Hank resisted, but uncertain fear was creeping into his voice now.

-HANK!" Erik roared now.

-Alright! Alright..." Hank muttered, voice alarmed and jumpy. Without any further debate, Erik slammed the phone on its place. For a moment, he just stared at the booth's dirty wall and graffitis on it, wishing Hank would hurry the hell up, until he turned on his heels.

Erik didn't hesitate any longer.

He stormed out of the phone booth, and looked around the empty street.

He knew the police was still after him, and exposing himself could be risky. But Erik couldn't just sit around and wait. He couldn't stand the idea of staying here and waiting until he managed to call Hank for an update. Both his body and mind were fully alarmed. Erik knew he wouldn't be able to sleep or do anything else before...before he knew. For sure.

So no - he was going to Westchester. No matter how many miles there were between him and the mansion, Erik was going to get there right now. His head only room for that one thought, that one destination, no matter how reluctant Erik was to admit that there was an awful feeling of dread at the pit of his stomach. He _needed_ to go.

And as Erik rushed forward, he could only wish Hank was in time.


	2. Chapter 2

Erik travelled all through the night and the following days. He didn't stop to sleep, no matter how tired he was. He tried to call Westchester for what felt like millions of times, but nobody ever picked up. That made Erik's bad, ominous feeling grow even worse.

He cursed that he was situated almost in the direct opposite side of the country than the mansion. The length of the miles between it and him were endless and agonizing. Erik wished he had an teleporter at his disposal more than ever, but naturally he didn't have anyone, since he didn't have a team. There wasn't anyone he could turn to - everyone he knew was dead or gone. And Erik didn't want to think who else might have just joined that long list of the deceased.

He focused stritcly in moving ahead.

Erik even wished Charles would contact him again telepathically, only to assure that he was still alive. But there was complete silence, and it disturbed Erik much more than he would have wanted to admit. After eleven years, he shouldn't have been this affected. He should have been able to leave past into the past. But there was no way he could deny that the doubt and uncertainty was eating him alive.

Charles couldn't be dead. He just _couldn't_.

The thought seemed absurd.

So Erik raced against the clock. He knew that it was up to Hank what happened back in the mansion, but Erik still couldn't just lay low and wait.

The more time went on, the more restless Erik grew.

* * *

><p>When Erik finally arrived to the mansion, he ignored all of the old memories and dark nostalgia when he approached the house. There was a restless anxiety lurking right beneath his skin, and Erik hated it.<p>

The mansion looked abandoned. No lights were on, and the front door was locked. Naturally it didn't stop Erik, since he opened the metal lock without any difficulties, without actually giving it much of a thought. However, the uncomfortable lump in his throat grew heavier as he walked into the mansion.

It was deathly quiet inside. It was obvious that there was no one home.

Tha place felt more like a medieval castle than a lived-in house.

Erik didn't like it. He didn't like it all.

As he walked further inside, he spotted the phone hanging loose in mid-air, as if someone had just thrown it there in hurry. It was no wonder none of Erik's calls had gone through. But the detail just fed Erik's bad feeling. There was a funeral-like feeling in the house - dark, grim and empty - there was no way of denying it. Last time Erik had been in here had been the day before Cuba, around eleven years ago. The mansion had been full of life back then, full of young mutants. Full of hope. Erik bit the inside of his cheek and carried on, pushing the thoughts aside.

He rushed upstairs, his feet automatically taking him towards Charles' study. Even after all this time, he knew the way there too well.

As he reached the second floor, Erik grew more and more paranoid. The doors were hanging open, as if someone had rushed through them without having the time to close them.

Erik stepped warily in, eyeing Charles' study quickly around. There was nothing out of place about it, oddly enough. Erik had expected to see signs of struggle, of a fight. Broken lamps, fallen books, those kinds of things. How else could have Charles gotten that badly hurt?

Something caught Erik's eye on the floor, and he stopped to look at it. It was a piece of paper, which had been clearly almost crushed inside a fist before it had fallen to the floor. Erik picked it up and opened it.

He could have recognized Charles' handwriting anywhere - always so eloquent and sophisticated - but right now, the sight of it just made Erik feel sick. The small paper note had only three words in it:

_**Hank. I'm sorry**__._

Erik's eyes widened as the implications started to sink in.

Slowly, one by one.

For a long time, Erik just stood there, staring. Breath got stuck into his throat and he stared at the note, reading the three words over and over again. His hands started to shake, and the note fell away from his hands - it felt like it burned his fingers.

_Dear God._

It was a suicide note.

There was no other explanation.

Erik only shook his head in disbelief, as the situation slowly started to dawn on him. It started to make sense now, things clicking together. Erik breathed through his nostrils, suddenly anger growing inside of him.

How could Charles have...How could he even _consider_...

All this time, Erik had thought that maybe someone had attacked just Charles, wanting to use him or his powers - that there had been an attacker inside the mansion. That there had been a violent outsider...

Never in a million years had Erik even thought that...

No.

Charles wouldn't...He _wouldn't_ do it.

But then Erik remembered the image of a broken man in the plane ride to Paris, clutching a whiskey glass in his hands, his eyes haunted. Charles had been so angry, so hurt, so...damaged. So unlike the hopeful, well-kept and arrogant young professor Erik had learnt to know him as all those years ago. The contrast between those two versions of Charles was so radical that they almost seemed to be like two different people completely.

But still, despite everything - Erik would have never believed that Charles would...

Never, _ever_. He was better than this.

Erik glared at the note, feeling his throat starting to burn.

Insane anger was starting to grow inside of him.

He turned to look at the door hanging open further away - the door to the bathroom. The lights were, oddly enough, on. Suddenly Erik remembered the odd flashes he had received through Charles' telepathic message - the broken mirror, white floor tiles. The blood.

Erik moved forward like a robot, anger boiling right under his seemingly calm facade.

He reached the bathroom door and stepped inside - only to face a complete chaos.

The too-white bathroom was still well-lit. Erik held his breath as the smell of dried blood washed over him. The mirror on the wall was broken. A partly fallen wheelchair was leaning against the sink. A completely full bath tub was quietly sitting on the side, the water surface still and undisturbed - even if it previously had been flooding water to the floor.

The floor was the worst. It was a a mix of bathroom water that hadn't dried, and blood. Rivulets of sticky, brown-ish blood were grotesquely drawn on the floor like bony fingers. But most of the blood was in two sickeningly wide puddles quite close to each other, and there was a broken piece of sharp mirror lying next to them.

Erik had to turn his gaze away, and he stared at the tiled wall in numb horror.

He wanted to deny what he was seeing, but couldn't.

Erik breathed in and out, slowly and too-controlled.

That was Charles' blood.

This was what Erik had felt transferring to him - the pain from Charles' wrists. Charles' confusion, anger, sadness. Fear. This scene right here.

Charles had sliced his wrists open - he had tried to make himself bleed out. He had wanted to_ kill_ _himself._

Erik was so angry that he saw red, even redder than the blood on the floor. Nobody had had time to clean the mess up, everyone had clearly left in a hurry. Erik was shaking badly as he walked away from the bathroom and back to the study, stepped over the fallen note on the floor and headed wordlessly back to the stairs.

_Don't you dare to be dead, _he thought furiously.

Erik could have accepted an attack. A kidnapping. Even a cold-blooded murder.

In time, Erik would have been alright with that, that Charles would have been killed by hostile humans or assasins. Anything, really.

But Charles trying to take his own life was _unacceptable_. It was cowardly and naive. It was insane. Unthinkable. How dared Charles to even...

Erik stomped the stairs down. If Charles hadn't succeeded in killing himself, Erik just might finish the job for him. He hadn't been this angry in years. Not even in Pentagon.

He was used to violence, imprisonment and other people searching to hurt him or other mutants. But this - this was something else.

As Erik headed towards the main door, he realized something wet had rolled down his cheek.

Even with more anger than before, Erik wiped the only lonely tear harshly away, disgusted of himself.

He refused to grieve. He refused to mourn or shed tears or waste his sympathies for someone who had dared to do this to himself - Charles out of all people - and had the nerve to reach out for Erik in his last moments.

The plain _arrogance_ of it.

Erik gritted his teeth in ager.

He wished so badly that Charles was alive, because the alternative was too devastating. Where could Erik's anger even go? How could he even contain it if Hank hadn't been on time, if Charles had succeeded to...

Erik cursed himself. He shouldn't care. He shouldn't have come here. He shouldn't be shaking like a weakling just for witnessing the mansion and the scene of self-murder. It wasn't like he hadn't seen all kinds of horrors before.

But still, Erik felt like someone had pushed a hand through his ribs, grabbed his heart and crushed it inside a fist. He wasn't sad. No. He felt outrageously _betrayed_. Like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the air he was breathing in. All he could feel was rage.

But rage was good. Rage was familiar to Erik, he could work with that.

Erik had relied on rage for decades, it was his main motivation, the very thing that had kept him going, had stopped him becoming insane in Pentagon. Rage was the root of revenge, after all.

So as long as Erik could be angry at Charles, it was fine.

He _wanted_ to be angry.

He wanted to punch Charles in the face, to shake him and yell at him for being this stupid, so naive. He wanted to shout and throw things around and absorb all the hatred and hurt and grudges between them. He wanted to be angry at Charles, be angry _with_ him. To yell and shout and call Charles out on this, to lock his eyes with the pair of cerulean blue. Because if Erik truly was left alone, what could he even do? Right now his whole world felt like he had suddenly missed a step in the stairs, like something solid had disappeared from under his feet all of a sudden, the gravity pulling him into a startled moment of falling and disgust.

Like the carpet had been pulled from under his feet.

As if someone had reached forward and stolen a big piece of a jigsaw puzzle, a large key piece from the middle, leaving a black incomplete image behind. Erik suddenly remembered his conversation with Emma Frost all those years back, right after Cuba.

_"Where's your telepath friend?"  
>"Gone. Left a bit of a gap in my life, if I'm to be honest."<em>

Gone.

A gap. Such a descriptive word.

Because also now it felt like there was a gap torn into somewhere deep and suppressed inside of him, and Erik couldn't be more angrier.

Erik walked through the empty living room and headed back outside. He couldn't accept the idea that the scene in the bathroom had just painted to him. Erik was very well aware that there had been so much blood. _Too_ much of it. It was a miracle if Hank had gotten in there before Charles had bled out. If he hadn't already.

No, Erik told himself. It was no use to jump into conclusions - because Charles had to be alive. Until proven otherwise.

Once upon a time Charles had been so full of boasting confidence that he could have almost assured everyone that the world wouldn't continue turning on its axis without him. Even after all these years, Erik almost believed that it should be the case. That if Charles had really died into that horrible bathroom, Erik would have been able to sense it. See it, feel it something was different. That the world wouldn't mercilessly continue and carry on what it had been doing earlier.

Then again, Charles was just one telepath.

One drop in the ocean of people living and dying.

Insignificant.

Or at least he should have been, because he hadn't exactly made himself important.

So Erik hated the fact that he couldn't lie to himself - Charles hadn't quite become as insignificant to him as Erik would have liked. And he needed to know. Needed to know what had happened.

And there was only one way to find out.

Erik contained his rage, just so he could plan ahead. Hospital. He needed to go to the closest hospital.

That's where he would find out the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

When Erik finally found the right hospital - by intimidating more than few people to get the information - he rushed in to the corridors, pushing people out of his way. He was exhausted and hadn't slept or eaten anything proper in several days, but he barely noticed.

He just had to _know_.

Everything else was meaningless. It was like his attentional span was limited to only one thing, and he couldnt focus on anything else.

So when Erik finally opened the door that lead to the right hospital wing, he stopped for a moment. He could see Hank sitting in the corridor, far away, but Erik would have recognized him anywhere. Erik hated the smell of the hospital, hated the white walls, and hated the indifferent nurses, but he barely paid attention. His mind was racing, and he tried to stop himself for jumping into conclusions.

Erik stopped to stand for a moment, to catch his breath, because now that he was finally so close to find out the truth, he almost felt grateful for the previous obliviousness. There was no going back from this. There were only two possible outcomes, and he was about to hear which one of them was true.

Erik swallowed and held his head high, taking the first step and then starting to walk towards Hank. Hank didn't even notice him approaching. Eriks steps sounded oddly muffled against the sickly green floor.

Hank was slouched in an uncomfortable plastic chair, leaning his forehead into his hands, clearly exhausted and ragged. Even from here Erik saw Hank hadn't had a shower or a proper night's sleep in days. He looked like hell.

-Hank." Erik called with a clipped tone, voice tight and hoarse from the misuse.

At first, Hank didn't even hear him. So when Erik reached him, he didnt even bother to seem friendly. He simply yanked Hank from the shirt to pull him out of his trance. Erik expected Hank to lash out, to growl or shove him backwards, but no resistance came. Hank just lolled his head backwards, letting the momentum of Erik's grip move him. Like all fight had left him already.

And when Hank's face finally came into view, Erik instantly feared for the worst.

Hank's eyes were blood-shot, red and there were obvious tear-tracks on his face. There was a haunted look in his eyes, and he looked like he had recently been crying. When Hank turned to look at Erik, it took him a moment to fix his eyes on him - like Hank had forgotten the outside world even existed. Alarm bells rang loudly inside Erik's head, and he held his breath. This didn't look good. This didn't look good at all.

-Hank." Erik called, fingers clutching to the material of his shirt. Erik didn't even need to form a question, it was obvious why he was here.

But Hank just stared at him, like only slowly realizing who Erik even was. And then not even caring. Hank swallowed and the sadness in his eyes was so deep that Erik felt a twinge of ugly fear playing at the edge of his own mind.

-Hank," Erik repeated, and now his own voice sounded a bit unsteady. -Hank. Is Charles here?"

Hank blinked slowly and nodded. Erik had never seen him so miserable ever before, and it only increased the bad feeling.

Erik took a careful, shuddering breath. -Is he...Is he alive?"

The way Hanks' face dropped a little made Erik slightly nauseous. He felt a wave of hot anger instantly washing over him and Erik grabbed Hank's shirt with his another hand too. -Tell me. Tell me he is alive." he snapped, shaking Hank a little.

Hank seemed totally careless about Erik's threats or the potential violence. He felt like a rag doll in Erik's grip, and Erik was even more disturbed by the fact. This wasn't the Beast that had thrown Erik into the asfalt in Paris, or the stubborn but kind scientist Erik remembered him as. Hank looked simply _beaten_, and it was an unnerving sight.

Erik hated how desperate his own voice sounded, but he didn't care. He had waited to be here for almost a week now, the doubt nagging him and eating him alive day and night, and he needed to _know_.

-Hank, I'm going to ask you this one more time," Erik said angrily. -Is Charles alive or not?"

Hank's lower lip trembled and his eyes glistened dangerously, like he was about to burst into tears. He finally tried to find his voice, swallowing hard. -He..." he said with a barely unrecognizable voice. -He tried to..."

Tears spilled out from his eyes, flowing to his cheeks.

Erik felt slight knots in his stomach. -I know," he added hastily. -I guessed as much. But did you...did you get him here in time?"

Hank blinked sluggishly. He shrugged, shaking his head. Erik felt his heart skip a beat for a moment. -N-no?" he breathed out, his voice breaking just a little.

His whole world stopped for a moment, because he couldn't accept what his brain had already concluding. Erik felt, oddly enough, his own eyes burning now.

-Not...not really," Hank mumbled.

But Erik instantly latched onto those words like a lifeline. -What does that mean?" he said impatiently, mad hope still alive in his chest. -Is he alive or not?"

Hank sighed. -Yes," he said slowly. Almost like he had trouble understanding everything. -Yes...he is alive."

Erik fought the urge to close his eyes in relief.

Hank let his head drop. -But...he won't probably ever wake up again."

Erik just stared at him, letting the words sink in. -What? Why?"

Hank shook his head, now getting some more strength into his body. He looked like he was barely keeping himself together. -He's in a coma, Erik. I found him on time, but...The blood-loss was too much. The doctors are saying that the likelihood of him waking up is dropping all the time."

There was a mute silence in the corridor for a while.

Erik could only stare.

Hank let out a strangled sob. -I...I know how this goes...they will wait it out. But in time, they will want to turn off the machines and..."

-Shut up," Erik snapped, trying to recover from the shock. He straightened himself, even if he didn't actually feel the confidence he was trying to show. -And get a grip. They won't just kill off a coma patient. Especially if they expect him to wake up..."

-No," Hank interrupted. He shot his head up, throwing an angry look at Erik. -You don't get it. I _know_ he won't wake up. Charles is as good as dead."

Erik blinked and forced the startled expression out of his face. He threw a Hank cold look instead. -Melodramatic attitude really doesn't suit you, Hank. If Charles is in a coma, it's not like..."

Hank huffed despisingly, tears still flowing, though slowly. -Look at you, Erik, just waltzing in here and still thinking you know better," he spat. Desperation took over his features and Hank grabbed Erik's wrists, yanking them away from his shirt. Erik let him, and stepped back a little, releasing his grip.

Hank gave him a numb look. -Charles _won't_ wake up anymore, Erik," Hank whispered with almost frightening certainty.

Erik narrowed his eyes. -You're just blinded by..."

-Oh shut the hell up, Erik," Hank said.

-No," Erik argued. -If Charles is _not_ dead..." and started to raise his voice in frustration.

-I wish he was!" Hank breathed out with so much anger that Erik's argument died on his lips, and he could only stare back at Hank, astonished, completely taken off-guard.

Hank took an unsteady breath and stood up, tears flowing freely to his cheeks. -I wish he was dead so I wouldn't need to sit here and wait God knows how long for them to turn off the machines. It might take them months or even years. And I can't...I can't just watch helplessly like an idiot and wait around!"

Sparks flashed in Erik's eyes. -Out of all people, I thought you'd fight for Charles the hardest. But instead, you're already giving up on him." Erik glared at Hank venomously. -You...you coward," he hissed, at loss what else to stay.

-No! Charles is the coward here," Hank shouted even if his voice broke. Insane sorrow took over his features and he turned towards the nearest hospital door, like reaching out to someone not in the corridor with them. -You hear me! Just die already, you bastard!" he screamed.

Erik acted out of instinct, and he barely even registered his own fist moving before it collided harshly onto Hanks' jaw. Hank gasped in surprise, lost his balance and fell back to the chair, drawing in a shaky breath. For several seconds, Erik was breathing hard, staring Hank furiously.

Hank held a hand against his jaw - his mutation had saved it from fractures or dislocation, even if Hank was in his human form. Otherwise Erik would have certainly broken something.

Hank turned slowly back at Erik, and Erik stepped forward, fire in his eyes. Erik knew Hank was angry and sad, but this was _too much_, even from him. It was outrageous.

Erik almost lifted his hand into another punch until he saw the look on Hank's face. There was something so breath-takingly haunted in it that Erik hesitated.

Tear-eyed, Hank looked up to Erik. -You can hit me all you want, Erik, but it won't change anything. It won't change what happened. And it won't change Charles' mind." he said quietly.

-He is still ALIVE," Erik snarled.

The sorrow deepened on Hank's face. Erik caught a sudden insight of Hank's anger - in reality, it was just guilt and worry disguised.

-Maybe," Hank said, and swallowed, shoulders sagging. -But he has decided that he won't stay that way."

-That's naive. You can't know that," Erik said.

-But I do, Erik. That's the thing," Hank whispered, barely audible. -I talked with him."

Erik froze. He turned at Hank, then at the closed hospital room door. Then back at Hank. -But...but how..."

Hank looked at Erik sharply. -Because he is still a telepath, Erik. His body might be in a coma but Charles is still here. I saw him right before the paramedics came in. I talked with him - or with his projection; awareness, whatever you want to call it. He...he told me that he's sorry and that this wasn't my fault. That he was never supposed to survive this. And that...that he won't be coming back."

Erik refused to believe it. It took him a moment to understand what was being said.

He opened his mouth to argue, but no words came out.

It all seemed too surreal to be true.

-So you can punch me all you want, Erik," Hank said, turning his face away. -But Charles refuses to wake up. He knows he's dying but he doesn't care."

Erik shook his head. -But that's ridiculous. Even if he is a telepath, there is no way he could just escape from his body and..."

-Do I need to remind you how powerful he actually is?" Hank said tiredly. -And I don't think he actually planned getting stuck here either."

Erik crossed his arms, trying to hide how much they were shaking. -Well, if Charles is still around then maybe you should stop wallowing in your misery and tell him to get back in there and wake up," he said angrily.

Hank huffed in disbelief, and looked up to Erik, rubbing his jaw. -Your arrogance really knows no limits, Erik. What makes you think I can _make_ Charles do anything?"

Erik tilted his head and raised his eyebrow. -You've spent the last decade with him." he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Hank just stared back at him, like Erik was an ignorant child. He eyed Erik's face, like he was trying to decide if Erik was truly so stupid. -You really don't have any idea, do you?" he said quietly. -You really..." he shook his head, rolling in his eyes. -Why do you think we ended up here in the first place? Let me help you and put it this way - I can't make Charles do anything. And yes, I have spent the last decade with him, but only to watch from the side how you and Raven broke his heart and left him behind. How you shot him and paralyzed him and never even bothered to come and check on him."

Hank leant forward. Erik had rarely seen Hank express his inner emotions this openly, in such a raw manner. Hank was usually way too shy and composed to do it, to challenge anyone or risk a conflict. -Yeah, remember that, Erik? How you tried to murder his only remaining family just a few months ago, to shoot Raven in Paris? Or how you almost killed Charles again by a dropping a stadium on him, and then left, _again. _I have been there to witness how Charles had suffered, and as much as I hate him for doing this to himself, I...I can't really blame him.

-Don't you _dare_ to accept this," Erik growled. -Don't you dare to tell me you're just letting him do this to himself."

Something dark flashed in Hank's eyes. -You have _no right_ to say that to me. You have no idea what he's gone through."

-Except drinking himself into oblivion while I was locked away for a crime I didn't commit, while Azazel and Angel and everyone else were experimented on and murdered?" Erik hissed. -Except drugging himself with a serum just to be able to walk? Except turning a blind eye and abandoning our kind after Trask? No, Hank, I think I can imagine it."

Hank stood up so quickly that he almost hit Erik on the way. He was shaking badly now, looking like he was about to transform into his blue form.

The tension in the small hospital corridor skyrocketed.

Erik gritted his teeth and waited - he wasn't scared of Hank, not even a bit. -Get the fuck out of here, Erik," Hank hissed, like he was barely able to contain himself. The swearing sounded odd coming from him.

Erik crossed his arms, lifting his jaw. -No."

Hank was still shaking, looking almost hysterical with his mournful face and exhausted posture and the dangerous glint in his eyes. -You don't know _anything_ about Charles. You can't just barge in here like you own some kind of right to his life. Like this is any of your business. Like you really even _cared_, Erik."

Erik stepped closer, the metal on the nearest hospital chairs starting to rattle. Erik straightened himself and opened his mouth. -I think..." he started, but Hank just interrupted him.

- I couldn't care _less_ what you think, Erik. And since you can't do any more damage to Charles than you already have, you should just leave. Just walk away and never come back. You've had practise with that."

The chair next to Hank broke and turned into a heap of schreeching metal. Erik grabbed a fistful of Hank's shirt again, but Hank didn't even flinch or look away.

-_You_ should have taken care of him," Erik shouted, all of his pent-up fear and suppressed guilt surfacing and turning into heated anger and spilling over. -This is your fault!"

Hank blinked sadly. -No, Erik. As much as I hate myself for not preventing it or being there earlier, it wasn't the reason Charles did this. It was _you_ who ruined him, who ruined his school, his hopes and dreams. It was you who destroyed his life, and broke his spine. You tore his family apart and abandoned him, and shoved his trust into his face when we came to set you free from Pentagon. If there is anyone to blame for this, it's you Erik. No one else."

Hank shook his head angrily and lifted his chin. -And the worst part is that Charles still cared about you, still listened to you. When we came back from the Trask mission, he quit drinking, he quit the serum, all of it. I don't know what you said to him, but it sure as hell did a lot more than ten years of me trying to convince him otherwise."

Erik stared. Every word sank into his brain like a hot knife, and his anger dulled slightly. Nasty, ugly guilt was starting to push somewhere from the back of his head. But at the same time, he felt darkly satisfied to know that he had this kind of an effect on Charles, that Charles wasn't as indifferent towards him as he liked to seem.

Erik glared at Hank. -So what's this then? Jealousy?"

Hank's eyes widened in shock, and he looked at Erik like he had been hit. -Jea-..." He shook his head in disbelief, letting out a hollow, bitter laughter. -How can you possibly make this about_ yourself_? Charles is lying there in a coma, Erik. And you know, for a moment there I even thought that it had been you or some of your minions that had done this to Charles."

Erik lashed out in fury and slammed Hank against the wall. -Never," Erik hissed darkly. -I might do a lot of things, I would never hurt Charles on purpose."

Hank gave a bittersweet smile. -On purpose..." he repeated quietly to himself. Then his eyes flickered to Erik's. -Yet you never seem to care if he gets hurt anyway."

Erik's eyes sparked with anger. -I called you to save him. And I'm here right now, aren't I?"

He suddenly realized how defensively he was acting and quickly loosened his fingers a little. -But I don't need to explain myself to you." he added proudly, trying to regain some composure.

Erik quickly glanced sideways, and noticed that some nurses had gathered to look at them from the side corridor, clearly about to call the security. Erik stepped back and let go of Hank. The nurses hovered in their places for a while. Erik knew not to cause a scene any more than they already had. He lifted his hands into the air as a peaceful gesture until the nurses seemed to let it be.

Long second passed.

Then Erik dropped the fake calmness from his face and let his arms fall to his sides.

For a moment, only the heavy breathing from them both filled the corridor.

Hank was still leaning against the wall, eyeing Erik.

They just stared at each other for a while.

Suddenly the exhaustion seemed to take its toll on Hank, and he let his head fall back against the cold wall.

-One way or another...Charles is not coming back."

-Yes, he is," Erik said quietly. Hank lifted a tired eyebrow. Erik glanced at the closed hospital door. -He just needs some persuasion."

Hank looked so utterly defeated that he didn't even argue. He threw his hand dramatically into the air. -Sure, Erik. If you honestly think that you can repair even half of the damage you've done and convince him to reconsider about staying alive, be my guest. There's more than ten years of your shit to clear out. If you can reach him, that is."

-You said he's here. Mentally."

Hank sank into the nearest undamaged chair. -Yes. But he refuses to face me. I don't know where he is. I...I'd might even say he's hiding from me."

Erik cocked an eyebrow. -We'll see about that." he said as he turned on his heels and headed towards the door of the small hospital room.

-What are you..."

But Erik ignored Hank completely and just stormed into the hospital room, only slowing down when he stepped inside, dim light and beeping machines filling his vision. He hesitated and his steps faltered when the his eyes finally landed on the hospital bed.

Charles looked worse than Erik had expected - he was hooked into countless tubes and bloodbags, both of his arms wrapped in heavy bandages. His eyes were closed and skin ghostly white, but at least his heart monitor was steadily beeping. Erik hardened his face - he hated seeing people like this, reduced into living corpses.  
>That's why he partly hated hospitals so much.<p>

Erik bit his lip and stepped forward. -Charles Xavier," he barked out and stared harshly down at the unmoving, familiar face. -I know you can hear me. It's time to stop this stupid game and wake up."

Silence.

Erik stared, and waited for a twitch, slight movement, anything.

But there was nothing.

Erik swallowed, drawing all emotion from his voice and face. -You came to get me, Charles, and here I am. I travelled half across the country because of your dramatics, and I'm really not in the mood for this," Erik said, and even as he talked, he barely recognized himself and his irritated tone. There was almost something hysteric in his calmness and in his words that felt alien even to him. His heart seemed to bang so loudly it hurt his ribcage.

The silence felt too quiet, too final.

Erik loathed it.

He wanted to shake Charles awake, to slap him across the face, but even in his anger, he didn't dare to risk it. Charles looked awfully fragile and even smaller than usual, and Erik couldn't stand to see him like this.

He shook his head and shifted his weight. -Come on, Charles. Hank saw you before. Let's not play hide and seek."

But once again, Erik's words fell to deaf ears.

He sighed in angry frustration, and refused to step closer. Instead, Erik shot a sharp look at Hank, who had now followed him into the room. Hank tilted his head, sighing tiredly. -I told you," he whispered, like afraid to talk too loud. -I've already tried everything I could think of."

Erik glared at him. -Well, clearly not well enough."

Hank took a long, studying look at him. Something akin to pity flashed in Hank's face, and it caught Erik off-guard. It oddly felt like Hank had just awknowledged that Erik's anger was laced with some pain, too.

Hank glanced at Charles, then Erik, now with new sadness. -You can be as angry as you like, Erik. It won't change anything. It won't bring him back."

Erik took a meaningful, warning step towards Hank. -Don't talk about him like he's already dead."

Hank didn't look one bit intimidated, just exhausted. He threw one more look at Charles, and the way his eyes softened spoke louder than any words. Erik refused to turn around, but kept looking at Hank with an emotionless expression.

Hank turned towards the door. -Today's visiting hours last about thirty more minutes," he mumbled before the pulled the door open and left the room.

Erik looked at him go, and the way the door automatically pulled itself closed made him feel strangely lost.

He was suddenly alone in the room.

He suddenly didn't know what to do.

Hank obviously trusted him enough to leave him alone in here and not to hurt Charles - and why would he? There wasn't much Erik could do anyway.

Erik took a long breath in, turning around. He let his eyes wander in the room. There were two beds in there - one empty, one occupied. But there were no flowers on the tables, no cards. Only Hank's shirt thrown across one of the chairs. It was clinical, clean and faceless.

Erik turned towards Charles' bed again. He eyed Charles from head to toe, grimacing for the needles and tubes that went into him. Erik had always hated needles after the camps. He had had too much of them stung into his skin, enough for a lifetime. They just reminded him of experiments and violence. And Shaw.

Erik stepped slowly forward, rising his hand to one of the white metallic sides of the bed and letting it rest there. Feeling the hum of the metal comforted him; it felt safe and familiar. Unlike everything else. It was strange to be so close to Charles after all this time, and unnerving. Nobody was supposed to be that still.

For a moment, Erik just stared at Charles' blank face, listening to the heart monitor beeping. Then he let his eyes slide to the heavy bandages around Charles' arms, and Erik felt despise taking over him.

-How could you?" Erik hissed angrily, mostly to himself. He wanted to squeeze his fingers around those arms and cause pain, make Charles wince and writhe and fight back. He wanted to shout at Charles. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to see the cuts, see the horrible things Charles had done to himself. Blame him, shout at him.

Instead, Erik was left with a heap of tubes and silence.

Too deep silence.

Erik glared at Charles' closed eyes. -Don't think I'll pity you. Just because I'm here doesn't mean that..."

But Erik's words faded. He felt ridiculous talking aloud. It wasn't like anyone was actually listening. He was in a room with a coma patient. Hank had probably been just hallucinating or imagining before. Telepath or not, Charles didn't look like he could hear anything. His body functions were too rhytmic and steady. Erik could spot different drugs and medicine going into his system. It was useless and naive to think that it made any difference to talk to him.

Still...

Erik felt reluctant to go.

He started to understand Hank's frustration - this was almost worse than having Charles die. Just waiting and watching his body being kept alive by machines was far from comforting. There was no dignity in it.

Erik wondered why he had even come. It was no use being here. He gritted his teeth and turned around on his heels, heading towards the corridor. But suddenly, he froze when he spotted a figure against the furthest wall, behind the empty bed. Erik stopped dead on his tracks, alerted, and looked up.

And barely believed what he saw.

Charles was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking straight at Erik. Erik's breath caught in his throat, and he glanced quickly at the bed right behind him - Charles' body was still lying there, as unmoving as ever. Erik turned his head quickly back, but the figure on the other side of the room hadn't vanished. It was Charles, unmistakably, looking right at him. His face was unreadable.

-I didn't think you'd come," Charles said quietly.

Erik stiffened. The voice sounded odd, hollow somehow, as if it wasn't really solid or fully in the room. Erik just stared back, unable to believe his eyes - that there were two versions of Charles in the room.

Charles glanced at his own unmoving body on the bed, then at Erik. -Then again you weren't supposed to feel or see me earlier when I...when I was still at the mansion," Charles added.

Erik could only blink, and open and close his mouth in a completely dumb-founded way. -You're...you're..." but he didn't know what to say, and just gestured at Charles with a vague movement of his hand.

Charles looked serious and sighed. -Yes."

-What are you? A...a ghost?" Erik asked, feeling ridiculous for saying the word out loud, but his brain couldn't come up with anything better right now.

Charles raised an eyebrow. -A ghost? Really, Erik?" he huffed. -No, obviously not. I'm rather sure that they don't exist. Besides, if I was a ghost, that would imply I'm already dead."

Erik's face darkened. -Not far from it, actually, if you haven't noticed," he snapped angrily, tone thick with blame.

Charles flinched a little. He glanced at his own unmoving body, then back at Erik. He opened his mouth to say something, but then he closed it instead.

Erik shrugged, anger starting to grow again. -So, what is this, then, Charles?" he asked sharply. -If you're not a ghost, then what? A spirit? Soul?"

Charles looked suddenly bothered. -More like my own awareness," Charles said so quietly that Erik barely heard. -I'm telepathically detached from my body. But I guess 'spirit' is rather descriptive too."

Erik cocked an eyebrow. -Well get back into your body and wake the hell up."

Charles instantly shook his head. -No."

Erik stepped forward. -Do it," he said demandingly.

Charles shook his head again. -No, I can't."

Erik glared at him. -Can't or _won't_?"

Charles flickered his eyes at him, then turning his face away.

Erik felt his anger boiling and he stepped forward. His surprise of seeing Charles was already fading - Hank had been right. Charles was awake and present - just not in his own body. Charles' body was lying bonelessly on the bed, deep in coma, but Charles' soul - or whatever it was - was standing right there. Charles was choosing this.

Erik breathed in the ventilated air of the hospital room, his irritation magnifying. -Really, Charles, I expected something better from you. Because this...this is really childish, even from you. Cutting yourself open like a fifteen-year-old girl? Making a dramatic appearance to me?"

-Like I said," Charles said with a sharper tone, -you weren't supposed to see that. You were supposed to be wearing the helmet and not receive it."

Erik threw him a sharp look. -I don't have the helmet anymore. Not after Trask. And you knew that."

Charles shifted in the shadows and stared at the floor now. -Pardon me but my memory wasn't working at its best at that moment, Erik. I had to channel my telepathy somewhere, and I thought..."

Erik took a disbelieving breath. -That if you sent it to me I wouldn't receive it and you could die without disturbances? Is that it?"

Charles just nodded hesitantly. -It was my mistake."

-Your mist..." Erik hissed, shaking his head in disbelief. Then he glared at Charles with harsh eyes, now shaking with anger. -You know what's a mistake? This!" he pointed a blaming finger on the hospital bed behind his back. Erik let his words sink in as he waited guilt to form into Charles' face, but there was nothing. Charles looked back at him steadily.

-Why are you even here, Erik?" Charles just asked tiredly, ignoring Erik's outburst.

Erik's eyebrows shot up. -_Why_ am I here?" he hissed, his eyes and throat burning now. -I don't know - maybe because you appeared into my motel room and told you were dying, Charles!"

Charles' face darkened. -You shouldn't have...You shouldn't have interfered."

-Oh, I should have just chosen ignorance and let you die in peace?" Erik asked with a mocking tone.

-Yes," Charles said with a meaningful tone. -That's exactly what you should have done, Erik. It's not like you haven't left me to die before."

Erik gritted his teeth and glared back at Charles, guilt and anger mixing into each other. -This is...this is different. You did this to yourself."

Charles swallowed, but didn't look away.

There was a haunted silence between them. For a moment, the steady beeping of the heart monitor was the only sound in the room.

The situation was only feeding Erik's already unstable state and exhaustion, because it just illustrated that there had been no mistake about it - Charles had really tried to kill himself. And he was consciously choosing to stay away from his body.

Erik was now boiling with rage. -How _could_ you? How could you do this to everyone?"

-Everyone? There is no 'everyone', Erik," Charles said with a hollow voice.

-Oh cry me a river, Charles," Erik said. -If you think that I will pity you or that this will make me feel..."

-Quite frankly, Erik, I don't care what you think," Charles interrupted, sounding oddly emotionless. -And I don't care about your pity."

Erik was momentarily stunned to silence, and he eyed Charles. All of his earlier accusations faded. All that was left was genuine confusion. -What the hell happened to you?"

Charles let out a bitter chuckle. -I got shot in Cuba. We could start from there," he said, shaking his head, eyes wandering the room like he was trying to compose himself. -But it's no use. I've given hope when it comes to you and making you understand." He sighed and locked eyes with Erik, some finality in his tone. -The fact that you witnessed my last telepathical projection was an unfortunate accident, but you have no obligation to be here, Erik. To be honest, I'm surprised you even came. But you're free to go now. "

Erik shook his head, shaking even more badly than before, angrier than ever. -So you've just given up, then? You just want to lay down and die, is that it? Well let me help you," Erik walked next to the other, empty bed in the room and grabbed the unused white pillow from it. Then he walked around the beds, quickly turning towards Charles' unmoving body, leaning over it. Erik lifted the pillow into the air right above Charles' unmoving face, and threw a dangerous, reckless look across the room to the spot where Charles' projection stood.

Charles' eyes widened, and he stepped forward from the wall, reaching his hand in the air as an protective gesture towards his own body.

Erik glared at him, eyes glinting with rage. He lowered the pillow just a little, and Charles' flickered his wide eyes to Erik. There was a startled look on them, and Charles looked like he was knocked breathless. -W-what...what are you doing?" Charles whispered.

-I'm finishing the job," Erik said in a conversational tone, like they were talking about the weather. He glanced down at the unmoving comatose body, then back at Charles. He shifted the pillow in his hands. -This is what you wanted, right? To die? But I took even that from you, isn't that what you were trying to say Charles? I robbed you the chance to die, and now you're stuck here. So I don't want to keep you waiting," Erik said with a breathless tone.

His heart was thundering his ears, fingers squeezed deep into the fabric of the hospital pillow, body rushing with adrenaline and hurt and anger.

Erik lowered the pillow a bit more, and Charles looked down at his own body, flickering his shocked eyes to Erik. He glanced at the pillow, like trying to calculate if Erik would really do it.

Then Charles' streched hand dropped, and something in his face changed. It was like curtains had been drawn to Charles' face, and his whole body sagged a little. He blinked with sadness in his face. -Do it then," he whispered.

Erik blinked in surprise. -W...What?"

Charles sighed. -Do it, Erik."

Erik hovered, his hands in mid-air, surprised by how numb and uncaring Charles suddenly looked. Like he was million miles away instead of witnessing his own potential death. He looked solemn, like he had already accepted his fate without a fight.

Erik's fingers squeezed so deep into the pillow that it hurt. He was sure he was about to explode with the anger inside of him. Something hot and reckless inside his head prompted him to do it, to press the pillow down and go along with it. Just to see Charles' reaction, to force him to show any kind of self-preservation. Or emotion.

But then Erik pulled the pillow away, hands shaking as he pressed it almost paranoidly against himself. He had had no intention to do it anyway, he had just been playing a mindgame. But he had definitely been expecting a different outcome from it. Erik stared incredulously at Charles, devastated by how far Charles had gone, how careless he was about himself.

-What happened to you?" Erik breathed out, so quietly it was almost a whisper. Even if the question was the same as he had asked before, now there was no blame in it, just wonder and shock. It was a real question, born out of disbelief.

There was no way they should have ended up here, in this room. This was never what Erik had wanted, what he had even _believed_ Charles was capable of.

Charles dropped his eyes to the floor, and for a moment, Erik was sure he saw a flash of hesitation and guilt under Charles' careless facade.

-It...It doesn't matter," Charles said quietly. -Just please do it, Erik. You will save the doctors the trouble. I won't be coming back - not today, not ever. Save Hank the heartbreak to do the decision for me,"

Erik shook his head furiously. -No." He stepped back from the hospital bed, staring Charles. Erik hated the fact that his eyes were suddenly burning. He was grateful that the hospital room was dim.

Charles looked at Erik, sad finality in his eyes. -Grant this one act of kindness to me, Erik. Just...just do it."

Erik bit his lip so hard he drew blood and tasted copper in his mouth. -_No,_" he growled. With a burst of anger, he lifted the pillow and threw it across the room as hard as he could towards Charles. But somehow it never hit its target, but seemed to go straight through instead. The pillow hit the opposite wall behind Charles with a thump before it fell to the ground.

Erik felt a sting of helplessness for seeing that. Of course Charles wasn't solid; he was not really there. Well not physically anyway.

Charles glanced at the pillow behind him, then back at Erik.

Erik' gaze was accusing as he glared back at him. -Get back in there," Erik said, pointing the unmoving body next to him. -Get back in there or I'll..."

-Or you'll what, Erik?" Charles asked softly. -Or you'll do what?"

Erik swallowed, frantically trying to come up with an answer. But he quickly realized that he had no leverage, that there was nothing he could do or threaten to do. He had rarely felt so helpless in his whole life. Erik bit his already sore lip again. He pulled out the last card he had.

-You...you can't do this to Hank," Erik said.

That fortunately brought a proper reaction from Charles. He instantly looked away, torn guilt filling his features. Erik felt a wave of satisfaction for that - at least there was something he could work with. Erik straightened himself. -He's out there, you know. He hasn't slept in days, I imagine. And he had to call an ambulance. He's been crying and being all pathethic because of you."

Charles squirmed and looked utterly uncomfortable. -I...I didn't want to hurt him but..."

-So you thought leaving a suicide note would just cut it? Writing '_I'm sorry_' - really, Charles? I'd expect something a bit more imaginative from you. You forced him to find you from the bathroom floor after all, bleeding out like a pincushion."

Charles blinked, like he wanted to escape the room.

-Please, Erik, that's not what I..."

But Erik wasn't about to stop. He had finally brought some proper emotion out of Charles, and he was going to be as destructive as he could if it helped his cause. Erik crossed his arms and lifted his chin defiantly. -And you've been _hiding_ from him, haven't you?" he asked like from a petulant child.

Charles turned away in shame.

Erik stepped a bit closer. -That's not very _noble_ of you, Charles. You're making him suffer, making him blame himself for what happened."

-Stop it," Charles whispered. -You know nothing about it."

Erik walked slowly around the hospital bed and closer to where Charles stood. -But I do. I talked with Hank. He's...he's a wreck because of this, because of what you've done," he said as he walked forward.

Erik knew he was playing nasty now, but didn't care. Charles stepped backwards, towards the wall behind him, like he wanted to curl on himself.

-Erik, stop. Just go," Charles said, but there was a hint of desperation in his voice. -Just get out."

Erik walked defiantly towards him. -This is selfish. This is more selfish than anything you've ever done before. It's cowardly and selfish, and Hank is paying the price."

Charles stopped to look at Erik with a haunted look on his eyes, opening his mouth to argue but nothing came out.

Erik stepped even closer - it felt good to bring out some emotion from him. There was less than two metres between them now, and it looked like Erik could just lift his arm and touch Charles if he wanted to, even if he knew that it was only a projection he was seeing.

-You haven't even faced him after the mansion," Erik said darkly. _And that's saying alot_, he thought to himself.

Charles looked at Erik with uncertain irritation. -You know nothing about it, Erik," he claimed, even if a bit lamely. He glanced at his own body on the bed quickly, then back at Erik. Erik had the insane urge to touch him, to try and test if he could physically reach Charles. He wanted nothing more than to shake him back into his senses.

-You can't just sit in this hospital room forever," Erik argued.

-I'm actually still in the mansion," Charles snapped back, but snapped his mouth shut like realizing he had just said something he wasn't supposed to. He blinked and looked at Erik.

-You're...you're in the mansion?" Erik asked. -But how?"

Charles' face hardened, like he was trying to avoid the topic. -Erik, just...Just leave," Charles breathed out, eyes glistening with desperation.

-No," Erik hissed back and was about to continue when a sudden loud sound drew his attention and made him jolt. Erik shot his head towards the door, and saw that Hank had burst in, looking around the room.

Erik gasped, and turned back to Charles, only to find empty air where Charles had just stood.

There was nothing there.

Just air.

Like there had been no one in there in the first place. Like Charles' projection had all been a dream, or a hallucination.

Erik narrowed his eyes and glared at the empty spot, only seeing the wall now. He barely managed to contain his anger. -You coward!," he whispered into the empty air.

-What are you doing?" Hank asked with irritation. -You're so loud that they'll send someone in here soon," He threw Erik a confused look, clearly because of Erik's odd place to stand - facing the wall next to the empty bed. -What's this all about?"

Erik just bent down and picked the pillow from his feet, half-putting, half-throwing it on the empty bed it had originally belonged to. He didn't even bother glancing at the unmoving body in the other side of the room.

-Letting out some steam," Erik muttered and turned around, as if he had only been picking up the pillow in the first place.

Hank was still staring at him, slightly suspicious. Erik was boiling with anger - the reality of it the situation had just struck him hard. He realized that Charles had probably been present here for days now, but had been hiding himself from Hank. Erik knew he had the choice of either telling Hank or keeping quiet about the encounter. But right now he was so angry that he only wanted to leave the room behind. He was feeling emotions he didn't even know he was capable of having - they seemed to rise from somewhere deep inside and making his skin crawl and heart pound with icy feeling.

Erik stomped angrily towards the door.

-Where are you going?" Hank asked.

Erik didn't even turn back when he pulled the door open. He wasn't nearly finished with Charles yet.

-I'm going back to the mansion."


	4. Chapter 4

In the end, Hank joined Erik to the trip back.

Erik didn't really care that he did, so he let Hank come along anyway. The nurses were more than glad to get rid of Hank, since he obviously needed to sleep and shower and eat, and the visiting hours were already over for the day. Hank could have just gone and sit in the public lobby for another long night, but didn't. And in the end, Charles' condition was stable. It wouldn't change, regardless if they were there or not.

And also, Hank claimed that Erik couldn't just go to the mansion without permission or just by himself. Not that it would have stopped Erik going anyway.

So in the end, they reluctantly took the car ride together.

* * *

><p>Most of the time, a heavy, tensed silence lingered.<p>

-I'm not stupid, Erik," Hank finally spoke up. He hesitated, glancing at Erik, looking something between vulnerable and angry. -You saw him, right? Back at the hospital?"

Erik stared outside the window, feeling the urge to lie. But in the end, he didn't bother.

-Yes."

Hank swallowed so loudly that Erik heard it all the way to his seat. The air in the car seemed suddenly even colder than before.

-He's hiding from me." Hank stated with a thick, hurt voice.

Erik's jaw tightened as he stared outside and the swirling green of dark trees. He crossed his arms and squeezed his fingers so tightly together that hurt.

He didn't answer Hank, so they fell into silence again.

Charles' absence hung in the air like a dark shadow.

* * *

><p>When they finally arrived to the mansion, Erik stepped hastily out of the car, eyes already set on the window of Charles' study. The mansion looked bleak already, like it was haunted. As if someone had really died in there.<p>

Hank swung the car door closed a lot more harshly than needed. The bang of it sounded loud in the courtyard.

-I'm going back tomorrow," Hank claimed and stepped away from the stopped car as if to further illustrate his point. He didn't even bother to drive it somewhere else.

Erik shrugged carelessly. -If you want to go and weep at his bedside, that's fine by me," he said dryly.

Hank let out an incredulous huff, but obviously chose not to comment on it - a wise choice in Erik's opinion.

Erik started to walk towards the door, and Hank followed him quietly. It was rather odd being together, just the two of them. After all, during the last time they had met, Hank had tried to drown Erik into a fountain. It seemed like that had been ages ago instead of just a few months. Nonetheless, there wasn't any real hostility between them now. They were both too deep in their own thoughts, only brought together by the grim circumstances.

Erik pulled the door open. But before he got if fully opened, Hank stepped in the way and blocked it with his foot.

Erik turned to look at Hank, raising an eyebrow. Hank looked vulnerable in the cloudy twilight, staring at Erik like he had spent the whole car ride wanting to say something, but hadn't been able to do it until now.

Wind blew quietly in the courtyard as Hank hesitated.

He observed Erik for a long time before he finally spoke. -I want you to make it perfectly clear that I hate that Charles only talked to you. I hate it. Out of all people, he talked with _you_ and not me. I was there for days before you even arrived, and he didn't even..."

Hank gritted his teeth, pausing to breathe in. -My point is that I don't like it at all." He swallowed. -But for the love of God, Erik, if you see him again, convince him to come back. That's the only reason I'm letting you stay."

Of course - this was an act of desperation from Hank. It was not because he found any comfort in Erik's presence - quite the contrary. Hank was insulted by Charles' silence, and even more insulted that it didn't expand to Erik. So Erik wasn't under any illusions- Hank was only doing this for Charles. Erik wasn't welcome in this house and he knew it.

Hank straightened himself. -And if...if you see him, please tell him that...that I miss him already," Hank said awkwardly, like it was hard to say it aloud. Then he hurried to move and got inside.

Erik let him pass.

* * *

><p>Hank quickly disappeared into his labs. But Erik's eyes were drawn towards the second floor and stairway, and he headed towards them.<p>

The mansion felt uninviting. Too big, too cold. Full of old memories that had turned bitter over the years.

Erik found his feet taking him automatically towards Charles' study. It was the most logical place to look. When he reached it, he saw that the door was still hanging open the way he had left it when he had rushed to the hospital earlier. Erik tried not to think about the bathroom and the bloody mess inside of it that still hadn't been cleaned.

It suddenly felt intruding to be here - now that he knew that the mansion wasn't unvacated - not really.

But in the end Erik just swallowed, lifted his head up high and stepped into the study. He clicked the lights open, eyeing the vast room sharply.

-Charles?" he called experimentally.

There was no answer.

Erik took off his jacket and lit up more lights. He consciously ignored the small suicide note on the floor with Charles' eloquent handwriting on it. Instead, he made his way deeper inside the room.

-Charles, I know you're in here. You said it yourself in the hospital," Erik said, irritation creeping into his tone.

He crossed his arms and eyed the room, feeling slightly ridiculous. Erik wanted nothing more than to forget that this had ever happened, that it was some kind of ugly dream. But it's not like he could just walk away, leave the mansion and go back to Nevada - pick up where he left off and never look back. It felt all kinds of wrong to consider it.

He couldn't leave. Not until...not until a proper resolution.

Erik sighed and slumped into one of the plush chairs. He waited for a while, but there was nothing to see or hear.

* * *

><p>Minutes passed in silence.<p>

If Erik had had a weaker mind, he might have been disturbed by the fact that Charles' presence was lingering here - like a ghost. Charles had implied it himself - that his mind was separate from his body, really vacating the study instead of the hospital. Charles' awareness was somewhere in there, Erik knew it. But instead of feeling shaken about it, Erik was just angry. Endlessly _angry_, because of what had happened. Of what Charles had done. He didn't feel like crying and basking in pity like Hank. It had never been Erik's style anyway, and he just didn't even feel the sentiment. He didn't pity Charles one bit, and he wasn't going to shed tears over it. Charles didn't deserve even one of his tears, that was for sure - because Erik wasn't even sad.

But by God, was he pissed off.

There was an unleashed thunder inside of him, just waiting to spill over.

And just when Erik had started to doubt that Charles was lingering here there after all, the familiar voice suddenly rang out in the room: -You shouldn't have come."

Erik jumped a little on his chair for the sudden sound, and turned to look around. Soon enough, he saw Charles standing further away in the room, partly his back turned away from Erik. He looked solid, it could have almost tricked Erik that Charles was present both in body and mind - and not just mind.

Charles sighed as he glanced at Erik. -I've already told you that you're wasting your time," he added.

Erik pushed himself up from the chair, emotions stirring in his chest. For a moment, he just stared at Charles, so long until Charles turned around to face him. There was something off about him - even now, Erik could tell that it was only Charles' presence, not Charles himself. He looked solid, and he mostly _sounded_ solid, but there was an odd feeling about him that didn't quite feel right. Like looking into a flipped image of someone, or seeing them through a dusty camera lens.

-At least you weren't lying when you said you're back here. On the scene of the crime," Erik said mockingly.

But Charles ignored his comment and just shrugged. -It appears my mind is bound to this house," he said, sounding oddly hollow. -I think...that it was here I got separated from my body in the first place."

Erik stayed quiet. He guessed it made sense. Ghost stories always suggested that people got attached to the places they used to live in - that they haunted that place even after they died. But Charles was _not_ dead, Erik reminded himself. He wasn't haunting the house - his awareness was hiding in it, waiting his body to die back at the hospital.

Erik gritted his teeth.

Charles walked around the study slowly, brushing his hand on top of the shelves and books. As if he was completely careless of the situation or his own current condition.

For a long while, there was a only heavy silence in the room.

-Hank knows you're in here," Erik finally said. Charles stopped pacing and flickered his gaze to Erik, his steps faltering a little. Erik was glad to see hesitation in Charles' face, even if for a moment.

-You need to face him sooner or later," Erik reminded him, crossing his arms.

Charles sighed. -No, Erik, I don't. It's...it's better for Hank this way. So he can...start living his own life. To move on. He has spent too many years looking after me anyway."

Erik blinked in disbelief. -Move _on_? You're not dead, if you happen to remember. You're just stuck somewhere between alive and dead, by your own choice. Besides, do you even believe that yourself, Charles? That bunch of lies? You're just _afraid_ to meet Hank - afraid because you know that what you did was wrong."

Charles threw Erik a sharp, irritated glance. -Who are you to judge, Erik?"

-You tried to_ kill_ yourself, Charles," Erik hissed and raised his eyebrow in an obvious manner, the ugly knot of anger stirring a little in his chest. He hated to admit that there was a twinge of nausea passing over him.

Charles turned his gaze away and kept walking slowly again. He didn't bother to answer Erik. Instead, he went to stand in front of the windows and stayed there. But his seemingly solid body left no shadow on the floor.

Erik watched him for a long while, waiting. Waiting for something that never came - an explanation. An absolution. Anything.

But Charles acted like Erik wasn't even there. Like he didn't even care. Like he was completely numb.

-Is this it, then?" Erik asked, throwing his arms into the air in frustration.

Charles turned his head a little. It irritated Erik to no end - that he couldn't even get Charles' full attention.

Erik glared back at him. -Is this is how you are going to do it? Are you literally just going to sit around here and wait to die?" he asked with venom in his tone.

Charles turned to look back at the window, completely dismissing Erik's words.

Erik stepped forward. -You're just going to give up, Charles?" he asked, his anger sharpening. But when the silence continued and Erik's anger only grew, he stormed forward. Charles startled for the sudden movement and turned around. He was so close now that Erik could make out the colour of his eyes, even more clearer in this odd spirit form somehow. But even when Charles was facing Erik's obvious rage from very close range, Charles didn't even look defensive. He just looked tired.

-I never took you as the type," Erik continued, shaking his head with a disappointment. He took in every bit of Charles' face, of his hair, because he could remember too well the unmoving comatose body in the hospital and it felt to have a more lively version of him. But now matter how long Erik kept staring, Charles still looked unaffected.

Erik's jaw tightened in frustration. He felt the burning need to have some kind of reaction out of Charles. To provoke him to say something. To do something. Erik would have never admitted it, but he detested seeing Charles so numb, so distant. He was almost like a statue, and it was frightening to witness. So Erik kept talking, getting more and more radical with his accusations.

-Turning your back on the mutant kind is another thing, Charles, but turning your back on Hank and everyone else? That's something I would have never believed you would do."

No reaction.

Charles just stood there and listened to Erik, as if he was watching the weather forecast. The more careless he looked, the angrier Erik got. -You are not like this!," Erik said, finally raising his voice.

Charles had once been so hopeful, so idealistic. Naive, in Erik's opinion, but in a fascinating way. Charles used to be kind and caring; in an extent where he had jumped into the sea after a complete stranger, endangering his own life in the process. He had taken such a good care of the young mutants in the school, teaching and guiding them. But now, Erik barely recognized the man standing in front of him. He had seen glimpses of this broken version of Charles in Pentagon - the traces of sorrow, unslept nights, alcohol, bitterness. Over ten years of substance abuse and neglect.

But when they had last met, Charles had been angry.

And Charles' anger had been _good_. He had expressed it and his emotions - and they had been all targeted at Erik. Charles had punched him the moment they met; yelled at him, blamed him. All of his hurt and fury had been barely contained in the plane ride to Paris - that's why Erik had wanted him to let it all out. That's why Erik had stopped Logan from interfering - he wanted Charles to be angry at him, to talk to him, to shout at him. He'd prefer the flames over the cold shoulder. Because this - this quiet, emotionless catatonia was much worse. Charles was just...lethargic.

Erik knew how to deal with rage. He could fight all night long. He could bicker and throw insults, hell - he could throw things and bang doors if it helped. But he didn't know how to deal with _this_. Because this apathy, this emotionless numbness in front of him was frightening. As much as Erik hated it, he was finally starting to slowly realize that Charles had willingly tried to end his life, that he had_ wanted_ to die. That it hadn't all been a misunderstanding on either side.

Charles had really done it to himself.

It was so absurd that Erik couldn't come to terms with that. He was no stranger to pain or agony, but he had always expressed both of them with aggression and explosive fury. How deep had Charles sunk if even his remaining anger had faded and turned into self-desctructiveness? How badly damaged was Charles really if he had cut his veins open? Erik would have personally been alright to die guns blazing, in a battlefield and for a good cause, but never in the way Charles had attempted. Not alone and abandoned, reduced into a bleeding mess on a bathroom floor.

It made Erik so _mad_ to even think about it. What if he had been wearing the helmet back at the motel? Or Charles had channeled his last telepathic outburst to somewhere else? To some completely random person - what then? Would Charles just bled out here and died? And then Hank would have found him later?

Erik tried to imagine it, of the bad news about Charles' fate reaching him. It might have taken weeks. Months, even. Erik tried to imagine his own reaction towards the news. How would he have felt to learn that Charles Xavier had taken his own life on a quiet Tuesday night?

Erik couldn't picture it.

Because even if he'd never admit it aloud, the thought scared him.

Suddenly Erik felt deeply disturbed by the idea that there was an universe or version of the world where Charles was not in it. They wouldn't naturally live forever but as long as Erik got to decide, they would live enough to get old. Erik didn't really dare to believe that they would ever become friends again, but he had always expected their paths to cross once or twice in the years to come. Somehow the assumption had seemed natural, since Charles was never that far from his thoughts after all.

Erik eyed Charles, trying to imagine Charles cutting his wrists open. What a brutal and desperate way to do it. Erik would have imagined something much more quicker and effective.

-If you truly would have wanted to die," Erik finally said, -you should have shot yourself into the head."

Charles blinked in a sudden surprise. An unreadable look spread on his face. He sighed. -I would have hung himself, but being paralyzed kind of ruled that out, Erik," he said quietly. -The original plan was to drown, but...I fell."

Erik rememebered the bathroom - the partly-fallen wheel-chair, the overflown bath tub and the broken mirror. He felt sick for imagining it, for seeing in his mind's eye as Charles had planned to drown himself into a bath tub - Erik also realized that he probably had wanted it to look like an accident for Hank's sake. It was a nauseating idea because it was so Charles to do that, and suddenly Erik could see why that had been his original choice. But fate had stopped him from doing it - Charles had fallen to the floor. But in the end, Charles had been so determined that he had pressed sharp glass into his skin. There was nothing poetic or tragic in it; it was just brutal and _wrong_.

Erik wondered how long Charles had been in there, bleeding heavily, while Hank had been completely unaware of it.

Charles shrugged. -I didn't have that much choices, I'm afraid. And you should remember how I feel about guns," he added, and turned away, letting the implication hang in the air.

Erik stared, realizing how surreal that they were talking about ways of Charles killing himself.

-You should have...you should have done something. Something else," Erik said with a clipped tone. Charles raised an eyebrow at him. Erik hated how the breaths seemed to get stuck into his throat all of a sudden. -This...this shouldn't have never been an option." he whispered.

Charles flickered his eyes at Erik, tilting his head. There was something surprised and vulnerable on his face now. He studied Erik curiously. -Why...why would it matter to you?" Charles asked, but there was no anger behind his words now. It was a genuine guestion.

Erik huffed so quickly that he had to cough. -Why would it matter?" he repeated, like he wasn't sure he had heard right. Erik locked eyes with Charles. -Why _wouldn't_ it matter?"

Charles hesitated, a shadow passing his face. -You've made it really clear that my life doesn't concern you very greatly, Erik," he said quietly.

Erik stepped forward. -But _this_?" he hissed and gestured at the bathroom's way. It suddenly felt like he had sand in his throat and a heavy weight was pressing against his chest, making it harder to breathe. -This isn't a solution! You should have never..."

But Erik's voice faded into nothingness. He was at loss what to say. He was gripped by both anger and devastation, still unable to believe that he was actually here having this conversation, after all these years. That it had actually happened. That Charles had been driven to this point - that he was capable of doing it in the first place and then not regretting it.

-Why?" Erik suddenly snapped. -Why did you do it?"

Charles stepped away, but Erik followed him and stepped forward, his frustration only growing. -You at least owe me an explanation."

-No, Erik. I don't owe you anything," Charles said calmly, stepping away again, further away from the windows and closer to the wall.

-Yes you do," Erik growled. He was looming close to Charles now, and Charles was trapped between him and the nearest wall. -You can't just pop into my room one night and tell me you're dying, only to expect me to do nothing about it," Erik said.

-You were never supposed to know!" Charles argued, raising his voice. He tried to back away but they had now reached a wall, and Charles' glanced to notice there was nowhere to go. He was pressed against the wall, Erik blocking his way.

Charles quickly neutralized his face, all the emotion draining away as quickly as it had appeared. -Just...leave, Erik. Just go," he said tiredly.

Erik's self-control was slipping. He suddenly yelped out an angry hiss and raised his hand, sending his fist to the wall next to Charles' head. His hand collided with the wall loudly, and Charles jumped a little for the sudden outburst. He looked at the fist right next to his head, and then he turned to look at Erik. The air between seemed to be crackling with tension.

Erik was breathing hard now, locking his eyes with Charles.

-Why did you do it?" Erik asked aloud, demanding. -How could you have ever thought it would resolve anything?"

Charles snapped his mouth shut and narrowed his eyes, clearly not intending to answer.

-Tell me why. I'm not leaving before I know," Erik said.

-It's none of your business, Erik," Charles replied sharply. -None of it is."

-Well yes, I guess it would be really Hank's, but you're not talking to him either," Erik snapped back.

Charles was quiet for a moment before he shook his head.

-Don't pretend you really care, Erik. Just...don't," he said, almost pained. He stepped to the side where Erik's arm wasn't pressed against the wall, but Erik quickly lifted his still free hand and pressed it to the remaining side, trapping Charles against the wall between his arms. But despite their closeness, Erik couldn't feel Charles' breathing on his skin, or couldn't feel the warmth of his body - Erik couldn't even feel his own breaths bouncing back from Charles. It was a sharp reminder that Charles was not really _there_, not physically. His real body was in the hospital, hooked to the tubes.

In that one moment, Erik realized he wasn't ready to let Charles go. He wasn't finished yet.

He'd find no peace if Charles was to die. Even if Erik had once claimed that peace was never an option, ironically. So maybe it was closure he needed, after all - some kind of last chapter to the book, an epilogue to their paths that had crossed more than once. So Erik needed an explanation, a reason - anything he could accept and understand. He needed something proper. Then he could walk away. Then his anger could burn out.

Charles eyed Erik, that familiar numbness still present in his face and his dull gaze. Charles seemed to be thinking hard, like calculating what to do or say.

After several long seconds, he turned to look more distant, like he had made his mind up about something. And he instantly seemed to slip further among that decision. The complete catatonic look slipped back to its place, like a mask.

Charles turned his head away, like trying to change the topic. -I meant what I said, Erik. Just go," he said and stepped to the side.

Erik opened his mouth to protest, but froze when Charles simply stepped _through_ his arm. The sight of it looked unreal, like the rules of physics didn't apply anymore. That Charles had just walked partly through him, and Erik couldn't feel any kind of pressure against his own clothes or skin. Like there was nothing there, not even a faint breeze. Like it was all an illusion.

Erik couldn't feel Charles passing through his arm - arm made of blood veins, muscles and tissue.

It was like a ghost had passed through him.

It angered Erik more than anything - Charles was out of his reach. In every possible way. Erik couldn't touch him, couldn't force him to wake up from the coma - and he couldn't really reach Charles' mind either. Charles seemed to be million miles away, even if his presence lingered in this room. It was like they were strangers, like Charles wasn't the same person Erik had once known. Erik refused to believe that it was true, that they had grown so much apart. That every bit of the hopeful telepath he had once known was gone.

Erik dropped his arms and turned around on his heels. But when he opened his mouth angrily and turned to talk to Charles, there was only air left.

Erik blinked in surprise and turned to look around the study.

His eyes narrowed when he couldn't see anyone.

Charles had done it again.

_Unbelievable_, Erik thought to himself. Then he stepped forward.

-Don't think this is over, Charles," he hissed loudly to the empty room. -I'm not leaving. You can hide from me all you want, but I'm not leaving until you explain."

He waited for an answer, but the room echoed with deep silence.

Erik huffed and spread his arms. -We have all the time in the world."

Even if Erik was once again met with only silence, he didn't mind. He wasn't going anywhere. Charles would have to come out, sooner or later.

And Erik was willing to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

Unfortunately, Charles stayed away.

Erik waited and sat around in the study, but no matter how long he spent time there, it remained quiet and empty. He cursed Charles and his stubborness. But then again two could play this game - so Erik waited.

And waited.

* * *

><p>Hank went to shower, slept and ate, and did it all in a trance-like state.<p>

In the end, Erik had to do the same. He left the study and wandered in the mansion. He didn't want to go to his old room, because he didn't want to awaken the old memories still stored in there - he guessed it had been left untouched for over a decade. Some of his old belongings were likely still there - sadly enough Erik had had every intention to come back from the Cuba mission. But now everything about Cuba was just a mess of guilt and frustration, memories Erik didn't want to think about. Because a tiny voice somewhere deep inside of him kept telling him that it was where this all had started, that it was the first cut that had been sliced into Charles' wrists. A cut that had never healed and had turned infected, poisonous. A cut that had been one of the many that had almost torn Charles from this world. Nevertheless, it still didn't justify what Charles had done. It was wrong and selfish in so many ways.

Erik was angry, so _angry_ it felt like it could swallow him whole - but as long as Charles stayed away, he had no way of channeling it. Taking it out on Hank could lead to actual bloodshed, since they were both more or less mentally unsteady right now.

And besides, Erik didn't really have anything against Hank. It was Charles who he had things to clear out with.

After some time, Erik slept in one of the big sofas in the livign room, ready to jolt awake at any moment. But the mansion was quiet, too quiet, and Hank didn't even care about Erik being there.

* * *

><p>The first night was the worst.<p>

Erik was so exhausted that he fell asleep at times, but he couldn't get any proper sleep.

He kept staring at the ceiling, listening to the occasional noises in the mansion - clocks ticking, dust moving, floorboards creaking.

At four in the morning, Hank got up, walked across the hallway and went upstairs. It was obvious he hadn't slept well either.

Erik hovered uncertainly on the sofa, unsure whether to follow Hank or not.

In the end, he stayed. He knew with irritated certainty that Charles would hid from Hank, and that Hank's trip to the study would be for nothing.

Erik was surprised to hear distant sounds from the second floor, but he let Hank be.

After an hour, Hank finally came down.

Erik sat up in the darkness and looked at him as he walked down the stairs. Hank was covered in blood, holding several dirty rags in his hand and he once again looked like he was about to burst into tears.

Erik swallowed uncomfortably - that was obviously Charles' blood on Hank's clothes and hands. Erik didn't like seeing it - it looked unnatural there in the dirty rags.

Hank froze when he saw Erik.

For a moment, their eyes met across the empty space. Hank took a shuddering breath, like he was disgusted by his reddened hands.

-I cleaned the bathroom," he announced. His voice sounded thick and alien.

Hank glanced down at himself, then away from Erik.

Unspoken things hung in the air. Erik wished badly that Charles had seen Hank and the state he was in, so Charles could feel all the guilt he deserved.

Erik didn't know what Hank was waiting for there, since he still hadn't let the room - whether it was a thank you or a disagreement - he had no idea. But Hank just stood there, like looking for guidance. Like a kicked dog. But Erik had nothing to offer. He almost felt disturbed to know that the bathroom upstairs was now clean and tidy, and held no evidence of horrors that had went down there. Like Charles himself had been wiped out and cleaned from the house, as if it was that simple and surgical. Had Charles thought about this - that someone would have to clean up his blood afterwards? How much of a mess he would make?

Erik's mood darkened again, and his anger kept burning as a small flame somewhere inside his chest.

Finally, Hank moved again, walking numbly towards the labs. Erik watched him go, suddenly feeling unnerved about the fact that Hank was the only real occupant in the house now. Had Charles even considered leaving the house to Hank or someone else? Had Charles thought this whole thing through or just done it in the heat of the moment? Had he truly, irreversibly, wanted to die?

Too many questions, too little answers.

Erik slumped back to the sofa, staring blindly into nothingness.

Somewhere further in the house, he knew Hank was cleaning himself and getting rid of the blood and dirt once and for all.

Erik imagined it going down the drain, leaving ugly stains.

The thought made a bad taste rise into his mouth.

He fell into restless dreams.

* * *

><p>When the morning finally came, Erik felt almost relieved that he had an excuse to get up.<p>

He used the kitchen, shower and bathroom without asking permission. It felt odd, because while he did out of very old habits, it still felt strange. This place had, for a very brief time, been a home for him. He had stayed here with Charles and the young mutants all those years ago. It felt like it had been a lifetime ago - so much had changed. Too many people had died. And Erik still couldn't believe that Charles had almost joined that long list - and out of his own will.

In the end, Erik just wandered into the living room, because he wasn't ready to go back to the study just yet. He stared out of the windows, looking at the long fields and grey skies outside. The spring wasn't even nearly here yet. It was dim and colourless, and Erik somehow detested it all. Nothing looked beautiful or enjoyable here. Everything had been ruined and stained by old bitter memories and the most recent event.

The mansion didn't feel the same without Charles.

It had been always Charles' home first and foremost, and not physically having him there seemed almost insulting.

Then again, Charles _was_ there in a way.

It still felt unreal that he was up there on the second floor, lingering like a ghost.

Erik's thoughts were interrupted by Hank's heavy footsteps. -I'm going back to the hospital," he murmured with a tired voice.

Erik turned around. Hank looked a lot better after he had showered and changed clothes, but his face and eyes still bore the tragedy, fear and guilt on them. He looked years older than he actually was, and he had heavy bags under his eyes. He looked at Erik expectantly, like waiting him to say something.

Erik shrugged one shoulder. -I don't see any sense in that. It's just his body in there. It's not like it makes any difference that you're there or not."

Hank didn't look like he had enough stubborness in him to be angry at Erik anymore. -Maybe. But I can't stand to stay here either." He turned to leave.

Erik hesitated, until he spoke up. -He's in the study, you know."

That made Hank freeze in the middle of the room, and he turned to look at Erik with an odd look in his eyes. Erik just lifted his chin in the air, and nodded towards the stairs. -He's been there ever since...since. I mean his...soul or whatever you want to call it. I saw him yesterday."

The left corner of Hank's lips twitched. -You...you talked with him?"

Erik nodded. -Not that it did any good. But he will come around."

Hank just gave a disbelieving huff and stared at the floor, like the expensive wood it was made of could provide an answer.

There was a long silence. There had been an awful lot of them recently.

Hank swallowed. -For once I can honestly say I admire your determination, Erik," he mumbled. He lifted his head and started walking to the door. -I will come back in the evening," he added.

The bang of the door closing echoed in the mansion.

Erik turned to look at the window, and watched as Hank got into the car and drove away. It looked so pathethic - Erik felt no need to go back to the hospital - not really - there wasn't anything there to see. There was no sense to go and stand next to Charles' bedside, since his condition wouldn't change. He was in a coma, and would stay that way until he chose otherwise. And the only way Charles would choose otherwise would mean changing his mind, by talking the actual Charles around, the one that loomed in the study.

So when Hank's car disappeared from sight, Erik turned and walked to the stairs.

He reached the study, giving it a quick look, but didn't really expect to see Charles in there. Erik glared at the large room.

-Congratulations, Charles. Hank just left to go and see you in the hospital," Erik said dryly as he headed towards the plush chair he had taken a habit of sitting in. -I hope you're happy."

Silence.

Erik gave a bitter smile. -Fine. We'll have it your way."

Then Erik slumped back in the chair, turning his face into a careless mask.

* * *

><p>Hours passed.<p>

Time ticked on, and the daylight grew dimmer outside.

Erik picked up a book, making it obvious that he wasn't going to leave. It was like a naive play of hide and seek.

He was on the page 137 when he noticed he actually couldn't even recall what the book was about.

* * *

><p>Hank came an hour after the official visiting hours had ended. Erik heard and sensed the car returning to the yard. It was dark already, and Erik hadn't seen even the faintest sign of Charles during the whole day.<p>

No matter how calm and composed Erik tried to seem, underneath he was boiling with anger again. And...actual worry that Charles wasn't going to appear again.

But then again, Erik knew he should call it a day. It was guaranteed that Charles wouldn't show himself if Hank was anywhere nearby, so Erik reluctantly got up from the chair and got downstairs. Hank was just pulling his jacket off when he saw Erik.

Hank looked both exhausted and irritated. -Still here, then?" Hank muttered.

Erik didn't bother to answer to such an obvious question.

Hank walked further inside, throwing his jacket onto a chair and succumbing into the sofa, rubbing his forehead like he was having a headache.

Once again, the atmosphere in the mansion was suffocating.

It was hard when Erik had been alone, but Hank's presence and the heartbreak he was radiating just magnified it.

Erik didn't even know why he stayed in the room. It felt odd, because he wasn't the type of person who needed someone else around. He had spent ten years in isolation in Pentagon, after all. But somehow, Erik needed to get away from the study where Charles' absense and presence where both too obvious.

Hank seemed to accept Erik in the room, too.

After a while, Erik sat down on the other sofa, and for a moment they just stared blankly ahead.

Dozens of unsaid things hung in the air.

It felt like Charles' stunt had sucked the oxygen out of the room, and it was hard to breathe. Or function. Everything felt just...wrong. For Hank, it was about sorrow and guilt, for Erik it was about anger and betrayal.

If someone had told them ten years ago that they would somehow end up in this living room together and the reason why, they would have thought of it as a bad joke. Surely someone like Charles could never be driven so far?

Yet, here they were.

* * *

><p>Hank broke the silence by voicing the question he had yearned to ask for. -How...how did you know?"<p>

Erik blinked and turned to look at him.

Hank looked at him expectantly. -On that night...you called here. You called and said that something is wrong with Charles. How...how could you have possibly known?"

Erik leant back a bit, suddenly feeling slightly self-aware. -I was in Nevada, and he...he made a telepathical connection with me. He projected himself and some details of the...scene around him to me."

Hank seemed to wait him to continue. Erik sighed, chest churning a little because of the memory. -He...he told me he was dying. And then he disappeared."

Hank raised a confused eyebrow. -Wait...Charles contacted you _telepathically_? How is that possible?"

-I didn't have my helmet on, obviously."

-No," Hank said, waving his hand. -I mean...how did you contact you if you were half across the country? He has only reached that far with the Cerebro."

Erik shrugged grimly. -Your guess is as good as mine," he mumbled to himself.

Hank was staring Erik with narrowed eyes. -And why you?" he breathed out without a pause, accusation creeping into his tone, not even trying to hide his disgust. -Out of all people, he decided to contact_ you_?"

Erik stiffened, and flashed Hank a warning look. He was about to open his mouth when Hank continued: -I was...I was right here. I have...I have always been here!" he whispered passionately.

-Well obviously you haven't done that much of a good job at that," Erik said darkly. Hurt and anger crossed Hank's face, but Erik didn't feel one bit guilty about it. Even if it wasn't Hank's fault, not really.

-At the hospital, Charles told me he didn't want to be saved," Erik said, eyes wandering to the floor. -That he had only contacted me because he thought that I had the helmet on - that I wouldn't receive his projection."

Hank looked suddenly even more torn. -So he...he just needed someone to send his telepathical pain to? So that I wouldn't...that I wouldn't notice what he was doing?"

Erik didn't reply, because they both knew the answer already. Erik started to play absent-mindedly with a loose thread of the chair, but there was something nasty building into words inside of him. He tilted his head. -The more important question is - why didn't you notice the state Charles was in anyway?"

Hank flickered his eyes to Erik, furrowing his brows. Several emotions crossed his face - guilt, frustration, and agony. -I did notice. Of course I did. He's been...he's been in a bad shape for years. But...something was different after Trask."

-What do you mean?"

-He...he seemed better. I mean after the withdrawals passed."

Erik raised an eyebrow. -What withdrawals?" he asked sharply.

Hank huffed, and gave Erik and arrogant look. Then he shook his head, giving a low whistle. -You really don't know anything," he muttered to himself. He seemed to hesitate, as if he didn't want to betray Charles' trust even now, like he didn't want to tell Erik anything about it.

-Hank. What withdrawals?"

Hank looked up, and now there was a blaming glint in his eyes. -From the serum. And from drinking...And then of course there was the pain from his spine, because he refused to take normal painkillers. Not to mention when his telepathy fully came back."

Erik only stared for a while, suddenly starting to get a better picture of what had gone down after Trask, in the solitude of the mansion. Hank looked at Erik with open despise now. -You dropping a stadium on him didn't really help. He had bruises for weeks."

Erik bit the inside of his cheek. He hadn't intended to hurt Charles back then. Charles shouldn't have even been there in the first place - how could have Erik known that he could be somewhere nearby? Erik could remember the quiet moment of shock when he had realized that Charles didn't exactly move really fast without his legs, and that the falling debris could have easily crushed him. But at that moment, Erik hadn't been thinking about anything else besides Raven and the humans. He had been blinded by his fury and the escalating situation around him.

Hank eyed Erik, clearly expecting him to feel remorse. -But you didn't think about that, did you Erik? You didn't care. We're all meaningless to you unless you need us to get what you want."

-You know nothing about me, Beast," Erik snapped back. -It was_ your_ responsibility to take care of Charles. You should have never let this happen in the first place."

Hank let out a hollow laughter. -So I should be the one cleaning the messes you make, Erik?" There was almost a hysterical look on his face. -No." he whispered.

There was a pause before Hank swallowed and continued:-Charles was doing alright when the students were still in here, despite he had to adapt to the loss of his legs. But after the war, after everyone left, that's when it got bad. I was the only one here. Nobody else stayed. What I was supposed to do? Somebody had to pay the bills, take the trash out and do groceries. I couldn't go outside looking all blue and furry, so I had to come up with something. The serum made it possible for me to get out without getting lynched."

Hank leant forward, his gaze intense. -And when I came up with a formula that blocked Charles' telepathy and brought back his legs, how could I not give it to him? He had lost everything else already. Seriously, Erik - do you have any idea of how many empty bottles I've had to pick up from these tables and floors? Do you know how many days he spent without eating or talking? Or the nights he couldn't sleep because of the voices and I had to sedate him to grant him one proper night of rest? To keep him sane?"

Erik felt his face flicker with unwanted emotion, no matter how much he tried to remain stoic. He didn't like the scenes his imagination were conjuring up for him - they seemed ugly. It had been easier for Erik to be mad at Charles while he had been sitting idly in Pentagon - thinking that Charles was doing fine, or at least doing something to help the mutant cause. In that way, Erik could have probably excused Charles for not coming to free him. But the reality had stuck him hard during the Trask mission. Charles had barely left the mansion in ten years. And Hank made it sound like it was some kind of a miracle that Charles had even lasted this long.

Ice settled into Erik's chest, and made him feel cold. He looked at Hank unkindly. -Do you want me to pity you? Is that it?"

Hanks' eyes widened in disbelief, and he lifted his hands in the air, like he wanted to smack some sense into Erik. -For the love of God, this isn't about me, Erik. Or you. When will you get it? You barge in here, thinking that you can judge me or Charles, or the way we've been struggling with the school or everything else for years. Just get off your fucking high horse - you left him behind, Erik. And just because you two were friends once, it doesn't mean anything anymore. None of it does."

Erik's fingers tightened around the armrests now. -So are you just letting him die?"

Hank swallowed, slumping a little. -It would be the choice he would give to either of us."

Erik drew air in so sharply that he had to cough. -Choice? Free will - really Hank? You're clearly spent too much with Charles. Free will is an illusion, and it always will be. That's why we should always seek to take action and correct the wrongs we face."

-Is that what you keep telling yourself while you murder and terrorize people?" Hank shot back. -So you can sleep at night?"

-My conscience is clear," Erik claimed proudly. Although there was a twinge of hesitation in the back of his head, because if he had ever felt any remorse...it would have been for what happened to Charles in Cuba. Erik didn't regret killing Shaw, he didn't regret taking action or forming the Brotherhood, or even what happened with Raven and the Sentinels - none of it. But he would always regret deflecting that one bullet on that beach, because that tiny piece of metal hard torn him apart from Charles forever. Erik had never expected to survive the confrontation with Shaw anyway. But he had, and the few months before Shaw's death that he had spent with Charles...they still burned brightly in his memories, because he had never gotten treated like that before - like an equal. And despite all the bitterness and grudges, there was still some unwanted wamrth buried deep into those memories, because...Erik was never supposed to get attached to anyone. He had never imagined he could care enough about something or someone for to feel regret.

Erik pushed the thoughts away quickly, because he didn't want to ponder over lost, old things. -So we should take action." he added.

-He's already in a coma," Hank said, emphasis on every word like Erik was just plain delusional. -How many times do I need to say this to you? Charles is not waking up from that because he doesn't want to. And you can't make him do it, Erik. I guess that's the only good thing coming out of this, that you can't hurt him anymore."

-I'm not just going to walk away," Erik claimed.

-There is NOTHING you can do!" Hank snapped, raising his voice into a shout. -Get real."

-Well why don't you go and turn off the machines then?" Erik spat venomously. A startled look filled Hank's face. -Just go and do it if you are so eager to give up on him."

Hank hurried to stand, like the mere idea was making him sick. He turned away from Erik, suddenly gasping for air.

Erik glared at his turned back. -This is exactly what I'm talking about. You are willing to accept Charles dying, but you don't have it in you to finish it for him."

Hank's shoulders were shaking, like he was trying to hide the sobs building up somewhere inside of him. -Would you?" Hank whispered without turning around.

Erik blinked in surprise, not expecting the question at all.

-Would you be able to do it? To...kill him?" Hank whispered, barely audible. -Because I couldn't. I couldn't even..."

His voice faded, and suddenly the room was so thick of Hank's poignant sorrow and hurt affection for Charles that it felt almost too vidid. Erik hated how weak Hank seemed, how he was constantly edgy and bleeding out his emotions. Erik didn't know how to deal with so much sentiment expressed in front of him.

-I could," Erik said honestly. -But I won't. Because I'm not going to let him do this." It was a really simple, easy answer from him.

Hank suddenly swirled around. -The worst part is that he seemed better," he said hotly. -Charles was...he talked more. He got sober. He ate regularly, and he even smiled sometimes. He even started reading again, asked me what was going on in the outside world. I mean he even...he even used Cerebro at times. Even if he didn't want me to know about it."

Hank swallowed, eyes glistening. -That's why it's even more horrible. Because for the first time in years, Charles seemed a bit more hopeful." There was a pained pause. -But then..." he lifted his arms helplessly, like he was unable to say anything more.

Erik tried to keep his breathing steady and deep. He had to look away, because hearing all of this made it even trickier to understand Charles and his actions.

-He almost bled out before the paramedics came, you know," Hank muttered, one tear escaping and pouring to his cheek now. -He wasn't even conscious anymore." His hands curled so hard onto the sofa railing that the material made a wheezing sound. -The...the last thing I talked about him was hours before that, and it was about the tea kettle. A bloody _tea kettle_."

Suddenly Hank lost his composure and kicked the sofa hard with a growl. The sofa let out a tormented screech and moved a little to the side.

Erik just glanced at it, then at Hank.

Hank was breathing hard, his glasses tilted slightly to the side. Then wordlessly, he spun around and left the room.

Erik dropped his gaze to the floor, fingers sinking deep into the armrests. He had the strongest urge to crush all of the furniture into pieces. There was a sudden devastated shock awakening in him._ What have you done, Charles?_

_What have you done?_

Only silence answered Erik's thoughts. The sight of the sofa suddenly blurred in his eyes, and Erik's hand flew quickly to his eyes, rubbing the ghost of an moisture there might have been there. He wouldn't give Charles the satisfaction. If he did, it would mean that Erik accepted what had happened - accepted Charles' fate. Accepted to...enter the idea of mourning. And not in a million years would he do that.

Erik braced himself into it like it was a battle. He was good at battles - he rarely lost.

He _refused_ to mourn someone who was still alive. That was for sure.

If Charles thought that Erik would let him go now or anytime soon, he was wrong. If this had been some kind of sick test whether anyone would even care about him dying, Charles had already gotten his answer.

Hank might have been too tired and defeated to fight for Charles, but Erik saw this as a challenge - as a personal insult. And Erik didn't like to be insulted.

Nobody got to kill Charles Xavier way before his time - not even Charles himself.


	6. Chapter 6

Erik went to the study again.

He didn't even bother to talk - not even when the night closed in, since Charles knew he was here anyway.

Erik considered going to sleep downstairs, because the only proper bed in the room was Charles' bed on the far side. It felt odd to even think about sleeping there, but then again Erik thought it would provoke Charles more if he did, and that's what he was aiming for. So when the night crawled on, Erik climbed on top of the messy covers and closed his eyes, shutting off the lights with a flick of his powers.

As soon as he did lie down, Charles' scent washed over him from the sheets, and knocked Erik breathless.

Suddenly he had trouble breathing, because the familiar scent fired up old memories and emotions. He had never realized how well he knew it, even after all this time. It shouldn't have surprised him - he had shared a bed with Charles countless times during their recruiting missions. He had sometimes loaned a shirt or two from Charles - well, the ones that were too big for Charles, since Charles was smaller. Erik knew this scent too well, and it felt too strong and too lively when it filled his nostrils and head. It reminded him of sunlight, tea, books, Charles' posh accent, gunpowder and dust. He didn't even exactly know why.

For the first time, Erik briefly wished Charles couldn't see him right now because Erik was certain his face betrayed the sudden sentiment written all over it.

This wasn't supposed to affect him at all.

It was naive. It was _just_ a scent.

But Erik's thoughts swirled quicker than he could stop them - he quickly wondered how long it would take it for the scent to disappear? How long should Charles be gone until these sheets became just regular sheets, or they were washed, or sold with the house? How long it took to erase a person?

Erik tried to act normal and let out the stiffness from his muscles. He sunk deeper into the bed and drew a pillow under his head. Erik buried his face into it, almost claustrophobic how lost he was in its softness and soft lingering scent. It was unnerving, really. If Erik had had a softer mind, it would have claimed that he missed Charles.

But surely that wasn't the case.

Erik wasn't the kind of person who missed anyone.

He didn't _need_ anyone. Period.

Ironically, after just some short time, he fell asleep and slept better than he had in days.

* * *

><p>Morning came.<p>

Hours passed.

Erik stayed in the study. He was stubborn, but he was starting to feel both worried and irritated about the situation. He felt too proud to call out for Charles. And he was certainly not going to beg or ask for anything either. Besides, even if Charles didn't show himself, he had to know Erik was there.

More hours passed. Erik heard Hank leaving to the hospital again. He sighed in relief - Hank's absence meant a lot less tension in the house and lot more likely for Charles to appear.

Erik started to rummage through the shelves and cupboards, hoping to irritate Charles. He found a lot of old documents - student registeration forms, bills, genetics articles - even some old photographs - but nothing genuinely interesting. After going through most of the study, Erik finally set his eyes upon the door of the bathroom. He knew that it was cleaned, but it still felt like a dark spot in the house.

Erik walked slowly towards it, pushing the door open. It creaked when it revealed the room inside. But instead of blood, bathwater and broken pieces of mirror, the bathroom was shining bright and new. So white, so clean. Like nothing out of the ordinary had happened there in the first place. Erik stepped inside, glancing around it.

Out of all the places in the world, Erik could hardly believe this is where Charles had ended up in. It was such an ordinary, boring bathroom. It smelled of bleach. The mirror was missing now, leaving only a dark smugded mark on the wall. Erik felt somehow ill. Suddenly he had the oddest feeling of being watched, and Erik swirled around on his heels.

It was eerie, but he could have sworn he had caught a glimpse of someone standing behind him.

Erik sighed. -You have to show yourself sooner or later, Charles. You should know by now that I'm not going to leave before I have my answers."

There was a silence. Erik glanced around, waiting, but nothing happened.

He gritted his teeth in frustration.

-Do you want me to smash the bathroom? Or burn down the house? I can do that too if it makes you to show your face." Erik asked aloud with a hint of mockery in his tone.

Silence.

Nothing.

Erik turned and stormed back to the study. He had seen matches in the cupboard, so he marched right next to it, yanking it open and grabbing them. He was feeling reckless and frustrated, so he opened the box and drew one match out. Erik gave a meaningful look to the empty room.

-Don't think I won't do it," he said coldly.

He waited for a few seconds.

Erik lifted his chin defiantly and stroke the match. It took him three times, but then fire crackled into the end of the small match. Small trace of smoke trailed up from the match, and the smell of the flame spread into the air. Erik glanced down at the expensive Persian carpet under his feet - it would lit up quite nicely.

-Erik, that's enough," Charles' sudden voice rang out.

Erik almost dropped the match from sheer surprise. He turned to his right - only to see Charles standing a few metres away from him. His upper body was solid, but his projection started to fade towards his feet, so he looked like a ghost more than ever.

Erik glanced at him, and let out a wry, satisfied smile to see him again, even if he felt slight twinge of worry about Charles looking less solid now. -I thought so too," he said and blew the flame out from the burning match. He let it drop to the table, but he didn't let go of the other matches, and the small unspoken threat didn't go unnoticed from Charles.

Charles crossed his arms, giving Erik a tired look. -There is nothing that you will achieve by these games you're playing, Erik."

It made no sense, but now that Charles was standing there, it brought Erik's mind alive and dozens of sharp emotions running through him - anger, bitterness, frustration, hurt, betrayal...and irritated fondness, oddly enough. His breaths suddenly felt deeper, and every second was somehow drawn in much more clearer detail.

Erik rarely felt like this anymore - after Shaw, after getting his revenge, his inner turmoil had quieted a little and became more dull. But there was something in Charles that still managed to make Erik more raw and ignite his emotions into flames by just one look or sentence. It was like a power in itself. There was no logic in it because at the end of the day, Charles was just one broken telepath. He had sunk more lower than Erik could have ever imagined him to, but...there was something about him that still made Erik ache.

And the thought of him being so close to being gone forever stroke a chord in Erik, despite it shouldn't matter. It shouldn't had mattered in years. Yet here he was.

-Hank went to the hospital again," Erik said.

Charles swallowed, but didn't drop his gaze. -I know."

There was a silence where they just stared at each other through the empty space. Erik had waited for so long to meet Charles again, but now that he was there, Erik didn't know what to say. He would have never admitted it, but he was somewhat frightened of Charles just disappearing into thin air again.

-What do you want, Erik?" Charles asked, tilting his head.

-You know what I want - for you to stop this ridiculous game and wake up."

Charles blinked slowly, shrugging. -And then what?"

Erik opened his mouth in surprise - he hadn't expected the question. Charles just studied him. -And then what, Erik? If I do wake up, what happens then? Because I'm rather sure you'll leave again, marking this down as your personal victory and rejoin your own personal war."

Erik didn't know what to say - he hadn't actually given it a thought what would happen after - he had just focused on getting Charles back into his body. So he stayed quiet, trying to come up with a reply.

But Charles sighed before he had the chance. -I thought so too." There was a pause. -You will spare your precious time if you just leave now."

-And wait until Hank sends me an invitation to the funeral?" Erik breathed out darkly.

Charles startled for that, eyes widening just a little. Erik devoured the moment, because it was a welcome change in Charles' emotionless facade. But Erik was also scared about his own way of thinking - Erik hadn't actually imagined a scenario where Charles would die. He didn't want to think about what it would mean. Dying was awfully final - it meant funerals, tombstones...Trying to combine that thought with Charles brought a nauseous taste into Erik's mouth. He was still alive, and would stay that way if Erik had a say in it.

Charles tried to compose himself, and soon his face turned into a mask again. As soon as he did, more of him faded. Erik gasped softly for the sight - Charles seemed to be less and less solid by the minute.

-You'll have to talk some sense into Hank at least," Erik sputtered out, because he was too disturbed by the way Charles seemed to be fading. And indeed - when he mentioned Hank, Charles turned just a bit more colourful and solid, and a shadow of guilt passed his face. Erik stared at him in surprise, and his mind was working fast, wheels turning.

Erik didn't even fully pay attention what he was saying, he just kept himself talking. -Tell him to stop going to the hospital everyday, if nothing else," Erik said absent-mindedly, since all of his attention was in Charles' body. Because the moment Erik had finished his sentence, Charles' body seemed a fraction more present.

_Of course._

It clicked. Erik narrowed his eyes, suddenly remembering how Charles had disappeared into thin air both back at the hospital and once before in the mansion. It seemed that the more emotional Charles got, the more solid his projection was. Erik's imagination instantly jumped into conclusions - Charles' mood had been so vague and numb all the time Erik had seen him. And the more time passed, even if had just been hours and days - the more faded he seemed to become. So logic stated that with a few more days, Charles might fade into nothingness altogether. Erik had a sudden idea, and he was getting desperate enough to test it.

He took a step closer, and Charles glanced at him warily, but didn't move.

Erik took a deep breath. -You still never gave me an explanation, Charles. I want to know why you did this."

Charles lifted his chin, like signalling that he had no intention of telling him.

Erik knew he needed to play nasty again - it had worked before. So he consciously took a proud, condescending look on his face. -Is it because of your legs? Is it truly something so petty?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. -That's hardly a reason for you to kill yourself."

That made something flash in Charles' eyes, and while Erik knew this was an effective territory to talk about in order to get Charles angry, it was also dangerous for himself - he could feel real guilt curling around his windpipe. He reminded himself that this was too important to let it affect him.

Charles seemed to snap his mouth shut even more tightly, but there was an unmistakable trace of irritation in his eyes. So Erik kept going.

-You might not be able to walk, but you could have still done _something_, Charles. Even after Cuba you could have at least cared enough to check what truly happened with the president and the bullet. You could have prevented me for getting locked inside Pentagon for ten years," Erik said, unable to stop real blame entering his tone now.

Charles didn't seem to be able to hold himself back either. -The bullet was curved! It had your trademarks all over it, and you were there - how were we supposed to know it wasn't you? Besides if you don't happen to remember, Erik, at that time I was too busy going through surgeries and cope with the fact that I would never walk again," Charles breathed out, emotions prickling in his blue eyes. It was like a dam was breaking.

Erik drew a breath to answer, but Charles just continued. -I could hear the doctors you know," he said, and hint of tears starting to glisten in his eyes. -I could hear thoughts, their pity. Even when they were telling me comforting and hopeful things, that it would be alright and that physiotherapy might help, I could hear them thinking that my spine was damaged beyond repair. That I would never regain any sensation below my waist. I couldn't...I couldn't even sit up on my own."

Erik clutched his hands into fists, because they were starting to tremble now. He hadn't expected Charles' numb facade to drop so completely. And he hadn't braced himself for all the accusations and painful memories.

Charles shook his head so hard that his long hair shifted from side to side. Charles let out strangled breath. -Because even when you took Raven with you, I thought...I thought you'd come back to visit. To check on me. For God's sakes, Erik's you left me bleeding on the beach!"

Erik felt like he started to have pieces of glass inside his veins now - and as if they were ripping him a little from the inside out, making old guilt he thought he had already gotten rid of taking over him. He could suddenly remember in vivid detail about the moment he had learnt of Charles' fate - of how Emma Frost had let him and Raven know months after Cuba that Charles would probably not walk ever again. Erik could recall how he had smashed the furniture in horror and disgust the moment he had been left alone, the guilt making him feel ashamed. That had been the moment he had known there was truly no way of going back, that him and Charles had been torn apart forever. That the hope for any reunion had been destroyed for good.

Charles' face looked open and full of hurt. -You left me to die, Erik," he whispered.

Erik shook his head, unable to dull his emotions down. -No. You _told_ me to go."

-I had just been shot, Erik! I was dizzy and in pain. And besides, we were hours away from help, and you took the only teleporter with you," Charles said, voice breaking.

Erik suddenly felt like he couldn't look Charles in the eyes, as much as wanted to.

Charles sounded almost breathless. -When we finally got to hospital, I had been unconscious for hours and I had massive internal bleeding. They told me afterwards that I had been lucky to make it there at all."

Erik swallowed several times, but the lump in his throat didn't go away. -I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't..." Erik lifted his head defiantly, trying to hide his guilt behind rage. -I didn't think it through."

He wanted to say sorry, to apologize, but the words just didn't come. Erik had never apologized to anyone besides Charles - not even once in his life, not really - he had never graved forgiveness as badly as from him. And Erik had already apologized Charles once in the plane ride to Paris. He had been sincere back then, and he could still recall every word he had said: _"I'm sorry, Charles. For what happened, I truly am."_

Charles had never directly answered him. But Erik knew from the way Charles had told Raven that they had come for her together had given him away. Even in Paris, Charles had started to forgive Erik. Maybe Erik didn't deserve it, but Charles had been willing to do it anyway: he had had hope for them. And Erik had killed that hope when he had fired that gun with the bullet meant for Raven.

-I might have played my part with the loss your legs, Charles, but you did walk again," Erik said as his defense. He realized he was raising his voice, but couldn't help it. -Might I remind you that you were instantly ready to abandon your gift; your powers, when you had the chance? And what for? You drugged yourself up with Hank's serum just so you could walk to fetch more bottles of brandy."

Charles bit his lip, fury starting to build in his posture now. -I did it to get rid of the voices!" he claimed heatedly, like he was trying not to talk out loud, but couldn't help it. -You don't have any idea what it was like! It was...just torture. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't dream - I couldn't even have a normal conversation with Hank because they were so loud. Sometimes...sometimes I didn't even know what day it was because I felt them all inside of my skull. They never stopped, they were driving me insane. And...and all because of you!"

Erik let out an incredulous huff. -Because of_ me_? Are you seriously claiming that your inability to control your own powers are..."

-Yes," Charles whispered, looking now more pained than ever. He looked like couldn't breathe properly, like he couldn't form the words because his internal storm was too suffocating. There was short, grim silence, and Charles gasped for air. He looked at Erik with so much emotion that it was almost overwhelming. -You...you broke me. My power comes from my head and my...heart, and you..."

_you broke it, _came the ghost thought from Charles, slipping telepathically into Erik's mind.

Erik's stomach dropped, and he had to look away.

Charles bit his lip, and Erik felt his own eyes burning now too. He wanted nothing more than to scream out, to tell Charles he was wrong, but for a moment, all words were lost for him. His chest churned and stung in all the places it shouldn't, and Erik's head was filled with old memories he had never wanted to re-visit again.

-And you betrayed me in Paris again," Charles added, like he wanted to stop himself from talking, but just couldn't. -Just when I thought that we could...that there was a chance of..."

Erik stepped forward now, and there were only few inches between them. -I had no other choice. The future of the mutant kind is far more important than the fate of a one casualty," he argued.

-Casualty?" Charles said, rising his eyebrows in shock. -Raven is _not_ a casualty! How can you even..." He looked at Erik, speechless. -You were supposed to take care of her!"

-Mystique is completely capable of making her own choices, Charles. The only reason she left you behind was because you tried to contol her," Erik said with a cold tone. -You tried to make her conform and hide, just like you've done yourself, instead of stepping out of the shadows and trying to make a change."

Charles' eyes flashed, and he glared at Erik, the deep blue filled with mixed emotions. -Making a change doesn't mean causing as much damage and mayhem as you can. We shouldn't make the humans afraid, we should make them understand. You might or might have not killed the president, Erik, but you still have done horrible things. You have killed people."

-Necessary losses since they became obstacles," Erik pointed out.

Charles eyed him with disdain, shaking his head. -No. Killing is never justified."

Erik leant forward. -Then tell me, what justifies _you_ killing yourself?"

Charles blinked like he had received a mental slap, and Erik felt darkly triumphant for it. Charles was quiet for a while, and he tried to straighten himself up.

-The reasons are no concern of yours," Charles said, now a lot more quietly. He kept looking at Erik, almost as if he was attempting to look more stern and braver than he actually was. Erik opened his mouth to answer, but Charles interrupted him before he could.

-And that is the best explanation I will give you, Erik. You will just have to accept it," Charles said carefully, trying to sound more passionate than he really was.

Suddenly Erik caught the oddest feeling - there was something off about Charles. It was like he wasn't that convinced of his own words at all. Erik furrowed his brows, observing Charles.

-No," Erik said slowly. And the moment he did, there was a flicker of startled uncertainty in Charles, like a deer caught in the headlights. But it didn't go unnoticed from Erik, and he stared even more intensely into Charles' face. Charles tried to arrange his expression into a more neutral one, trying to cover up his emotions, like regretting he had lost his temper in the first place. He tightened his jaw, straightened up and stepped a bit back, but suddenly Erik wasn't fooled anymore.

-There's something you're not telling me," he suddenly breathed out in realization.

Charles swallowed and shifted his weight in a nervous manner, and shook his head almost too enthusiastically. -No, Erik, there isn't," he assured and stepped backwards. But Erik just stepped forward, and now he noticed that Charles' body looked completely solid from head to toe. Erik had been right with his theory - the more emotional Charles got, the more solid he became.

-You're hiding something," Erik said, studying Charles and his reactions carefully.

Charles huffed in a dismissing way and tried to step sideways again, but Erik instinctively raised his own hand and reached for Charles before he remembered that it was no use, since he wouldn't be able to touch Charles. But before Erik's muscles worked and he had the chance to pull his hand away, it suddenly hit something solid. Both of them gasped in surprise as Erik's fingers brushed Charles' wrist, and their eyes locked for an astonished second. They both looked down, and then Erik quickly grabbed Charles' wrist before Charles had the chance to pull away. Erik curled his fingers around it with surprised triumph. Charles' wrist didn't feel warm or completely solid, but Erik's fingertips still registered it and the feel of skin.

Charles stared down at his wrist in slightly horrified way. He obviously hadn't expected this to happen, and for a fleeting moment his face was so full of bare emotion that something dawned on Erik - a crazy, instinctive idea. Charles was_ not_ as numb as he seemed. His emotionlessness had been at least partly a facade - otherwise he wouldn't have exploded into so much hurt and anger just a moment before. His eyes wouldn't hold so much unsaid things and feelings in them. And most importantly, Erik wouldn't be able to provoke him this much.

Suddenly Erik remembered something Hank had mentioned, no matter how insignificant it had seemed at the time. Erik could remember Hank's words with great detail now: _"The worst part is that he seemed better. Charles was...he talked more. He got sober. He ate regularly, and he even smiled sometimes. He even started reading again, asked me what was going on in the outside world. I mean he even...he even used Cerebro at times."_

Erik narrowed his eyes, like he was trying to see past Charles' face and into the depths of his mind.

Then suddenly, it hit him, the realization dawning on Erik like a lightning. Eriks eyes widened as he stared Charles, fingers tightening around his wrist. He stepped forward, closing some of the space between them. Charles gasped softly and looked up to Erik, trying to pull away. But there was an odd haunted look in his eyes, now that Erik really looked. -You..." Erik breathed out in astonishment. -You never really wanted to die, did you?"

Charles looked up at him with such fright that it confirmed Erik's answer, and suddenly everything just clicked. _Of course._ Erik had known Charles would never do this to himself out of random impulse, that there had to be something else. That there had to be a proper catalyst to make Charles Xavier give up on life this profoundly, with so much finality.

But Charles still attempted to look something between angry and neutral, but he was failing badly at it.

Erik shook his head, almost euphoric all of a sudden. -You've always been a bad liar, Charles," he hissed, his chest filling with sudden relief to know that he was right. That Charles hadn't been ruined beyond repair. That there was still hope.

-Let go, Erik," Charles stuttered, hint of panic in his voice. He tried to pull his wrist free, but it was useless. Erik was stronger, and Charles was too emotional - and that way, too solid - to escape.

Erik pulled Charles closer by his wrist, towering over him. -Why did you do it, Charles?" he demanded with a husky voice.

Charles took a shuddering breath, flickering his eyes between his wrist and Erik's face, but didn't say anything. Then a terrible thought hit Erik, and he mapped every inch of Charles' face.

-Charles...Did someone _force_ you to do it?"

The way a shiver went through Charles was unmistakable, and he looked even more shaken. Like he had just been caught from a lie; like he still wanted to cover it up and pretend nothing was wrong. But Charles had always been too honest for his own good, and Erik could sometimes read him like an open book because of it.

But then with some effort, Charles pulled his face into a careful neutrality, forced the stiffness out of his posture and shook his head. He took a few, long breaths and drained the emotion from his eyes. It was almost fascinating - how quickly he pretended to be completely emotionless and untouchable. Like he was turning into a statue. And Erik felt the wrist inside his own fingers becoming alarmingly harder to keep a grip on.

-I don't know what you're talking about, Erik," Charles said, now with a colder tone. If Erik hadn't just witnessed obvious proof that there was more to the story than it seemed, he might have been fooled by it. Charles looked more distant now. -This was my choice. And what's done is done. It's..better for everyone this way."

And with those words, and with some concentration, Charles finally pulled his wrist free - it slipped right through Erik's fingers. The moment their physical contact broke, Charles' projected body started to fade.

Erik stepped forward hastily, trying to reach him again, to get a grip on him. But before he had the chance, Charles was already gone, dissolving into thin air.

But now, Erik didn't shout out after him. There was no desperation to do it. His anger had dulled into a controllable, functioning level because instead of it, there was now a mad hope lighting up in him. Erik now knew there was an answer lying behind all this, and all he had to do was to find what it was. There was no doubt about it - there was something terribly wrong with the picture. So without calling Charles' name and trying to bring him out again, Erik walked determinedly out of the study.

Charles' suicide attempt wasn't all what it seemed. Not even nearly.


	7. Chapter 7

Erik paced restlessly around the living room when he waited Hank to get back. It seemed to take forever; far longer than ever before.

Erik's mind was swirling with all kinds of scenarios and thoughts - he tried to make sense what could have possibly happened to Charles. Who could have possibly pushed Charles into committing suicide? And how? As Erik went on and on with his limited information about the recent events, daylight disappeared, and soon the evening was closing in. Minutes turned into hours, and Erik felt the metal of the car moving towards the mansion before he heard the engines.

Erik was barely able to keep himself still and wait until Hank had stopped the car, climbed out and walked to the door. The moment he opened it, Erik looked at him expectantly, drawing a deep breath before talking.

Hank sighed tiredly at Erik. -I'm really not in the mood for another one of your..."

-Hank, I need you to tell me in detail what happened before Charles tried to kill himself," Erik said in a steady and demanding voice. It was so different from his angry and blaming tones that it caught Hank off-guard, and he froze to the doorway, staring Erik in open confusion.

-Why would..."

-You told me he seemed better," Erik interrupted, emphasis on every word. -You told me he was doing better than he had done in years, Hank. Was it true?"

Hank lifted an eyebrow, and nodded hesitantly. -Well yes, that's what I thought, but obviously I was wrong. Otherwise this would have never happened."

-No," Erik hissed, as his gut feeling just got stronger by the second. His heart was pounding quicker now. It was almost intoxicating to feel so hopeful. -I don't think that's true. I think Charles never really wanted to kill himself."

Hank's face fell, and his shoulder slumped. -Being in denial about it won't change the facts, Erik," he said and pulled the door shut with a soft thud.

-No! You don't understand - I think someone _forced_ him to do it."

Hank froze, back still turned towards Erik, his hand on the doorknob. Slowly, Hank turned to look Erik over his shoulder with a wary gaze. He hesitated, like he wasn't ready to accept any false hope.

Erik nodded encouragingly. -I am certain of it - it wasn't Charles' choice to do this. Someone or something pushed him into it. Can you think of anything out of the ordinary that could have caused this? Is there anyone who could have threatened him?"

Hank was still looking at Erik, like uncertain whether to believe him or not.

Erik let out an expectant breath, stepping closer. -Just think, Hank!"

Hank turned fully around now, eyeing Erik, clearly thinking back to the last months. But then slowly, some sadness took over his face again. -No," he said, shaking his head. -Not after Trask. We got here, he quit drinking and the serum...His telepathy returned. It was bad for the first few weeks, but...Then he got a little better. That's it."

-Is there any possibility that Charles erased your memories or just _made_ you think that there was nothing wrong? So you wouldn't notice he was hiding something?"

-Charles never used his powers on me," Hank argued hotly. -Not...not on purpose at least. They got out of hand without the serum, but...he would never do things like that. If you ever knew Charles at all, Erik, you should know that too."

Erik shook his head. -Let's be realistic Hank - if Charles was desperate enough, he would use them on you, too. And he _had_ to be desperate to do this."

Hank looked pained. -Well, yeah. I think we can both agree on that." He was quiet a while, agony written all over his tired features. -But...having seen what I have, it...it doesn't look like an accident."

-No, not an accident, weren't you listening?" Erik hissed with some frustration. -This was an attack of some kind. Someone blackmailed him to do it."

Hank drew a disbelieving breath so quickly that it made a choking sound. -There's no way someone can blackmail others to kill themselves," Hank argued, looking at Erik like he was insane. -And besides, who would even want that? Charles wouldn't hurt a fly, he's one of the kindest people I know. Why would anyone want to get rid of him?"

Erik shrugged. -I don't know, but that's what we're going to find out."

Hank just gave him an exhausted look. -Maybe you should just face the reality, Erik," he mumbled and took steps forward. But Erik grabbed his arm and forced him to stop.

-Oh come on," Hank snapped angrily. -This is hard enough already, Erik, so you being in denial about it doesn't help anyone."

-It's not denial, it's.."

-Yes it is!," Hank hissed and shook his head. There was a small pause as Hank drew a deep breath. -You can't just accept the fact that Charles wanted this. You are completely denying all of the facts and the reality. Do you know what I think this is?_ Guilt_. It's guilt, Erik, because you know that what Charles did is partly your fault."

Erik gritted his teeth. -Hank. I'm serious about this. And even if I was wrong, even if none of it was true...wouldn't you want to be sure? Wouldn't you want to be absolutely certain?"

That seemed to make Hank properly stop and reconsider. He eyed Erik sideways for a long time. It almost felt like he didn't want to give in to the false hope, because he wouldn't be able to bear another disappointment and heartbreak.

-You are supposed to more clever than average people," Erik added. -Think it through. Isn't there something odd about this? At all?"

There was uncertainty on Hank's face now, and some of it was barely contained hope. He turned finally towards Erik, like in two minds. Erik forced himself to calm down and lower his voice.

-Did Charles meet anyone new? Did he say something that caught your attention? Was there something that you did during the Trask mission that could have gotten wrong people on your trail?"

Hank's forehead wrinkled, and he was obviously thinking hard. -No. He never left the house after we got back. Not after his legs stopped working, at least. And he...he got no calls. We had no visitors."

Hank looked a bit desperate again. -There was nothing that could have..." but his voice faded.

Erik refused to give up now. He replayed every moment of the Trask mission, of Charles reaching out to him telepathically in Nevada. Of everything Charles had said in the hospital or in the study. Erik pictured every detail in the bathroom upstairs, and the way Hank had described the last months.

Suddenly Erik's mind stumbled on small detail that had distantly bugged him. -You...you said that he used Cerebro," Erik muttered, locking eyes with Hank. -You said that. That he used it without wanting you to know."

Hank shrugged. -What about it?"

Erik looked meaningfully at him. -Well, what was he doing there? He wasn't searching for new students, that was for sure."

Hank sighed. -I just thought he wanted to get his telepathy back on track. He used Cerebro once during the Trask thing, but it was somewhat catastrophical. So since he quit the serum and got a bit better, I think he tried to adjust into his powers again and to Cerebro. And I let him - how could I have not? He was far more active than he had been in years. I took it as a good sign that he went there."

Erik's mind was working fast. -But why did he try to hide it? If he knew you would just approve of it, why did he do it in secrecy?"

Hank opened his mouth, then closed it.

-It makes no sense," Erik stated, feeling more and more certain that something was off. He shared a look with Hank, and he could already see that he had planted the seed of doubt into Hank's mind. Erik tried to reach into his memories from all the years back, and the times he had been there when Charles had used the machine. Erik could more or less recall the wires and the computer. He was quiet for several seconds.

-The...the coordinates." he breathed out.

Hank lifted a questioning eyebrow. Hank looked up at him, giving his shoulder a light shake. -The coordinates. Cerebro used to spit out the coordinates for the mutants Charles found. Isn't that correct?"

-Yes," Hank mumbled.

-Does it still do that?" Erik asked, getting more and more restless and excited.

Hank nodded slowly. -Of course. It's part of the engine and coding process. The data is naturally supposed to..."

-Maybe the prints are still there," Erik said, raising his voice. -Maybe we can track and see what Charles saw when he used it." But then a terrible thought hit Erik - Charles could have just picked the printed coordinates and destroyed them. Erik swallowed and looked back to Hank. -But if the coordinates aren't there, can you still find the back-up copies?"

Hank tilted his head. -Well, in theory yes, since I could see the output data of the..."

-Good," Erik said, careless about the technical details. -I'll go there to fetch the prints and..."

-It isn't that easy," Hank cut in. -The machine has retina identifying system. It only lets Charles in and out."

Erik shrugged. -You designed it, so you can counter-code it. We have no time for arguing. Just get into work."

Hank opened his mouth, like he was still shocked of the sudden turn of the events. Erik spread his arms expectantly. -Go."

Hank stumbled forward, like he was having a hard time to understand anything. He turned to look at Erik, like he was still about to argue, but then wordlessly turned to leave the room. His steps were suddenly lighter, and a faint hope burned in his eyes now, no matter how vague. Hank seemed to have suddenly a lot more energy - he was a scientist after all, and now he had a problem to solve - Erik had given him one.

Erik watched him go, feeling like some weight had fallen off his chest.

Hope was an awfully strong motivation, it seemed.

* * *

><p>After three hours of Hank not talking a word and going into a full scientist mode, he got the vault open. Some of the prints were still lying on their right spot where Cerebro had printed them out to, but Hank had to re-program some of the machine to go back into further data. Fortunately, the pritns had dates on them, so they could differentiate them from the ancient ones, and the one time Charles had used the machine during the Trask mission.<p>

Erik had no other option but to remain out of Hank's way, and give him space to work. But Erik couldn't stand to sit still, so he went to fetch pens and maps from the ground floor. He was a lot more focused now when he had something to do. The awful, suffocating feeling that had never once left after he had stepped into the hospital for the first time easened just a little.

Erik piled all of the extra paper and several maps on his arms and started to walk back into the vault. It was clever from Hank to hide the machine underground, since it would have been exposed to prying eyes on the outside. Besides, here it was a lot easier to lock down from intruders - and for obvious reasons, easier for Charles to access.

Erik didn't go back up to the study - he didn't need to. He was absolutely certain that there was something wrong with the picture, so he wasn't going to wait around one more second.

He walked towards the long hallway towards the room where Cerebro was. He was deep in his thoughts when a sudden voice made him jump and almost drop the papers he was holding.

-This is wrong," Charles' voice rang out. Erik's steps faltered, and he spotted Charles standing behind him. Erik was surprised to see him there - he hadn't known Charles could move around the house. But then again Charles had moved from the hospital back to the study, so it seemed that it wasn't a particular limitation. Nonetheless, Erik hadn't expected to see him.

He shot Charles a curious look. Charles looked mostly solid, and there was clear irritation - but also worry - on his face.

-You shouldn't give Hank hope," Charles said, voice a bit unsteady. He swallowed uncomfortably. -It...it's cruel."

Erik lifted an eyebrow. -Cruel?" he repeated slowly. -This is hardly anything as cruel as what you did to him. And you know it too."

Charles blinked and stared at his own feet for a while.

Erik turned stubbornly around and started walking. Charles' surprised gasp satisfied Erik more than he would have liked to admit. Charles didn't have to be the center of his attention - not anymore, now that Erik had something else to work on. So reluctantly, Charles started walking behind him, and Erik didn't turn back.

-Erik, this is madness!," Charles claimed, frustration obvious in his voice. -Just stop already."

Erik just kept stubbornly walking.

There was a pause.

-Did you hear what I said?" Charles asked with a louder voice.

-I did. But I don't care. You don't get to call the shots anymore," Erik answered.

Charles was quiet for a while, but kept walking behind Erik anyway, shaking his head. -This is...this is just obsession. You will only cause Hank more pain by doing this. There isn't anything for you to find here."

Erik threw a curious, meaningful look at him. -Then why are you so upset?" he shot back.

Charles snapped his mouth shut, and it only made Erik more certain that there was something off about this. But Charles kept up the appearance of it, still. -I'm upset...for Hank."

Erik sighed. -That's rather hypocritical of you, isn't it?" Erik was approaching the vault door now, and started to slow down his steps. -If you really wanted to help, you could tell the truth of what happened to you. You could save me and Hank a lot of time while you're at it."

-There is nothing to tell!" Charles almost shouted at him. Erik stopped to push the button to open the vault door. He was now standing in place, and Charles stopped to stand next to him too. His eyes sparking with irritation, and Erik just returned his gaze, careful not to give away any of his inner emotions. His calmness was partly a facade, but Charles didn't have to know that.

-This is enough, Erik!" Charles claimed, with the stubborness Erik knew so well.

Erik tilted his head almost mockingly. -Then why don't you stop me?"

Charles blinked, and opened his mouth, but no words came out. Erik just leaned forward, glancing down at him from head to toe. Once again, Charles feet weren't visible, even if the rest of him was. Erik gave an emotionless smile. -Come on. If you want it badly enough to stop me, you can."

There was hint of satisfied smugness in Erik, now that he knew that the more emotional Charles got, the more solid his projection was.

Charles huffed, looking like Erik was being childish. He shook his head, something like guilt crossing his face. -I can't."

But Erik wasn't fooled, not one bit.

-Yes you can, Charles - if you were angry enough." he said and tilted his head. -But maybe...maybe you _want_ me and Hank to go on. Maybe you want us to discover the truth. Maybe that's why you can't get so worked about it."

Charles swallowed and shook his head again, but now there was something almost desperate in the gesture. -No. That's not...There just isn't _anything_ to find." He almost turned to look pleading now, looking up to Erik with his too blue eyes. -Please, Erik, you have to stop. Just...just let me go."

-No," Erik said simply.

Charles eyed him with confusion and something unreadable. -But..why?" His voice dropped into barely audible volume. -Why not?"

-Because you don't get to do this to yourself," Erik said. -I won't allow it."

Charles looked almost bitter. -I don't need your permission to die, Erik."

-Yet you chose to spend your last minutes reaching out to me," Erik said meaningfully. Charles was about to argue, but Erik just kept talking: -And don't even bother telling me that was accidental. You knew I don't have the helmet anymore. You knew it very well. And you know what I think? I think that you _wanted_ to be saved."

Charles stepped a bit back, like trying to come up with something to say.

The door opened now - somewhere from the inside, Hank had pressed the re-coded button to let Erik in. Erik straightened himself and took a deep breath. Charles glanced towards the hallway, then back at Erik. He stepped in Erik's way stubbornly.

There was a silence.

-For Hank's sake, Erik, please." Charles asked, and Erik hated to admit that he wasn't unaffected by the pair of pleading deep cerulean blue eyes looking at him. It was a lot harder for Erik to say no to Charles when he was asking something instead of demanding it. But Erik wasn't going to give in, so he just stood there.

-It's your call. Stop me if you truly want it," Erik said and defiantly stepped forward, right towards Charles.

Charles lifted his hands to the air as a stopping gesture, and tried to look stern. But as Erik kept going, he slided right through Charles' projection. There was no resistance; Charles half-visible body didn't even slow him down. Wry, dark satisfaction made a smile appear to Erik's lips as he kept going, and Charles was left standing uselessly behind. Erik was_ right._ And he had rarely been this glad to be right.

-I suggest you get used to the idea that you're not going anywhere," Erik said without bothering to turn around.


	8. Chapter 8

After Erik and Hank had printed all of the documents from Cerebro, they spread them out on the large dining table and started to make sense of them. Hank patiently explained to Erik what all of the markings and numbers meant, even if Erik almost got too frustrated at one point to listen. But he bit his lip and got through it, and soon they were both circling coordinates in the print-outs and in the maps, doing their work in quiet determination.

Some of them made no sense, and Hank suspected they were just flaws in Charles' shields and in the directing of his telepathy.

But they both found few coordinates that repeated a few times, and Hank located them on the maps. Some of them were just random cities and houses, but one of them repeated over and over. It seemed like Charles had voluntarily tried to search someone out, even if the first time the certain location came up, it seemed completely random. It was as if Charles had stumbled upon someone he wanted to give more attention to.

But Erik got more uncomfortable at the time Hank drew some of the connections repeatedly to CIA bases. Why would Charles had any interest in them? It made no sense.

They also noticed that Charles' visits to Cerebro had stopped for almost two weeks after a long session with one specific house. And there was only the week before his suicide attempt left in the print-outs.

And during that, Charles had once again gone to Cerebro and searched out the random house in Ohio repeatedly. Nothing else. There was literally just only one coordinate in the last few times Charles had used the machine.

After hours of silence, Erik finally looked up to Hank meaningfully, pointing at the prints in front of them. -Do you still doubt me?"

Hank looked at Erik, then at the maps. -It...it certainly seems odd that Charles kept searching these certain people."

Hank sighed, leaning on the table. -But I still don't see how this could have driven him to do what he did. It's not like these people could have blackmailed him, or threatened him. They probably didn't even realize Charles had looked into their minds."

Erik hated to admit that Hank was right. But he still knew that there was something here that wasn't quite right, that the reason for Charles' actions loomed somewhere right in front of him. He just didn't see it, it didn't click.

He glared at the CIA base on the map, his distrust towards the government sparking up just for the sight of it. -What if Charles found out something he wasn't supposed to?" Erik said slowly.

Hank shrugged and fell slowly down to sit. -It doesn't seem a plausible reason for him to hurt himself. There's no logic in that."

Erik eyed the coordinates. Most of them seemed irrelevant, but the two places stood out - the small street address in Ohio and the CIA base. But what did they have in common? Why were they so important?

-There is a gap here," Erik said and pointed at the papers in front of him. -He stopped visiting Cerebro for a long time there. Maybe he found out something shocking here. Can you remember anything out of the ordinary about Charles at this time?"

Hank was quiet for a while. -Not...not really. He mostly kept to his study."

Erik almost wanted to lash out to Hank for being so useless, for not paying attention enough, but in the end Erik kept quiet. He stared at the maps like they could provide an answer, or shed a light to the mystery.

-We need to find out why these places are so important," Erik mumbled.

-Brilliant idea, except we can't just crash the CIA base and go asking questions," Hank said sarcastically. He hesitated. -And I guess we could always just ask Charles, but I don't think he will be telling us. Well, telling _you._"

Erik nodded and ignored Hank's remark. -Probably not. But Charles can't exactly stop us from checking this house in Ohio either. It should provide some answers."

Hank looked disbelieving. -We can't just leave for Ohio."

Erik flickered his eyes up to Hank. -Yes we can. And we will. Unless you're ready to give up already," he said challengingly.

Hank stared at Erik, calculating. -I can't...I can't leave Charles behind."

Erik raised an eyebrow. -You won't do any good to him just sitting uselessly around in the hospital all day. This is more important."

Hank swallowed, fidgeting his fingers. -But...but if you're right, and someone made Charles to do this to himself...then wouldn't he still be in danger? Since he didn't succeed in killing himself?"

Erik froze, and had a sudden uncomfortable twinge of worry in his stomach. He stared at Hank, and hated to admit that Hank had a point. It seemed he really was a lot smarter than people gave him credit for.

-Fine," Erik said reluctantly. -Then you'll stay here, and I'll go to Ohio."

Hank hesitated. -Are you sure that's a good idea, Erik? You might just find a completely random house in a small street."

Erik hit the table in frustation. -Then at least I know I checked. That I didn't sit twiddling my thumbs all this time."

There was a silence.

Hank studied Erik, as if he was seeing Erik in a new light. There was something perceptive and awfully sharp-eyed in him now, and Erik didn't like that piercing gaze that was intensely inspecting every fraction of his face.

-You really do care about him," Hank mumbled, like it had just dawned on him. Whatever Erik had guessed Hank was about to say, it wasn't this. He was suddenly busy looking at the maps again, at loss what to say.

-Maybe it's in your sick, obsessed way, but...you still care about him," Hank said, cocking his head like Erik was an interesting experiment.

Erik suddenly felt squirmy, and like his brain went blank. He grabbed the nearest map hastily, avoiding Hank's gaze. -I'll leave for Ohio tomorrow morning," he said with a quieter voice. -Just make sure no harm comes to his body meanwhile I'm gone."

Hank gave a joyless, tired huff. -Or othewise you'll kill me?"

Erik glanced at him, features hardening. -If something happens to him, then yes, Hank, that might be an option." Hank's half-amused face was gone, and he turned very serious too. -I won't let anyone near him," he promised, and even if Erik hadn't witnessed his outstanding level of loyalty before, the look in his eyes would have confirmed Hank really meant what he said.

They looked at each for a while, a sudden quiet understanding between them.

And for the first time in ages, Hank blinked and his lips turned into a hesitant, broken smile. It was weak and sour, but it was still there - for the first time, there was a fraction of hope in his face too. Hank's eyes were glistening behind his glasses, and he hurried to look down at the maps. For a moment it seemed like he was about to say something, but then chose not to.

* * *

><p>Hank went to bed soon after. Erik spent time gathering the maps together, getting them ready for the next day.<p>

When it was getting close to midnight, Erik finished and turned to glance upstairs. He almost refused to go, but then again he knew he would be gone for days, maybe even over a week. So in the end, he climbed up the stairs and entered the study. Of course Erik knew Charles could move around the house now, but something told him that the study was the focus point.

Erik pushed the door open and leant to the doorframe.

-We found out about your trips to the Cerebro, Charles," Erik spoke up. There was a pause, before he let his head drop against the wooden frame. -We know you found something important. And if you haven't been spying on us already, then know this - I'm going to find out the truth, and I'm leaving the first thing tomorrow."

Silence.

Only dust danced in the air from the breeze that was coming from the open door, and Erik sighed.

-Unless you want me to spare the long trip and just tell me what it was all about."

Silence, again.

Erik lifted his hands to the air as a defeated sign. -Fine. Let's do it the hard way." He let his hands drop and let his eyes wander in the dim study. Oddly, Erik's anger had dulled after he had found out Charles' suicide attempt wasn't all what it seemed. He wasn't nearly as furious as before. He...almost disliked how long Charles had been gone already. Erik was rather fond of their encounters, no matter how dysfunctional they were.

After long, quiet minutes, Erik turned around and left the room.

* * *

><p>The one advantage of Charles' endless wealth was that he had more cars that Erik could have ever imagined. Hank just opened a cupboard full of keys and let Erik choose whichever he wanted, only warning him that some of them hadn't been used in years. But that didn't worry Erik.<p>

He chose a black, fast car and only took some necessities with him. He left no goodbyes to Hank - he just sat in the car and turned it towards the road. The only thing that really nagged Erik was the fact that Charles would linger and get left behind. This would be a long and mostly boring drive until Ohio. But he just sat more deeply into the seat and pushed the pedal harder.

He had driven for around 35 minutes before Charles popped into the seat next to him and almost made Erik crash the car. Erik just turned to look at him, astonished. Charles was sitting there, arms crossed, glaring at Erik.

-This is really getting ridiculous, even for you, Erik."

It took a few moments for Erik to recover from the surprise - and the small satisfaction mixed with excitement - before he could answer. He flashed a crooked smile. -Decided to join me?"

-Trying to convince you not to go," Charles corrected him.

-Best of luck with that." Erik said mockingly, and turned to look at the road.

Some miles passed before Charles spoke again. -You can take the next left and head back to Nevada. And you can keep the car if you do."

Erik huffed - it still sometimes shocked him how careless Charles was about money - he clearly hadn't ever had any shortage of it during his whole life. The car Erik was driving probably cost more than Erik could have ever even pronounced aloud.

-Your persuasion technique isn't working, old friend," Erik said. He turned to the highway to prove his point.

Charles stayed quiet for a while again, like trying to think of anything that could work.

-What's in Ohio?" Erik spoke up, not turning to look at Charles.

Silence.

Erik sighed. -You can tell me or we can drive there, it's your choice."

Charles still stayed quiet. Erik glanced at him, fascinated that he was still there. Charles was only half visible now, his lower body eerily disappearing into thin air. Erik wondered if Charles' telepathic reach would go all the way to Ohio, or whether he would have to disappear somewhere along the way. Also, Erik could only guess if Charles' telepathy was working or not, since he wasn't even inside his own body. Could Charles read his mind right now? Or did he refuse to, like he had said in Pentagon?

This was one of the rare moments Erik wished he had Charles' power, so he could just look into Charles' mind and find out what had really happened to him, of what was really going on. But he had no other choice but to keep on driving.

Besides, a gut feeling told Erik that if Charles was truly as numb and hopeless as he at first wanted to seem, he wouldn't have even bothered trying to convince Erik to leave.

-I'm thinking about dropping a visit to the CIA base too, if needed," Erik said conversationally. -Since the base and Ohio were the places you looked for with Cerebro."

Charles sighed. -Why is it so hard for you to accept what happened?" he asked, frustration bleeding into his voice.

Erik kept staring at the road. -Because you are not like this," he said simply.

-How would you know, Erik?"

-Because I know you."

-What makes you think that? How can you be so sure about it?"

Erik bit his lip. -I just know."

-Have you ever considered that this is just another way of you manifesting your arrogance, Erik? Or that maybe you just don't like to be wrong?" Charles shifted a little, tilting his head. -Or maybe you can not accept your own guilt of what happened in Cuba."

Erik had to take a careful breath. -Like I've said, I'm truly sorry what happened in Cuba. It was an unfortunate accident that I can't change." He paused for a moment, hating how some vulnerability slipped into his face. He was unable to look at Charles. -Do you honestly think that I did it on purpose?"

Charles was quiet, and then sighed in defeat. -...no. I know you didn't."

Erik bit his lip, feeling a spark of relief, even if he gave nothing away. -But that doesn't still excuse of you abandoning me," Charles added, now with a much colder tone.

-You didn't ask for me to stay."

-Of course I didn't! How could I have? I knew you wanted other things, Erik. And you wanted them more than you wanted to stay by my side."

Erik's hands tightened around the steering wheel. The conversation was spiraling into another fight almost frighteningly fast. -That's not true. I wanted you by my side more than anything. But_ you_ told me to go. You told Raven to come with me. You gave us both up without a fight."

-It wasn't my choice to make! I couldn't force you to stay," Charles breathed out, and even from the corner of his eye Erik saw he became more solid now. -I should...I should had been important enough for the both you to stay. I shouldn't have _needed_ to ask you to stay. You should have cared enough to visit me, to check on me - anything. Because you forced me to become a partner in crime when you killed Shaw - you made me choose between keeping Shaw still or letting him kill you, Erik, and there wasn't really a choice to make. So I had to stay inside Shaw's mind, feel his synapses and neurons tearing apart while you pushed the coin inside his skull, for God's sakes. Do you have any idea how painful that was? You took free will from me, Erik, made me a killer and then left me to die, and never once made sure I survived."

-That's not..."

-No," Charles interrupted hotly, getting seriously angry now.-I'm curious. Do tell me, Erik, how exactly does this current situation differ from Cuba? I'm dying just like I was dying back then, but for some reason you now have the decency and arrogance to play the part of my saviour. What exactly has changed, except you becoming a fugitive and a murderer in the meanwhile?"

Erik gritted his teeth in rising anger, about to open his mouth, but Charles still kept talking.

-You apologized to me in the plane, only to turn your back on me in Paris. Then you nearly crushed me with the stadium, only to turn up three months later to tell me that you are not going to let me die in peace by my own hand. I'm seriously having a hard time to differentiate what you want here, Erik, because most of the time I'm pretty sure you don't give a fuck about me living or dying."

-That is not TRUE!" Erik hissed, having hard time to focus on the road. His hands were shaking from rage that was building up inside of him. -I never meant for those things to happen to you. I never meant to...hurt you."

Charles let out a bitter, hollow laugh. It sounded haunting. -Oh spare me from your egoistic excuses, Erik. If you had truly cared, you would have found another way of solving things."

Erik hit the steering wheel with his fist in blinding frustration. -I did care! You are the only one that has ever mattered."

That silenced Charles, and for a moment a complete, deafening silence settled in the car. Only the roar of the engines was audible. Erik almost regretted letting himself get out of control like that and say the first thing that had came to his mind. He was breathing hard, thoughts swirling. He swallowed several times, knowing he had a rare moment of honesty available.

-I'm...I'm truly sorry, Charles," he said quietly, and it was almost physically straining to choke the words out.

-You keep saying that, but I don't think you truly want to be forgiven," Charles answered.

Erik gave him a hesitating sideways look. Charles' projection looked completely solid now. Erik threw him an intense look. -And you keep saying that you want to die, but look at you."

Charles flickered to look at himself hastily, then back at Erik. He snapped his mouth shut, like ashamed that Erik had hit a bit too close to home with that argument.

There was another deep silence.

Erik was truly astonished the way Charles saw things, and Erik hated the way that painted a whole new perspective on everything. Erik had never considered things like Charles had just put them. Erik had never meant half of the things to happen that still had, because it seemed that he had bad karma and everything always backfired on him and he ended up causing Charles more sorrow or pain, even if he never really had wanted to.

It was poignant, because everything between them had been poisoned and ruined, and it made Erik feel helpless. How was he supposed to react to it? How was he expected to do things? Erik had always been at loss at this, because Charles was the only friend he had ever had. Erik didn't know anything about relationships - he had never had to. Nobody had stayed enough time to matter. Nobody had actually _liked_ Erik, now that he thought back to it. It wasn't a childish needy thought, it was just the truth. Erik's attention had always been at Shaw and revenge - like he had always been just half-present in everything else he had ever done. Erik had never had time or capacity to care, to get attached to anything, since nobody had truly drawn his attention. Well, except for Charles.

Because for some odd reason, Charles had seemed to be fascinated by Erik ever since they had met. He hadn't told Erik what to do, just given him advice or options to choose from. Erik had never gotten used to being treated with respect, or getting smiled at, or cared for, and Charles had done it all for him all those years ago. Even if at the same time, Erik knew Charles had tried to fix him, to make him into some kind of idealistic version of himself. To make him good.

Erik wasn't good. The world hadn't been good to him, so what obligation did he have to be good in return? There wasn't anything good left, Shaw had carved it out from him with needles and violence, and the rest had been suffocated by the humans and their prejudiced ignorance. And what good had Charles ever gotten from being the better man? As far as Erik could tell, it had just reduced Charles into pessimistic wreck and a isolated drunk who wanted the humans to accept the mutants but never lifed a finger to do anything about it.

It just made Erik so mad to witness it. At least in Pentagon he had been free to imagine what he wanted - to imagine Charles as the hopeful but stubborn academic. The spoiled pacifist, too naive and innocent for the real world. If he was anyone else, Erik wouldn't have looked twice at him. But this was Charles, and nothing was simple when it came to Charles.

Erik still cared, no matter how much easier it would have been if he didn't.

It was hopeless, with or without Charles. They couldn't be side by side, but couldn't really stay apart either. It was like a curse.

For a moment, Erik considered turning the car back to Nevada and never coming back, letting Charles die by his own hand, letting Hank grieve and sell the house and move on. Would it make it easier? Would it make Erik able to finally turn his back on this lost cause and accept that things would never be the same as they once had been? Would that enable him to accept that Charles would never forgive him for what he had done?

Maybe Erik had been chasing some kind of fantasy here.

Maybe all those endless nights and days he had spent in Pentagon, having his thoughts as his only company, had made him delusional. Charles had crossed Erik's mind so often in that padded cell, so much more often he would have liked to admit. He had been denied of all human contact - verbal and physical. So even Charles' fist on his jaw had felt like a caress after all those years. Charles could have wrapped his fingers around Erik's neck into a chokehold and Erik probably would have still felt grateful for the mere touch.

As the next turn on the highway came to view, Erik drove wordlessly past it. Instead, he took the road towards Ohio.

The miles passed by without a word being said.

After twenty minutes, Erik turned to look at the seat next to him, only to find it empty again.

He drove on in silence.

* * *

><p>Eventually, Erik had to pull over and get a few hours of sleep in a nameless motel room.<p>

No matter how much he tried not to, he felt guilt brewing inside of his chest. Charles' words seemed to have burnt into his memory with chilling detail, and Erik hated the way he started to understand Charles' bitterness. They hadn't had a proper talk after Cuba after all, and years had piled everything up and made it all sharper and stronger. Like a rotting process at its worst.

It also worried Erik that Charles hadn't showed his face in a long while now.

So in the end Erik gave up his pride and pulled a chess board from his duffel bag, and set it up on the table. It was stupid that he had even taken it with him, but then again chess had always their way of communicating and spending time. It almost felt private; something only for them. They had been able to play in the plane after Pentagon, despite everything. Erik wished that this small gesture would show Charles the way he was trying to reach out for him.

He left the board on the small table. Then he pushed one of the white pawns further with his power, opening the game.

-Your move," he said aloud and sat down to the motel bed.

He felt rather pitiful just sitting there alone late at night. His own thoughts were too loud and no matter what he did, he couldn't dull them down. Charles' suicide attempt had forced him to face his old demons and things he had buried long ago. In Pentagon, he had learnt to become indifferent. Comfortably numb, so he could think clearly and plan ahead. But only within a few days, Charles had torn all the old wounds open and made Erik reconsider every one of his actions again in a new light.

He saw himself through Charles' eyes, and he didn't like what he saw.

Erik felt like was stuck in a house of mirrors, unable to escape his own reflection. If it had been anyone else than Charles, he would have just walked away. But even if the temptation still lingered, Erik wasn't about to do it. When Hank had been around, it had been easier for Erik to remain stoic. But now that he was alone...

He ran a hand through his hair, sighing.

He stared at the chess set, with only one white piece pushed forward. It looked lonely.

The word made Erik wince for some reason.

-Knight to C6," said a quiet voice.

Erik lifted his head and blinked. Charles was leaning against the wall further away. There was unreadable look on his face. His feet were completely faded again, and he was partly transparent.

Erik didn't turn his eyes away from Charles' as he moved the black knight into C6. -Strategic opening." he muttered.

Charles' lips tugged, one corner turning a bit up. It almost looked like a small, sad smile.

Erik moved one of his pawns wordlessly, the sound of the piece sliding forward filling the otherwise quiet room. Charles turned to look at the board, tilting his head.

Erik recognized the gesture so well it was almost painful, because he had seen Charles doing it so many times before. Charles had a habit of doing it when he was thinking. For a moment it looked like there was nothing wrong with the world, that they were just casually playing chess, like Charles' wasn't in the brink of death and Erik wasn't one of the most hunted fugitives in the whole country. Charles' eyes swept slowly over the board, and Erik could almost hear the wheels turning inside his head when he was calculating the game. Charles had a brilliant mind, Erik knew it. Charles had once had an arrogant side in him, born out of books and over-the-top Oxford grades. As much as that had irritated Erik back then, he was almost sad to see it was gone. Charles had been carved into a lot more quiet and serious version of himself over the years.

-Rook to 8B," Charles said.

Erik moved the piece for him. It was obvious Charles was not solid enough to do it himself.

-Are you going for _en prise_?" Erik asked, confused. Charles flickered his eyes to Erik's.

Erik narrowed his eyes. Was Charles trying to tell him something - by consciously aiming for a bad move in the game and soon leaving one of his pieces unprotected - like offering it to be taken on a silver plate? Erik knew enough of Charles' strategies to know that this was where the game was going towards. It made no sense - _en prise_ was a beginner's mistake. And Erik knew Charles was a lot smarter player than this.

-Your turn, Erik," Charles said quietly.

Erik glanced at the chessboard and then back. Suddenly he felt frustrated to witness that Charles was aiming to lose; than even in a chess game he was giving up. The more Erik thought about it, the more angrier he got that Charles was shutting him out, refusing to talk to him and being alright with himself fading. But now it wasn't just pure anger, it was mixed with aching yearning, because this way it was almost too easy to remember how they had once been around each other.

Deep silence fell, and suddenly none of them paid attention to the game. Their eyes wandered to each other, and the empty space between them felt like miles, even if it was full of tension.

-I could make you leave," Charles suddenly said, a pained look flashing in his face. -If I wanted to, I could make you forget all of this, Erik. I could even make you forget you ever met me at all."

Erik's heart skipped a beat for the sudden confession, his jaw tightening. -Is that a threat?"

Charles sighed in a very tired way. -I don't know. Should it be?"

Erik eyed him, like trying to figure out if Charles was bluffing or not - it seemed such an uncharacteristic thing to for Charles to ever even consider altering someone's mind. Even if he didn't really sound like he truly meant it.

-Would you really want me to forget you ever existed?" Erik asked, voice hollow. He felt a sting of ugly sadness in him.

-I think it would have been better for everyone if we had never met," Charles answered in a serious tone, and Erik inhaled sharply. The simple words sunk in deep, like a thick needle. It took effort from Erik to remain still and seemingly unaffected as he stared at Charles. But in the end, he had to look down at his hands.

-Don't you ever wish that?" Charles whispered. -Be honest with me, Erik."

Erik bit the inside of his cheek, seeing nothing. -No." he finally said aloud. There was a long pause. -I only wish that we had parted in different terms."

There was no reply.

Erik kept just breathing in and out, staring at the stained carpet on the floor. Long seconds passed, until he managed to look up.

But the room was empty.


	9. Chapter 9

Erik had to double-check the address for Ohio to be sure he was in the right place.

Because once he found the right street, it looked deceivingly normal.

It was a normal suburban area with rows and rows of almost identical houses and small fences. Erik hadn't seen Charles since their talk in the motel room, and he had been driving for so long that he had stopped looking at the clock and lost the track of time. But he was finally here now. His black car stood out in the area as expensive, so Erik left it to one of the smaller sidestreets and started walking. He squeezed the small piece of paper in his hand towards the street number written on it. Hank had the most stereotypic scientist way of writing - it was barely readable, but fortunately Erik knew what the note said - otherwise he wouldn't probably had had a clue.

It was a sunny day, but the anticipation and wariness made Erik feel restless.

And once he found the right house, he stopped to stare. It was a completely normal looking house, with children's toys lying around on the yard. Erik raised his eyebrows. It didn't make any sense why Charles had kept coming to this place time and a time again with Cerebro, unless someone of the occupants was a mutant. But now that Erik was already here, he decided to check. So he looked both ways until crossing the road, and started walking towards the house.

When he did, he glanced up to the second floor windows. Suddenly Erik spotted a small dark-skinned girl there, staring back at him.

Erik froze - the girl looked at him, and suddenly her eyes widened. It was as if she had recognized him, and Erik took an instinctive step backwards. The girl let out scream, muted by the windows and walls between them.

Erik frowned - he had no idea what was going on. The girl looked terrified for no obvious reason. Well, she might have seen Erik on television during the Trask mission; in front of the White House - that seemed like the only reasonable explanation. How else could she have reacted so strongly to him?

But Erik wasn't going to turn away now, even if the girl was startled by him. He stepped forward, reaching to open the fence. The girl disappeared from the window, still screaming.

-Erik, don't!" Charles' voice told him, and he suddenly appeared from Erik's left and rushed between the fence and him. He looked shaken, and had lifted his hands up to the air, as it the gesture itself could barricade the house from Erik. He was mostly solid, and he was breathing hard.

Erik glanced at him, then back at the windows. But the girl was already gone and nowhere to be seen. Erik gritted his teeth - something was off. Whatever he had expected to find, it certainly wasn't this. And if he hadn't been certain that Chales was hiding something, now there was no doubt about it.

-Move. I want to know what's going on here," Erik said.

Charles shook his head, and there was almost scared look on his face now. -Please don't. Leave the girl alone," he said with an urgent tone.

For a moment, only the sounds of birds and a distant car engine could be heard.

But then Erik stepped defiantly forward, and Charles let out a frustrated gasp. -Erik!"  
>And now that Erik looked at him, Charles really did seem more frightened than Erik had seen him in years. Even the sunlight on street suddenly duller, the shadows longer. Erik had a bad feeling growing in his gut.<p>

-She's just a child, Erik. You'll just scare her."

-Why? I've never seen her before."

-But she has seen you," Charles whispered, glancing nervously back at the house and then Erik. -Whatever you do, don't go inside."

Erik gave Charles a doubtful glare. -Give me one reason not to."

-Well, for one they'll probably call the police, and from what I know you're still one of the most wanted man in the whole country, Erik. You'll get caught."

Erik shrugged. -That's not enough. The police will never be here in time. You have to do a little better than that, Charles."

Charles started to look a little panicked now. He looked at Erik, like he was trying to decide what to say.

So Erik just lifted an eyebrow and took one more step, but Charles blocked his way and stepped forward too with his hands raised in the air, and suddenly Erik could feel them colliding with his chest. They both froze in slight surprise, but then Charles just quickly took advantage of his solid grip and clasped a fistful of Erik's shirt into his hand. It wasn't like it would have really stopped Erik if it came to it, but the gesture in itself was rather desperate and spoke volumes of how distressed Charles was about this. Charles slowly turned his wide blue eyes to Erik, and he was suddenly so close that it made Erik's breath hitch just a little and he had to grit his teeth.

It was stupid, and it shouldn't have made any difference, but the moment Charles looked like that at him Erik had trouble denying anything from him. Charles' fingers tightened around the fabric of his shirt. -You can't go there, Erik. Please." he whispered.

Erik hovered uncertainly in place. He turned to look at the house, and he could hear some noises inside. Apparently the girl had alerted her parents about the situation. Erik knew that he had only a few moments to decide what to do.

-I'm serious, Erik!" Charles said, pulling Erik's shirt a little to get his attention. He leant even closer, so close that Erik couldn't ignore him. -Please. Walk away from here."

But Erik knew that if he did, then the whole trip to Ohio would have been for nothing. He wouldn't be any wiser than back in the mansion, and he couldn't go back empty-handed. -No. I'm going to find out why she is so important."

-You can't!"

Charles let out a strangled sound, and slided his hands to reach for Erik's collar. He tugged it, forcing Erik to look away from the windows and back at him. There was suddenly so many emotions in his face - fear, hesitation, worry. It was alarming how a small house and one small girl could make Charles react so strongly. -Erik..." Charles choked out. -If...if I promise to tell you everything, will you leave her alone?"

Erik froze, and forgot the house altogether. Instead, he turned all of his confused attention to Charles. If Charles was ready to bargain for this, it had to be truly important. Charles' hands were shaking just a little. -Erik, please." he whispered so intensely that Erik was caught a little off-guard.

As much as he hated it, Erik could feel himself swayed by it. -Fine," he said slowly. -But only with one condition - you have to give me your word that you'll tell me everything I want to know."

Charles bit his lip, like he didn't want to agree to it.

-Otherwise I will go inside the house," Erik threatened, and that made up Charles' mind. -Alright, alright!" he said hastily, and pushed Erik a bit further away. -I...I promise. But you have to go now, Erik. Right now."

Erik gave him one final look. But then he heard that someone was about to open the door - someone who sounded frustrated. Erik took a few steps backwardsl, turned around and started walking quickly back to the other street where he had left the car in. A frustrated man started to yell at him, demanding to know who he was and why their daughter was so upset about seeing him, but Erik didn't even turn around, and the man didn't follow.

All Erik could think about that there was something so obviously suspicious about the whole thing, and that Charles had promised to finally tell the truth. Frankly, Erik couldn't wait to hear it.

* * *

><p>Erik picked one of the completely random motel rooms once again, and at that point he was almost about to burst from anticipation.<p>

He started pacing in the room the second he had gotten the door closed and his bag thrown on the floor.

What did the girl have to do with this all? Why was she so important? Why had she screamed when she had seen Erik? It was supposed to be just a random house in Ohio. It didn't make any sense -if Erik hadn't known that Charles had visited someone's mind in the house so often, he would have thought it was a bad joke. Had Erik met the girl before, but just couldn't remember? Or was there something inside the house?

There were too many questions without any answers.

And the more time Erik waited, the more anxious and frustrated he became.

But minutes turned soon into an hour, and Erik's frustration started to morph into irritation. He called experimentally Charles' name, but got no answer. He mouthed quiet profanity in German and paced around, feeling too restless to sit but unable to go anywhere else.

Was Charles avoiding him now? Was he truly too cowardly to get in here and tell the truth like he had promised? It seemed unlikely, because it was stupid - Charles would only buy some time. If he didn't tell Erik what the hell was going on, Erik was going to go back at the house. Besides, Charles might have done many things, but he rarely broke promises.

A sudden knocking sound interrupted Erik, and he froze in surprise.

He turned to stare at the motel room door - surely Charles wouldn't bother knocking? After all, he had just popped in and out as he liked all this time.

-Sir?" came a polite voice through the door. - We have a phonecall for you in the reception."

Erik's frown deepened - who would call him? Nobody even knew he was here.

Several seconds passed as Erik just stared at the door in confusion.

-Sir? It sounded urgent," the man told him. That finally forced Erik to move, and he walked to the door, yanking it open. The receptionist had risen his hand into another knock, and looked surprised to see Erik. He flashed a polite but emotionless smile. -This way." he mumbled and started to lead Erik through the stuffy corridor.

Erik eyed everything with suspicion - this could be a trap. It was all kinds of unexpected and weird. But he still marched on, and approached the phone.

-I'll leave you to it," the man said as he disappeared somewhere from the side door.

Erik took the phone in his hand and lifted it up, senses alerted. -Hello?" he asked tightly.

-Erik?" Hank's breathless voice called through the line.

_Oh._ Erik hadn't expected Hank to call - Hank wasn't even supposed to know what motel he was in. But all of the details were soon forgotten as Erik heard Hank was almost hyperventilating at the other end.

-Erik..." Hank choked out, a sob escaping him. Erik's eyes widened and his stomach instantly turned to knots - and his mind jumped to the worst possible conclusions. Suddenly he felt sick - there was only one reason for Hank to sound like that. Erik wanted to demand to know, to make Hank continue, but no words came out of his mouth, even if he tried.

-I'm...I've been trying to reach you for like an hour now," Hank managed to say with an unsteady voice. -I called almost every motel in Ohio."

There was a pause, and Hank's voice almost dropped to a whisper.

-I'm...I'm in the hospital."

Erik distantly realized he was squeezing the phone wire so hard that it hurt. He was staring at the far wall, seeing nothing. He was holding his breath. Oh, _Gott_, this couldn't mean...

No.

But Erik's eyes searched for the clock in the wall, and that's when he knew. It was two hours past the hospital visiting hours. There was no reason for Hank to be in the hospital anymore. He should have been in the mansion already.

The line was quiet for a long time, just crackling on its own.

Erik couldn't see anything. He wanted to shout, wanted to squeeze the truth from Hank, but his vocal chords didn't respond to him. He was completely still, unable to do anything but wait.

Hank drew a deep breath. -Erik, they...they called me three hours ago. They...they told me that Charles had gotten worse, that he was crashing. That they had to take him to the ER."

It seemed like Erik's brain had slowed down, like his thoughts didn't work normally. A heaviness settled upon him, and it all slowly registered to him - three hours. Three hours ago, Charles had crashed in the hospital. Three hours ago - three hours ago - that was about the time when Erik visited that small street and seen the girl. Three hours ago...

Three hours ago had been right after he had seen Charles for the last time.

_Maybe the last time ever_, his mind supplied. But Erik refused to listen. Because if he did, then logic suggested that he had caused this. That he had pushed Charles into it - that the visit to the house had driven Charles to this. Erik could suddenly remember in great detail how desperate Charles had been back in the street, wanting to stop Erik from going inside at any cost.

-Hank." Erik managed to say.

Nothing else.

Just calling his name had enough questions in it.

Hank was breathing hard, the crackling phone line just highlighting it. He sounded utterly devastated. -I...I don't know what's happening...He's still in the ER, I haven't had any news." He let out a miserable sob. -I...I can't do this. I can't, I can't, I_ can't_." He mumbled in panic. -Erik. What if he dies? What if he...what if truly dies? I...I can't lose him."

Erik numbly listened as Hank was working himself up into deeper panic all the time, but was unable to stop him. Erik had never been one to comfort people, and he had too much trouble trying to suffocate the ice that was cutting him inside of his own chest. Guilt had woken, and ugly storm of yearning and anger and fear.

-What are we going to do?" Hank breathed out. -We...we need to do something. Anything. We can't just let him...This can't be happening."

Erik swallowed, and swallowed, but the nauseous taste didn't leave his mouth.

Hank sounded like he had started crying. -Did we cause this, Erik?" he whispered. -Did we?"

Erik squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that he could wake up and find out that this was all just a grotesque dream.

-Did he do this to himself because we crossed some kind of line?" Hank asked. -Is he letting go because of us...because of what we did with Cerebro?"

Erik wanted to deny that, wanted to tell Hank was wrong, but he had no strength to do it. -Erik, please tell me he's with you. Right now."

Erik opened his eyes, looking around, even if he knew that the likelihood of seeing Charles was next to none. -Erik?" Hank called. -Please tell me you've seen him."

-No. I...," Erik mumbled. He barely recognized his own voice - it sounded like a stranger's. Efficient, very matter-of-fact. Almost cold, almost like the cold dread inside his chest. -I haven't seen him in hours."

The terrified silence at the other end seemed both blaming and suffocating.

Seconds passed for what felt like a small eternity.

Erik suddenly spotted stains of the ceiling. There was also an old stain ring of a coffee mug on the reception desk. It was curious that these things only occured to him know. He also decided that he hated the colour of the rugs. And the curtains. Gods, he hated the curtains - they looked ugly and uninviting and for some reason Erik wanted to tear them all into two.

Hank said something, but Erik couldn't hear it. His ears rang, the sound of it becoming stronger and stronger. Hank's words became slurred and noncoherent to him, and Erik stopped listening altogether.

White noise.

_Beep_, almost like a heart monitor's flat line.

Erik hated the association, but that was what his brain was providing him for now. Like in a trance, Erik lowered the phone back to the table and turned away. Like a sleepwalker he made his way back to his room, not even realizing he hadn't even ended the call. He pulled the door open and stared into the middle of the floor.

He couldn't do this.

It was suddenly all too real.

In total numb shock, Erik stood in place. Why did it had to hurt? Why did he had to care? Erik wanted to carve it all out of his chest and bury it deep to the ground. It shouldn't have mattered anymore. It shouldn't had felt like this. Charles had refused to call him a friend during the Trask mission. Friends - it felt such a bitter word. Erik didn't have friends. And there was certainly too much hatred and hurt between them for anyone to mistake it as friendship. What they even were now? Old acquintances? Strangers? Enemies?

No. Never enemies, Erik refused to think that. He wouldn't raise his hand against Charles - he wouldn't hurt him. After all, Erik had done a fair share of that already; enough for a lifetime.

-Erik," came the barely audible, broken word.

Erik looked up, wide-eyed, because he would have recognized that voice anywhere. There, in the dim room, Erik spotted him - Charles was sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall in the far corner, looking deathly pale and his face was full of cold sweat. He looked like he was in pain, legs curled against himself. There was something awfully final about his face, something almost apologetic.

Erik reached him before he even registered his own legs moving, and dropped to the floor beside him. He drew a shuddering breath so deep that it hurt his lungs.

-What's wrong with you?" he hissed, eyeing frantically Charles. He hadn't looked this bad before. He had looked...normal. Even if he hadn't been completely solid, he had always looked remotely alright, even in his projected form.

Chares' eyes glistened. -I'm...I'm terribly sorry." he mumbled.

There was a long a pause. -But this needs to happen."

Erik just stared at him. His own breathing sounded artificial, and he noted that absent-mindedly. Erik hovered there, uncertain what to do. His throat was suddenly on fire, and he felt like his skin was crawling. Because while his mind refused to read into the implications, his body knew when it was time to panic. Charles was trying to let go. He was...trying to leave.

-Don't," was the only thing that Erik managed to mutter with a tight voice.

Erik tried placing his hand on Charles' shoulder, and both for his relief and surprise, it worked and his hand landed on solid surface. Instinctively, Erik quickly placed both of his hands to Charles' shoulders, and locked their eyes together. Charles looked feverish. Erik felt like there wasn't enough oxygen to breathe in. He didn't know what to do - at the same time, he wanted to shout at Charles for doing this, and then again, he wanted to ask him to stay. He was torn into two different directions.

-You can't do this," Erik finally managed to say loudly. He shook Charles a little. -You hear me?"

Charles squeezed his eyes shut, like it pained him to say the next words. -I need to."

-You don't _need_ to do anything!" Erik shouted, squeezing his fingers tighter.

Charles swallowed, and opened his eyes again. Now they were full of tears. -I'm...I'm scared, Erik," he said in a sudden rush of vulnerability.

Erik felt like he had been just stung, and he just stared back, at loss what to say. He hated to see Charles like this, he absolutely hated it. He hadn't seen him breaking down like this ever before, not even during their fights or when Shaw had still been alive. Erik could always easily mirror anger right back at Charles, but he was at loss with everything else, like empathy or kindness.

Charles shook his head tiredly. -There isn't much time."

Erik leant forward, bringing their faces closer. -Whatever made you do this to yourself, it can be solved. Or if someone forced you to do it, they can be taken care of. "

_I'll kill them,_ Erik thought to himself. _I'll kill them all._

Charles looked at him, desperation radiating from him, almost like he wanted to trust Erik and tell him everything. Distantly, Erik realized Charles had reached for him and wrapped his hands around his arms. It felt good to have physical contact, no matter that Charles didn't feel warm or that he wasn't really even there. None of it mattered.

-You shouldn't have ever gotten involved," Charles finally whispered, barely keeping tears at bay. He blinked hard, and there was something like panic in his face now. -It...it just makes this harder."

Erik gave him a stubborn look. -No, it's hard because it's wrong. You should have never done this to yourself."

Charles gave a sad chuckle. -Who are you to lecture me about the right and wrong?" he murmured, but didn't sound like he actually expected an answer.

Erik's face hardened, all of his pent-up anger from the few past days suddenly surging forward. -Just stop this!" Erik shouted. -There is absolutely no reason for you to..."

-But there is!" Charles cried out, looking miserable. -There is every reason to do this," he said with a quieter voice. He tilted his head, looking at Erik with breath-taking sadness. There was unnerving finality in his face now. -You should have never come to Westchester, Erik. And...and you should have never gone to Ohio."

-I'm trying to keep you alive," Erik shouted back angrily, about to continue, but Charles cut in hastily. -No, Erik. You are making it harder for everyone to let go."

-You are not _doomed_, Charles! All you need to do is to wake up!" Erik growled, a hint of heartbreak bleeding into his voice.

Charles fought back tears and shook his head again. -I can't ever wake up." He blinked, looking at Erik with something like mournful warmth. -And you need to accept that."

Erik gritted his teeth in hot anger, and he was just about to spit out his next argument, but right then, Charles' eyelids fluttered dangerously, and his head slumped against the wall. Erik's heart jumped into his throat, and all of his anger was suddenly gone. -Charles?!"

Erik crouched closer, shaking him. But Charles started to tip to the side dangerously, and Erik had to grab a firm hold of him and more or less gather him against himself so he wouldn't fall. Charles let out a soft gasp, and flickered his eyes open, his gaze somewhere in the ceiling. -It's all good. It's all good. For Hank." he mumbled, like he was talking to himself.

Erik raised a confused eyebrow. -What?" he asked.

But Charles didn't seem to hear, instead he turned even more pale. Acid-like worry filled Erik, as Charles started to slowly lean more heavily on him. Erik could only stare in numb shock as Charles' feet disappeared from sight. His head fell weakly against Erik's shoulder, and suddenly it was almost like an embrace between them. Few seconds passed in silence.

Erik had to hold his breathe for awhile, because he could feel Charles' ridiculously long hair on his collarbone, and they were so close. There was something so trusting in the way Charles let him there that it was almost painful. Even after everything, when it truly came to it, Charles trusted Erik wouldn't harm him. Erik swallowed, hating the inner turmoil that had been unleashed. Charles' glassy eyes suddenly snapped into his, widening in sudden realization.

-I can't feel my legs." he whispered.

Erik felt his mind darken for the simple words, old guilt roaring back to life. Charles gasped and turned his face up towards Erik, terrified look on his face. -I can't feel my legs."

Erik was speechless - he didn't know how to respond. Was Charles reliving an old memory? Or was the sensation new? A horrible idea occurred to Erik - maybe Charles was truly starting to slip back into his own body, if he was getting actual sensations from it.

His fears were confirmed when Charles moaned in sudden pain and he buried his face into Erik's shoulder. He placed his right hand shakily against his left wrist, pressing the spot down hard as if he was trying to slow down a bleeding from a wound that wasn't really there. Charles was breathing through his teeth, like he was fighting back to the agony and pain. -T-they...they can't become. It's not fair." he whispered, as if he was talking to himself. Like he was delusional.

With sudden clear certainty, Erik realized that Charles was really dying. That somewhere in the hospital, his comatose body was crashing, and that Charles was trying to let go. Erik tightened his arms around him.

-Stop this," Erik said with a tight, urgent voice. He shook Charles carefully, lifting his hand to Charles' face and turning it towards his own. Charles blinked his eyes tiredly open, the blue eyes looking up to Erik. In that moment, the rest of the world seemed completely irrelevant. -Not yet," Erik asked, pleading - because he knew that it was the only way he could reach Charles. Shouting or blaming him would never work.

Charles looked up to him, seeming a little more coherent, but still like he was barely able to stand the pain. -I...I need to. I'm...I'm sorry."

At the same time, most of Charles' lower body disappeared too. Erik could feel him becoming more vague in his grip, and in a panicked reaction, Erik pressed his hand tightly against Charles' cheek. -_No_." he demanded.

Somehow, Erik knew that if he let Charles go, this time it would be forever. And Erik couldn't stand it, because he knew this wasn't right, that there was something or someone that was making Charles do it. And Charles could hate Erik all he wanted, but there was no worse insult to the world Charles could give beyond dying before his time.

Charles had squeezed his eyes shut, and he looked ghostly. His projection started to fall apart.

-One day. Just one more day," Erik hissed desperately. Charles flickered his eyes open with effort, locking them with Erik's. He was shaking, and most of him was almost completely transparent now, and suddenly Erik could see for certain that Charles did _not_ want this, that even now Charles looked too sad and too broken about the idea of dying. He looked at him as if Erik could save him, as he wanted to be forced to stay.

-Just one day, Charles," Erik said demandingly. Charles looked torn, like he wanted nothing more to obey, to give in. His cheek felt simultaneously cold and like nothing at all against Erik's fingers. Erik leant forward, so their faces were just inches apart. -For me. Or for Hank. For whatever reason. But just...not yet."

Charles kept looking at him. His eyes were so blue that Erik felt like drowning.

_"One more day?_" Charles' telepathic voice rang quietly into Erik's head. It was almost like child-like, hopeful question - a confirmation, a permission. Asking for something he wanted, but didn't dare to take.

_One more day_, Erik answered inside his own head.

Charles looked at him, breathing heavily, until he slumped deeper in Erik's grip. There was a moment of hesitation, where the whole world seemed frozen, where the clock kept ticking and Erik knew with terrifying certainty that somewhere far away hospital machines were beeping madly in several alarms. His mind was on a tip-toe, knowing a plunge into disappearance would be final.

Then suddenly, like an erased image, Charles' body faded into thin air and the ghost touch of him vanished against Erik's skin and body.

_One more day_, a quiet whisper told Erik.

Then he was alone.


	10. Chapter 10

Erik spent most of the evening next to the phone in reception, waiting for Hank's call.

When it finally came, Erik felt weary to the bone.

Hank sounded exhausted, too, but quietly assured Erik that Charles was alive and stable again. In coma, but alive.

Erik closed the phone without asking anything else. Then he walked back to his room and stared at the ceiling for long hours, the fright from earlier slowly leaving him.

It almost felt selfish to sleep, now that Charles had agreed to 24 hours and they were already running out.

But Erik fell asleep anyway, in black dreams that felt hopeless.

* * *

><p>The next day arrived with a bleak and cloudy weather, and Erik felt more tired than before going to sleep.<p>

But the tiredness was something that sleep couldn't fix, that felt alien and consuming. He was waiting, waiting without being able to quicken things up. Charles' earlier stunt had left him shaken.

Minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like days.

Erik had lost the sharpness of his anger. Only shards of it were left - confused irritation, guilt, melancholy. It was he had been drained of all energy, and all that was left was tired anticipation.

So when Charles finally materialized into the motel room, Erik just turned to look at him for a long while. He didn't expect to feel that much anything, so the feel of both relief and fury punching him at the same time almost knocked him breathless. Erik had a sudden sinking feeling, because it was terrifying how close it had come for Charles just to let go.

Charles looked tired too. He had a very serious look on his face, and there was something almost like shame hanging over him.

They didn't say anything for several minutes. There was tension starting to build up in the room.

It was truly curious that they had shared such close space and raw emotion the previous night, but it felt like they were miles away from each other again. Erik stood up and crossed his arms, shooting his gaze across the empty space.

-Explain," he said with a tight voice.

Charles sighed. -Erik..."

-No. You promised to tell me everything. And you also promised one more day. So start explaining what's going on," Erik said with a tone so cold that it surprised even him.

Charles looked squeamish and he shifted his weight nervously. There was an ominous look about him, almost like he was headed for the gallows. Erik stared expectantly at him, but Charles didn't say anything, as if he didn't know where to start.

-You never wanted to die," Erik said. It wasn't a question, not really. Just a statement.

Charles dropped his gaze to the floor. He didn't answer. Erik's throat felt icy, and he tightened his hands into fists.

-Who was that girl yesterday?"

Charles looked slowly up, like he still was hesitating whether to tell Erik anything at all. But then again, Charles had probably guessed that Erik would just go back to the house again if he didn't tell the truth. So in the end, he didn't have any other choice but to talk.

-She's a mutant."

Erik wasn't exactly surprised, since Charles had found her with Cerebro. -Fine. What's her mutation?"

Charles dropped his eyes to the floor.

There was a long silence.

-Charles..."

-She can see the future," Charles said, interrupting. It obviously took him effort to keep talking. Charles flickered his eyes to Erik's uncertainly. -But she mainly does it while she's asleep. She dreams of the future, of different parts of it."

Erik considered this, his mind trying to come up with conclusions already. But he kept quiet, and expected Charles to continue. Charles sighed. -Her name is Alice. Two days ago she dreamed about you appearing to that street, and that's why she was so upset when that came to pass and she saw you - because she doesn't understand her own power. She isn't aware that her dreams aren't just dreams. They are frightening and violent at times. Her parents think they're just bad nightmares."

The air in the room felt chilly.

Erik lifted his chin. -Alright. But why did you stop me from going to the house?"

Charles fidgeted his hands and shifted his weight. -She...she had also seen you before, Erik. In other dreams. Alice saw you in her dreams about the future, that are a bit further away. Four months from now, to be exact."

Erik's brows furrowed. -And this is relevant exactly how?"

Charles hesitated once again. -Because...because she saw you...surrounded with things that scared her. And then...she also saw you die." Charles' voice broke a little, and Erik's breath got stuck to his throat.

-What?" he managed to ask, not even trying to hide his shock.

Charles looked pained, and there was agony in his face now. -Alice saw you dying four months from now, Erik."

For a moment, Erik just stared blankly back at him. It took him a moment for the information to sink in. -And how do you know this?"

-Because I saw it too," Charles choked out. There was a haunted look on his face, and like Charles was reliving the memories. Slowly, he started to explain. -I guess I have no other choice but to tell you everything," he mumbed, sounding defeated. Erik braced himself, hating how his heart pounded and dread started to grow inside of him.

Charles took a deep breath. -Like you already found out, Erik, I started to use Cerebro a few weeks after Trask. And at first, I was just trying to arrange my shields and get used to my telepathy returning - Hank was right when he told you that I was just adjusting to regaining my powers. But - I also wanted to check what was happening with the government after Trask's plans were denied, and whether they were secretly developing something similar to the Sentinels program. That's...that's how I found Alice."

Charles looked to the windows, putting arms around himself like he was cold. -It was just by chance that I stumbled upon her. She was sleeping, but I recognized some of the people from her dreams. That's why I looked into her mind. "

Erik felt increasingly nervous. -And?"

Charles looked at Erik, and now there was something almost terrifyingly fearful written all over his face. He shook his head, shade of horror in his eyes. -I saw an unspeakable future," he whispered. -One that couldn't come to pass. Not in any circumstances."

Erik didn't like hearing this at all. It was like a bad echo from hearing Logan explain the future he had come from - except the future Charles had seen was just a months away. Too close. Erik cleared his voice. -Meaning what?"

-Meaning it...ithad to be stopped. And the only way to do it was to alter the events that lead to it. Just like we did with the Sentinels."

There was a long silence.

Erik stepped forward now, fear and anticipation mixing into each other now. -Charles. What did you see?" he asked with a serious tone. -Apart...apart from me dying."

Several emotions crossed Charles' face. He was quiet for a long time. -It...it doesn't really matter. Because it's almost completely stopped from happening. Except for one detail."

Erik raised an eyebrow.

Charles bit his lip, like he absolutely hated to spill the beans and tell Erik the truth, but he didn't really have a choice. So finally, he forced himself to talk. -Except for me. I need to die."

Erik opened his mouth, then closed it. A wave of surprise washed over him, as things started to click together.

Charles looked utterly defeated. -You were right, Erik. You were right all along. I didn't want to commit suicide - not really. But it needed to happen in order to prevent Alice's vision coming true."

Erik stepped closer, feeling angrier by the minute as it all sank in. Even if Erik was more than relieved to know for certain that had been right, that Charles really didn't want to die, it also woke a whole new level of rage in him. -But...how could you think that it's an option? There can't be a future so bad that you should.."

-But there was, Erik!" Charles suddenly cried out, looking torn. -If I live, then the future will come to pass, it's guaranteed. And if that happens, I won't be able to live with myself knowing that it was my fault, that I enabled it. It's...it's better for anyone this way."

Erik raised his hand in the air as a stopping motion. He drew a sharp breath. -Wait a moment there, Charles. You will have to explain what this 'unspeakable future' holds."

Charles shook his head. -No. It...it doesn't make any difference. Not as long as I'm gone, it's avoided." He looked suddenly sad and tilted his head. -Don't you see, Erik? This is the reason I need to die. Why...why you need to finally let me go."

-You are not going anywhere until you explain exactly what you saw in Alice's dreams," Erik said angrily. -You promised to tell me everything I want to know. So tell me."

Charles let out a frustrated sound. He looked like he was going to refuse, but Erik stepped forward and gave him a demanding look.

Charles sighed, looking exhausted. -Why does it matter?" he asked.

-Charles. Tell me what you saw."

Charles was about to argue, but then Erik tilted his head. -Otherwise I'll go and ask Alice."

Charles' eyes widened, and Erik raised an eyebrow. -And don't think I won't," he added, and that seemed to force Charles into talking.

The few metres between them felt like miles. But this was the moment of truth, and Erik knew that he would either get it out from Charles or then from the girl. And he needed to know. Charles opened his mouth, then closed it. He seemed to be in a battle with himself, whether to tell Erik or not. But then, after a moment, it was like a dam was breaking: suddenly Charles looked pained, and his eyes started to glisten dangerously.

-They were going to get Hank," he whispered.

Erik furrowed his brows. -What? Why?"

Charles was radiating agony, and he blinked hard, as if trying to keep himself together. -The...CIA wants a back-up plan in case of another mutant attack like the one Raven targeted at Trask happens. They want to have weapons against the mutants, but something more efficient and easier than the Sentinels. Something that don't take too much time to build, and something they can use to interrogate us or fight us. So, in the near future, the CIA will dig up all the information and documents they have on mutants, and every piece of technology ever created for us."

There was an ominous pause.

-That's how, in the future that Alice saw, they found the files on Hank." Charles said heavily. -He used to work for CIA, remember? He was a reserarcher in their labs for a few years. That's where he made the prototype for Cerebro, and started creating the serum to suppress his own visible mutation - the one he offered to Raven too. But then Shaw entered the picture and Hank met us, and he quit working for CIA. He moved into the mansion, and...since Cuba, he never contacted them again."

Erik could remember the day he had met Hank for the first time - the shy scientist had been working in the CIA base, and Charles had accidentally revealed his mutant heritage to everyone. Hank had looked ridiculously happy when he had been hanging from his feet - acceptance and approval had clearly worked wonders on him. But Erik pushed the memory away as Charles looked at him with a terrified gaze.

-At first they will want to re-recruit Hank. They will offer him fortune salaries, even just for consulting job. But Hank is going to refuse time after time, because he won't want to leave me behind."

Charles blinked hard, looking at Erik with a broken, sad smile. -My dear Hank...his loyalty knows no limits. In Alice's dreams, I saw him refusing the CIA time after time."

But slowly, Charles' face fell. -But that won't unfortunately stop the CIA. So in that future, they will want both Hank and Cerebro for themselves. They want all of the recipes for the serums Hank had made for himself and me."

Erik tilted his head, feeling more and more restless. -For what purpose? What would they do with Cerebro and the serum?"

Charles looked bitter. -To fight fire with fire. They want Hank's serum, but not for its original purpose - they want to counter it. Instead of suppressing our mutations, they wanted the serum to boost them up, to double them up."

Erik frowned. -That doesn't make any sense. Why the hell would CIA want to create even stronger mutants if they're already trying to kill or hunt down most of the current ones?"

-Don't you see, Erik? They couldn't have Sentinels, and they can't exactly use guns and normal weapons to us since half of the time they're no match against us. So they wanted to have unbeatable mutant agents _for themselves_. They will recruit willing mutants, train them, then inject them with the serum and double their mutation volume. So if it comes down to a fight, they would almost always win in favor of the CIA."

Erik's face hardened, his mood already darkening and old bitterness rising in him. He hated to be proved right once again - that the humans only wanted to bring them harm. Creating extra-strong super soldiers would only mean more mutant victims, since the government would never let them rest, would never let them live in peace.

Charles had a distant look in his eyes now. -But in order to produce the serum, they will need Hank. And since Hank isn't willing to do it, they need..persuasion."

Charles let that sink in.

Erik narrowed his eyes. -Torture? Why would they torture him if they wanted him to work for them?"

Charles let out a bitter huff. -No, Erik. They wouldn't torture him, you're right about that. And Hank's tougher than many people think - I don't think they could make him do anything with threats and violence."

-So they will torture you instead," Erik breathed out in sudden realization. He felt a rush of rage just for imaging it. But Charles just shook his head.

-No. That's what they will threaten to do if Hank doesn't design them new weapons. Because in Alice's vision, they...they used the serum on me. They doubled up my telepathy and wanted me to use Cerebro as a spying machine for the whole country. Later on, they found other telepaths too. But for a long time, neither me or Hank wanted to endanger the other, so the situation kept going."

Erik didn't like this at all, but he also couldn't stop listening. -What then? What happened?"

Charles' face turned unreadable. -They will try to make Hank comply, but he won't. So instead of him, they will give the serum to their own scientists, so they can develop it further. And when the truth about this whole thing leaks to the public and media, there will be riots, beatings, protests on the streets...Endless violence."

Erik could imagine it almost too well. He was quiet for awhile, lost in his thoughts when something in Charles' face changed dramatically. -But...but that was nothing compared to the real threat." His voice dropped to a whisper now. -Because there is something coming that...that worse than anything else."

Erik had rarely seen Charles express so much obvious fear. It was unnerving.

He looked at Erik with wide eyes. -Because, know this, Erik - the CIA scientists will want to experiment the new formulas of Hank's serum. In the future, they have several mutants they have captured in their base, and they will inject the version of the serum into them, using them as lab rats. But...from a few months from now on, something will go wrong. The CIA scientists don't understand what they are doing, because Hank's serum will be too complicated and too delicate for them. And...and one day they will inject into one fugitive mutant, and several things will go wrong. When that one mutant is injected with the serum, it will change his mutation drastically, and counter it upside down. So instead of being able to kill people with touch, he will be able to resurrect people from the dead - first only through touch, but then with just mere thought."

Charles squeezed his eyes shut. -They will call him the Resurrecter. And at the same time, the serum's bacteria will alter. It's like those hospital antibiotics that grow stronger and develop themselves after they're used too often. So it will turn infectious. It will become a virus. A virus that is first passed from the Resurrecter to the people in the CIA base, but then starts to spread like wildfire."

Charles snapped his eyes open, and they were now glistening with tears. -The virus will start killing the infected people by draining their energy. There will be thousands of innocent people dying. Humans and mutants alike - the mutants only die a little slower. Some mutations like telekinesis work can block the virus - just like your magnetism. You won't be infected, Erik, because your powers will make you immune."

There was a pause, and Charles inhaled sharply. -But while the virus is doing its damage and socities spiral into chaos, the Resurrecter will turn reckless. He will raise the dead as he likes, or pass on the virus to as many as he can. The CIA experiments will have broken his mind. He's been kept there for years, and he's thirsty for blood and destruction."

Erik could only stare. It all seemed too unreal. But Charles kept going. -Then a resistance movement is formed to fight him - and it will formed by you, Erik. You will gather a new Brotherhood for yourself and you will lead an attack against the Resurrecter and CIA. But...nothing can stop him. He will resurrect thousands of mutants to fight for him - including Angel, Azazel, Emma - and even Shaw."

Erik saw red for the mere idea of it. Suddenly he couldn't breathe or focus on anything. There was nothing worse than the mere idea of that bastard being alive again.

Erik had to stare at the floor, breathing heavily through his nostrils.

-But, Erik, he can only resurrect mutants," Charles added quietly. -It doesn't apply to humans. So for example, my parents or your mother - they would stay dead. But so many mutants have been murdered during the years, that once resurrected, most of them will fight alongside Resurrecter. They will be angry, and most of them can't be reasoned with at all. The situation will get out of hand, and it will start to spiral into a civil war. You...you will be killed in a fight. By Shaw."

There was a shocked silence in the room now.

Charles looked meaningfully up to Erik now. -Do you see it now? That future can _never_ happen. It has to be stopped."

Erik was quiet for a long time. -What...what about you?" he whispered. -What happens to you in that future?"

-I don't know," Charles said quietly. -Alice's vision didn't show that." He dropped his gaze to the floor. -But it doesn't matter, because it will never come to pass."

-Because you decided to kill yourself?" Erik asked with a dangerously calm tome.

-Yes," Charles answered passionately, as if sensing the accusation from Erik's words. -Because I'm the reason they will find Hank in the future - why Hank will give them the serum and Cerebro in the first place. You see, Erik, when Hank worked for the CIA, they erased his official records like birth certificates, school grades, health history, everything you can think of from the public records. They do that for all of their agents. So officially, Hank Mccoy doesn't even exist. And after Hank quit the CIA, he was wise enough to erase himself from their databases before he left; Hank is brilliant with computers, you know that. So right now, the CIA has actually no idea where Hank lives or is he even alive right now. The only remaining document they have on him is the time I used Cerebro in their database for the first time - you were there too. And that one document has my name on it. My real name, and my address. I wiped Moira's mind, but I can't wipe any papers out of existence. So in a months time, someone in the CIA will find that paper and that's how this will all begin."

Heavy silence.

Everything started to click together, and Erik was almost overwhelmed by how inevitable it all sounded like. How such small, petty things could cause a chain reaction of events that lead to chaos.

-You could have just gone and destroyed the documents that the CIA has," Erik said.

Charles let out an emotionless chuckle. -How, exactly, Erik? Because don't think I didn't consider all the options here. Obviously I couldn't risk just going to the CIA base and taking Hank with me - they can never know about Hank's existence, not _ever_. So we can't go there together. And if you haven't noticed Erik, I'm not exactly fighting fit with a wheelchair. Even if I somehow managed to get into the CIA base alone and find the right room and the right papers, they have security cameras there. I can't wipe those with telepathy - I would have gotten caught sooner or later."

Erik tried to come up with an argument, or a hole in Charles' explanation, but couldn't. The more he thought about it, the more grim it seemed.

-And...after Cuba, I wiped Moira's mind. But...I left her just a few bits. Some small flashes here and there - trees, bit of sky - and the one goodbye kiss I gave her. That was my mistake. Because while no one can find the missing memories from Moira's mind I erased away, she still has a very vague image of my face. Some other talented telepath will be able to fish it out if they truly want to find it. They know Moira was involved in the mission around Cerebro, so they will question her. So even if I somehow managed to destroy the CIA documents, they will get to Hank through her."

Charles sighed, looking exhausted.

-It's really simple, Erik. The CIA must never get their hands on Hank. And in order that to happen, they can't have any clues to lead them to him. If I'm dead, they won't bother to check anyone I used to be associated with. And if they still somehow manage to do that, if everything goes wrong anyway - they can't have anything they can use as leverage on Hank. Such as me. Because trust me, Erik, Hank will bargain anything for my life."

Erik couldn't deny Charles' logic there. The CIA could be very thorough and ruthless when needed. But as much as Erik suddenly understood about everything, he still couldn't accept Charles' solution. Erik took a deep, unsteady breath and turned his gaze on Charles.

-Don't you think that suicide was a bit of an over-reaction? You could have told Hank about this. Or...or sought help."

Charles shook his head. -No. Hank would have never let me go down with this if he knew. He would have protected me until the very end." There was a teary warmth in his Charles when he spoke about Hank, and Erik almost felt a spike of jealousy. It made no sense, and he quickly ignored it.

-And who exactly could I have asked for help?" Charles asked. -I haven't heard from Raven in months - and how could she have even helped? And Logan doesn't even remember who we are."

-And me?" Erik cut in almost breathlessly. -What about me, Charles?"

Overwhelming bitterness and sadness took over Charles' face. -You?" he swallowed. -You almost crushed me with a stadium, Erik."

Erik realized distantly that he was shaking, and his eyes were burning. -I have already told you that I never intended to hurt you," he said, almost feeling tired of repeating it.

He could feel a dangerous amount of moisture behind his eyes, and Erik tried to fight back. But it was like a dam breaking now that he finally saw the truth, when it all became clear. Suddenly he was trembling, and for a moment he couldn't care less about the grim future. He felt hurt, and self-centered, and like he had broken glass in his veins. -You..." he hissed.

Erik glared at him. -You let me believe you willingly committed suicide, Charles! Have you any idea how..." Erik had to swallow several times. -I thought you wanted to die, really die. And I thought...I thought I _caused_ this. "

Several emotions passed Charles' face. The air was suddenly full of tension, and the room felt too small.

And then suddenly Erik's eyes blurred with tears he had desperately trying to avoid, and he was gasping for breath. Charles had to look away. There was suddenly too much old hurt and heartbreak in the room, and they couldn't even face each other.

For a moment, they just kept breathing in and out with tight lungs.

-Don't make this about yourself," Charles finally managed to whisper. -Don't you dare to make this all about you, Erik. I'm the one that is dying. I'm the one that had the misfortune of surviving, because you interfered. And now I have to linger here and face Hank's grief, and I can barely take it. I already got my punishment when I didn't die right away. You stopped it from happening. And I...I hate you so much for it."

Erik gasped for air in shock. He stepped closer. -Fuck you, Charles. I'm not going to apologize for saving your life!"

Charles snapped his eyes to Erik, face full of agony. -You should!" he shouted. -Do you have any idea how much courage it took from me to...to cut myself bleeeding? How much it hurt? How nauseous and horrible I felt when I was bleeding out?"

One tear escaped the corner of Charles' right eye now. -I...I had to break Hank's heart!" he hissed miserably. -I had to cut myself open, and it should have been over quickly, but instead you had to play the hero for the first time in your whole life, Erik. So I now I have to deal with you and your ego, and try to stop you from destroying everything."

Erik was so angry that he couldn't even speak. He just stared at Charles, breathing loudly through his nostrils, his whole body shaking from rage and hurt.

Charles shook his head. -Why couldn't you just leave me to die like before? Why did you decided to care this time?"

Erik was so angry he sunk that his nails sunk into the skin inside his palms. -Because I was promised this would work!" he finally shouted.

There was a deafening silence for a few seconds.

Erik felt suddenly laid bare - raw and small. But he forced himself to continue. -Because Logan told me that in the future, we work together. That we are able to put our indifferences past us. And that you are able to forgive me for what I've done, like I forgave you for not freeing me from Pentagon earlier."

Charles just stared at him, mouth slightly open, for a long time. Erik refused to look away. There was so much pent-up hurt between them, and now that most of it had been unleashed, it seemed to cover everything frost in the room.

-I'm...I'm truly sorry, Charles," Erik finally said with a tiny voice. -I'm tired of saying that all the time, so I'll just say it this once more: I'm sorry for what happened in Cuba, and I'm sorry I had to betray your trust in Paris - but I'm not sorry for saving your life."

Charles looked him, brows furrowed, eyes full of hurt. -Do you except me to forgive you? Do you think that an apology will cut it?"

Erik didn't answer.

Charles eyed him intensely. -What do you really want, Erik? What do you want from me?"

-I want you to live."

-For what?"

-For w-..." Erik let out an incredulous huff. -That is a stupid question, even from you." But it all soon melted into poignant honesty, and Erik forced himself to speak out. -Because...because I don't know what to do if you die."

Erik almost expected Charles to call him a hypocrite once again, but there was only silence. Charles looked at him with an odd look in his face. Erik felt edgy and desperate, so before he even made a conscious choice, he stepped forward and grabbed Charles' wrist - and fortunately he could - and brought Charles' hand next to his face. -You can check if you like. If that will convince you."

Charles' face darkened. -I'm never getting inside of your head."

-I'm quite certain you have told me that before, only to prove yourself wrong." Erik said meaningfully. He adjusted his fingertips on Charles' wrist - it didn't feel warm. Or even cold, and there was no detectable pulse there either. Erik didn't know why, but for one moment, he allowed himself to feel overwhelming yearning for Charles - gods, how he had missed the stubborn telepath. All the hurt and anger and insults were somehow still worth it, even after all this time. Because behind all the consuming bitterness, there was still so much warmth left that it sometimes pushed through, and now that Erik had spent so much time with Charles and started to understand him more, it happened a lot more often.

There was a long silence, when they just breathed in and out, looking at each other. But Erik didn't let go of Charles' wrist quite yet.

Finally, Erik spoke. -Dying isn't an option for you. Not like this. And knowing you, me killing Hank isn't an option either, even if that would solve almost everything. So if those CIA documents are the root of the problem, they need to be destroyed."

Charles' widened his eyes a little, observing Erik in surprise. -But..."

-And I'm going to destroy them."

Charles was suddenly speechless. -You can't just march into a CIA base alone!" he hissed. -You'll get captured. Or killed."

Erik lifted a smug eyebrow. -Why would you care?" he shot back.

Charles looked almost reluctant to say anything. -Of...of course I do," he said quietly. Erik felt a jolt of satisfaction spreading through his chest for that, even if he gave nothing away. Charles suddenly looked at his feet. -And it doesn't make any sense for you to do it. One of my main motivations behind all of this was to stop people from dying and getting hurt. I should be the only one."

-Well I'm really not in the mood for you to play the martyr, Charles," Erik said.

Charles looked up to him. -You should. If you truly want to help, Erik..." He looked suddenly very fragile. -You should go back to the hospital and..." his voice faded.

Erik's eyes bulged as he implication sink in and he tightened his fingers around Charles' wrist so much that it definitely hurt. -No! Absolutely not."

Charles panted, squirming in Erik's grip, but he was far too solid to leave. -I can't risk losing Hank!" he claimed. -I just can't. It would...it would break my heart. And I don't want that to happen all over again. I'm...I'm tired of losing people."

Erik swallowed, suddenly his cheeks burning. -Don't think that your death wouldn't break any hearts." he mumbled so quietly that it was barely audible.

There was a sudden, heavy silence, and Erik realized how close they exactly were.

Suddenly he didn't know what to do with his other free hand and he hastily let go of Charles' wrist and stepped backwards. He looked away, having to clasp his hands together to stop them from trembling.

-I will go to that CIA base and destroy those documents," Erik finally said after he had calmed himself down a little. -For me, few security cameras won't be a problem," he added.

-Do you really think that destroying the documents is going to solve everything - that it will guarantee that the future won't happen?" Charles asked seriously.

-Maybe not. But it's a start," Erik answered. -Because after those documents are gone, the serum needs to go too. It has to be destroyed once and for all."

Charles winced, looking up at Erik.

Erik lifted his chin defiantly, knowing what Charles was already thinking. -Yes. Even if it means you won't ever walk again."

Charles' eyes narrowed. -This isn't your decision to make."

-Well, frankly, Charles, I don't care about your opinion on this, since all of your decisions have been rather terrible lately."

Charles stared back at him for a long time, as if he wanted to argue. But then defeat took over him and sighed. There was a long silence.

-Is there anything I can say to convince you otherwise?"

Erik huffed. -No. There really isn't."

Charles was hesitant for a long while. He looked at Erik with calculating eyes, but then he finally seemed to realize that he couldn't change Erik's mind about this. He sighed. -No killing."

Erik shrugged. -As far as it's avoidable, fine." He tilted his head meaningfully. -And as long as you don't repeat what you did last night."

Charles blinked, and dropped his gaze. Erik knew he couldn't make Charles promise anything, but he still stepped a little closer.

-You'll have to stay around," Erik said quietly, feeling awkward at finding the right words. But the need for assurance was fierce, and Erik looked meaningfully at Charles. _You'll have to stay. And not just one more day,_ he thought.

Charles still didn't look at him, so Erik brushed his arm. Charles' eyes flickered to Erik's, and there was undeniable, hesitant hope in them now.

-Alright?" Erik asked with a strained voice, because he was bad at asking for something. He felt stiff and out of place, but he also wanted Charles to agree more than anything.

Charles looked very solemn. -Alright," he finally said, and Erik couldn't deny the relief that flooded into him. Because there was now more time - a second chance. Another opportunity to fix things.

They shared a silence for a long time, and for the first time in a long while, Erik felt like he could believe in atonements.


	11. Chapter 11

It would be a day's ride to the CIA base. So when the morning came, Erik packed the car once again and started to drive.

Charles was nowhere to be seen, but Erik was certain he'd appear sooner or later. His absence didn't bother Erik that much now that he finally knew what had happened - that Charles had seen the terrifying bleak future and had ended up trying to kill himself in order to prevent it - even in the face of this grim reality, Erik felt paradoxically better about it all than ever before. He could almost forgive Charles for his suicide attempt, no matter how unacceptable it had been in the first place.

And now that Erik wasn't so completely absorbed in his own anger and worry, there were other things pushing through. What was even worse - Erik was starting to remember why he had liked Charles so much in the first place. How fond he had been of the telepath, no matter how insanely annoying his views and naive pacifism was. How Charles could be so insanely kind and selfless, suffering in silence and going to these lengths to protect people he didn't even know. Or hadn't even ever met. The fondness for Charles was something Erik had wanted to bury deep away from himself, because it would have been easier if he felt nothing at all. Erik still felt bitter about so many things, and there was still so much unresolved between them, but...even Erik was a little humbled after finding out the truth about the recent events.

Charles was ridiculous: he would have rather kill himself than harm anyone else. It was maddeningly characteristic of him, this seflessness, and sometimes it drove Erik to the walls just to think about it.

None of them would have been so deep in this mess without it. Yet, here Erik was, driving the car towards the CIA base. He hadn't reconsidered twice about going - he was going to destroy those documents, whatever it took.

* * *

><p>Charles appeared in the car after two hours of silent driving. Erik wasn't even startled anymore by him.<p>

-Have you contacted Hank and told you where you're going?" Charles asked.

-No. It's probably better that he doesn't know," Erik replied.

Charles didn't comment. Erik noted with a side glance that Charles was mostly solid again - he had been like that recently - and Erik was pleased to notice.

-Do you know where the documents are held?" Erik asked.

-Yes. Well, more or less. The original documents are kept in a different place from the back-up copies," Charles said. -But naturally they both need to be destroyed."

Erik let out an agreeing hum.

After a long silence, he asked something that he had been wondering all this time. -Can you use your telepathy?" he asked, glancing at Charles. -While you're...like that."

Charles hesitated. -I'm...I'm not sure. It's not the same as normally. I mean I can sense some strong moods and emotions, but I can't hear anyone in my head right now. Usually it takes effort to keep them out."

Erik felt a twinge of empathy. He suddenly regretted they had never talked about this in proper detail before. He didn't actually know how Charles' powers exactly worked. -Can you read minds or alter any thoughts? That could come in handy in the base."

-I haven't tried," Charles said quietly. -I haven't tried ever since...since I fell into coma."

Erik hesitated - he knew he could offer to use his own mind to test it, but he wasn't sure how Charles would react to that. And now that they managed to have a conversation without shouting, he almost felt reluctant to risk it.

-One way or another, I think my telepathy is weaker. I'm already using most of it only to reach you and be here instead of the hospital or the mansion. There is no guarantee that my shields are working right either." Charles paused for a while. -But I will help you as much as I can."

Erik nodded.

They fell into silence, but now it was a little more comfortable one - it didn't feel suffocating.

It was almost an hour later that Charles talked again. He was looking outside, face turned away from Erik.

-Have you...have you heard about Raven?" he asked quietly, like it took effort from him to say it.

Erik shook his head. -No. Not a word after Trask. She knows how to stay hidden if she likes," he said carefully. Erik could sense the danger in the topic, and felt like he should tip-toe around it.

Charles kept looking out of the window, away from Erik, hair hiding his face.

Erik glanced at him. -She doesn't know what has happened to you, does she?"

Charles shrugged sharply. -Probably not."

Tension instantly slipped inside the car, and Erik didn't like it one bit. He bit his lip as some miles passed. -Was she involved in the future you saw in Alice's vision?"

-She was," Charles said slowly.

There was an unverbalised question hanging in the air.

-She...suffered the same fate as you." Charles added so quietly that Erik barely heard.

It made sense - Raven would have probably fought for the mutant cause along the resistance. Erik started to understand how desperate Charles had been to stop that future from happening, how utterly devastating its outcome would have been. Erik wasn It had to be stopped by all costs. Not just because it would result in Erik's own death, but for the mutant kind's sake too.

-You do understand that civil war like the one in Alice's vision is exactly what you invite with your actions, Erik?" Charles suddenly said with a tight voice, but refused to look at him.

Erik felt instantly defensive. -I don't wish for an open war, but I think that a conflict is inevitable sooner or later. Peace has, and never will be, an option."

Charles dropped his head against the window. -Violence will never stop violence, it will only breed more of it."

-Ignorance and turning a blind eye will not resolve anything either," Erik pointed out sharply, as much as he tried to swallow the accusation. His voice softened just a little. -Nor will kindness and turning the other cheek time after time."

-Do you think there can ever be a middle ground?" Charles asked quietly.

The weight of the question hung in the air. It obviously meant more than the obvious, and Erik shifted a little in the seat. -Not really. But I wish there was." he said honestly, pain twisting distantly in his guts. It was hollow sadness, the one that had been following around years. The one that had sparked into life in the mansion all those years ago when he had realized that Charles expected him not to raise his hand against the humans, that Charles wanted him to be the better man. He glanced at Charles again, suddenly feeling like there was too much distance between them. Charles was too kind, too soft - he should have been hardened up after everything he had witnessed and went through. Yet he had sacrificed himself for the greater good, and was still ready to fight for peace. But it also made Erik feel somehow better, because now he knew for certain that Charles wasn't the hopeless stranger that had punched him in Pentagon. This Charles Erik could recognize, because he bore so much resemblance to the younger version of himself Erik had cherished so much.

It was ridiculous. Erik had rarely met anyone else as stubborn and kind as Charles. They were almost the exact opposites of each other. Raven had once reminded him jokingly that opposites attract, that it was the core rule of magnets too. But what if the magnets couldn't stay together? What if they were torn apart by everything else?

If Erik believed in the concept of tragedies, this would have been a poignant one.

* * *

><p>After another long silence, Erik started to plan ahead again.<p>

-Do you know how many people are there in the base?"

Charles shrugged. -I'm not sure. I'd say that around two hundred."

Erik winced. That was a lot. Fortunately they weren't going to the headquarters or secret military bases, since the security was the highest among them. Erik thought it was better to check the surroundings of the base from the map, so he let go of the steering wheel and turned towards the backseat.

-Dear God, Erik!" Charles cried out and reached for the steering wheel. Erik stopped what he was doing and turned to look at Charles - it was an awkward angle, but they were suddenly barely inches from each other. Charles turned to look frantically at him. -Get back!" he hissed, and finally managed to grab the wheel, since his hands had become solid enough from the fright. Erik just raised a calm eyebrow at him.

-Are you trying to crash the car?!" Charles shouted at him.

-No. If you haven't noticed, the car is perfectly stable," Erik pointed out.

Now Charles glanced outside, and noticed that they were going perfectly in a straight line, even when the road curved slightly to the left. -The railings and the car is made of metal. I could drive this car blinfolded. I could drive it without a fuel or keys - I could even take it above the ground. I could make this car go faster than the speed of light," Erik listed.

Charles let out a soft gasp, and seemed to make sure Erik was telling the truth. Slowly, he eyed the road with observing look and then the car. Then he turned to look at Erik, and he scanned Erik's whole face. Charles was so close that Erik could make out every detail from his face, every shade and every shadow. There were barely inches between them, and Erik's skin suddenly crawled with something he couldn't name.

He hastily turned to the backseat and finally pulled the map from there. Then he settled back to the driver's seat and opened the map. Charles seemed to fret over the steering wheel, and still hadn't let go. Erik rolled his eyes and decided to convince Charles to calm down - so he lifted the car around a one metre from the road's surface. The sound of the tires suddenly disappeared altogether, and it was oddly silent.

Charles turned to look at him, face mixed with irritation and worry. -Is this you showing off?" he asked. There was almost something childish in the question, and Erik couldn't help the corners of his lips tugging a little.

-I'd say it's just useful," he muttered. -Besides, I spent ten years without any metal around me."

Charles was quiet for a while. -Well, as impressive as this must feel to you, it's very unconvenient. Put the car back down, Erik, if you don't want people reporting seeing a floating vehicle. I think it's safe to say that it will draw unwanted attention. And the last thing you want is to get pulled over by the police."

Erik huffed in amusement and shrugged. Then he lowered the car back to the road without taking his eyes off the map. The tires sounded loud, now that the sound of them had been missing for a while. -Happy?" he asked.

Charles just nodded, his arms still crossed.

Erik once again recalled something Raven had used to said about them - "you two bicker like an old married couple" - but the memory was so absurd and old that Erik instantly pushed it away. Raven had been more like a teenager back then, and Charles and him had both been younger. So many things hadn't still happened. But it was still somewhat heartwarming that Charles was so strict about security - it was such a Charles thing to do. Even if he was right - Erik couldn't risk getting recognized or caught now, there was enough authorities searching for him anyway.

Erik memorized the map - there was just woods and hills around the base, nothing really important. But the roads were important, because they migh have needed any of them to escape.

When he was finally happy with the map, he folded it neatly and put it away. Charles eyed his movements, slight disapproval in his face. For some reason, Erik found it amusing, and he had to turn to stare at the road to suppress his smile.

But the closer they got to the base, the more grim their mood became, as the cloud of danger started to settle.

* * *

><p>When Erik finally pulled the car over near to the base, he climbed out determinedly. Charles followed him too.<p>

-Erik?" he called uncertainly.

Erik glanced at him questioningly. Charles looked at the base through the gap of trees, then at Erik. -Please be careful."

For a moment, Erik didn't know what to do or say. There was an undeniable flicker of warmth in his chest for the small sentence, but instead of replying anything, he just nodded. Then he turned and started walking towards the building. He had no weapons, and he made no effort to hide his face. He simply approached the nearest gate. As soon as the guards scrambled up, Erik picked them up by their metal belts and slammed them against the fence, making sure they were knocked out. Then Erik reached his hands towards their guns and pulled them next to himself. With a flick of the wrist, the gate flew open. With another flick, the nearest security cameras collapsed on themselves like tin cans.

Charles was standing further behind all this time, and followed Erik wordlessly through the first gate. There were two more gates, and some of the guaeds saw or heard Erik coming, but he destroyed their radio phones and security cameras, took their guns and flung them where ever he pleased - it was almost laughable how much metal they had in their uniforms. Nobody really got to fire anything towards Erik, and he froze the bullets in to mid-air if they did. He had long ago learnt his lesson - never deflect bullets, just stop them. A mistake with this rule had cost him his best friend once, and the president's life for the second time.

Erik felt adrenaline starting to surge into him - he felt so deliciously powerful and alive. He felt like he was making a difference. He enjoyed the fear in the human faces, he drank in their panicked efforts to stop him. It was like a playground to Erik.

-You don't need to be so violent towards them," Charles pointed out reluctantly after a while. They were about to enter the actual base now. -And please don't underestimate them, Erik, they probably know you're here."

-It seems likely. So I might as well make them blind," he answered, and destroyed every single security camera in a few kilometre range by stretching his arms forward and clutching his fists, letting the power flow through him. He could differentiate the cameras by their faint static; it was almost too easy. Erik snapped his fingers wide, sensing how the cameras misformed into useless heaps with a satisfying crack. But now the main security guards also probably knew that something was off, so Erik knew to expect them soon.

Erik flicked his hand and the door to the base opened. From what Charles had been able to tell him, they knew that the documents were held somewhere around here.

There were a few people running towards Erik, but he threw them to the walls carelessly, almost absent-mindedly. Instead, he tried to make sense of the corridors. He knew Charles' telepathy was shaky at its best right now, so he wasted no time asking Charles to use it. Instead, he pushed his shoe against a fallen guard's neck and floated a gun next to the man's head.

-Where is the document archive?" Erik asked him.

The man moaned and gasped for air, looking terrified and defiant at the same time. Erik took the safety off the gun, making it obvious that it was the answer or death.

-Erik..."Charles warned behind him, but Erik ignored him.

-L-left wing." the man choked out.

-Thank you," Erik said and unceremonially kicked the man unconscious. Then he turned towards the left wing. He could feel Charles' disapproval even from behind him.

-You seem to be a little too at home at this," Charles muttered.

Erik didn't answer. Instead he kept walking fast. It took a while until the next row of guards attacked him. This time, they were better equipped and there were more of them. Erik instantly started to work on them, throwing people around, stopping bullets, dealing punches when someone got too close. He was so in the middle of it that he didn't hear or sense another door opening behind him.

-Erik, watch out!" Charles shouted, and Erik instantly crouched down so when bullets were fired, they hit the guards around him. They fell to the ground, dead.

Erik wasted to no time - he swirled around, knocked the remaining men out with their own guns and flung them to the walls.

Suddenly they were all down, and none of them moved. Erik was trying to catch his breath, just then noticing Charles was staring at the dead guards with a sad look. There was so much empathy on his face; so much grief for men he had never even known. But to Erik, they were faceless soldiers who were blindly following orders. He felt no regret over their deaths.

Charles looked up with a sharp, mournful glance. Erik lifted his hands to the air defensively. -Friendly fire," he pointed out before he stepped over several bodies. After all, Erik hadn't done anything to them, not really.

It was also then when Erik noticed that Charles looked completely solid now - for any other observer, he probably looked like a normal person. Erik didn't know what to think about that. But then again, he had no time. He kept going, Charles right behind him.

They finally found the right door, and with some tricks with locks and twisting everything, Erik managed to open the vault door. He felt a growing relief when the door fell to the ground with a bang - this was the original document archive. He could see rows and rows of light brown folders with 'confidential' written over most of them. He felt sickened by them - there were probably more secrets in here than anyone could have the misfortune of finding out.

Erik lifted his hands and let all of the shelves fall and crumble. They made a deafening sound as they went, and as soon as everything had fallen, Erik pulled the metal shelves up and away, forcing them into small chunks of metal, leaving a mountain of folders and papers lying around in the middle of the room. They would have no time to go through all of them and find the right documents, so Erik pulled some lighter fluid from his jacket and stroke a match. The folders lit up to flames in an instant. As they did, Erik wrapped all of the metal available around them into a forge, leaving only small holes for the oxygen, so nobody could stop the papers burning into ash. Even as the fire alarm would soon go off, it wouldn't be able to tame the flames eating away hundreds of secrets burning, especially the one paper with Charles' name on it.

Satisfied, Erik turned to Charles. Charles had been quietly following his work, like he had almost forgotten how much Erik could do with his powers. Without saying anything, he turned around to leave as heavy smoke started to fill the room and fire alarms finally started blaring.

-Then the back-up copies," Erik said aloud as they left where they had come from. Unfortunately the other archives were on the other side of the building, since someone had strategically placed them away from each other.

Erik started to walk towards the right direction. It almost felt like that it was going too well, that it was too easy. Like something was doomed to backfire.

But as he glanced backwards, Charles was walking behind him and nobody was trying to attack them. Erik went on, a bad feeling in his gut. He kept his senses alerted just in case.

But suddenly Erik could feel it - the faint hum of metal somewhere further away. There were lots of them - they were guns, Erik could tell. Heavily armed guards. He swallowed - they had the upper hand in numbers. But Erik just straightened himself and braced himself to fight, confident that he could take them all down - until he caught the same sensation from behind him. There were to big groups advancing him from both ends of a long corridor, even if he couldn't see them yet. But fortunately this was a more heavily guarded part of the base, and the far ends of the corridor had both metal walls.

-There are men about to attack us," Erik said aloud. Charles looked startled. -How many?"

-About forty or fifty," Erik answered, and Charles' eyes widened.

Erik just shrugged. -I can deal with them." He pointed the end of the corridor. -See - the corridors are placed a bit like a maze, so you have to walk through several corridors to reach a door. And both ends of this corridor have metal walls. I can work with that," he explained.

-Are you sure that's..."

-Yes," Erik answered, adrenaline making his body feel more alive and alerted. He stopped in the middle of the corridor, knowing that the two groups would start to advance soon from both ends. He could hear them already. They would ran towards him at the same time from the different ends of the long corridor. If Erik had been a human, this would have become a slaughterhouse for him. But now that would become the same for them.

The few seconds before the storm felt the most irritating. Erik took a deep breath, until he heard someone shouting an order. He almost felt relieved when he heard it, because then darkly dressed soldiers appeared to both ends like he had anticipated. Erik wanted to create a magnet vacuum into the corridor to get them all in the same side. So he lifted his arm, and waited until all of the men had reached the corridor. Then he concentrated on the wall on the direction he and Charles had just came from and started to form the back wall into a magnet. Suddenly shrieks and gasps filled the room as the men closest to it started to hit the wall like tiny magnets against a fridge door.

Absent-mindedly, Erik kept also stopping the bullets from the opposite side, but his main attention was at his left where he was still pinning all of the men into the wall.

Suddenly he heard a gasp too close from himself, and Erik's concentration faltered for a moment. He glanced behind him, and could see that Charles was eerily getting pulled towards the wall too. Very, very slowly, but still. Erik froze, because that wasn't supposed to be possible at all - Charles' wasn't really there, not in physical sense - yet Erik was accidentally pulling him towards the CIA soldiers. Charles glanced at his feet that were sliding against the linoleum floor, then back at Erik. But then his eyes focused behind Erik.

-Erik!" Charles shouted as a warning, and Erik looked behind him where the other group of soldiers were loading their guns and starting to run forward.

Erik had only seconds to think.

If he waited too long, the big group would start to fire on him. If he kept just using his current strategy and applying magnetism to the far wall, there was a chance Charles could get slammed against it too - and Erik couldn't take the risk he got hurt. So he made an instinctive decision in the heat of the moment - similar to the one he had once made years before.

So Erik rushed forward towards Charles, and thanked every higher power for the fact that he managed to slam into Charles and push them both against the corridor wall. Charles was knocked breathless, but Erik barely had time to notice. He just placed his own hands above Charles' wrists - and then he released all of his magnetism on the far wall further away on his right, more powerful than ever.

Some of the soldiers instantly died, crushed by their belts or bullet-proof vests, and many of them screamed out in pain and fear. But most importantly, the group of men on the opposite of the corridor started to scream and slide on the floor or in the air, the metal wall pulling them mercilessly forward. Some managed to fire bullets, and there was a dangerous amount of debris flying around. Erik tightened his grip on the magnetism and increased it just a little, and suddenly the corridor was like a swirling black hole of bodies and guns and bullets floating and being pulled by a strong electric current.

Erik's mind felt like it was stretched to its extreme - there was so much incoming information and sensations where everything was that he growled aloud. He tried to pull every one of the soldiers - even the ones desperately hanging from the walls or from each other - to the far end of the corridor, because as long as they weren't in the same place, they were dangerous.

Erik pressed himself closer to Charles, pinning them both to the wall. It was pure luck that the wall had few iron tiles and pipes inside of it and Erik could use those to anchor himself in place. Charles gasped as Erik pressed his wrists so much it hurt - but he knew that in no circumstances could he let go.

For a brief moment, Erik forced himself to speak out, even against the strain. -Watch out," he choked out through his feet. -And keep your head down."

Charles obeyed instantly, pressing his head against the wall. Erik had to press himself closer too, and the moment echoed the moment all those years ago when the Blackbird had crashed into the Cuban beach so much that it was almost painful. Then, too, Erik had been protecting Charles from danger like this - holding him onto place so he wouldn't get thrown around and crushed against anything. Now it was just even more intense because of the limited amount of space - their bodies were all weird and tangled angles, and Erik hastily concluded that the worry and fear had made Charles' projection so eerily solid.

But in the end, Erik didn't have time to think. One more time, he squeezed his eyes shut, pushed himself as close to the wall he could get - Charles' face getting buried into his shoulder - and then he released all the remaining ounces of his power. The corridor was filled with screams as the soldiers were flying across the air, as if gravity had suddenly shifted from horizontal to vertical.

Erik could feel Charles breathing hard against his shoulder - even if Erik felt no actual air or warmth from Charles' breaths. Erik's head was filled with white noise and he bit his lip not to scream out - he had to keep pulling the soldiers to the wall and at the same time, make sure nothing hit him or Charles while he kept them both on place. More than once he had to growl and blast the sharp debris from getting too close to himself.

As seconds passed and Erik could finally feel the last objects and people flying past him and getting slammed to the far wall - he felt relieved. He kept his pull on the wall so the soldiers were stuck on it like bugs, but released it from the rest of the now empty corridor. He drew a shuddering breath, bloodstream full of adrenaline and the high of using his powers. For long seconds, Erik just stood there, catching his breath. It was the way Charles shifted a little against him that made him move.

Erik stepped back a little, blinking. -Are you alright?" he mumbled, scanning Charles.

Charles just nodded, looking a little pale but otherwise fine. Erik let go of his wrists, and Charles winced a little at that. Erik realized that he had probably left bruises, even if it didn't really make sense that Charles could be affected by anything in the real world, since this was just his projection. Then again, Erik could touch him and Charles seemed to be able to feel pain.

Erik was fascinated by this, but then he remembered he needed to finish the soldiers off. So he turned towards them, and with a final yank of his hand, Erik reached for the construction elements inside the walls and ceiling, pulling them all suddenly down and then wrecking the end of the corridor, filling it with stone and twisted pipes, effectively blocking the way and any further entrance for the soldiers. It was like an artifical barrier between the soldiers and them. Then Erik let go of the metallic pull altogether - some of the screams and people falling down could be heard all the way from here, but Erik didn't care. They weren't his problem anymore. He had cleared out the corridor.

Charles stared at the ruin mutely, as if he could barely believe what had just happened.

Erik felt a mix of emotions - pride, worry, irritation, hope. For a moment, they stood there catching their breaths, until Charles turned to study Erik. There was an unreadable look on his face, and Erik felt suddenly slightly squirmy under that inspecting gaze.

Without thinking, Erik lifted his hand and fulfilled his sudden urge to touch, and grabbed Charles' arm. His fingers could feel it perfectly, and Erik's fingertips registered the sensation. Adrenaline rushing in his veins, heart pounding and hands shaking just a little, Erik felt the sudden yearning for something unknown. Everything was suddenly sharper, more vivid, and Charles was so close yet so far.

Erik kept staring at his own hand, transfixed, wanting to let go but unable to. An aftershock of the dangerous situation hit him now, with a trembling force.

-Erik?" Charles asked carefully.

There was a burn somewhere at the back of Erik's mind, a burn that had always been there, but so long forgotten. Years of isolation and numbness had appeared to kill it, at least what Erik used to think - but now he could feel it, stronger than ever. Erik swallowed, and felt an odd wave of the need to protect and preserve. He hadn't felt it in years; only his mother had triggered it this strongly before. After her, there hadn't been anyone Erik had wanted to shelter this badly, and it was terrifying, because that kind of feeling could only lead to heartbreak and misery. It was a flaw in the system, a crack in the defense - a wiring gone wrong in his brain. Because Erik was sure he was as heartless as his reputation suggested. What would he even do with a heart?

-Erik?" Charles called quietly again with a worried tone, and Erik flickered his eyes to him.

And suddenly all air escaped him - damn those cerulean blue eyes. Stupid, stupid telepath. Naive, pacifist Charles. Self-sacrificing, ridiculous, stubborn Charles.

Erik felt suddenly claustrophobic inside his own head - why couldn't he feed on the anger he usually always felt? Even towards Charles? Since when had that stopped being the most centric feeling he had about this?

_"Anger is a secondary emotion_,_ Erik,"_ Charles had once told him, years and years ago when they had been talking about his mother._ "It's basic human psychology._ _You are only angry because you can't deal with the primary emotion."_

Erik took a shuddering breath, wanting to snap out of this intense, abstract moment it but couldn't.

_"And with your mother, it was love. You loved her very dearly, I saw it in your mind. And that's why, my friend, it hurts. _"

Erik couldn't suddenly breathe. His ears rang, and he realized that he needed to_ stop_, he needed to focus.

Erik suddenly let go of Charles' arm like the touch burnt him - and maybe it did - and he turned hastily away.

-Let's move," he said with a tight voice and started walking.

Charles followed him, and in the small privacy of the empty corridor in front of him Erik allowed himself to squeeze his eyes shut just for a few seconds, his heart pounding against his ribcage as he went on. Then he raised his head high and drained all emotion from his face.


	12. Chapter 12

The CIA base was almost too easy to get into, and it seemed even easier to move around it.

Erik faced few guards and groups attacking him, but they were not a proper match for him, not really. It was odd; the CIA seemed to have gotten sloppy. Or then there was something coming that Erik couldn't see beforehand. He kept walking fast, eyes ahead, the deep silence in the corridors interrupted only by his own footsteps.

Charles was walking behind him, and Erik was careful not to look at him. The last thing Erik needed was to slip back into his own odd thoughts that made no sense and just messed with his head and concentration. The only good thing coming out of Charles' current state was the fact that he couldn't accidentally hear Erik's thoughts. Small miracles and all that.

After a few minutes and several corridors later, Charles finally spoke.

-Don't you find this odd?" he asked.

Erik hummed as a reply, eyeing the walls and doors.

-It might..." Erik started, but suddenly the lights started to flicker and some of them went off completely. There was a loud sound and then red buttons litting up and then a hollow beeping noise started. Erik froze and looked up to the ceiling, alarms going off all at the same time. Charles rushed to his side, glancing nervously around. -I think they are putting things into a lock-down," he said. Then he turned to look at Erik, worry over all his face. -Now that we've burned the original documents, it won't take them long to guess that there is something important in them. They will guard the back-up copies even better after that," he said.

Erik straightened himself. -It won't come to that," he simply said. -We will destroy them before we get out of here."

He started walking again, cursing that the back-up document vault was on the other side of the building; it would take them some time to get there. Erik glanced at the doors and corridors carefully - the last thing he wanted was snipers on his tail. He could deal with close range battle, but long-distance attacks were harder to estimate. Fortunately there were no big windows anywhere that the snipers could use.

Charles had been right about the lock-down - doors slided closed everywhere, and Erik lost precious time in opening them and pulling them out of their hinges.

Once they finally started to make it closer to other vault, more guards started coming in. Erik could feel their guns, and he calculated the distance and every bit of metal around him. Oddly enough, there wasn't that many soldiers, and it bothered Erik. Why send less people now that they had done a complete lockdown alert? It didn't make any sense.

Nonetheless, Erik started advancing, hand stretched out before him. He could tell that the guards were looming somewhere at the end of the corridor, hiding in the corridors.

Few tensed seconds passed.

Then suddenly, the CIA guards made their move and rushed into the corridor all at once. Within a few nanoseconds, Erik spotted their gask masks but couldn't react quickly enough, so the men sprayed something towards him.

-Erik!" Charles yelped out as a warning.

Erik's immediate reaction was to back away and throw the men around. While he did that, he noticed that other group of men had surrounded him from the behind, and Erik flung them to the walls distractedly. He could both see and taste something entering his mouth and nose, and Erik immediately held his breath as he walked forward through the odd grey smoke. Fortunately, it was already falling towards the ground and dissolving, and the soldiers were all already down, struck there by magnetism.

As soon as Erik got into a safe distance, he inhaled sharply and started to cough. When new oxygen entered his mouth, his lungs felt like they were torn in two - every heaving breath wrecked him tenfold than normally. But Erik kept coughing, hoping to get the unknown substance out of his system. He looked up, worry spiking in his chest. -Charles!" he shouted towards the misty corridor. -Charles!"

Erik hated how his stomach flipped for the fear of something happening to him - he was still practically in a coma, and Erik didn't know if Charles' body or mind could take any extra abuse. Hell, he didn't even know if Charles could get hurt or not while he was like this, but then again Charles had been solid and had seemed to feel pain before - not to mention that Erik's own powers had affected him, now matter how vaguely.

Some of the soldiers moved around, and Erik grunted in angry burst, knocking their heads by their helmets so hard that he might have crushed a skull or two. His body felt oversensitive somehow; disorientatingly so. But fortunately the peak of it was already passing, and Erik guessed that he had gotten just an ounce of the substance and it wouldn't last for long. It was probably some mild sedative or pepper spray styled gas.

Erik was about to move back towards where he had came from when Charles finally appeared next to him, and Erik looked up, scanning him from head to toe quickly. Charles looked fine, even if he looked shaken and was in turn scanning Erik too. -Did you breathe in something?" Charles asked with worry, leaning close.

Erik nodded. -Just..." he groaked and coughed once more. -Just something that'll pass soon enough." He forced himself to straighten up. -Come on."

And with those words, Erik pushed himself back to the middle of the corridor and started walking again, Charles right behind him. Erik wrecked the corridor into a pile of metal pipes and walls after himself, so the guards that hadn't been knocked out couldn't follow.

They kept walking quickly forward. Every footstep sent a pressure wave through Erik, and it vibrated in every cell of his body. It was as if the gas he had inhaled had somehow been meant to incapatitate him, had he gotten it too much.

When they finally reached the vault, Erik couldn't have been more relieved. He just wanted to get the documents destroyed and then leave. He approached the vault doors as fast as he could, tearing the door open. He noted with satisfaction that the door started to fall off its hingers, and the first rows of shelves already appeared to the line of sight

-Erik, wait!" Charles shouted. Erik swirled around, looking at Charles - and Charles was looking out the window with a shocked glance.

-What?" Erik asked hastily and rushed to the window.

Then he saw it too - no one else but Moira MacTaggert was walking to a car with documents in her hands, two men walking beside her and opening the door to her. She had aged and changed, but it was definitely her. But there was no time for any kinds of hatred or nostalgia - Erik just felt nauseous for spotting the documents in her hand - if those documents were truly the ones with Charles' name on them...Then destroying the vault was no use.

All of Erik's attention was now pinpointed to those folders in Moira's hands, determination taking over him.

He didn't care how much blood he would have to spill, those documents would not leave the property.

Erik gritted his teeth, raised his arm and pushed Charles backwards into a safer distance. Then he broke the window by the metal frames and bended the metal bars out of the way. Pieces of glass rained to the floor, and Erik stepped then reached for the metal inside the wall itself. With a few surges of his power, he made a hole in the wall. Then he pushed himself through it, into the outside air and yard.

Erik raised his hand and immediately one the guns that the agent next to Moira had, floated into the air. Erik aimed it to male agent's head and fired, blood splattering out and Moira screaming out in horror as some of it hit her and the side of the car. The blood looked like wet paint as it flowed down against the sleek surface. Then Erik shot the remaining other agent to the head, who had already reached for his gun. Erik watched as he slumped to the groung, dead. Now there was only Moira and the driver left.

Mercilessly, Erik turned the floating gun towards Moira. Moira stared at it horror and surprise, trying to estimate its movements and reach for her own weapon at the same time.

But just about when Erik was about to pull the trigger, Charles threw himself against Erik, slamming Erik backwards and into the partly crumbled wall. The gun fired, but even from here, Erik could sense the bullet hit the ground instead of Moira's head.

Air got knocked out of Erik, and he grunted in anger as he blinked hard, opening his eyes to find Charles pushing against him. -No, Erik! Don't harm her!" Charles shouted angrily at him. It was almost eerily similar situation to Cuba in some ways, and for a moment, Erik relived the moments from the beach. But then he heard a car door opening and flickered his gaze back to Moira. She was getting into the car with the documents, and Erik raised his hand to the air determinedly.

Charles instantly grabbed it and yanked it downwards with his own hand, making Erik struggle for balance. -She has the documents!" Erik yelled out in frustration, trying to get his hand free from Charles' grip. Charles just shook his head furiously. -You can't just kill her!" he shouted.

Erik had just a few more seconds to spare before Moira would get the door closed and the car would drive off. So Erik took desperate measures - he turned his own arm into a sharp angle and shoved his elbow into Charles' stomach. Charles let out a surprised, suffocated gasp, and as soon as he did, Erik stepped his foot forward, took a grip from Charles' other armpit and shoulder, partly shoving him backwards. Just like he had anticipated, Charles stumbled on his foot that was placed right behind him, and started falling. Still, Erik couldn't risk him getting hurt on the rubble from the shattered wall, so even if Charles was falling, it wasn't a free-fall - instead, Erik partly lowered him to the ground, slowing down the momentum.

Then Erik let go, and looked back up, concentrating his powers on the driver. With a simple flick, he killed the man on the driver's seat with floating the gun and firing it through the dashboard. The man's bloody head fell against the steering wheel.

-No!" Charles whispered breathlessly, struggling to get up. -Erik!"

Everyone else except Moira were now eliminated. Erik saw her getting up from the backseat of the car, clearly intending to take the driver's seat herself, and Erik turned the gun in the air ready for her.

But right then, Charles sunk his fingers deep into the back of Erik's knee, making it buckle. Erik lost his balance and crashed right on top of Charles with a pained grunt, hitting Charles so hard that Erik could feel air escaping Charles' lips. Erik could smell grass and ground and for a moment he felt so disoriented that he couldn't move. But then he shot his head up and towards the car, only to hear the engine roaring and Moira starting to drive the car away.

Erik didn't even bother with the gun - he could just make the car crash with Moira inside of it - bullets were too risky now. But right when Erik searched for the small metal parts of the engine, Charles' laboured gagging caught his attention. Erik turned quickly to look at him, and saw that Charles was desperately trying to get air. Only then Erik realized that he had landed on top of Charles by bringing his elbow right to Charles' chest, knocking the air out of him.

Worry took over Erik for a moment, and he rushed to lift himself up a little. But Charles had no air in his lungs, and his eyelids were fluttering furiously.

_Hank?,_ Charles suddenly called telepathically, and for his confusion, Erik heard it too.

Suddenly Erik caught the faintest scent of bleach and anesthetics - an umistakable smell of the hospital. Erik panicked a little, realizing Charles was getting sensations from his actual body and they were somehow transferring to Erik too. He dropped himself next to Charles' body on the ground, taking Charles' face into his hands. Erik glanced up towards the car urgently, then flickering his gaze back to Charles. Erik wanted nothing more than to focus on the car, but the way Charles seemed to be slipping dangerously was more alarming.

-Charles," Erik called demandingly.

Charles kept heaving for air, but couldn't get it in. He was blinking hard, and made a wheezing sound. -Charles!" Erik called, some of his worry slipping into his voice.

_I can't breathe_, Charles thought so loudly that Erik heard it inside his head as clear as day. -Yes you can," Erik argued, uncertain what was happening. _Hank. Hank,_ Charles thought.

The smell of the hospital filled up Erik's nostrils now, and his fears and worry magnified at the same second. It seemed like Charles was caught somewhere between his body in the hospital and their current location, suddenly confused which was which. Erik tightened his fingers around Charles' face, turning it towards himself.

-Charles, look at me," Erik commanded. And fortunately, Charles did open his eyes and looked shakily at Erik, but clearly not knowing what was going on.

_I'm bleeding out_, Charles sent frantically._ I've lost too much blood. I'm...I'm dying. _

Erik hated the way his chest filled with ice for those words. -No. That's not true. You...you need to calm down," he said with a tight voice.

Charles looked at Erik, terrified._ I'm...I'm dying. I need to die._

-No! You don't, you _don't_. Hold on," Erik said, pressing his thumbs into Charles' cheeks. -Stay with me," he said, the words feeling alien to him, but seeming to be the only appropriate ones.

Charles squeezed his eyes shut, trying to make sense of what was real. _Hank. Hank I'm so sorry._

Erik quickly shot his head up, only to see how Moira's car was already disappearing fast from the yard. Erik cursed aloud - he could still try to reach it but he couldn't risk leaving Charles alone. Erik grunted in strain and tried to stop the car or crash it, but now other cars had joined Moira's and Erik wasn't sure which was which anymore.

Erik was filled with sudden horror - the documents were getting away. They couldn't be taken away - otherwise it meant that Charles would never agree to wake up. Erik _needed_ those documents destroyed. So with an angry yell, Erik released his power and tried to wreck the cars by flipping them onto their roofs or making them crash together. It was hard because he couldn't exactly see the cars, just feel them. Erik tasted blood, and realized he had bit his lip too hard.

He could hear shouts and screeching sound from the distance.

Charles moved a little in Erik's grip, and his focus faltered into him for a moment. Charles blinked his eyes at Erik, looking confused. He was getting air in again, even if a bit unsteadily.

-Charles?" Erik called.

Charles swallowed and took a long, calming breath. Then he gave a weak nod.

Erik scrambled to get up on his knees, looking around the yard. There were still several alarms blaring in the base, and Erik knew it was just a matter of time that new guards or soldiers would attack them. Wordlessly, Erik pulled Charles up to sit, which resulted in Charles almost collapsing against him. Erik winced - he guessed he should be a little more gentle.

-Erik," Charles mumbled into the fabric of Erik's shirt. -Did you..."

-No," Erik answered. -I didn't..." he gritted his teeth. -I didn't get the documents." The true weight of his words settled upon him now. Charles pulled a little backwards, looking at Erik.

-And Moira?"

Erik let out a long sigh. -Very likely alive and taking the documents away right now," he said quietly. He had distantly sensed one car speeding away, but it was out of Erik's magnetic range. A destructive anger took over Erik, he was shaking a little. He couldn't accept the reality of anything right now.

-Thank you," Charles said quietly. -For letting her live."

There were few, quiet seconds, as the weight of failure settled heavily upon them.

Charles let out a long sigh. -And...trying to stop this all from happening," he said, and there was something final in his tone.

Erik hastily landed his hand on Charles' jaw and forced him to look up. -We are _not_ done here. We will find those back-up copies," Erik said sternly. But Charles looked bittersweet, and he flashed a sad smile at Erik.

They fell into a moment of silence, until Erik looked around and got up, pulling Charles with him. Charles staggered a little, but found his balance.

-Let's get out of here," Erik said.

* * *

><p>They got away without any bigger problems. Erik had wrecked so much of the base that it was a chaos inside, so he managed to steal one of the cars, turn it on without the keys and speed away from the base. He crushed Charles' black hidden car into a pile of metal before he left, to make sure it couldn't be tracked back to anything.<p>

Erik would have normally rejoiced about getting away from the base so easily, but the silence in the car was deafening.

He had failed.

_Failed._

The back-up copies were gone.

And what was even worse, Moira had them now. So the CIA had unknowingly brought her and the papers together, doubling up the risk of the bleak future happening. Erik wanted to drive so fast he couldn't see or think anything, but he knew he had to fit in to the flow of the normal cars.

Charles was quiet on the seat next to him.

Erik hated the silence, and he was angry towards the CIA. He was angry at himself, and he was angry at Charles. He was angry at everything, because this was wrong. It was all so _wrong_.

It had been so close. So close that he could have destroyed those documents and convince Charles to wake up. But now he had nothing at all, except horrible feeling of dread in his gut that didn't go away no matter how much he tried.

* * *

><p>When Erik finally closed the door of the motel room, the tension and the pent-up, unsaid things had magnified into a suffocating dark cloud between them.<p>

Erik dropped his bag to the ground with a thud. -This is not over," he said aloud.

Charles crossed his arms and stared outside the window. He was quiet. He had been quiet ever since the base.

-Did you hear what I said?" Erik said aloud.

Charles didn't turn his head. He kept staring outside, sighing quietly. -I think it's wise to accept a defeat when you face one, Erik."

Erik pointed a finger to Charles, giving him a harsh glare. -No. This is _not_ a defeat. This is merely an obstacle."

Charles huffed. -An obstacle?" he said slowly.

There was a long pause.

-Might I remind you, Erik, that we have no idea were those documents will be taken to. We don't have any way of knowing where Moira has headed off to. And as soon as my name is discovered from the back-up copies, Hank is in danger." There was an ominous silence. -And I can't allow that."

Erik stepped forward. -If you wake up and use Cerebro, you could..."

-No. That's not going to happen." Charles said.

Erik breathed through his nostrils. Anxious frustration was starting to fill him. -So are you just going to lay down and die, then?" he spat.

Charles glanced at Erik, rubbing his forehead tiredly. -Let's not do this again, Erik," he murmured.

Erik walked closer. He knew that Charles wouldn't ever comply and wake up, because he wouldn't risk Hank. Of course he knew it - he had guessed it the second he had failed. Even if Erik couldn't stand the idea. Not one bit. And he needed to channel his anger at something. -You shouldn't have stopped me from killing Moira," Erik hissed.

Charles flashed him a warning glance. -That's exactly what I should have done. You promised not to kill anyone, Erik. Now there's already a body count."

-I only agreed to keep killing in the mininum."

-Irrelevant," Charles snapped. -You have already made me responsible for causing the deaths of too many. This can't go on. I'm grateful for what you tried to achieve today, but it didn't work, no matter which way you turn it. So we need to move on from that and take the next step."

Erik stepped closer, narrowing his eyes. -You can't give up so easily."

Charles looked at him with both anger and pain on his face. -Do you think I want this?" he asked unsteadily. -Do you think it's easy for me? Because it certainly isn't. But it needs to be done."

He took a calming breath. -I'm the only one that has to get hurt in this. Nobody else."

-Dying isn't an option for you!" Erik said, raising his voice.

Charles lifted his chin. -There is nothing you can do. Not...not anymore."

There was a deep silence. Charles dropped his eyes, shifting awkwardly. He hesitated for a long while, until he sighed. -I guess...this is a goodbye then."

Erik looked up, feeling like his heart had suddenly been swallowed by a black hole - there was endless coldness and fear and sadness in it. Suddenly it corrupted his airways, and made his chest churn and skin crawl. He couldn't accept the implications of goodbyes - they were final, irreversible. Erik's heart started to pound, his body still full of adrenaline and unknown substance, making everything too real and making his mind too alert.

-No," he just managed to say out loud. Nothing else came out, just plain denial, a refusal. He wouldn't accept this, he wouldn't go along with it. He refused to bury someone who wasn't dead, refused to let go someone who had the every possibility to live.

And this was _Charles_. Erik couldn't apply normal rules to him, no matter how badly he wished he could.

Charles bit his lip, and kept fidgeting his hands like he didn't know what to do.

There was a chilly, devastated atmosphere in the room.

Erik could barely believe this was really happening.

-We can trace Moira. And it's not even certain that they will find Hank through you," Erik said with a low voice. -There is still time."

Charles flickered his eyes up to Erik, and he looked suddenly broken. There was sadness in him, overwhelming sadness, like he wanted to stop it from happening more than anything, but couldn't. -Oh, Erik..." Charles whispered, tilting his head. -Out of all people, I never thought you would fight for my life the hardest."

Erik stepped closer, and now there was only a narrow space between them left. Erik looked down on Charles, wanting to avert his eyes but forcing himself not to. -You shouldn't be so surprised," Erik said quietly.

Charles inhaled air so quickly that he had to swallow, and he blinked hard, looking at Erik with an unreadable face. Erik felt an unwanted pressure in his chest where his heart was - a slicing, cold feeling. He couldn't do this. He couldn't...he couldn't accept the idea of it. What would he even do in a world where Charles didn't exist? But with growing dread, Erik acknowledged that he had no real power over Charles, that he couldn't force Charles to stay alive.

The motel room suddenly felt too large, and Charles was somehow too far. Erik felt a lump growing in his throat. It was like words had suddenly escaped him, and all that was left was yearning and blank canvas of his mind.

Charles eyed Erik carefully, like taking him in with every detail. There was something horribly final in that too, and Erik couldn't stand it.

-I'll stop them. I'll stop them all," Erik hastily promised, searching desperately for Charles' approval.

Charles just shook his head, wearily. -Erik..."

-I _will_ find Moira. Hank used to work for the CIA, he can probably trace her. There is still time until Alice's vision starts coming true."

-It already has started," Charles said meaningfully. Erik looked back at him, heartbeat thundering his ears. Charles' eyes were too blue and too serious, and his lips were read because he had been biting down on them earlier. Erik felt his own breath hitching a little, and he forced his eyes up, meeting Charles'. Erik was starting to feel reckless, angry and driven to the corner, ready to use any means necessary to regain control again.

It was so painfully obvious that Charles didn't want to die, and Erik hated him from being so selfless and kind and naive. At the same time, Erik felt roaring fondness for him, and also maddening frustration. It was such a fine line, it was almost destructive. Erik realized he was shaking a little - the adrenaline was still flowing inside his veins, and his body felt almost feverish and powerful after surging so much energy at the base. And now, all of his attention and sensations were targeted at Charles.

Erik felt almost like wrecking furniture, because he was getting so frighteningly angry and desperate.

-There is still time!" Erik snapped. He felt the urge to shake some sense into Charles, to grab him, to _do_ something. Erik's breathing had become superficial and too quick, and he had a tunnel vision of only Charles right now.

-Erik, please don-..."

But that made something snap in Erik and he grabbed Charles' shirt and pulled him forward. He was feeling manic and angry, and hungry for power, for swaying Charles' decision. So without thinking, Erik yanked Charles closer, until their faces were just barely inches apart.

Charles gasped out loud, letting out a surprised whimper. Erik looked at him, mesmerized by the closeness, and lifted his hands to hold Charles' face. Their noses almost brushed each other and their lips were so dizzyingly close that it was disorientating. The touch was manipulative and demanding and Erik felt a dark flow of power for doing it, feeling Charles' resistance falter and crumble in that moment, even just for a little. Erik took a breath, and his lips ghosted right above Charles', head suddenly pounding. Charles just stood there dumb-founded and taken completely off-guard. Erik tightened his fingers around Charles' face, locking him there. Somewhere at the back of Erik's brain, something unexpected caught flame.

For a moment, Erik's brain went completely blank.

Pain, manipulation and persuasion, that's what this was. Trying to guilt Charles into changing his mind, or use his kindness against him; Erik was desperate enough to try _anything_. Yet he certainly didn't expect his body reacting to the closeness in anyway, but the adrenaline and fright and all the unslept nights rushed suddenly forward and demanded more, and Erik could suddenly feel ten lonely years of catching up with him - ten years without any human interaction, without human touch. His skin was suddenly crawing to feel something, anything, and Erik startled for it.

There was almost a slight twinge of panic entering his brain, because Erik hadn't counted on himself being affected by this at all. It was supposed to be meaningless, destructive way of getting what he wanted, but suddenly his brain acted like a primitive animal and he felt so lonely, so lonely. Somehow their faces were too close and too far, and it was like a war was being fought - whether it was between them or a personal one inside Erik's head, it didn't really matter. It was almost like a powerplay, yet it wasn't, and something hysteric and manic prompted Erik to mess Charles up even more and pull every last bit of this mad, infuriating and dysfunctional trainwreck of a relationship to the surface.

Something told him to close the space between them, just for the hell of it, just to see what would happen. Just to silence his loud thoughts and the ancient flicker of a feeling that had sparked the night this stupid telepath had dived after him into the sea. Just to kill that sparkle, to let it go and make peace with it.

Gods, Erik wanted to take Charles' breath away. He wasn't even sure whether it was by strangling him and making him choke on that damn halo of his, or steal that air to himself by other means.

He wanted to ruin Charles, because Erik didn't know how to heal things or make them better, and nothing was going to be good between them ever again.

He hated Charles so much, so damn much...yet Erik didn't hate him at all.

He wanted to be inside that head and that skin, clash with every piece of Charles with every single confused emotion he had ever felt when it came to Charles Xavier. It was almost like he wanted to throw the telepath against a wall, but the urge was not purely made of need for violence. No.

Maybe he was just insane, and suddenly Erik wanted to laugh out loud, loudly, madly.

Erik's chaotic thoughts were interrupted when Charles drew a shaky breath and raised his hands, pushing Erik away. Erik straightened himself, almost feeling light-headed for his body feeling like an atomic bomb had suddenly gone off inside his brain. Charles' eyes were the sice of saucers, and Erik wondered if Charles had caught some of his thoughts. The air was tensed now, and they both just breathed heavily in and out. There was suddenly colour rushing to Charles' cheeks.

-W-..." Charles mumbled, unable to form a sentence. He just kept staring at Erik, and slowly lifting his fingertips against his lower lip. The same spot where Erik's breaths had just been a few seconds ago, where there almost had been a skin-to-skin contact.

Erik swallowed so hard it hurt his throat. He tried to get a grip from himself and feel sane and rational again. Charles' other hand was still resting against Erik's chest, forgotten there, and for a moment Erik worried if Charles could feel his heart pounding like it was about to burst.

There was a shocked silence in the room. Charles just kept staring at Erik, and his cheeks had gone more or less red now. It would have been amusing if Erik wasn't thrown into an emotional maelstorm too.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Erik tried to compose himself. -I can always just punch you if that's better," he finally managed to mutter out.

Charles just blinked, his eyes sliding to Erik's lips and back. -But..." he choked out, as if he was about to talk, but couldn't continue. He fell into silence again, just staring at Erik. He furrowed his brows, several emotions crossing his face, his mind obviously racing. Erik felt suddenly infuriatingly self-aware. He wanted nothing more to walk out of the room, but find himself unable to. The redness in Charles' cheekbones just sharpened more, and the tension in the room had just skyrocketed.

The seconds seemed to pass agonizingly slowly.

Erik tried to control his breathing, and he had to look away, because he was getting uncomfortable in the face of Charles' open astonishment. -What...what were you doing?" Charles whispered so softly that Erik barely heard.

There was another silence, and Charles tilted his head just a little. -Erik?" he asked hesitantly. Erik was just staring at the far spot on the wall, suddenly frozen. His skin was still crawling, all those endless days in the too-white Pentagon cell taking their revenge on him. It wasn't supposed to be like this, but here he was.

And Charles, stupid, _idiotic_ Charles was once again too sensitive, too kind and gentle and trying to deal with Erik's manipulation, and Erik felt like he wanted to strangle the living daylight out of the telepath and then again feel Charles' skin against his own. Life, death, fire, ice - it was all mixed into a hellish mess. It didn't matter it was Charles, it could have been anyone, Erik thought. Erik had just been alone for too long. It was his mistake to think he was free of his own body's inferiority after ten years of neglect and solitude - that was why he was feeling like this.

It had been a stupid thing to do, and Erik cursed himself inside his own head. But then again, he was really running out of ideas. And he couldn't stand Charles' kind and soft voice, the way he was obviously trying to deal with the situation in the best way possible and conclude the reasons behind Erik's actions. Charles had no idea that Erik was just using his kindness as his own advantage. It was all a play, nothing more.

And Erik felt more stripped to the bone than in a very long time, and suddenly he felt the huge urge to forget everything, even his own face, and disappear. Erik gritted his teeth and took a steadying breath. -I swear I will kill Hank if you let go, Charles," Erik finally said with a harsh tone.

It was after those words when he could turn his face back to Charles'. Now Charles' face was full of new kind of shock, and he looked startled. He finally dropped his fingers away from his lips, and he shook his head with a vulnerable look on his face. -No." he whispered, slight horror creeping to his tone.

-Don't you dare to hurt Hank, Erik, or I swear I will..."

-To do what?" Erik shot back. -Die?" He swallowed and lifted his chin defiantly. -I don't see how your goals meet with these two things."

Charles just looked at Erik, and now his other hand fell off from his chest too. Charles turned to look angry and pained, old hurt filling him. Erik could literally see mistrust slipping back into his gaze, and suddenly Paris was looming all over them. -You wouldn't do that. Not...again." Charles stuttered, in disbelief, Raven's name hanging in the air, unsaid. Erik felt his heart aching, but he hid it all somewhere deep.

Instead, he crossed his arms coldly. -Are you willing to test me?"

Charles looked suddenly alarmed, and he looked at Erik with open panic and heartbreak. And it seemed to push him over the edge, because he raised his voice: -I...I trusted enough to share the truth about things with you, and...and this is how you repay it, Erik?!" he asked breathlessly, looking at Erik's face with disgust. -I should have _never_ repeat the mistake of trusting you. You...you always betray it. You always end up hurting me or the people I care about. You would have killed Raven in Paris, and you had the arrogance to ask my forgiveness for it. So let's make something clear, Erik - I will _never_ forgive you if you even _breathe_ the wrong way towards Hank."

Charles narrowed his eyes. -Hank is my friend and he has been more loyal than you could ever even begin to understand. He has shown more kindness than you could ever comprehend. When I was lying in the hospital with a spine _you_ broke, or when I couldn't get up from the bed without help, or when our students left - it was Hank who was there for me."

Erik gritted his teeth, hating the fact that he felt jealousy spiking in him.

Charles shoved Erik backwards in anger, making Erik step backwards numbly. -This is all a game for you, isn't it?" Charles said, brushing his palm over his lips. He looked so hurt that Erik felt shame stinging him. Charles drew a shuddering breath. -I regret the fact that I ever told you the truth. I...I almost forgave you already, Erik, almost - even if you don't deserve it. The only reason why I kept the truth from you so long was exactly this - that you'd only use it to threaten and blackmail me into getting what you want. That it will be Paris all over again and you will put a bullet into everyone I still have left to love."

Erik clutched his fingers into fists. There was a silence. It felt like all oxygen had escaped the room.

Charles was working himself up to be angrier than Erik had seen him in a long while. He glared at Erik with disgust and anger. -What do you even want, Erik? You once said that you wanted me by your side-..."

-I meant it," Erik cut in.

But Charles just shook his head. -But you _abandoned_ me, Erik. And then you barge in years later, with all your hypocrite righteousness, and fight for my life more fiercely that I even believed you could, and then...then you do _this_?" Charles gestured vaguely at the still-narrow-space between them and then at Erik. -What do you _want_?"

-Charles..."

-No, fucking humor me, Erik. What the hell do you want from me?"

Erik didn't know what to say. He felt like he was being scolded and put to his place, because for once Erik didn't have a matching energy in the fight.

-And don't say you want me to live," Charles continued. -I'm tired of hearing that, because my life has never meant anything to you after Cuba. You've endangered it repeatedly when I have stopped being useful to you."

-But it is the truth," Erik said quietly. -Your life...it's precious to me."

Charles looked like he had been hit. For a moment, he just stared at Erik in complete disbelief. Then after a long silence, he seemed like he had reached some kind of conclusion. -No." he said.

He looked at Erik, almost with something like sadness. -If you truly cared, Erik, this conversation would have taken place over a decade ago."

Erik felt like he wanted to kick something. -No, Charles, that's what _you_ keep telling yourself so you can hide behind your martyrdom. And your suicide attempt is the ultimate example of you being coward - you refused to take action and change things. So you rather tried to kill yourself than solve the actual problem."

-Fine," Charles said with a dangerously careless shrug. -Fine, Erik. _Fine_. If you truly despise me that much, why don't you just LEAVE? Leave me alone and never look back? If I'm truly as cowardly as you say, isn't it about time you stopped beating a dead horse? I will never agree to your violence and megalomaniac ways. I will never accept your methods, or your twisted truths. And quite frankly, it's quite obvious that we will never be friends again. So if you're chasing some kind of dream that Logan gave you about us working together..."

-Stop." Erik hissed. -Just stop it." he said, blood starting to boil with anger.

But Charles just shook his head. He looked exhausted now, and stared into nothingness. There was a long pause, until Charles finally spoke in a quiet voice: -I'm truly sorry that we have to part in these terms_,_ Erik. But I guess this is goodbye."

Erik turned to look at Charles, wide-eyed. In an instinctive panic, Erik stepped forward, grabbing Charles' arms in a grip so tight it hurt. -No," he commanded. He eyed Charles frantically, being so desperate that he forgot all of his previous anger. Erik locked his eyes with Charles', pleading look slipping into his face.

-There's still _time_," Erik said, no matter that he was starting to repeat himself. -There is still a way of fixing things without you needing to do this." he said, squeezing Charles' arms harder.

Charles sighed.

Erik started to feel absolutely horrified, because he realized Charles was serious about this. He was really going to do it, just like that time his body had crashed back in the hospital. Charles was just going to let go and be done with it. Die, just like that. So Erik was ready to throw all of the cards to the table now.

-We can do it your way. Just name it." Erik said.

Charles looked at Erik, vague hurt in his face. -Your promises are meaningless to me."

Erik shook him a little by the arms. -I won't touch Hank. But _I will_ go after those back-up copies, with your help or without it. I will destroy them, because nothing is lost yet. There are going to be casualties, but there will be a lot less of them than in Alice's future."

-Don't you see, Erik? That's the difference between you and me - I don't value my own life more than anyone else's. It's not my right to stay alive if it means innocent people will die on my behalf."

_You're worth of a thousand CIA agents_, Erik thought angrily to himself.

He was so desperate that he was hanging on life-lines now. He had nothing else to use but threats. -Well, let me put it this way - even if you decide to let go tonight, Charles, I will still go after those back-up copies. And know this - if I do that, I will kill everyone in my way without mercy. And those deaths will still be on _you. _However, if you come with me, I will keep it on the minimum, just like today."

Now Charles hesitated. It was rather tragic that the only thing he trusted Erik completely with was his threats of violence.

Charles looked torn, and he squeezed his eyes shut. -Don't do this. Don't make me do this. "

Erik wanted to sound threatening, but somehow his voice failed him and it broke a little. -Whatever it takes you to make you stay."

Charles flickered his eyes open, and now that they were this close, Erik was haunted by the odd almost-touch earlier. He suddenly needed more space and air, so Erik decided to gamble. He let go of Charles, stepped back and walked towards his bag. -I will go back to the mansion now. I will tell Hank everything, and make him trace Moira. Once he has located her - and I have full trust that Hank will - I will go after her and destroy the documents. And I will let out some steam when I get my hands on those CIA bastards."

Charles gasped. -But you'll...you'll put Hank in danger!"

Erik raised a challenging eyebrow as he grabbed his bag and turned to the door. -Yes, I guess that's true. I find that I don't really care. And then again, it's your choice, Charles," he said carelessly before he opened the door and marched out.

Erik was shaking for the whole way it took for him to reach the car, and he prayed that it had worked. He knew Charles too well, but there was still a risk that Charles wouldn't fall into Erik's blackmail.

In a haze, Erik started the car and started driving. He would have probably crashed it without his powers, because it was hard to focus on anything. He took a heading to the mansion.

His lips still burned on the parts they had almost touched Charles', and there was frost gathering inside his chest.

If he only could have walked away...if only.

After all, the definition of madness was trying to do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

So Erik was definitely mad when it came to Charles.

Irreversibly mad.

He drove on in silence, heart pounding long after the motel had disappeared from the rear-view mirror, hoping badly that Charles would choose to stay.


	13. Chapter 13

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **

Sorry guys, due some odd technical issues, I accidentally reposted chapter 10 here. But here's the real chapter thirteen. Have a happy New Year's!

**END OF AUTHOR'S NOTE**

* * *

><p>For Erik's utter relief, Charles appeared to the car three hours later on the way to the mansion.<p>

Charles was radiating anger - so much that Erik had rarely seen him this angry - but Erik didn't really care. Better angry than dead, Erik thought to himself. Charles could hate him all he wanted, but at least he was still here. The priorities of the moment were rather simple.

-I'm pleased that you came to your senses."

-You left me no other choice," Charles snapped quietly, crossing his arms.

There was a deep silence.

Erik drove on, knowing there would be a few more hours until he would reach the mansion. His adrenaline levels and anxiousness was starting to dull down, and he started to have second thoughts about his earlier behaviour. He had been acting recklessly - Erik knew that threatening Hank was the most damaging thing he could have done. Just when it had seemed that something had been mending between them. Charles had even said it himself - that he had been ready to forgive Erik. Erik found himself wanting that a lot more than he could have ever imagined.

-I'm..." he started, but when he turned towards the seat next to him, it was empty again.

The miles passed in silence.

* * *

><p>When Erik finally arrived to the mansion, Hank appeared soon to the doorway.<p>

Erik took a long breath - this was going to be challenging. He would have to explain everything to Hank, because he was quite sure that otherwise Charles would never be forced into showing himself again.

Hank looked exhausted, and like he hadn't slept properly in a very, very long time. It was like he had aged years in a short time.

-I have something important to tell you," Erik said seriously.

Hank looked at him expectantly. Erik nudged his head towards the mansion and sighed. -It's probably better than you sit down."

* * *

><p>After an hour of patient explaining, dozens of answered questions, shared frustration and Hank's outbursts of shock, affection and fear, Erik had finally gotten to the end of his explanation. He had told Hank everything from Alice to the CIA base attack, and Hank was now sitting quietly in his hair. He was staring at into a far wall, seeing nothing.<p>

-So...Charles didn't really want to die?" Hank mumbled, for what felt like hundredth time. Erik rolled his eyes. -No," he answered. He only wished Hank would recover enough so he could get to work and trace Moira. Hank seemed to be dulled down by grief and shock, slowing his thinking down.

Erik stood up restlessly, and was about to turn towards the kitchen, when he saw Charles standing on the doorway.

Erik gasped in sheer surprise - Charles had never once shown himself while Hank was present. But now, Charles was standing there, only his feet disappearing into thin air, the rest of him solid. And he was staring at Hank with an openly guilty look on his face.

Hank hadn't noticed him - he was still deep in his thoughts. Erik could sense that Charles had decided to do this, that he had chosen to face Hank now that the truth was out. The last time Hank and Charles' had met was before the suicide attempt.

Erik could already predict how heavy this encounter would be, so he took a long, calming breath and stepped aside.

Charles stayed on his place, and Hank didn't look up.

For several, long seconds, nothing happened.

Then Erik finally interfered. He cleared his throat. -Hank..."

Hank looked up, opening his mouth to speak, but froze completely when his eyes landed on Charles. Hank widened his eyes and gasped in astonishment.

For a very long time, Hank just stared, like he wasn't sure what he was seeing. Charles stared back, like he was struggling to keep himself together.

Erik let his gaze turn from Hank to Charles and back, taking in the several emotions crossing over Hank's face because of the reunion.

-Hank," Charles finally whispered aloud with thick emotion, and that broke the spell over the quiet, dark room.

Hank scrumbed up so fast that the chair fell down, and he took unsteady steps to Charles. His eyes started glistening, and he scanned Charles hungrily, like a drowning man searching for salvation. Like he couldn't believe his eyes, like he had wished and prayed for this moment but still couldn't believe it was there.

For a moment, everyone hovered in their places. Then Hank walked the remaining metres and reached his hand experimentally to the air. -C-can...can I?" he asked, lost, asking the question as much as from Erik as Charles, not obviously knowing what to do.

-Yes," Charles muttered, and pulled Hank into a tight embrace.

And the moment he did, Hank closed his arms around Charles and tears finally broke free. The scientist looked like he was having an inner heart-attack for all the emotions he was feeling. Hank buried his face into Charles' hair. He tried to say something, but couldn't.

Erik suddenly felt like an intruder in the room, as waves of strong emotions filled it with suffocating force. But he couldn't make himself to leave.

Charles gasped, also starting to cry silently. -I'm so sorry," Charles whispered with a broken voice. He squeezed his eyes shut. -My dear friend Hank, I'm so, so sorry."

Hank let out a wheezing moan and squeezed Charles even tighter. For a long time, he wasn't able to say anything, and Charles just held him, looking like the guilt was eating him alive. Erik felt a stab of hurt for hearing Charles calling Hank a friend, especially when he had refused to call Erik that after the stadium. It shouldn't have surprised him, it shouldn't have even mattered, but Erik couldn't help but to envy Hank for a one, fleeting moment.

-I can not begin to tell you how sorry I am, Hank," Charles said.

For a moment, Erik was certain Hank would crush Charles by hugging him so tight. Erik crossed his own arms and leant on the doorframe, because he suddenly felt his skin crawling on his armpits, on the same spots where Hank was holding Charles.

Hank was shaking from head to toe. -You...you..." he stuttered through sobs. -I thought...I _thought_..."

-I know. I know, and I'm so sorry I had to let you believe it. I wanted to spare you from that more than anything, but..." Charles' voice faded.

Hank lifted his head, his face stained with tears. -I had to call an am-...You were bleeding...I...I was so scared." he stuttered. Hank looked at Charles with an endless sorrow and hurt in his eyes. -I thought I'd...I'd lose you."

Charles nodded several times, and looked at Hank with such warmth that Erik felt ugly greed starting to lurk inside himself. He quickly tried to suppress it. Charles caressed Hank's hair absent-mindedly, like he was comforting a small child.

Hank swallowed hard. -Is it true...w-what...Erik says. That you did it for me?"

Charles' face twisted with guilt, and he tilted his head. Then he just nodded slightly.

Hank pulled him into another tight hug. -You should have...you should have told me, C-Charles. I would have helped. I...I would have done anything to..."

-I know," Charles said, taking in a shaky breath. -Trust me, I know."

There was a pause before Charles spoke again. -I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did, because causing so much heartbreak wasn't my right. But you have to understand, Hank, that I would do that again without hesitation. After all those years you looked after me...this was the least I could do to repay you."

Hank shook his head furiously, but still didn't let go. -No. No. You should have...never gone this far," he whispered. -You...you almost died. Without Erik you'd..."

Now Charles' eyes flickered to Erik's over Hank's shoulder. There was a sharp glint in Charles' eyes as he gave Erik a long, meaningful look.

But Erik only straightened himself and lifted his chin; making it clear as day that he had no regrets whatsoever. Charles could blame him for saving his life all he wanted; Erik would do it hundred times over if it came to it. If Charles really thought that he could make Erik have second thoughts about interfering, he couldn't be more wrong.

-You need to wake up, Charles," Hank said with a begging tone. -Please."

Charles squeezed his eyes shut with a sigh. -I'm afraid I can't do that."

Hank let out a sob. -But...Erik and I will help you. We will do everything in our power to turn the course of the future."

Charles huffed. -Are you ready to team up with Erik?" he said quietly to Hank.

Hank nodded, and lowered his voice too. -I might not be fond of him, but...we would have never found out about that girl Alice without him. I think he can help,"

Charles didn't look too pleased to hear that. He seemed to weight Hank's words for a moment. Then he turned to look at Erik, unreadable look on his face. -Would you mind to give us some privacy?"

Erik let out a huff and raised his hands to the air. It was all fine for him; Hank could cry and hug Charles all he wanted. And the same went for Charles. But Erik had the upper hand now - he knew Charles wouldn't dare to let go from life when Hank was at risk. Sometimes it was ridiculously easy to find leverages on people, and Erik liked being in power.

He turned around to leave the room.

-You should have seen how he fought for you, Charles," Hank said so quietly that it was obviously not meant for Erik's ears. And quite frankly, Erik wasn't ready to face any implications of that sentence.

He left the room behind.

* * *

><p>An anxious, heavy silence had settled over the mansion when the evening started to dark outside the mansion windows. Despite Hank's relief and outburst of gratefulness, the situation was still grim. Charles was still in a coma, and he had no intention of waking up. Hank had instantly started to track the CIA bases and putting his old information into use - it was outdated, naturally, but still the best they had.<p>

Charles didnt approve of the situation - but once Hank had gotten his mind on something, he seemed to be hell-bent on doing it. Erik could admire this kind of determination, now more than ever since the situation was so dire. Hank didn't listen to any arguments, he just buried himself into maps and papers and pens. Wherever Erik went, he could feel Charles' accusating glare at the back of his head.  
>Fine for Erik - Charles could disagree him as much as he wanted, but the stakes were just too high for Erik to play nice. Besides, he rarely played nice.<p>

Hank didn't try to make Erik leave again: he seemed somewhat alright with Erik being there, since he knew they were both working towards the same goal. It was rather odd, since Erik had never imagined himself teaming up with Hank out of all people. But here he was.

It was quiet. The vast size of the estate seemed to be highlighted by the silence and lack of occupants, since this place could hide a small army. Erik tried to keep his thoughts strictly on his goals and plans - but they kept slipping to moments in the motel room. The closeness, the mess of emotions, everything. Erik could punch and kick and knock people out during fights without batting an eyelid - he could break necks without feeling nauseous - but there was something about Charles had just pulled every string on his soul, it seemed. Whatever he did.

Erik refused to think about Shaw or the possibility of that bastard getting resurrected. All of his old demons would wake if that happened, and Erik wasn't going to allow that. Shaw wouldn't breathe another breath on this Earth if Erik had a say in it. Not even one. Erik also refused to think about too deeply about his dead Brotherhood members - of Angel and Azazel and everyone else, who had suffered at the hands of the humans and died way before their time - and the chance that this Resurrecter mutant could bring them back to life in the possible future. But what was dead should stay dead, as the saying went. Erik would have never wanted all those mutants get killed in the first place. It filled him with endless anger and frustration to know that this was the nature of the humans, that they destroyed everything that was too different, too superior, too evolved. That they had killed everyone else, in different ways.

-I hope youre happy now," Charles suddenly said and made Erik jump a little. He turned to spot Charles further away in the living room.

Charles was mostly solid, and was standing in the middle of the room with his arms crossed. Erik threw him a studying look and shrugged. -If you mean that Hank was successfully put to work and there is some progress about the situation, then yes, Charles, I'm happy about the situation."

Charles looked tired. -Put to work?" he mumbled to himself. He turned to stare at the floor.

The silence in the living room was tensed, and Erik hated to notice it. He shrugged. -Hank is smarter than he looks; he knows how to stay off CIA's radar."

Charles stiffened. -But he shouldn't be risking it in the first place."

Erik rolled his eyes. He just wasn't in the mood for this. -I didn't ask him to. He wanted to do it himself."

-Because you knew that would be the result of you telling him the truth, Erik," Charles said sharply.

-If you're expecting an apology, you will not get one," Erik replied.

Charles didn't bother to answer anymore, instead he started fading a little and becoming more transparent. Erik didn't like seeing it, but couldn't really do anything about it.

After a long silence, Charles spoke once more. -How characteristic of you, Erik, to blackmail me and use Hank's loyalty for your own advantage."

Erik tilted his head and raised a meaningful eyebrow. -Well, you're still here, aren't you?"

Silence.

Erik turned back to the window, a bleak smile taking over his face.

After several minutes, when Erik turned around, the room was empty.

But despite the fact that his face betrayed nothing, Erik noticed the slightest tremor in his hands.

It was stupid to miss someone who had just left the room.

Erik clutched his hands to fists.

* * *

><p>Hank worked through the night, and the whole morning. He didn't stop to sleep, just drank several mugs of coffee absent-mindedly. Erik didn't disturb him. Instead, he got some troubled sleep and waited, while Charles stayed mostly away.<p>

Erik knew that this was just a small pause, that it was all calm before the storm. And for him, it was the worst. He was at home in the middle of action and battle or even chaos - it was the senseless waiting and sitting around that he hated. It was almost a miracle that he had managed to stay sane inside the Pentagon, if he really thought about it. Every second and minute that ticked away made Erik painfully aware that the chances of the bleak future kickstarting were growing all the time. The CIA had found the documents, and they were in Moira's hands. It might take some time from the CIA until they figured out what to look for, but Erik still felt anxious. The CIA could be effective if they wanted to, and Erik hatd to imagine them finding Charles' name in there. There just couldn't be a scenario of this where Charles really ended up dead. Erik would rather just kill Hank, quick and painless, if it came to it. Of course that would make Charles turn his back on him for good, but...it was better than losing Charles altogether.

It was stupid, it was reckless, but that's just how Erik's mind worked. Charles dying wasn't an option, as simple as that.

* * *

><p>It took Hank three days to crack some kind of code of his own and narrow down the places they could have taken the documents. After long explanation, Hank finally got to his point and told Erik that the documents were most likely being held in the bigger secret base a few hours drive away from the mansion, since they had large experiment labs there. It wasn't certain, but it was a start. And somehow Erik knew that Hank wasn't going to risk being wrong, so he had probably done his research well.<p>

-It's right here," Hank said, pointing out the spot from the map. -They have large experimental labs in this wing, at least they used to. I've been there once during one of my larger projects, although that was over a decade ago. The base is the most secure and best-guarded in this region of the country, so it makes sense that they would carry out their most secret projects there. Especially if it has something to do with mutants."

Erik eyed the map critically.

Then he looked up at Hank, throwing him a calculating look. -Fine. I will drop them a visit."

Hank raised an eyebrow. -Don't you mean 'we'?"

-No," Erik said simply.

Hank lifted his glasses a little and set them back into their place. -I'm not sure if..."

-You're going to stay here, Beast," Erik said tightly. -I'm going there alone."

Hank narrowed his eyes. -I don't think that you can just decide to..."

-But I just did. You will stay here and look after Charles' body in the hospital, and I will go to destroy the back-up documents."

-But I want to help," Hank said passionately. -I can't just sit here and wait to..."

-Yes you can," Erik said, leaning forward, his patience running thin already. -And you will. Might I remind you that Charles slit his wrists open to keep you and your identity safe, so I'm not going to risk the CIA finding you. So you will stay here and keep an eye on the hospital, just like before this."

Hank eyed Erik critically, hesitation crossing his face. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. He seemed to be thinking quickly. -I'm not sure if that's a good idea." he muttered.

Erik sighed. -Well your opinion doesn't really matter. This is about simple logic - you need to stay under the radar, no exceptions."

Hank tapped the table with his fingers. -How can I be sure that you're going to do what you're promising?"

Erik crossed his arms, almost mockingly. -If Charles didn't mention already, I'm going to end up dead in a few months if Alice's vision comes to pass."

Hank tilted his head. -Is that the only reason you're doing this? For your own profit? Because I need to know."

Erik blinked, and for a moment, he didn't know what to say. -I'm...trying to keep Charles alive." he said, trying to sound neutral but his voice faltered just a little.

Hank looked suddenly awkward and waved his hand. -Yeah yeah I know that. I don't..." Hank swallowed and looked like he wanted to erase the images he was having from his memory. -I don't want to touch the whole issue of that, of your, your..._obsession_ with Charles even with a ten foot pole. What I meant to make sure was...that you don't have a secret plot to kill any other presidents or something like that again?"

Erik eyed Hank with a warning glare. -I took you as smarter as you seem by asking this."

Hank's lips twitched. -And I took you as the notorious Magneto who doesn't care about collateral damage." He eyed Erik with a steely glint now. -I don't trust you with anything besides your motivation to keep Charles alive."

Erik gave a wry, joyless smile. -Then I don't see what's the problem here."

Hank seemed like he wanted to argue, but couldn't come up with anything to say. Instead, he looked a little bothered, and glanced at Erik, then dropping his eyes back to the map. -You really are obsessed with him," Hank murmured to himself.

Erik didn't answer.


	14. Chapter 14

That night, Erik spent his time packing a small bag for the CIA trip far longer it would have normally taken. He somehow found that his movements were slow, and like he was only half-present in the room and in the situation.

He kept thinking back to the moments in the motel room, of being so physically close to Charles, of his restless thoughts about it all. Erik didn't know why, but he had felt some twisted satisfaction and excitement for making Charles look like that - uncertain, unreadable, surprised. But not afraid or scared, not at all. Charles had never feared him, not truly - only what Erik could do to others. Maybe they both knew that Erik would never intentionally hurt Charles, no matter what Charles claimed, and that was one of the reasons Charles didn't fear him one bit. It was somehow comforting and maddening, since Erik could provoke fear out of anyone, usually quite easily - even his interrogators and guards in Pentagon had kept him in safe distance, a wary look in their eyes and in their stiff bodies as they circled him like a deadly thing.

Which, he was.

Erik had broken the necks of two guards during his first six months in prison, in a desperate attempt to escape. Of course, that hadn't been enough to free him, and it only resulted him getting locked down in a cell that was even more isolated than before - there was no physical or close human contact. Even his food was slided down to him. He never got to talk to anyone, and even if Erik would have never admitted it aloud, at some point he had been ready to beg for someone to initiate a conversation with him. Even if it was just about the weather; he wouldn't have cared. Insults, disdain - they would have all been good. Anything except the silence and his own thoughts to keep him company.

Sometimes in that cell, Erik had wondered if Charles had heard him. If Charles had reached out to him, looked into his mind?

Erik knew very well Charles could. His telepathy was easily that strong. The vaults and heavy doors wouldn't stop a telepath getting in, even if it stopped Erik getting out.

But _had_ Charles ever searched for Erik?

Had he ever listened to those few desperate, lonely calls Erik had made towards him during the hardest nights while staying awake, no sense of time and space? The nights when the walls of that padded cell had seemed to close down on him and Erik had felt like he was going insane, helpless and tamed like a tiger in a cage, nails and claws torn off. Skinned alive, locked away, lonely and inhuman. Solitary confinement at its worst. No other human body to touch. No other voice for him to hear. Nothing. Sensory deprivation of anything except white lights-

Charles had never answered the calls Erik had made inside his own head.

Never, not even once.

And Erik had been infuriated.

At some point, he had wondered if Charles was dead. In some childish part of his brain he had concluded that it was the only reason Charles could leave him to rot here without any attempt to contact him, free him or come to see him. Erik had almost wished Charles had been dead, because it would have been easier that way. Then Erik could have walked out that prison cell emotionlessly, without any strings to hold him to the past, without any emotional attachment to cloud his judgement.

He wouldn't have cared about anyone.

He would have never let anyone tangle their tendrils into his soul like Charles had once, and left a mark that didn't seem to fade over time. It just seemed to grow stronger, like an ember that was blown into and it was catching fire. And now, after all these years, turning into flames.

Suddenly Erik felt like he needed to get this mission over with as soon as he could, because he felt like that the longer he stayed, the more compromised he became. Without the Brotherhood or a team, without a cause, who was he? He didn't belong anywhere, he didn't have a home. He was hunted by the police everywhere, and hated by the humans.

He was a criminal, disliked by both sides.

It wasn't like Erik had any regrets over the things he had done. He was fine with himself and everything he believed in. But...but there was always Charles. Charles, who was like the one last missing piece of a puzzle, that annoying one piece, that had gotten lost along the way and now the jigsaw picture wasn't complete without it. It was like a crack in Erik's armour, because Charles seemed to be able to slip through that crack and take over Erik's head and body without even trying.

And Erik couldn't get enough.

He couldn't just forget Charles existed and pretend he was the same as everyone else - like Azazel, or Emma - and old acquintance. Meaningless face in the crowd. He couldn't be careless about Charles, no matter how he tried. Not in the way he should.

Damn this all to hell. Damn it all. Erik hated it, hated it so much because it felt like he had a weakness, a needle in his flesh that could be turned and twisted and used against him. A needle that he both hated and didn't really want to get rid of at all. A needle that he wanted to consume, to revolve around, until he solved the puzzle, burnt the flame out and felt nothing as he walked away.

But no matter how he struggled, this feverish feeling - this...addiction - didn't die out.

Erik realized he had been staring at the same spot blindly on the wooden floor, seeing nothing.

The night was closing in outside, and it was raindrops rattled lightly to the windows, and somewhere in the distance, Erik thought he heard a thunder rumbling.

Erik folded the CIA maps carefully but absent-mindedly in his hands, putting them one by one into a bag.

He thought back to Hank's and Charles' reunion - how warm and affectionate it had been. How open and caring Charles had acted towards Hank, how gently he had spoken to him. How Charles had wrapped his arms around Hank and caressed the side of the scientist's head, muttering comforting words into his ear, apologizing time and and a time again for what he had done.

After Trask, Erik had almost lulled himself succesfully into the illusion that Charles was just an angry, bitter shell of himself, but that moment with Hank had proved to Erik that Charles still had his kindness and warmth left, every bit of it. It was peculiar how easily that side of him was brought forward by anyone except Erik. And how, oddly enough, Erik had almost _envied_ Hank for his right to touch Charles, to share something more than just anger and hurt and shouting with the telepath.

Erik also knew that if they wanted to destroy those CIA back-up documents, he and Charles needed to work seamlessly together. Erik couldn't get distracted by Charles like he had earlier in the CIA base. They needed to reach some kind of understanding of cooperation, or otherwise this mission was doomed before it would even start.

The rain tapped distantly on the window.

Something caught Erik's attention from the corner of his eye, and he turned to see Charles standing further in the shadows. For a moment, Erik's breath hitched just a little and his mind sparked into life from its haze - Charles' presence seemed to do that for him. Those cerulean blue eyes seemed even more fascinating when the room was otherwise dim. Erik wondered how long Charles had been standing there.

There was a silence.

They stared at each other for a while. Charles was leaning on the doorframe, an unreadable look on his face. He looked tired.

Erik searched for something to say - he almost forced his face into an emotionless mask and let smirth and dry, dark humor take over his tone, but right now, he found that he couldn't.

He was somehow too weary to do that. So, even if Erik felt more vulnerable than normally, having his defences and protecting facade down, he didn't bother to put on a show for Charles. He just didn't bother. Somehow the failure and pressure from the CIA base visit had drained him of all that, and there was something almost raw honesty in the air now. And weary quietness.

Erik found his mouth was going dry for no clear reason at all. At the back of his head, he cursed the fact that his body seemed to react in the most illogical ways to situations like these. He could smell the dust better, hear the rain more clearly and feel every inch of distance between him and Charles.

Everything was more vivid, sharper - just like it had been for that one brief moment in the CIA base after he had released his magnetism.

Magnetism. Oh the irony.

-Are you going to leave tomorrow?" Charles finally said quietly, breaking the silence.

-In the morning, yes," Erik answered. He was careful to keep his tone as quiet as Charles'. It was almost like respect for the peaceful feeling the rest of the world seemed to have.

Erik eyed Charles - for some reason, he could have done that for hours, because Charles always wore his emotions on his face and there was something so fascinating about him. Erik couldn't quite put his finger on why or how.

-Hank wasn't sure whether the documents will be in that base or not," Charles pointed out.

Erik shrugged. -Doesn't matter. I will pay them a visit anyway."

Charles' eyes wandered to the floor. -The base is a lot bigger than the one we were in before. Hank said it's a lot more safer and well-guarded, and they might have risen their threat levels because of your earlier attack."

Erik couldn't help his lips tugging a little, a ghost of a smile appearing to his face. -Worried about me now, are you Charles?"

Charles looked up, like a child caught doing something bad, but then he turned to look more neutral again. There was a long pause, and Charles shifted his weight almost awkwardly. Then, barely audibly, Charles spoke: -I don't want to be responsible of anything happen to you."

Erik blinked, heart jolting slightly in his chest. He took a steadying grip from the chair right next to him, fingers tightening around the backrest. -I'm fairly confident to say that I can take care of mys-..."

-No you don't understand," Charles interrupted, sighing. -I know you won't back down if you go into that base, Erik. You said it yourself before - you're going to do it by any means necessary. And that usually means a lot of people will get hurt or killed - and they will all be on my conscience." Charles closed his eyes for a moment. -And I know that nothing I can say will stop you. So at least, please promise to be careful."

Erik had to bit the inside of his cheek for a moment. He was suddenly taken over mixed emotions, but he wasn't ready to promise anything, or make amends. He had broken enough promises to Charles already. Instead, he avoided the question, and caught other part of Charles' words. -You're making it sound like you're not coming with me."

Charles flickered his eyes to Erik, looking suddenly vaguely defensive. -I can't leave Hank alone again."

-Hank isn't an infant," Erik pointed out sharply.

Charles was about to answer as sharply too, but stopped at the last minute. Instead, he fell into silence and eyed Erik. Time ticked on, and then slowly something almost fond ghosted over his features. -Is this way of saying you _want_ me to come with you, Erik?"

Erik was caught by surprise; he hadn't expected such a direct question. He had grown far more used to the shouting and angry accusations by now. But Erik composed himself quickly, and raised an eyebrow. -I don't see how you just being in a coma helps any of us any further," Erik shot back with more hostility than he intended, and hated to see Charles' faint amusement starting to fade away. So Erik quickly softened his voice a little and hurried to continue: -So yes, Charles, I'd say I could use your help in the base."

A pause. Charles seemed to consider his words. For a long moment, none of them said anything, and they just shared a look across the empty space. But then there was an old sorrow slipping into Charles' face; like bittersweetness, but one that wasn't unkind. The room felt warm and safe, like a safe haven from the outside world, and for a moment, Erik felt the distance between them narrowing down.

Charles sighed. -You know, no matter how much I avoided facing Hank...I'm glad he knows the truth now. I couldn't...stand his guilt over what happened. It would have stayed with him for years if I had succeeded to take my own life. And that guilt could have destroyed him, I see it now in retrospect."

Erik had to blink several times, and he took an unsteady breath. -Yes, I agree." He tried to bite down his words, he really did, but just _couldn't,_ so he felt the next sentence dropping from his mouth before he was able to stop himself: -Feeling responsible for your closest friend's suffering can do that."

Now Charles looked up sharply, clearly catching the meaning behind Erik's word. Inwardly, Erik cursed himself; the last thing he wanted was another fight. He expected Charles to become defensive, to raise his voice and start bleeding old hurt into accusations and arguments, but they never came. Instead, something cracked in Charles' distant facade and his shoulders slumped, and he looked even more tired than ever before. He let his head fall against the doorframe.

-I know you're sorry about Cuba," Charles finally said quietly.

Erik forgot how to breathe.

Charles shrugged, blinking hard. -I know you are. That's what it makes it harder. Because I know you didn't mean to..."

He bit his lip. -All this," he said, waving his hand between the empty space between them. -It has never been about you breaking my spine. That...that was an accident, Erik, and I know that," Charles whispered, and Erik felt a little light-headed hearing it - the relief that it sparked felt intoxicating. Charles hesitated before speaking, and pain flashed in his face. -But it was the way you left me behind to that beach and took my sister with you that was unforgivable."

Erik suddenly felt his skin crawling and the old guilt and complex emotions waking somewhere deep in the pit of his stomach, and he stepped closer. He tried to search for the right words, tried not to ruin it all over again. Erik sensed that Charles had given this a lot of thought, that he had wanted to say this to him, and had obviously had to force himself to do so. Erik felt like it was their first real attempt of talking, not just fighting.

And he felt suddenly lost, because the room was full of vulnerability now.

Charles looked up at Erik, and now his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. -Because...Was I really that insignificant? Didn't I matter at all?"

Erik shook his head furiously, his throat dry. He was suddenly infuriatingly at loss when Charles wasn't shouting at him, when he wasn't blaming him - he was just openly broken and wounded, and Erik hated seeing it, hated it so much and wanted to scream from the top of his lungs that Charles had it wrong. But he didn't know how to put it into words, so Erik ended up just helplessly staring at him. But Charles took his silence as an answer and huffed bitterly, looking briefly up to the ceiling to blink back the tears. -Oh, I see," he muttered, and started to turn away, to leave the room.

But Erik shot his own hand forward and grabbed Charles by the wrist, pulling him back with more force than he needed so Charles ended up taking a balancing step forward. Suddenly they were very close, and Charles was between him and the doorframe. Their closeness highlighted their height difference, and Charles had to look up at him. He was radiating confusion and uncertain hurt now.

And for Erik, it was like his thoughts had become an unverbal mess the instant that Charles was right there. It was like all versions of human language seemed lost to him, and Erik realized he was staring. Raven had once told him that Charles' eyes were the same shade of blue like the Mediterranean sea in the warmest summer day, and for some peculiar, insane reason, that was the only coherent thing Erik could think about right at that moment. Because Raven was _wrong_ - no sea was deeper than Charles' irises, the comparison was almost insulting. Erik found himself thinking that the mind behind those eyes had visited other's heads, hopes, dreams and fears more times than some people would even meet during their whole life. How had it not made Charles murderous - for seeing all the prejudice, all the anger and hatred in the humans he had reached with his telepathy? How could Charles still be so maddeningly selfless and compassionate?

Not that Charles wasn't naive, self-righteous and priviledged academic too - all the things Erik hated about thim. That's why it was so irritating - because he knew Charles' every flaw in such a perfect detail, and yet he couldn't just brush him off somebody he had just once known. Erik felt the hopeless yearning rising from his chest again - yearning for the way it had used to be, and yet Erik knew nothing would ever be the same again. But he still didn't want to let go, not really. _Mein Gott. _Charles was like a drug, Erik thought darkly. And how ironic was that - that Charles had been a serum-addict and alcoholic, while Erik was addicted to the addict instead of substances. And just maybe...maybe to some other idea entirely that Erik couldn't quite yet name.

Maybe Hank was right, and he _was_ obsessed. But if over ten years of withdrawal from Charles hadn't been enough, what would?

Would they be stuck like this for the rest of their lives?

Erik's fingertips somehow found their perfect spots over Charles' wrist, instinctively searching for a pulse or warmth, but he found none. The ghostly touch still send electricity crawling up to his veins and striking sparks inside his head - like he was playing with matches by being this close to Charles.

Erik realized he was staring again, that he had been too quiet for too long, and that this private moment in the dim, cozy room felt crucially different than anything else before. Charles let out a soft, confused gasp, almost too quiet to notice, and glanced at Erik's hand around his wrist and him towering over him, not obviously sure what to think. There air between them seemed to be crackling with tension, like it was also waiting for something to snap, like a tide breaking. Erik didn't want to be anywhere else in that exact moment - for a very short, blissful seconds there was nothing else on this Earth than Charles Xavier - no anger, no injustice, no prejudice, no murder, nothing bad at all.

Erik wanted to inhale the feeling, to get lost in it. It made no sense, and it was stupid and reckless, but for one moment Erik wanted to be free of everything, because he had no home and no ties to anything, but Charles made something in him ache because he was the only one that had ever mattered, the only one that hadn't faded over years, the only one that could push every button and drive him to the walls and yet bring out the remaining good parts out of him too.

Erik felt a wave of frustration - people who just either loved or hated someone had it easy - having just _one_ emotion, one clear way of feeling towards someone - they were blessed. Because Erik had had that same thing with every remarkable person in his life - he had loved his mother more than anyone, and hated Shaw more than anything. Two extremities, two very simple sentiments. But then there was Charles. Erik didn't hate him, not really, but he didn't what else this was.

Could you feel so many things towards a single other individual that it all just...overflowed? Could you crave someone's presence and attention and yet still detest some parts of them so much that it could drive you crazy?

It built a frustration so deep and profound into Erik's deepest parts that he almost wanted to wreck stadiums and houses and skyscrapers because he didn't know how to silence it or rip it out, because it was wrecking him and eating him and yet he couldn't get _enough_.

Erik's breaths became as superficial, and he tightened his grip on Charles' wrist. Charles leant a bit backwards against the doorframe, and suddenly he looked like a painting - panting as he was looking up at Erik with those too blue eyes, messy hair framing him and the air between them feeling too thin. Gods, this was so messed up.

It was like they were gunpowder and lighter when brought together.

Erik knew he had to say something, despite the hurricane inside his head. -You were never insignificant," he said, trying to sound neutral but the words came out as a breathless whisper.

Charles' eyes widened just a little, and even Erik could tell that his words had truly reached him, that Charles believed him. Suddenly Erik felt a flicker of hope that some things could still be mended between them. Charles looked torn, like he was trying to stop himself to listen and believe anything Erik said, but couldn't. Erik unconsciously leant closer, and Charles hesitated, like he was about to push Erik away and draw his wrist free, but in the end he stayed still.

They had a large room at their disposal but they were crammed against the wall next to the doorframe. Erik didn't want to think too long about that.

Besides, he had no mental capacity to pay attention to anything else besides Charles.

Charles, and how he still make Erik raw in every way by just being there.

Years and days felt mostly meaningless to Erik - the way he saw it, it was just another day in the battlefield, becoming a heap of murder and justice brought by his own hand. But in his memories, the ones about Charles burnt like a lighthouse in the middle of the dark sea, the light fading into the distance for a long time but then hitting him at times, blinding him every single time.

Erik almost wished Charles would just forget his high morals for once and look into Erik's mind with his telepathy, because there wasn't a way Erik could explain all of this, how there could be anything understandable in English language or German, or French, or any other existing language. How could Erik make Charles see what went through his head, what were the motivations behind his actions? How could he form into words something he didn't quite understand himself?

In the end, Erik then forced himself to say the few things he _could_ say, and knowing they were absolutely truthful. It took effort to talk aloud:-I would have stayed by your side, Charles, just like I asked you to stay by mine." He shook his head. -But the way you wanted to handle...Your views and mine are..."

-I know," Charles interrupted, squeezing his eyes shut, biting his lip, an old weariness taking over him. -I know, Erik. Believe me," he said, but there was true sadness in his voice now. Erik's chest seemed to flutter, as if he had dozens of tiny, unsynchronized hearts instead of one. Yes, he had only one heart, and it seemed to have a mind of its own.

Charles' blinked his eyes open slowly, pupils widening as they fixed on Erik.

Erik swallowed.

Charles looked at Erik, almost pained. -Why did you have to interfere?" he whispered, but it wasn't really a question he expected an answer to. -Without you, I would have been able to stay away and wait until they switched off the machines in the hospital. But you provoked me and lured me out time and a time again, and now I have to live with those CIA agents on my conscience for the rest of my life."

Erik didn't open his mouth to argue and say anything about collateral damage, of men blindly following orders, or anything he normally would have. He said nothing about them at all. Instead, he had to look away so he could voice the next words. -I don't see anything wrong in it if your hatred for me ended up keeping you alive."

Charles inhaled so quickly that Erik snapped his eyes back at him in weak curiousness. Charles looked somewhat shocked. -Hatred?" he repeated and shook his head slowly. -No, Erik. Don't you understand? I was...I was_ angry_ because I was hurt. I was...I was heart-broken. And I was angry at you because _you_ seemed too whole, too undamaged by it all. After Cuba, you carried on your life like you never had known me or the missile crisis didn't happen at all, while I felt useless and helpless here in the mansion, people dying or leaving, the school becoming empty."

Erik' mouth dropped open - he hadn't even thought of it that way. Charles shrugged weakly. -And you were partly right about the humans - they did attack us in Cuba. The CIA turned their backs on us, and in Logan's future, the Sentinels enslaved us all. I lost my hope, all of it, over the years. That's why I knew that Hank wouldn't be suspicious when I planned him to find me from the bathroom floor."

Erik hated to even think of it; how Hank had accepted Charles' suicide attempt, how it hadn't surprised him that much at all. And suddenly Erik hated to see how visible of the cracks in Charles was. Every one of them - the long years in the mansion, the isolation, the self-destructive tendencies, everything that had happened since that beach. Even the fact that Charles had been able to cut himself open in the first place. And now more than ever, Erik felt silently grateful that he hadn't had his helmet on that horrible night. How could he even live normally in a world without Charles? It was like the moon would be missing - the Earth would keep on turning, but something essential was missing. Erik was suddenly haunted by the idea.

Charles blinked, once again eyes glistening, and locked them with Erik, continuing: -And in Paris, when you pointed that gun on Raven..."

Erik gritted his teeth, feeling a rush of self-loathing. He shook his head. -Charles..."

-You _knew_ how I would feel, and you did it anyway," Charles breathed out. -How could I ever trust you? How could I ever forgive you? And forgiveness was exactly what you asked from me back in the car, didn't you? Even if I could accept the loss of my legs, or believe you when you say that you didn't kill the president..." Charles' voice broke. -What about the rest of it?" he hissed.

Erik gritted his teeth even harder, looking down, feeling suddenly ashamed. He had never wanted to cause so much pain for Charles, but he ended up doing so anyway. It was like it was cursed, like he had once thought before. Cursed tragedy, that's what this was. And tragedies didn't have happy endings.

-Forgiveness is not what I expect from you," Erik said quietly. -I just wish that we could work together."

Charles leant more heavily on the wall. -And then you'll leave?" he asked with a tiny voice.

Erik looked at him with a sinking feeling. He didn't know what to say; he hadn't thought of so far. -It's not the time to make decisions about that. I just want to stop Alice's vision coming true."

Charles looked at him carefully. -Is that all?"

Erik felt the suddenly the weight of the question, and realized that no, that wasn't all. If that was the case, he would be determined and focused, and not like this. The ghost of a memory from the motel room suddenly hung in the air - Erik was too aware of the fact that Charles was trapped here, between him and the doorframe, that he still hadn't pulled his wrist free. That they were close, so very close, the air feeling tensed between them.

The question lingered between them, unanswered. Erik had a moment where he just wanted to turn away and go stand in the rain for a while, hoping it would bring him back to his senses. Because seeing those blue eyes from this close was like drinking salt water; the more he drank, the thirstier he just got. He must have been out of his mind.

Erik didn't know what to answer, or what Charles even expected him to answer.

At the same time Erik wanted to pull away, and yet he was full of frustration and yearning and fondness for Charles. Erik felt like his sould was being torn to fifteen different directions, and if this is what it meant to truly care about someone, then he didn't want it.

The thunder rumbled outside, and the rain became heavier. The nightstand lamp flickered a little - the storm was messing with it. But the room was warm and full of blankets and other cozy things, and it didn't feel dark or gloomy like the mansion itself.

Charles glanced at the lamp briefly, and Erik stole the moment to see Charles' side profile in full detail. Charles looked better than he had during the Trask mission, despite the circumstances, and Erik was glad to notice. Even the ridiculous long hair seemed somehow darker and more livelier. Erik didn't like the fact that somewhere in the hospital, Charles' body was full of tubes and needles and surrounded by bloodbags and machines, heart monitor beeping in solitude. He wanted more than anything to shove Charles back into his body, no matter how broken his spine might have been. Erik didn't care that Charles' legs weren't working, it would still be better for him to be fully alive, awake and warm than like this; detached, half-real. It didn't matter that Charles' wrists would take months to scar and heal; at least he was still alive.

Suddenly Erik had the deepest, loneliest need to be there when that happened; to not leave the mansion right after this mission would be finished. No matter how much Hank wouldn't like him being around or Charles protesting - Charles would probably be weak as a kitten anyway, and Hank could use a hand for getting Charles better. Erik realized he was getting ahead of himself - there was no certainty that this mission would be a success. Because if it wasn't, then Charles would never agree to wake up. And Erik couldn't have that.

Erik's mouth felt too dry. In a strange, instinctive moment, he pulled Charles' arm up from the wrist, suddenly checking that the skin on it was undamaged because he was bothered the idea of it being broken. But there was nothing visible; no signs of cuts, even if Erik let his fingertips brush the spots they had to be in. Charles shivered a little from the touch, and looked up at Erik with an unreadable face.

-Are you in pain?" Erik asked quietly, not looking up. He pressed his fingertips to the wrist gently. -Back in...back in the hospital. Right now?"

-No," Charles replied, clearly understanding what Erik meant. -Not at all," he said carefully.

Erik nodded, satisfied to notice that Charles let him examine the arm. Interestingly, he noticed both of them having goosebumps from the touch. Finally, Erik lowered Charles' arm back and looked up. Their faces were so close, and dark shadows were framing their features. It was almost intoxicating to be so close, yet so far.

Suddenly the thunder rumbled a lot harder than before, and a lightning lit up the landscape outside. At the same time, the nightstand lamp suddenly went black like someone had switched it off, as did everything else electrical from the mansion. The hum of it was like a sigh through the mansion. It was like the night sweeping over.

All of the lights had gone out.

Erik blinked in surprise, and for a moment, he didn't see anything in the complete blackness. His eyes didnt' adjust, and he lifted his hand next to the doorframe, next to Charles' head, in search of the light switch and leant forward, but it was also the moment Charles moved and suddenly their faces bumped into each other, Erik's hand clasping the back of Charles' head automatically to stop Charles from hitting the wall.

Charles froze, and Erik froze, and Erik realized he was both holding Charles' wrist and the back of his head, both more or less pressed against the wall next to the doorframe.

Their faces were still right there where they had stopped to stand; Erik's nose brushing Charles' cheek and his lips ghosting over the corner of Charles' lips. Their breathing sounded suddenly too loud in the room, tangled to each other, and Erik felt a sudden rush of nervousness.

-Erik?" Charles whispered, so close that it felt unreal, and Erik had to stare into a blind spot in the darkness to keep himself orientated.

Charles lifted his hand and pressed it against Erik's chest, clutching lightly to his shirt like making sure he was there. Of course he was, it wasn't like they could have lost each other while standing right next to each other.

The darkness somehow narrowed everything down. There was now only their breathing and touches left, when vision was gone. Shivers went through Erik's whole body, and it took effort from him to suppress himself from trembling. Erik felt every inch of Charles' hair and wrist against his fingertips, and the ghost of a touch against his face. If Charles turned his face a few centimetres towards Erik, their faces would aligne and mirror each other.

But they were both frozen. Even if the room was dark, for Erik it suddenly felt like it was burning. Slowly burning. He didn't dare to move.

It was like the dark air was crackling between them.

The rain was heavy, but not as heavy as their breaths. The thunder rumbled again in the distance. Erik's heart suddenly took pace, and he told himself it was the natural reaction for the sudden startle. But the pounding just got worse when he realized he could detect the very faint scent of Charles now that he was this close; the same one Erik had caught from Charles' sheets in the study. It seemed that it might have gotten stronger the more solid Charles became. Gods, he had never paid any attention or sentiment to anyone's scent before.

Erik felt like he wanted to hold his breath but couldn't. Charles finally moved a little by clutching Erik's shirt a little tighter and turning towards him. Then for a one breath-taking millisecond, their noses and lips brushed together, and a hot breath was breathed against Erik's face. His mind went completely blank, because he didn't know how to deal with the sensation and suddenly his body seemed to remember all of the neglect it had gone through in Pentagon.

Charles gasped too, seemingly in surprise how close Erik was and that he hadn't meant to bump into him. The touch was so brief that Erik would have been certain he had imagined if it wasn't the way the skin on his nose and lips were suddenly throbbing and his hands were trembling.

The tension was so thick it was almost impossible to breathe.

For a one, reckless second, Erik thought about pushing Charles against the wall; of tightening his fingers into Charles' hair and locking Charles' wrist against the doorframe, just like he had done in the CIA base to protect him. For one moment, Erik played with the idea, thinking it as just a game, that it was once again the ten years of isolation talking, not him.

His mind seemed to invite the idea with almost hysteric delight, and Erik's skin was craving another touch.

They were both panting slowly now, and Erik could feel every inch of his body and mind demanding something, anything, to quiet down the madness they had for Charles Xavier.

Grab him, slam him against the wall, steal his breaths away.

In the dark room, Erik suddenly realized that no matter how much time had passed since they had met, this infuriating yearning hadn't faded, it had just grown stronger. There would never be no one else like Charles, Erik knew it. Not now, not in the future. Because Erik didn't grow attached to anyone; only thing that mattered was the fight for the mutant kind. His mind and heart were supposed to be as cold as the steel he commanded, but right now, it felt like someone had heated that steel into two thousand degrees.

Erik wanted to slide his hands and take Charles' face between them. He wanted _something_ until the spark from him would die out.

Erik took a deep breath and leant a little closer -

but

then the spell was abruptly broken when Hank's voice rang out: -Charles? Erik?" His voice was coming somewhere from downstairs.

Erik reacted instantly and pulled away, moving his hand to the spot of the light switch again. He pushed it up and down a few times, the clicking sound too loud in the dark room. Of course the switch wasn't working, he knew it already, but Erik kept trying anyway. And before he had the chance to do anything more, the lights suddenly flickered back on.

Erik blinked several times as the night lamp further away in the room came back on, only to reveal how close he was to Charles. Charles was staring at him with wide blue eyes, and his cheeks were slightly red now. Erik's was holding his breath. It was like they were both under a spell for one, short moment, the rest of the world meaningless.

But then Charles blinked, hid his face and pulled hastily away. He stepped further away from the doorframe.

-I think the generator kicked in!" Hank shouted distantly, and Erik almost rolled his eyes for the obvious statement. But he was too mesmerized by the odd feeling that was still hanging in the room.

Charles took a wary step backwards and vanished into thin air before Erik had time to do or say anything.

Then, Erik was alone in the room again, but feeling disoriented, still staring at the light switch. He had to take support from the wall and take a deep breath before he could compose himself. In a haze, he walked back towards his bag, staring at it dumbly. It took him two minutes until he remembered he was supposed to be packing.

Erik knew he wasn't going to get any proper sleep tonight, and that wasn't because of the storm.

Of if it was, then the storm was inside his head instead of the sky.


	15. Chapter 15

Erik barely slept that night. It wasn't because of the next day and it's dangers - he had always been fine with blood, chaos and violence. He had spent years in the camps and with Shaw, so there wasn't any horror that he hadn't gotten used to. There was no cruelty that could make his stomach turn. His own death didn't really scare him.

So no - Erik didn't stay up worrying about his own fate.

He could only think about Charles.

His head was more or less invaded by hundreds of tiny thoughts, loud and messy. They were like insects, crawling inside his skull and making him toss and turn in the bed. The bed was too soft for him anyway; for so many years, he had spent in concentration camp bunks and then ten years in Pentagon. His back didn't recognize the soft, expensive sheets and soft mattress as comfortable - it just felt out of place. Like he was drowning into the bed. Drowning...just like he had been when he had first met Charles.

_Verdammnt_, Erik cursed to himself. This was exactly the problem - no matter what he was thinking, it somehow always lead to Charles. There was always some kind of shortcut his mind seemed to make, some excuse.

It was just one damn telepath.

One broken, naive telepath that sometimes drove Erik to the walls just by existing.

Secretly, Erik was happy that at least Charles couldn't probably hear his thoughts by accident right now. His current comatose state seemed to weaken his telepathy at least a little, and Erik knew for sure that Charles had too high morals to take a peek without permission. Even if somewhere, deep down, Erik wished he would. Maybe this all would make more sense then. But Charles had seemed almost disgusted by the idea of getting inside Erik's head during the Trask mission. It stung. It shouldn't have, but it did. Charles had, after all, been the only one Erik had let inside his mind, behind his defences - under his skin. Charles, the kindest person Erik knew, rejected Erik's attempts of redemption, and that was quite telling of how bad things were between them. Unfixable.

A broken mirror was a broken mirror even if you stiched the pieces back together and made it whole. The cracks would always remain there.

Erik shifted in the bed for what felt like a millionth time. The bed was too big - it was obviously made for two people. It was still raining outside, even if the thunder had quieted down.

It was long past midnight.

Finally, Erik sat up with a sigh. Without a word, he grabbed the pillow and the duvet and laid down to the floor.

Now it was alright.

Harsh and rough floor, now that was what Erik knew well. He instantly felt better. He wasn't used to softness, or comfort, or warmth. Iron, coldness and anger was what had always been the most familiar things to him. Such strong but simple things.

Erik closed his eyes, but he still felt like there was a heavy presence lingering on top of his chest, making his breaths sound artificial. He was suddenly reminded of the nights when Raven had still been with him, all those years ago; how she had sometimes slipped into his room without saying a word. And how her visits had always been satisfying but meaningless.

Raven had changed her appearance into countless different shapes during those times, never by Erik's request but by her own unvoiced wishes. They had never talked about Cuba, or the one person they had both left behind.

Erik particularly remembered the one time he had fought with Raven, and she had changed herself into looking like Charles as a revenge. Erik had had trouble breathing and had almost slapped her across the face for being so bold, because not enough time had passed since Cuba and Erik couldn't look even that fake-Charles in the eyes, even if it was Raven and it was a stolen shape she had worn. Erik couldn't even recall what the fight had been about, or what Raven's point had been.

Erik thought back to it now, disturbed. If Charles never really woke up, if he really did die...Raven could still make herself look like her brother. She could wear a ghost's face. Erik was both disgusted and comforted by the thought. Raven would probably never agree to that anyway. She didn't even know what had happened to Charles in her absence. Erik wondered how she would react, knowing Charles had almost bled out, and out of all people, Charles had projected his last moments to Erik, not her.

It made him darkly satisfied.

Erik was constantly thinking back to the way Charles had looked like in the motel room, or against the wall earlier that night. Lips slightly parted, blue eyes full of mixed emotions, too much tension in his shoulders and jaw. Charles didn't look at anyone else like he looked at Erik. With Hank, it was fondness and warmth and protectiveness. With Erik, it was the whole spectrum of emotions.

But at least Erik wasn't meaningless to Charles. If he was, Charles wouldn't have felt anything towards him, not even rage.

If Charles was still hurting, Erik had mattered to him. Still mattered.

Erik found himself picturing every detail of Charles' face, of his hands, his too long hair. Every word he had said, every breath he had inhaled. It was all surrounded by frustration, endless frustration. And yearning, always the yearning, no matter how Erik wanted to kill the sentiment away.

But he also felt tired.

He was so done with fighting. With the misery. Seeing unshed tears in Charles' eyes, how his voice broke just a little when he argued with Erik.

Because no matter how many years had passed, Erik never enjoyed Charles' pain. It felt like it was partly his own, because he wanted to reach his hand and take it all away, wash it like dirty paint from a white canvas. For so long, Erik had thought that Charles didn't know suffering or tragedy; that Cuba had broken him just because he was a pompous rich, sheltered academic that couldn't handle facing harsh reality. A soft man who couldn't accept his idealistic illusions getting shattered by the humans and their cruelty.

But now, Erik was starting to see there was more into it.

The process of realizing it felt a little like falling.

Falling deeper and deeper. But into what?

He let out a restless, quiet moan, turning his face into the pillow. Even when Charles wasn't in the room, he still vacated Erik's whole being.

* * *

><p>Morning came, finally.<p>

Erik packed the rest of the things silently. He walked down to the ground floor. Hank was standing in the living room, looking like he hadn't slept well either.

-Are you sure about this?" Hank asked quietly, eyeing Erik from head to toe.

Erik just nodded.

There was an odd sense of finality in the air. Erik adjusted the grip on his bag. Hank looked awkward, like he didn't really know what he was supposed to say or do.

-I will look after Charles in the hospital," he said, like they already wouldn't both know that.

-See that you do," Erik replied.

He looked outside - it was still raining, but only just a little. This could very well be his last day on Earth. Erik wasn't stupid - the CIA base was very well-guarded and big, and they probably knew to expect him. There was every change of him getting captured or killed. It was even more probable than everything going smoothly.

Hank swallowed so loudly that Erik could hear it all the way from where he was standing.

-You're taking a huge risk."

-I am aware."

Hank opened his mouth and tilted his head. He studied Erik for a long while until he spoke again. -Thank you."

Erik blinked in surprise and looked at Hank, and the scientist corrected his glasses absent-mindedly. He shrugged. -Despite everything, I'm grateful for your help. Without you, Charles would already be gone."

Erik turned hastily to look at the door. He wasn't used to this, of getting thanked for. He shifted his weight, unsure what to say. But Hank didn't seem to mind.

-You should know that, just in case. And just...try to get those documents destroyed. That's the only Charles will agree to..."

-I know," Erik interrupted, because he didn't feel like listening to unnecessary things. But there was also an unpleasant weight in his chest - the responsibility of what he was about to do. He knew that Charles' fate was in his hands more than ever.

Erik lingered in the doorway for a while, not knowing if he should go or not. It was odd, but it was somehow almost if he had found some kind of truce with Hank. They seemed to have a lot more common than Erik had ever realized, and Erik had some new respect for the quiet scientist.

Hank tapped his fingertips on his coffee mug.

-I'm sorry but I can't say I would be exactly heartbroken if something happens to you today," Hank muttered. Then he flashed Erik a sharp glance. -But for Charles' sake...stay alive. I don't know what it would do for him if you died while trying to save him."

Erik tightened his jaw, turning to Hank. -I'm not doing this to save him. I'm saving us _all_."

Hank looked at him for a few seconds, until he huffed and flashed a small, sad smile. -Of course you are."

Erik didn't like the way something leaped in his chest for the words, how he tried to appear stern but how those words seemed to hit a bit too close to home. It was always the quiet ones that were the most perceptive, it seemed. Erik was irritated by the way Hank made it seem like there was something obvious happening around here, but Erik was just too blind to see it or admit it.

There was _nothing_ going on.

Well, except for the mission. But besides that - absolutely nothing. Yet Erik chose not to comment on it. Instead, he turned away again, letting an awkward silence in the room.

Then Erik stepped forward and reached for the door. -Goodbye, Beast," he said and let the door fall closed.

* * *

><p>Miles passed in silence.<p>

Erik's every sense seemed to sharpen already, his body bracing itself for the fight. The feeling of danger was thick in the air, but Erik was fine with it. At least he knew he was finally doing something useful. That today could be the day that could solve everything. But also, there was an unverbalized fear somewhere deep inside of him. He needed to succeed. He _needed_ to burn those papers. It was the only way Charles would wake up.

Fortunately, Erik's focus seemed to become better all the time.

Charles appeared to the seat next to him after a while. Erik knew to expect him, and thought he would not think anything about it, but he was wrong. The moment Charles was there, Erik stiffened a little in his seat, his mouth suddenly going dry.

It seemed like every inch of space in the car suddenly rearranged itself. Like Erik suddenly became aware the exact angle and distance of their bodies.

Charles was quiet for a long time, but Erik still watched him from the corner of his eye. The tension in the car had suddenly skyrocketed, and the previous night's events suddenly hung heavily between them. Erik was suddenly aware of every centimetre between him, where his own hands were and how quickly he was breathing.

It seemed like his every skin cell suddenly got goosebumps, and the odd feeling sparked inside his brain again.

Erik swallowed, but there was a thickness in his throat that didn't really disappear.

Charles cleared his voice. -You promised to keep the killing and hurting people in minimum," he pointed out.

-There is nothing wrong with my memory," Erik replied quickly.

Charles huffed, and for a moment Erik was certain he was going to argue, but then he stayed quiet. Instead, he crossed his arms, like he had a habit of doing when he was defensive. Erik knew the gesture well. He knew all of them so well - every irk and habit of Charles.

Even after all these years, Erik could still remember how Charles liked his tea. Or how his forehead wrinkled when he read something interesting, or how he was a restless sleeper because of his telepathy. Or how he wore his watch on his right hand instead of the left, and what his Oxford thesis had been about.

Erik could recite Charles' full name, birthday or favorite books by heart. He even remembered Charles' measures - and Charles seemed to have remembered his, because somehow Charles had brought just the right size of clothes for Erik to Pentagon when they had broken him out. Erik knew that Charles took his coffee black, that he couldn't stand tomatoes, and that he had taken French classes in the university.

Erik even knew that Charles didn't like to sleep nearby anyone, because he sometimes projected parts of his own dreams to others. He had once accidentally fallen asleep against Erik's shoulder during a taxi drive after finding Darwin. Charles had been leaning against him, and Erik had caught some vague images and noises from Charles' dreams. Erik had been so fascinated about this that he hadn't woken Charles up.

There was no one else in the whole world that Erik knew these kinds of things about. He had never cared enough to pay attention to anyone else. But with Charles, he had been observing and watching all the time, most curious about everything Charles did. Erik had stored all of the information automatically, and sometimes had even awkwardly tried to use the information to make Charles feel better about something or surprise him. It hadn't always gone down that well, because Erik was so bad at that kind of stuff, but...Charles had always smiled like Erik was the sun itself and pulled him into an easy embrace, and then excitedly continued whatever he had been doing. Erik hadn't even known what to do when he was hugged, he had just stood there dumbly while Charles stood on his tip-toes, and thanked Erik like he had performed some kind of miracle.

It had been years and years when all that had happened, but Erik hadn't forgotten any of it. He had cherished the memories and guarded them inside his mind. Even when they had been darkened by the bitterness afterwards.

Erik could even remember the exact sound of Charles' laugh. Even if he hadn't heard that sound in over ten years. Or seen Charles' smile. When Charles smiled, it lit up his whole face and made his eyes look like they were full of electrified blue fire. His smile was one of the most kindest and sincerest smiles Erik knew.

But there had been no laughter or smiles in a long, long time.

Could Charles even smile the way he once had anymore? Or was everything stained and destroyed by the past and everything that had happened?

Could Charles Xavier still be happy?

Erik didn't know. He had never really cared about himself - he had never experienced happiness. Not really - he had grown up with Shaw and the horrors of the camps. The only happiness Erik could recall was the one he had felt before Shaw, when he had been just a child. But that happiness was the kind only children could have, that was born of complete innocence. Children didn't know what the world was really like, and that was why they were happy.

Because happiness _was_ ignorance. And Erik hated ignorance. How could one be happy when it wasn't shared by everyone? How could anyone lull themselves into a naive bubble of a feeling, when the rest of the world was burning with prejudice and hatred?

So no - Erik was never going to happy in his whole life, and he had made his peace with it.

For a very small while, Erik had been also been glad to know that Charles wasn't happy either. Because that meant that Charles had finally gotten a reality check, that he had finally seen the world as it was, not the way he had imagined from the safety of his mansion and priviledged life.

But right now, Erik didn't find any safisfaction in Charles' bleakness and the way he had been shattered. Because even now when it shouldn't have mattered, Erik missed that smile, missed the way Charles had laughed so easily with Erik, not _at_ him like Shaw. How Charles had made Erik smile in a real, delighted way - something Erik rarely did, and it always felt awkward and weird to do it. It was like Erik's face wasn't just made for smiling. Erik couldn't really remember himself smiling in a very, very long time.

-If things get bad...you need to leave the building immediately," Charles said, interrupting Erik's thoughts.

Erik didn't look at him, just tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

-Erik?"

Silence. Erik wasn't going to give any promises. He kept his eyes stubbornly on the road, refusing to awknowledge Charles' words in any way. He was plagued by old memories and the new kind of feeling between them. He was almost a little terrified of how deeply he still felt about Charles, how everything had been just magnified after Trask. Erik didn't know what to do about it.

When Erik still didn't answer, Charles suddenly decided to reach out to get his attention and grabbed Erik's hand that was holding the gearstick.

Erik gasped softly in surprise for the sudden touch, and a shiver went through him. Charles immediately let go, startled by Erik's reaction. Few seconds passed in confused silence.

Erik swallowed hard, since he could still feel in perfect detail where Charles' fingers had just been - the spots on his wrist seemed to be tingling.

-I did hear you," Erik forced himself to stay to break the silence and ignore his own thoughts. He swallowed and lifted his chin, trying to ignore the way his breaths hitched just a little. -But I'm not going to promise you anything about the mission."

Charles was quiet for a while, eyeing Erik. Erik felt suddenly like there wasn't enough air in the car, and he didn't want to look at Charles. He didn't know what would happen if he did.

-Erik..." Charles said slowly, and Erik had to hold his breath for a while because his resistance faltered. He wished Charles didn't know how affected he was every time Charles asked something from him. Because that was the thing - Charles had never really asked anything from him. He had always given Erik a choice, even if they probably could have avoided a lot of heartbreak if he hadn't.

And suddenly it struck Erik - the breath-taking epiphany - he would have _wanted_ Charles to ask him stay. In Cuba, he would have stayed if Charles had asked him to. _Gott_, Erik would have probably done anything if Charles requested it. But Charles had been willing to let him go, to turn him down, because they both seemed to care more about their ideals than each other. He had let Erik go too easily, without a fight, like Erik had never mattered at all.

And it _hurt_.

It shouldn't anymore, but it did.

But now, Erik realized that Charles had wanted him to stay too. Erik had never really known the true extent of Charles' high morals about everyone having the right to choose their fates. But now Erik saw it - Charles would never force anyone into anything. He would never use his powers to make people act against their will. And he would never ask people to do something Charles knew they didn't want to - like ask Raven to stay when she wanted to go...or ask Erik to stay when they obviously didn't agree on their methods.

Charles' compassion and kindness truly knew no limits, and Erik _understood_ now. Charles cared so deeply about everyone else that he had been ready to kill himself to avoid causing others pain. He had never wanted Erik to go. Erik had felt so hurt because of Charles' rejection and the lack of fight that he had thought Charles had never really cared about him too much to begin with. _"Maybe you should have fought harder for them,"_ Erik had said to Charles in the plane ride to Paris.

And he had meant it.

He had wanted Charles to fight for him. Not just let him walk away.

That was the root of this tragedy. Misunderstanding. Suddenly Erik felt like laughing manicly out loud. It was stupid. Stupid, stupid, _stupid._ And for a short moment, Erik couldn't lie to himself - he wanted to be on Charles' side all along. He would have wanted to spend all this time with him, because why wouldn't he? Charles had tied Erik to himself in a such a final and breath-taking way that they would probably never become meaningless to each other, as long as they lived.

And Erik couldn't stand the idea of them spending decades and decades apart, missing each other in the most profound way but that feeling getting buried under anger, hurt, accusations and old grudges.

Suddenly Erik was struck with a huge wave of fondness for Charles that he forgot to breathe. _Stupid, kind Charles. Always so altruistic. Destructively altruistic. _

And as always, Erik's fondness was mixed with frustration and arrogance because why, _WHY_ for the love of God couldn't Charles come into his senses? Why did he have to be so stubborn about everything? They were maddeningly bull-headed, both of them, and Erik was certain that this must have been some twisted joke from the universe - to let them meet, to become closer with each other than they had been with anyone else during their whole lives, and then tear them apart forever.

In a raw moment of truth, Erik admitted that he was stuck with Charles, no matter what he did. The only thing he could decide whether to walk away or try to make this all work. Like Logan had promised that it _would_ work, and Erik wanted that more than anything. Because Charles meant so much more to him than anyone else, and Erik could try to deny it and bend the facts inside his own head, but deep down he knew the truth.

If Erik had the chance to be selfish once in his life, this was it.

That irritating telepath sitting next to him, Erik wanted him for himself. He was posessive, he realized. Charles was _his_, no one else's. His friend, enemy and his match - everything he could think of. He wanted to consume that feeling, to drink it in. He wanted all of it, to burn it. But the question was - could he burn this feeling out? Could something kill the sentiment? Because even if Erik wanted things to mend between them, Charles didn't seem to share his motivation.

And Erik was too much prideful to say anything aloud. And what could he even say? _'Come back to me?'_

Or that he longed for their closeness so much that it almost caused him physical pain?

Or that his body was just a mess of yearning and dark flame, and that his mind was not in any better condition?

No.

Erik didn't know how.

He drove on, finally taking a breath he had been holding too long.

His heart ached. Even if he wasn't supposed to have one. Charles had stolen it, _the bastard_, claimed the small part of Erik that was capable of good things.

This would be it. This would be the day Erik had to make sure Charles would agree to live. Soon, Erik would reach the base and before nightfall, the situation should be resolved.

Erik felt the suffocating need to open his mouth and voice something, _anything,_ about the storm inside of him, but couldn't.

After the base, that's when he was going to open his mouth, Erik promised to himself. At that time, the documents should be already destroyed, and Charles would wake up.

Then Erik would finally tell Charles everything, from the very beginning. Explain the misunderstandings and complex mess chain of unfortunate events. Yes, that was what he was going to do.

Erik rarely made promises, but this one he was going to keep - otherwise he was quite sure that this sentiment would drive him mad. Just the physical closeness of Charles seemed to mess with his head, and he couldn't stand it much longer.

One more day, just like Charles had promised to him about holding on earlier.

_One more day_, Erik told himself.

He just had to survive until that. Now he had even more motivation to do so.

-Please be careful, Erik," Charles said quietly.

Erik nodded. Oh, he _would_.

Charles had already taken his heart, his whole life and mind into his hold without even knowing it. He was slowly taking over every neuron of Erik's brain, filling the space between his synapses, making a home into Erik's lungs and bloodstream. It was terrifying, really, but Erik couldn't bring himself to be scared.

It was the sensation of falling backwards, gravity meaning nothing. Charles _was_ the gravity, it seemed.

Just for a few, short seconds, Erik squeezed his eyes shut.

He probably should have never left Nevada. This whole trip back to Charles' life seemed to be one he couldn't return from, not really. After Cuba, Erik could have probably stayed away from Charles. But now, after Trask and after this whole Alice thing, the ache that had always been there after that Cuban beach wasn't just a small, poignant throb in Erik's head anymore. It had spread from his mind to his whole body, and now every bit of him seemed to want it eased. All of it. Completely.

_One more day. One more day._

Erik stayed quiet until they finally started to approach the base and adrenaline started to kick in.

Charles seemed to sense the change in Erik's mood, so he stayed quiet too. But the atmosphere between them had turned less feral, less destructive. There was new kind of acceptance in it. And new kind of burn.

_One more day_, Erik thought as he got up from the car.


	16. Chapter 16

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

_Sorry about the pause in the updates, but school and real life got in the way. But here I am, finally. I hope it was worth the wait._

**END OF AUTHOR'S NOTE**

* * *

><p>The CIA base loomed behind heavy, thick fences and endless row of security cameras.<p>

Erik eyed it carefully from the shadows of the trees. It was a lot bigger than the previous base - this one had numerous wings in it, and it seemed somehow a lot more serious and dangerous just from the outside. Erik was currently wondering whether he should go there guns blazing or try to sneak in. After all, Erik wasn't one for quiet entrances,but if the situation called for it, he could try to slip in without getting noticed right away.

-Hank wasn't even sure the documents are there," Charles said nervously, shifting his weight behind Erik.

Erik didn't look at him, just kept memorizing the outline of the buildings.

-Erik, I'm serious," Charles said, and now worry was slipping into his tone. He stepped a little closer, and now Erik's skin electrified a little where he could sense Charles' presence near. Ridiculous; since Charles wasn't even really there, not in full physical sense. Erik forced himself to ignore all of it for now; he needed to have full concentration once he started this mission.

Charles nudged Erik's sleeve a little, and Erik was so surpised for the sudden gesture that he flickered his eyes distractedly at him.

And damn; Charles was giving him the pleading, worried look, standing right next to him. Erik felt angry for the fact that Charles seemed to know - at least on some level - that he had certain power over Erik, and used it mercilessly. How ironic - Charles was one of the most powerful telepaths there were, yet he didn't need to use any of his powers to sway Erik's attention or decisions.

-This is insanity," Charles said, noddding towards the base. -You are gravely outnumbered. Even with your powers, you can't just barge in like before."

Erik's breath hitched a little, and he had to look back to the base because his thoughts were starting to wonder too much if he kept staring at Charles. But Charles mistook it as hesitation, and stepped even closer, encouraged to disagree. -You can turn back," he said passionately. -Don't trade your life for mine, Erik - because it will be for nothing. My demise will change the course of the events, yours won't."

Erik tightened his jaw. -As much as I appreciate your worry, Charles, I'm not going to turn back now. You should know me better to think otherwise."

Charles sighed in defeat, obviously not pleased but also unsurprised of Erik's reply. He stepped back a little, and Erik took a relieved breath for the additional space because it cleared his head just a little. Few seconds passed in silence, as Erik searched out the closest security cameras - he could tell from their static that they were all on.

-You're insufferable," Charles muttered suddenly, almost too quiet to hear.

Erik's lips tugged a little. -I return the sentiment," he said.

He dared to steal a sideways glance to Charles. Charles was looking at him with a faint surprise in his face, studying Erik like he had just realized something new about him. Erik couldn't help his lips quivering a little - if they only could hate each other fully. If_ only_.

For a few seconds, their gaze lingered and slight tension crawled between them. But it wasn't the dark one it used to be. It was changing, slowly but surely. It was becoming something else entirely. Something like it used to be before Cuba - something that felt like the light-headedness you got from drinking a few pints: dizzy, interesting, consuming. Like water that was too hot so you had to pull your hands away to avoid burning them. Old grudges and hurt were still present and mixed, coming forth in strange ways, but they weren't the most ruling factor. They only made everything sharper, stronger.

Charles blinked and dropped his eyes, like suddenly acknowledging the intimacy. He clutched his hands together. -Just be careful, alright?"

In the privacy of the moment, Erik let himself feel the twinge of mixed emotions. Fondness, uncertainty, self-awareness. He suddenly realized that this might could truly be the day he would die, and that this could be the one proper conversation he had with Charles. Erik felt the sudden need to confess and explain everything aloud, just to make sure Charles would know all of it. But he kept quiet, his mind just lighting up with all the unsaid things. He tried to find something to say, just something, but every word escaped him.

How he felt when he stared at that one worried telepath wasn't anything he could put into one sentence.

Erik opened his mouth, then closed it again.

There was a silence, that somehow only highlighted that they were both quiet about the things that needed to be voiced.

Charles finally looked up, and there was a vulnerable look on his eyes now. -Hank _needs_ to stay safe. Even if something would happen and I won't be here to make sure of that."

Erik's mind flashed with shock and he stepped instinctively closer. He shot a fiery look at Charles. -You_ will_ be here," he stated. It wasn't a question, it was a demand. Despite the shade of desperation in his voice. Erik swallowed and dropped the volume. -We...both will. So quit the dramatics, Charles."

Then Erik forced himself to turn away, and step further. He couldn't stand the tension and the yearning and the wait any longer - he craved the action of the mission so he would have something to do.

This was it.

He was going in. Charles hurried to follow him, and with a small movement of his fingers, Erik turned the security cameras slowly to different directions. It he was estimating it right, they should be all working splendidly but just didn't cover the area Erik was going to walk in from. The CIA trusted technology far too much; if they had actual guards staring out there, this would never work. Oh, but that would probably be a waste of government's resources, Erik thought bittersweetly.

Erik felt his whole body and attentional span crystalizing as he took the first step and started walking. He walked out of the safety of the trees, into the daylight and towards the closest fence. It made adrenaline kick in and his heart starting to pound louder, but Erik let none of it show. He felt like he was walking into a war, and that had always felt the most comfortable for him. This was where his home was - right in this moment, Erik didn't feel one bit out of place. His powers were almost singing to get used; the metal calling him almost seductively all around the base.

Erik smiled, but now the smile was dark and grim.

This place would be his toy.

Erik could vaguely hear Charles hurrying to keep up with him. But Erik's attention wasn't at him but at the security cameras - every time they tried to take their normal loop around the fields, Erik kept blocking them. He wasted no time closing the distance between him and the fence, but it still felt like a forever because he knew he could be spotted any second.

But nothing happened.

Erik reached the fence, and no alarms rang out. There was a sign that the fence was electric, but Erik could instantly tell it wasn't. He raised his hands and bended the small metal bars out of his way, until there was a hole he could walk through from. Erik stepped inside, interfering with low static with all the electrical equipments to make sure no movement detectors were there to make his presence known.

While he was inside, Erik glanced to make sure Charles was following. He was - looking as uncomfortable about the situation as expected.

Erik waited until Charles was standing next to him before he started advancing again.

Then he started approaching the small side door that lead inside. Opening the locked doorknob was child's play for him.

For a normal human being, getting just here would have been impossible. But the CIA clearly hadn't taken into account an intruder who could control metal, turn security cameras to look at the wrong way and open heavy locked doors with a twitch of his fingers. It was almost laughable.

Once he got the door open, Erik stepped inside to the corridor, Charles behind him. Erik quickly glanced around - there were obviously people here and there nearby, but they were minding their own business. Erik straightened himself and tried to look like he knew exactly where he was going. Hiding in plain sight - blending in as one of the agents. He started walking in a peaceful pace. Charles was the only thing that was kind of out of place, because he didn't look as official and relaxed as Erik.

As much as Erik hated it, he cleared his voice. -Can you...disappear out of sight?"

-What?"

-You don't exactly look like a CIA agent right now, Charles."

Charles seemed to consider it, and glanced nervously around. Yes, Erik thought, _that_ too. Charles was way too startled and edgy to do something illegal, people would start to get suspicious. Charles was such a bad liar, and even worse imposter. Erik briefly wondered how Charles had even managed get into the Pentagon in the first place. The posh British accent helped, usually, but still. It might have been amusing if the situation wasn't so serious - Charles really needed to stay unseen. He glanced at Erik with a calculating look.  
>But then the decision was made for them; since Erik could hear someone approaching him from the next corridor. He threw a meaningful look to Charles and just like that, Charles gasped quickly and dissolved into thin air.<p>

Erik blinked at the spot where Charles had just been, but somehow he could also sense that Charles was still here, just not visible. It was like an odd sixth sense he had developed about Charles in the few past days. It made somehow Erik feel better to know that he wasn't alone, even if that kind of thing had never brought him comfort before. Well, it wasn't the fact that he had company in general...it was because it was Charles.

_Focus, _he told himself.

Erik continued walking and then the approaching agent came to view. Just like Erik had expected, the man didn't even look up at him.

Hiding in plain sight was sometimes more clever than wrecking his way through. It bought him time.

Erik walked forward for several long minutes. He was supposed to have some kind of key card to access the doors, but he just opened them with his powers and fortunately that didn't set off any alarms.

It was going too well, Erik knew it.

He constantly made sure that he could detect Charles' presence beside him, but still, a restlessness was growing in him.

The only thing he could focus on were those papers. He needed them. He _needed_ to have them.

Erik made his way towards the wing Hank had told him to go. He passed several groups of people on his way, and some looked weirdly at him, but Erik walked with so much confidence that they didn't stop him to ask questions from him. It was an easy trick - if you just held your head high and radiated arrogance, you could literally walk in anywhere. Erik had tested that theory many times, just for fun. People didn't feel comfortable wasting someone's time who appeared to rule the world.

There started to be more guards. More locks. Erik was obviously getting closer to the more heavily guarded parts. Like the labs they tested on mutants like they were some kind of animals. Erik had to suppress his anger for the mere idea of it.

Erik could sense the danger so vividly, it was like a pulsing, alive thing in itself.

People started to throw him longer glances. They started to have their suspicions, and Erik knew it was only a matter of time before he was detected.

And three corridors later, it happened. A suspicious-looking guard turned to Erik to ask him something, and Erik didn't hesitate. He punched the man in the face, took a grip from his throat and cracked the man's head against the wall so hard that his eyes rolled up and the man slumped down.

Every single cell in his body fired adrenaline into him, and Erik felt the thrill of a fight. The first hit always felt the best. He looked up - there was nobody else there in the corridor, but it was just a matter of time. He had lost the advantage of disguise, so with a large wave of his hands, he destoyed every security camera nearby. Then he quickly grabbed the fallen man's gun and keys and took a breath. Charles flickered into sight, looking at Erik with wide eyes. -You could have just..."

-No," Erik snapped determinedly. An alarm went off somewhere in the distance, and suddenly the danger around them magnified. The CIA knew there was something happening in their base, and it would be only a matter of minutes before everything went to hell.

Erik stood up and looked at Charles, thinking fast. -Can you find Moira?"

Charles opened his mouth in confusion.

Erik tightened his grip on the gun as more alarms went off. -Charles! Can you find Moira?" he repeated hastily. -If they widen that alarm into the whole building, they will start to evacuate. And that means they will interrupt meetings and other interactions - that's when Moira will come out somewhere, and it narrows it down to find the documents."

It had been his plan all along, of course. Finding Moira by guesswork would have been impossible; Erik needed to lure them all out to the corridors. That way, he would buy time since the CIA couldn't organize a proper strike-back until the corridors were emptied of the employees. Safety protocols could backfire on themselves sometimes.

Charles seemed to agree that it was a sound logic, so he turned to look more distant and start concentrating, like trying to search out the building, and stared at a random spot on the floor for a moment. He even lifted his fingers against his temple like he sometimes did to concentrate, but he only ended up raising his eyebrows. Finally, he swallowed and looked up to Erik, startled look on his face. -No. I...I can't do it. Not like this. Not without actually being here, linked to my own body."

Wheels turned rapidly inside Erik's head. He was very aware of how outnumbered he was, and even if he wasn't scared, he wasn't stupid. -Is there any other way of doing it?"

Charles raised an eyebrow. -Like how?"

Erik glanced around the corridors to make sure they were still alone. He could hear distant shouts and running somewhere far, far away, and the metallic sounds of coded doors opening. Then he turned back to Charles, knowing this was their best chance. Erik took a calming breath. -Can you...anchor yourself here somehow?"

Charles just stared at him.

Erik was getting more and more anxious, and stepped further hastily. -You're the telepath here, Charles! Figure something out. Forget your morals, this isn't the best timing to be considerate."

Charles looked unsatisfied, but was clearly considering it. -I could probably doing it by using someone else's mind. A mind that's attached to a body," he muttered.

-Fine. Use mine," Erik said, shrugging. Charles' eyes widened, and his face scrunched up in protest and he opened his mouth to argue. But before he could, Erik stepped even closer, getting more and more serious by the second.

-This is not the time for that. I'm giving you my permission to enter my mind - just use it to find Moira, and do it fast," Erik said with a tight, demanding voice.

Charles' eyes narrowed. -You've planned this all along, haven't you?"

Erik sighed in deep frustation that was born out of haste and danger. -_Not_ the time, Charles. Just do it," he barked out. More alarms joined the previous ones, and Charles glanced sideways, clearly realizing how badly they were running out of time. Then he turned back to Erik, biting his lip. For a moment, he looked like he was still going to disagree. But then, he stepped closer and lifted his hands and placed them on the sides of Erik's face.

Despite his deep concentration and focus on the mission, Erik still felt a shiver crawling from his spine into the deepest parts of his bones when Charles touched him, and he had to clench his jaw tightly not to let it show. It took so much effort from Erik to not just fall apart by getting touched by another living being, and the fact that it was Charles made it even harder. He wanted to lean into the touch, to steal it for himself. But he couldn't, so he stood on place and waited.

Charles eyed him carefully. Erik knew that Charles was probably thinking about warning him, or asking consent, or whatever ridiculous thing the too-kind telepath usually did, but there just wasn't any time, and fortunately Charles sensed it too.

Erik let the gun drop from his hand and he floated it carefully to the ground next to him where he could grab with lightning speed if he needed. But he was _not_ going to hold a gun in his hand while he had Charles this close; he just couldn't. Once had been enough. One bullet was enough for a lifetime, and Erik would never risk hurting Charles again.

-Think about some old memory," Charles said, and now his voice was different: steady and guiding. Erik could remember this tone from the times Charles had helped him to unlock his powers, and warm nostalgia hit Erik there and then. But he tried to push it away since Charles might already be able to hear his thoughts, so Erik tried to do as he was told. He thought back to his past, and then it was all swirling mess of images at the back of his mind.

Charles blinked and furrowed his brows. -Pick one," he said. Erik tried, but nothing stood out as particularly easy to hold onto. There were flashes of Pentagon, of Trask, Raven...Hank...Charles. So many of Charles, and Erik felt his cheeks warming up for some ridiculous reason. They felt private. It was stupid, since he had been the one inviting Charles inside to his head in the first place.

-Erik," Charles said meaningfully. -Just pick a strong memory. Doesn't matter which one, just something that will keep you occupied."

Erik was angry at himself for being so bad at this; he really tried to draw some kind of strong memory, but there was so much he wanted to push away too, to ignore, to tip-toe around now that Charles was right there. -I'll just pull something for you," Charles muttered and suddenly Erik could feel a vague sensation, like a a hand reaching to the back of his awareness, and advancing. It caught one of Erik's memories that was restlessly flickering in an out, and pulled it forward.

Erik immediately recognized it - it was his memory from the motel room, from the moment he had yanked Charles forward by his shirt. Suddenly Erik felt embarrassed when he recalled it with perfect clarity, and Charles seemed a little shocked that out of all of Erik's memories, he had found this one. Erik blinked and looked at Charles, and there was undeniable colour rising to Charles' cheeks too. Erik suddenly felt like breaking the contact, because the memory was already pulling out some strong emotions from him. That was why Charles had probably found it in the first place. It felt weird, having a memory of them both while they were this close.

-I'm sorry, I can..." Charles whispered, but Erik just shook his head just a little between his hands. -No. Leave it. Just find Moira now."

Charles nodded quickly, obviously trying give Erik privacy. And then the insivible grasp of the memory was gone, and Erik knew he was left alone with it. He felt a little relieved to know that.

-I'm going to enter your mind now," Charles exlained. Erik raised an eyebrow. -Haven't you done that already?"

-No, not really. I just heightened your own cognitive processes," Charles said quickly. -And gave some nudge."

Erik stared at him, impressed. -You can...do that?"

Now Charles raised an eyebrow in honest confusion and locked eyes with Erik. -Of course I can," he muttered, but there wasn't anything boasting or arrogant about it. Charles eyed him for a few more seconds, and Erik was once again transfixed, and he realized he was lost in the way Charles' fingertips felt against his face. The familiar, thick tension sparked between them, and Erik bit the inside of his cheek. He tried to recall what he had been talking about earlier.

-You're thousands of miles away, and your body is in a coma" Erik argued quietly, astonished. -And you're still capable of doing this?" He wasn't easily impressed, but this - this was quite something.

Charles looked almost embarrassed, but didn't flinch his gaze from Erik's. _"This isn't exactly hard for me, Erik," _Charles said without opening his mouth, and Erik jumped a little for the sudden telepathical interaction. Charles' voice sounded so completely clear and intimate inside Erik's head that another shiver went through him. He suddenly felt like he had missed this way too much - it had been years when Charles had actually had a telepathic conversation with him. The way Charles had taken over his head in front of the White House during the Trask mission had just been surgical; cold and efficient to get things done.

But when Charles was entering his mind like this, Erik could vividly remember the sheer warmth he had used to feel every time Charles had commented something to him all those years ago - during their recruiting trips, dinners, taxi drives, in crowded bars, sometimes even when Hank or Sean or someone else had been talking. Erik remembered how it had been like to crack a smile for a private telepathical joke he and Charles had shared in a room full of other people, how Charles had used his gifts to amuse and entertain Erik sometimes. Charles had been so playful, full of bright smiles and easy laugh. Erik had never minded Charles dropping in and out his head, even if Charles always asked him permission for it. Every single time.

Gods, how Erik _missed_ it. The long time that had passed since those years had numbed the yearning, had dulled down the memories and the good things. But now, every day that Erik spent with Charles brought more of it back, and only sharpened and deepened his mad need to have it again. Every bit of Charles - every single way he had used to be around Erik. And in any other possible way too. Erik wanted to have him, and once again he was almost knocked breathless by Charles' closeness and the crushing urge to just...

_Mein Gott_, he was so doomed.

Erik had to bit the inside of his cheek so hard he was sure he drew blood. He forced himself to concentrate, to appear neutral. Charles clearly mistook Erik's silence for thinking about the point he had made about his powers, because Charles explained it a bit further, completely unaware of the wreck Erik was:

_"It's not like my telepathy wouldn't let me do this," _he said. _ "That's the problem - it's too strong. That was the reason I used the serum so much in the first place. When I lost my ...hope, I also lost my way. My telepathy was so strong that it was unbearable; I couldn't filter it, couldn't block it." _

But then Charles seemed to remember that they were in a hurry, and stopped himself. _"But that's not important. Just...just focus on that one memory, Erik. I will enter your mind and use it to navigate the base. Try to ignore my presence if you can."_

Erik had only time to nod a little nervously, before Charles's mind slipped into his. Erik felt like he had been slapped, because even if Charles was gentle and careful, Erik's brain seemed to stop working when it realized that this was actually happening. He wanted this, had craved this, even if it wasn't enough. Erik realized he wanted Charles this close, but having just his mind wasn't enough - he wanted all of him. It was one moment when it all struck Erik with even better clarity than ever before, and he hid somewhere deep into his own memory to shield his loud thoughts from Charles.

And for his relief, Erik could feel them bouncing back to him from an invisible shield inside his own head - Charles was obviously trying not to pry, and was careful not to do anything except what they had agreed on. Erik was partly glad, partly disappointed. He _needed_ Charles to know this. Maybe not right now, when the base was turning into a trap, but...after this.

A white fire at the pit of his insides burnt as bright as before, and it Erik serious effort to keep still and hang his hands limply next to his sides.

He barely paid attention to the vague sensations he could detect from Charles' awareness using his head as an anchor to search the base. There were dozens of noises, of people's thoughts going in and out, as Charles browsed through them effortlessly. Erik stood in awe; in complete adoration of just how powerful Charles actually was, because sometimes he forgot what lied beneath those kind blue eyes.

Charles could become a king of his own making, if he wanted to, Erik suddenly realized. Or no, actually; king still had to please his inferiors. King could be overthrown. So Erik corrected himself - Charles could snap his fingers and become a_ god_. Charles could bend minds and break them like twigs, Erik knew it. He could make anyone into his slave, more or less, just by thinking about it. He could just decide that he wanted something, and take it. There would be no resistance, no hardship.

It was a terrifying moment when Erik realized that those 'high morals' that he had always blamed Charles for were actually the only things standing between Charles and world domination.

It was maybe a bit exaggerated, but not any less true. It was dizzying how seemingly small things like ideals could sometimes make the biggest difference. Instead of a broken, isolated and rich telepath, Charles could become the most feared and powerful of them all. Who cared about a broken spine when Charles could play with everyone's minds like toys? They would be all on their knees anyway, without realizing they had ever even knelt down.

But then again, Erik knew Charles would never go that far. He would never abuse his power into taking something that wasn't already been given to him willingly.

It was just like Cuba, in the end - Charles could have _made_ Erik stay. He could have even made Erik believe it was his own idea. But Charles had known Erik had different ideals, so he had let him. Let him have them, let him go, let him make his choices.

Stupid, kind Charles.

Insufferable, annoying, wonderful Charles.

Erik closed his eyes because it was the moment he knew for certain that there was no going back from here. He was deeply and irreversibly lost. Charles Xavier had stolen all of him, not knowing he had even committed the crime. Charles could take it all. He could take Erik's mind, body. His whole life, too. It was not like Erik could have denied him having it anyway. It was his, whether Charles wanted it or not.

And even if surrounded by danger and promise of a battle, Erik gave up the fight for this. He would stand his ground to the CIA, or anyone who ever challenged him, until he would breathe out only bloody foam and was impaled by seventeen bullets or more. If someone fought Magneto, Magneto fought back until his dying breath. He would wreck and cause mayhem in his wake; he would toss bridges and rip out cities and bend them into a heap of metal if he needed to.

But when it came to Erik, and the eternal battle he had been in ever since that day when he had tried to hold onto a submarine and a ridiculous telepath had dived after him from a coast guard boat - that battle was now lost for good.

Erik had always thought that it had been lost in Cuba, but it hadn't. How stupid of him to think that; he wouldn't have spent years thinking about Charles, or being angry at him, and the same applied to Charles. To be angry at someone, they had to matter at first.

_Anger is secondary emotion_, like Charles had once said.

Indeed, Erik thought almost miserably.

He was in so deep.

And he would probably only be succumbing from now on.

Falling, falling, falling.

Charles was his downfall.

Bittersweet one, but unstoppable and eternal.

Erik wished this whole mission was over already; he wanted to break this silence already. He wanted to let Charles know about this, even if he had no idea how Charles would react.

_"Found her!"_ Charles' voice rang out suddenly, and pulled Erik from his thoughts. Erik fluttered his eyes open, and saw Charles looking at him worriedly. -Erik?"

Erik just nodded, throat feeling too thick to talk. He tried to gather himself and stand up straighter, and Charles lowered his hands away slowly. Every second that the touch lingered, Erik felt like trembling, and he almost pulled Charles' hands back right away; that's how badly he missed the skin contact already. His skin felt oversensitive. He truly, _truly_ was doomed. Ten years of solitary confinement hadn't made this any easier.

Charles seemed to sense some of Erik's intense internal struggle, because he turned to look even more worried. His face softened and he looked at Erik's face carefully. Erik's heart skipped a beat , because Charles looked almost gentle, and for a moment Erik had him almost against himself because he was so very close, those blue eyes locked at him, radiating that never-ending sefless caring. Charles was so close that Erik could just pull him forward, without any difficulties.

Erik took a shuddering breath, and Charles' eyes dropped to his lips briefly. In that moment, Erik almost lost all of his self-composure, all of it, and it was a miracle he held still and didn't move from his spot. His skin was thirsty, his mind was thirsty; all of him was dying of thirst, and this was a thirst that no sweetest wine could satisfy.

This was how people went insane, Erik thought. Not because they were locked in a room for ten years, but _this_.

Erik wanted to blast his madness out, to splatter it on the walls and scream his voice hollow. But even then it wouldn't be enough - and he knew it. Nothing or nobody would ever be enough. Not ever. Erik could howl at the moon like a wolf for a decade, but it wouldn't rinse this all out. Because the moon was too bright and perfect and maybe wolves were made to yearn its light and that's why they cried. Maybe Erik was the wolf and Charles was the moon. Maybe this was something he could never have. But by God, how he wanted it anyway.

He wasn't giving up, he was just finally giving in.

-Erik, I found Moira," Charles said slowly but meaningfully, looking still both a little confused and worried.

It took Erik full five seconds to realize that Charles had actually said something, and he had to blink hard until the words sank into his head. Moira - right. Then Erik snapped his attention back at the situation, remembering that Charles' life was depending on this mission. That made his focus sharpen very quickly, as the base and the blaring alarms around them became real again.

-Where...where is she?" Erik asked, voice too heavy. He had to clear his throat before he the light-headed feeling faded. Once Charles stepped away a little, Erik felt like he could breathe again. He tasted blood in his mouth; he had bitten down his own cheek too hard.

-North wing, seven corridors from here. She is carrying some papers in her hands; that's how much I managed to get from her, and we might assume they are the right documents," Charles answered.

Erik nodded, breathless, and absent-mindedly floated the gun into his hand again. The cool metal calmed Erik down a little, at least. Loud alarms ringing around him, Erik then started walking towards the north wing his balance swaying just a little before it settled and Erik forged his battle armour again.

If Charles had noticed something odd about him, he didn't comment on it.

Erik swallowed hard before he took some speed.

_Get the papers_, he told himself, and repeated it until he felt sane and focused again.

* * *

><p>Erik's adrenaline levels skyrocketed by every step. People were running and shouting, and nobody knew why the base was being evacuated.<p>

Erik still had the anonymity for a while, until someone would realize he wasn't actually following any evacuation plan or even going to the right direction. Chaos was a sweetly confusing thing for the ones who experienced it.

He felt the high from the possibility of ending this all soon. Soon, he would have a direct eyesight to those papers. Soon he could swipe them from the face of this Earth, and Charles would have any further argument to validate his choice of not waking up.

Erik tightened his grip on the gun and raised it into the air, clicking the safety off.

Charles hurried to follow him. -Erik, you have to promise to..."

-Shh," Erik hissed demandingly, both not wanting to hear any other thing Charles expected him to be a better man about, but also because he didn't want to blow their cover way before their time.

It was the next corridor Moira was supposed to be in. Erik could hear people chattering with urgent voices, and high heels clicking on the linoleum floor among many others. This was it - he had found them.

Erik pulled his shoulders back, took a steadying breath, and walked forward. The corner approached quickly, and he hurried the last steps towards it. Then it finally came to view.

In just a few seconds, Erik mapped out the corridor - there were dozens of people in suits. Few guards, few agents, a lot of opened doors. Some people just glanced at him quickly at first, obviously mistaking Erik as one of them, before they saw the gun outstreched. Before any of the CIA people had a chance of drawing their weapons, Erik had already yanked them into the air and slammed them to the walls. Shouts, grunts and yelps filled the air as human bodies collided with the walls.

Only one person was left standing in the corridor. A shape too familiar - one Erik had last seen properly in Cuba.

Moira swirled around, holding two folders in her hands, and already reaching for her own gun. Erik flicked his wrist and the gun fell the the floor uselessly. Moira's eyes widened, and she stared at Erik and her unarmed colleagues with anxiety that was mixed of fear. But when her eyes locked with Erik, there was absolutely no recognition. She didn't know who he was, not even the slightest. Charles had done his job well of erasing her memories. But she probably guessed Erik was the same man who had killed her earlier colleagues in the other base, judging by the floating gun in the air.

Erik stepped forward, radiating authority and power. -Give me the papers, Moira."

Moira gasped, obviously shaken that an unknown mutant intruder knew her name.

Erik didn't bother trying to scare her. He just wanted to get this over with. -Those are the back-up documents you saved from the other CIA base, isn't that right?" Erik asked calmly, but with a tone that left no space for arguments.

Moira regained some of her training and bravery back once she recovered from the first shcok, and stiffened her body and glared back at Erik like she probably did with all of the criminals she encountered. -You know my name. It's polite to tell me yours in exchange," she said, sounding deceivingly calm.

Erik let out a dark smile - clever. She knew how to do this - she hadn't panicked about the obvious display of mutant powers, she hadn't revealed anything about the papers, nor had she tried anything reckless. She was buying time and luring out information - no wonder she had been one of the best agents this corrupted organization had.

Erik tilted his head. -It's a simple question: are those the papers the same ones that you took from the back-up archive in the other CIA base I dropped a visit in or not?"

Moira observed Erik, clearly trying to calculate any means to handle the situation in her own favor. Erik almost pitied her. Almost - but this was the one person who had fired that fateful gun in Cuba. It had been her bullet that Erik had deflected into Charles' spine, and Erik would never forgive that. They were both to blame, but the guilt belonged to Erik. She knew nothing of the damage she had done, of where she had been a part of. Erik felt a small sadistic glint knowing that he could at least have a revenge on her, since he couldn't do anything to give Charles his legs back. It was nothing personal, not really. Erik couldn't care less about Moira's life. But she didn't have even the punishment of guilt from Cuba, unlike Erik. She wouldn't have to live with the horrible knowledge to the end of her days like he had.

-Erik..." Charles whispered in a warning tone from behind him.

-So Erik? That's your name?" Moira instantly said, and Erik inwardly cursed at Charles. Charles wasn't obviously very good at attacking enemy bases - he shouldn't have given them Erik's name by saying it out loud. Not that it really mattered, but still.

Erik stepped closer, picking up and floating all of the guns from the fallen agents and stopping them mid-air. He took the safeties off, and a series of clicks filled the air for a moment. Otherwise it was eerily quiet - only the endless alarms in the background made a noise.

Slowly, Erik turned the guns towards the fallen agents who couldn't get up. Stupid humans - they were wearing too much metal on their belts, watches, jewellery or shoes - Erik could pin them down like insects. Moira swallowed nervously and even from the though CIA agents, nervous murmurs rose when they were all now staring at the barrels of their own guns.

Erik raised an eyebrow. -Answer me or they'll die."

-Erik!" Charles yelped, but Erik ignored him. This was far too more important than Charles getting upset. He was, after all, trying to save Charles' life here.

Moira opened her mouth, then closed it. She pressed the documents against her middle, and glanced at the man on the floor who had to be her boss. But the fat, middle-aged man didn't even see her; he was too busy looking like he was about to faint.

-On the count of three, Moira," Erik warned. -One..."

-You're not a killer. You are obviously here for a reason," Moira stuttered out, obviously trying to talk him out of it. Oh how naive, predictable move. As if Erik was some kind of beginner at this.

-You don't want to do this," Moira said meaningfully, never taking her eyes off Erik.

-Well, you're not wrong," Erik said, sighing. But then he looked at the papers, then at Moira. -Two," he counted meaningfully.

Moira squeezed her head. -You won't do it. You wouldn't end the lives of dozen men cold-bloodedly."

Erik raised an eyebrow. There was a deep silence until something dark took over Erik's features. He was tired of people assuming he would show any mercy to the people who hunted mutants. Erik lifted his chin. -Oh, Moira...I witnessed the Holocaust first-hand. I survived from the camps; and trust me when I say I've seen unpleasant things. So this? This is hardly 'cold-blooded' in my opinion. I'm giving you a choice to let them live."

-A Holocaust survivor?" Moira said slowly. She was obviously trying to make this work for her. -I'm terribly sorry to hear that."

-I don't want your pity," Erik said carelessly. -I just want your answer. You have one more chance to give it to me."

Sweat started to form on Moira's forehead, and she eyed Erik critically. But Erik just gave her an expectant look, and pushed the guns a little bit closer towards their targets. Panicked sounds escaped the agents, even if they otherwise were wise enough to stay quiet.

-No," Moira whispered, clearly hoping Erik was a reluctant, desperate man driven to this who wouldn't have the stomach to do it.

-Fine," Erik said quietly.

And then he fired.

Fifteen shots rip through the air, and blood splattered mercilessly on the walls and to the floor. Charles and Moira both gasped in horror and surprise, and bodies slumped into piles between Moira's and Erik's feet.

For a moment, the corridor was frozen in shock, and Moira started to shake. She looked up at Erik, and now her expression had critically changed. She looked at him like he was a brutal, disgusting animal. All of her compassion and fake calmness was gone. -You monster!" she hissed, looking at the dead agents, grotesquely still partly pinned to the walls.

Erik had been called worse. Personally, he wasn't shaken by the dead bodies at all. He didn't enjoy killing these people, but it had been necessary. Charles was too shocked to talk, he had obviously expected that Erik had been just playing a mindgame here. Naive Charles, Erik thought with a mix of bittersweetness. Always ready to believe in the best of others. Erik still didn't like that side of him completely. He didn't like Charles' flaws, they were simply maddening. But still...this needed to be done. For Charles' sake. Erik needed to do it for Charles' sake. _Anything_ for him.

-There is nothing in these folders worth enough to kill for!" Moira argued, tears brimming in her eyes.

-Oh, but there is," Erik said quietly. _There is._

The guns slowly turned towards Moira, all pointing at her now instead of the dead agents. Charles rushed forward, grabbing Eriks' arm desperately. -No, Erik, don't you do it!" Charled said with an unsteady voice. Erik felt the twinge of regret - not because of the lost lives, but the way Charles would be disappointed at him again.

But then another wave of shouts and running footsteps could be heard from the distance - the gunfire had obviously alerted more people towards the spot they were in. Reinforcements would arrive soon, and Erik needed to solve this before that.

Charles stepped in front of Erik, pleading blue eyes looking up at Erik. -Erik, please," he whispered, obviously scared for Moira's life. -Don't hurt her."

Erik refused to look at Charles, because he knew that his decision would falter if he did. He kept his eyes steadily on Moira, and they stared each other through the empty space.

Seconds ticked away, thickening the sense of danger and blood.

-They are the right papers then, I take it?" Erik said to Moira, and her expression spoke louder than any other action.

Erik felt triumph for finding them. He reached for his pocket and pulled a lighter out, tossing it to Moira. She tried to catch it with a jittery movement, but the lighter fell to the floor next to a widening puddle of blood. She looked suddenly pale.

-Pick it up and set the papers on fire," Erik commanded.

Moira hesitated only a split second, but the fifteen guns floating in the air next to her were quite a motivation and leverage. She was under no illusion about how serious Erik was now. Shakily, she knelt and picked the lighter with trembling hands, letting out breaths that started to sound like hidden sobs. After a few weak attempts, she managed to get a small flame into the lighter, and unceremoniously set the corner of the papers on fire. Then she left them burning on the ground, and slowly stood up.

A sense of finality filled the air.

Erik could have spared her. He really could have. It was just the fact that somewhere very, very deep inside her mind there was an image of Charles' face, hidden in her memories, and it was even more dangerous now that she had seen Charles twice. Somebody could use that information - somebody could dig it out and put Charles at risk through Hank. And Erik couldn't have that.

She needed to go.

Orders were being shouted somewhere; Erik knew the CIA agents were gathering their troops. Soon they would strike, and Erik couldn't be here when that happened. Charles seemed to guess what Erik was about to do, so he desperately grabbed Erik's shirt into his fists and pulled himself closer. -Erik, look at me." Charles said.

Erik kept his gaze on Moira, who seemed to have realized her time had ran out. She didn't even try to play any games with him - any illusions about Erik's ruthlessness were gone. She knew that this was her execution, and she looked both terrified and beaten.

-Erik, _look at me_," Charles said demandingly and pulled Erik's shirt a little. Reluctantly, Erik looked down at Charles, and he instantly he wished he hadn't. By_ Gott_, the look on Charles' eyes was breath-takingly emotional - it was pulling every string on Erik's heart and conscience. Charles looked shaken, and desperate, and like he wished nothing more than to make Erik listen.

-Erik, let her live. You've already destroyed the papers," Charles breathed out, and he was so close and the way there was a shade of begging in his words made Erik's decision falter. How could he tell Charles no?

Erik's every instinct told him to shoot Moira in the head, to destroy the one last piece of evidence and clue that could bring Alice's vision to pass. But he also knew that Charles might not ever forgive him if Erik killed her, and it made Erik slightly nauseous to think that Charles might turn his back on him forever. He couldn't stand the idea. He just...couldn't. Something had been mending between them recently, even if it was something small. But it was intoxicating, and Erik didn't loathed the idea of hurting Charles in any way. There wasn't any room for further disappointments or betrayals - Erik had dealt a fair share of them to Charles already. If he did this now, Charles might not even try to reach out to him again.

Charles saw Erik's hesitation, and got encouraged by it. He locked eyes with Erik, Moira now ignored completely by the both of them. Charles leant a little more closer, and their faces were barely inches apart. Charles lowered his voice. -Please, Erik," he muttered.

Erik's insides twisted, because he was almost defenceless if Charles asked him something like this.

Erik flickered his gaze at Moira, and then down at the burning documents. The documents were already reduced into a smoky mess of blackened paper - they were as good as ash soon. So the documents were finally gone, but the last problem was this one agent before him. Erik looked back at Charles. He needed to make the decision _now_, otherwise he would be surrounded soon.

So Erik made amends. Very desperate ones.

He took a long breath and flickered his eyes solemnly to Charles. -I will spare her if you give me your word that you'll wake up," Erik said slowly.

Surprise flashed on Charles' face, and soon turned into disbelief and uncertainty. -I.."

-Give me your word, Charles, or otherwise I'll kill her where she stands."

Charles seemed to consider it only for a few seconds. But he knew Erik was dead serious about this.

Erik sighed. -After you'll wake up, you can also wipe that one last memory from her when you're back in your own body and feeling better," Erik added as a final argument.

Reluctant determination filled Charles' face then. -Fine."

A pause.

Erik eyed him carefully, uncertain if Charles was being serious or not. -Promise me."

-I promise," Charles said quietly but solemnly, and for a millisecond the moment felt so utterly intimate that Erik felt his heart leaping a little. He believed Charles - Charles wouldn't let innocent people die on his behalf if he had any way of stopping it. And success was so close; Erik could let this go. For Charles. Moira could live today.

Erik nodded, and Charles finally let go from his shirt. The guns floating in the air turned away from Moira, and she took a relieved, broken breath. She threw Charles a grateful but odd glance - obviously trying to guess why a complete 'stranger' had saved her life.

Then Erik turned away, slowly starting to pull back in to the direction he had came from. He needed to leave, _right_ now. So while keeping a watchful eye still on Moira, Erik started to hurry away from the corridor.

Seconds passed painfully slowly, taste of urgency becoming almost unbearable. He needed to leave, right now.

But when Erik was about to reach the first turn, his luck seemed to run out. It was Erik's mistake to think that all of the agents were carrying guns at this point, or that they would come in formed strike teams like before, so he sensed the one man approaching him from around the corner too late. Before he had any time to react, something swung towards his head.

White noise filled Erik's head and pain shot through his nerve endings so completely that he cried out, losing his balance and the control of his limbs.

He distantly realized he was falling. There were blurry images of tall, armed men surrounding him and more of them coming in, shouting orders that turned to sound sluggish in Erik's ears.

-Erik!" came the panicked voice from somewhere. It sounded like Charles - so very intense and worried.

Erik felt the back of his head colliding with the floor, and letting out a disgusting bang. The guns he had held floating in the air fell down like dead birds, harmless and umoving now.

Erik tried to hold onto consciousness, to keep his eyes open and fight back, but there was nothing he could do. Blackness took over his eyesight, and he was falling.

_Erik...!"_

Then it was dark.


	17. Chapter 17

When awareness started to float back into Erik, the first thing he registered was the horrible headache.

He was disoriented, and his head throbbed, and there was a nauseous feeling in his throat.

But slowly, slowly, Erik started to regain consciousness and the world started to swim back into his senses and sensations. He realized he was lying down. Quite painfully so, since he obviously hadn't moved in a long while. He could vaguely feel the cold floor against him, and smell dirt on it. Somewhere high up, there were fluorescent lights making everything painfully bright and humming. It was like waking up from Pentagon, and Erik hated nothing more than the memory of that hellish cell.

But as Erik fought to open his eyes, the memories rushed back to him - he was at the CIA base. He had destoryed the documents. Then there had been Moira...and Charles. Ch-Charles? And then Erik had spared Moira's life and started to escape but...then there was nothing.

-Erik?" came the quiet, gentle whisper, but even so, it made Erik wince.

_Charles._ Erik would have recognized that voice, that presence anywhere. Erik blinked, and the light that pierced through the cracks of his eyelids seemed to scorch his brain and fry it. Erik let out a strangled moan, and had to wait for a moment before he could try again.

Long seconds passed.

Then finally, Erik's head stopped swirling and the nausea faded into the background. He slowly opened his eyes, and it took a moment until they fixed on the ceiling.

It was definitely the CIA base, then.

Erik grunted as he pushed himself clumsily to sit, movements slow and disoriented. Once he made his way up, Erik instantly slumped against the wall. His own body was failing him by not recovering faster, but then again he had probably received quite a hit to his head.

-Erik?" Charles called again, and this time Erik let his eyes slide to Charles.

His heart jumped just a little when they landed on Charles - Charles looked so small under the too bright lights, but even more worried and caring than normally. He was studying Erik critically, probably wondering if Erik had a concussion or not. -Rrr..." Erik mumbled, but he had to swallow all the saliva and traces of blood from his mouth to be able to speak.

-Are...you alright?" Erik managed slowly, blinking his blurry eyes.

-Me?" Charles asked, confused.

Erik nodded, looking tiredly at him. Charles looked like Erik couldn't be serious with the question. -Am_ I_ alright? Erik, you've received a harsh blow to your head."

-You're the one that's...that's in a coma," Erik pointed out, and might have been amused by his own retort if he wasn't feeling so beaten.

Charles' lips tightened. -I'm fine. I don't have a body in here they can hurt. I came to this room willingly after they caught you."

Erik raised an eyebrow. His brain was catching up, and he was feeling increasingly aware already. He wasn't wearing any handcuffs, nor was he chained anywhere. There were no chairs, no beds in the room. Just a small, simple white room with one locked door on one side. -How long have we been here?"

-I'm not sure, but I'm guessing that almost two days."

-Two...two _days_?" Erik asked, astonished. He had been guessing something along a few hours.

Charles looked suddenly pained. -Unfortunately, yes. They gave you something to keep you under. They didn't know how to deal with your powers otherwise."

It made sense. It was probably why Erik's lips were so chapped, now that he paid attention. He was probably dehydrated.

Charles crouched closer, and lifted his hand absent-mindedly to Erik's arm. -How are you feeling?"

Erik felt a wave of light-headedness for the mere simple, casual touch. He had to swallow and fix his eyes on Charles to be able to answer. -I'll live," he muttered.

Charles didn't seem satisfied by the answer, but nodded.

-What happened?"

Charles swallowed. -Somebody hit you, and they dragged you here. I came willingly."

Erik hesitated. -Do they know you're...that you're not..."

-No." Charles sighed and lowered his voice. -I've kept myself present and solid all this time. I don't think they realize I'm not actually here." There was new bleakness entering Charles' face, and he looked bothered suddenly. -Erik..." he muttered and blinked his sad eyes to meet Erik's. -They know you're the same fugitive that escaped Pentagon."

Erik felt slightly sick to hear that. He couldn't...He couldn't imagine anything worse than getting captured into that hell-hole again. He wouldn't be able to do it. Not even a one more day in that isolated, metal-free pit. Alone, abandoned, denied of all human contact again. He simply wouldn't be able to do it again. He'd rather tear himself up in pieces than got sent there.

Charles saw that from his reaction too, and grabbed Erik's shoulder harder. -You'll be fine. They have to interrogate you first before they can do the transfer. It's standard protocol. There's still time."

Erik felt relieved to hear that, and the bubbling, hidden panic somewhere deep inside of him died down. Then he cracked a weak, joyless smile. -Becoming a partner in crime, are you Charles?"

Charles looked suddenly very serious. -If you...if you really told me the truth, Erik, and you didn't kill the president, then no: I don't think you deserve to be locked back in there." He took a long breath, and looked completely sincere. -I still detest you for killing people, make no mistake of that. But...solitary confinement is considered to be a torture method in some parts of the world. And...stripping anyone of their powers against their will is like identity theft in itself."

Erik blinked in surprise, and his mouth fell open. He had never even _considered_ Charles could stand up for him in any way. In fact, Erik had thought Charles would throw him gladly back into Pentagon the first chance he'd get. But now, Charles was obviously telling the truth, and Erik eyed him intensely, restless hope fluttering in his chest.

-Is this guilt?" Erik asked so quietly that it was barely audible.

Charles startled, and shifted himself just a little. There was a long, awkward silence, and Erik's breath became heavier. He felt the pressure of Charles' fingers even better against his arm. Then Charles tilted his head a little, observing every inch of Erik's face carefully. Then he slowly stopped to look at Erik in the eyes, looking almost defeated, his eyelashes flickering in uncertainty.

-What if it is?"

Erik felt something in the dark parts of his mind softening; turning from ice to water. The mere idea that Charles was _sorry_ for leaving Erik to Pentagon...that he could even admit that he had never bothered to check if Erik had truly been the one who killed the president...It was like a weight had fallen off Erik's chest. And like hope had replaced it. That maybe, just maybe, Charles wasn't that rejective of him like he seemed. Maybe there was still a chance of...

-You should have never got captured...or hurt because of me," Charles said, and now he obviously struggled to speak aloud. _That makes two of us then_, Erik thought quietly to himself. God, he never wanted this. He never wanted to wreck Charles this badly. Erik once again thought he had to be cursed, that everything he ever did turned bad. He didn't deserve good things. He had never even wanted to have them, but right now, right when Charles was looking at him so much softer than usually...

Charles lifted his hand very carefully into the air, reaching to the spot on Erik's hairline were a bruise had to be blossoming in dark shades. Charles winced in empathy as his fingers hovered above the damage, and he let his fingertips brush some of Erik's hair.

Erik almost forgot to breathe. Right there, right in this light, Charles looked almost divine. Unreal.

Nearly like a celestial being with heaven's colour in his irises.

Erik shivered a little from the ghost of Charles' touch, but unfortunately Charles mistook it for a sign of pain. Charles yanked his hand back apologetically, looking at Erik with clear worry. -I'm sorry..." he mumbled, but Erik just grabbed his hand, and stopped it mid-air. He didn't even know why, it was automatic. Charles glanced at their joined hands, then at Erik, slight confusion radiating from him.

-This..." Erik said slowly, swallowing. -This was my choice," he said meaningfully. -I knew the risks."

-You're already talking like your fate has been decided for you," Charles argued.

Erik huffed. -It hasn't. But...stop blaming yourself for this, it's quite tiring."

Charles hesitated, but then fell to silence. He eyed Erik, and Erik let his head fall carefully against the wall.

It felt oddly alright, being like this. In a way they never could have after Trask. There was certain aspect of new neutrality between them; it wasn't all exploding hurt and bleeding hearts anymore. Well...neutrality wasn't the right world. There was nothing neutral about the way the physical closeness and presence of the other felt. Maybe it was all in Erik's head, maybe it was just him, but...Charles' threw him an oddly uncertain glance through his eyelashes as he inspected Erik's fingers around his wrist. Erik knew he had been holding onto it too long, but the time still felt far too short for him.

The room seemed to narrow down and blur, until they were the only ones in it.

It wasn't the time for this, it really wasn't, it was the worst timing there ever could be, but...lately this insane addiction hadn't really chosen a proper time to make an appearance. Erik was constantly taken over by it. It just...didn't ever leave him. Not really. Even the nights he spent alone were filled with Charles' absense.

Either Charles' presence drew all of his attention or his absense made Erik feel hollow.

It was...disturbing.

Erik felt like his own tongue felt too thick in his own mouth, and he suddenly didn't know what to do with his hands. So finally, he let go hastily of Charles' wrist.  
>Instead of paying any attention to Charles, Erik tried to figure out his next step. He needed to know where he was held, and how heavily guarded he was. Then he only needed to get out. His mind and powers were sluggish, but he could feel the faint hum of metal from somewhere further away. This CIA base hadn't come prepared of a whole metal-free area, it seemed, even if they had tried their best. But Erik's reach was far longer than just ten or twenty metres, and it was arrogant of them to think otherwise. Hadn't they witnessed Erik raising a whole stadium without breaking a sweat?<p>

Had Erik been in his full strength, he would have probably risen this whole cursed base into the sky and dropped it, just to make sure everything inside of it was destroyed.

With that thought, Erik regained his confidence and dulled down any root of panic he might have felt from the thought of going back to Pentagon. He just needed to avoid getting drugged or knocked out. As long as he could do that, he was able to defend himself.

Long minutes passed in silence, and Erik spent it thinking. The CIA hadn't been that stupid that they would have tried to chain Erik with anything metal, and Erik doubted they had anything as either medieval or advanced as ropes or ceramic handcuffs here. So they had just left him here, lying into the dark until he drugs would fade from his system. Now that Erik reached experimentally to the lock with his powers, he realized that it was a child's play to open it, so they had to have something in front of the door to block it - something heavy.

Not that it would do anything but slow him down a little.

They had guns and people standing outside, Erik could feel them. They had obviously tried to remove belts and watches and anything obviously metal, but they were still mere obstacles for Erik. The building was, in the end, full of pipes, screws, nails, pillars...he could rip the walls and hit people with them if it pleased him. The CIA really hadn't thought this through. They couldn't tame Erik like this: they could have had an army standing right there, and it wouldn't have stopped Erik.

He just needed to gather his strength for a while.

-So you're alright? Back...back in the hospital?" Erik asked one more time, while staring at the opposite wall.

-Yes. Nothing has changed regarding that," Charles said quietly.

Erik nodded, and felt a spark of relief. At least they couldn't harm Charles. That was Erik's greatest fear, his biggest weakness - if they threatened or blackmailed him with Charles, Erik would have been defenceless. Killing a coma patient was frighteningly easy, in the end. They couldn't harm Charles when he was like this, like he was right here with Erik, but...the real body of his...that was fragile, only guarded by Hank. Fortunately the CIA didn't know where it was. Or who Charles even was. The papers had been destroyed now, Erik reminded himself. The biggest danger should have been over. When Charles would wake up, he could check that from Alice's mind and erase Moira's. Then all loose ends would be tied, nice and tight.

Only thing left was to escape this base.

So with determination, Erik started to get up. It took him a moment until the light-headedness passed and he had to take support from the wall, but he managed to stand up.

-Erik...?" Charles asked, worried.

-We are leaving now," Erik stated matter-of-factly. He let go of the wall and stood on his own two feet steadily. Erik rolled his shoulders back once, feeling the weight of his body and the readiness of his own powers. Vibrant, ready. There was already a rush of adrenaline filling his veins.

-Are you sure you can do this?" Charles asked.

Erik just nodded sharply. The more he waited, the less easier his escape would be. He stepped next to the door, and stared at it, letting his powers work their way through the mechanism. He twisted and turned, until the a clicking sound let him know the door was open. Then Erik started to push, and cracked the door open a little, ready to stop bullets and cause mayhem. He jumped to the side, expecting guards to shout orders and immediately attack him, but there was nothing.

Actually, it was eerily silent.

Erik raised an eyebrow and shot Charles a confused glance. Charles just looked as surprised as him, and Erik approached the door warily again. Then he pushed the door a little more, and the strain caused his headache to flare up a little, but he ignored it. Erik braced himself to a fight, but nothing came. Instead, when he looked through the half-opened door, he saw a man lying on the ground, unmoving.

Erik's mouth dropped open - and he hovered in shock for one moment. Then, with one final push, Erik grunted and pushed the door fully open, some kind of locker falling to the ground from blocking it now.

As soon as the door opened, it revealed seven more bodies on the floor. They were all CIA agents, heavily armed. Erik let his gaze go around the room, and for his deepening, bad feeling, he found scratch marks on the floor and on the two doors - both the one leading to his cell and the one leading out. These people had been trapped here, and they had died before they had gotten out.

Charles gasped, hand flying to his mouth.

This room was a graveyard.

Everyone in it was dead.

Erik stepped carefully closer, expecting this to be some kind of a trick. But the fallen chairs, scratch marks and unmoving pale bodies seemed way too authentic to be a trick. Charles moved next to one of the bodies, and reached his hand to touch. -Don't!" Erik hissed loudly and Charles' hand froze in mid-air. Charles looked up, startled, and Erik made sure he didn't move. Instead, Erik lifted his foot and rolled one dead woman to her back by pushing his shoe against her shoulder.

She flopped bonelessly to her back. Her eyes were open in a grotesque manner, and the skin around her lips had turned purple. It was like the veins around it had turned visible and stood out, the map of them looking disturbingly sick and weird.

-Dear God..." Charles mumbled in empathy.

Erik just stared, mind blank.

-Did she asphyxiate on something?" Charles whispered. -Or is that some kind of allergic reaction? Anaphylatic shock?"

-Your guess is as good as mine," Erik said slowly, and pushed another agent on his back too. The dead man's mouth looked exactly the same as the woman's . Erik took a deep breath and looked up at Charles. Charles looked at the fallen agents with sadness and pity. Then he flickered his eyes to Erik.

-Why did they..."

-I don't know. But they all died the same way. Poison?"

Charles furrowed his brows, stepping a bit further away from the bodies. -It might be. Although I can't think of any poison or drug that could cause these kind of effects."

Erik stared at him for a while, then back at the bodies.

There was a grim silence for a moment. Then Erik straightened himself and took a deep breath. -Well, whatever it was, we better not stay here. Come on."

-But...but we can't just leave them like this," Charles argued.

-They're already dead. And I'm one of their prisoners," Erik reminded Charles before opening the other door with his powers. He was careful not to touch the handle, or the scratch marks on it. These people had tried to get out. _Really_ tried, with no success. -Even if you're not physically here, avoid touching anyone," Erik muttered. -Your body isn't in any condition to go through anything like this," he mumbled to himself.

Charles didn't reply but followed, and Erik stepped to the next room.

And to his astonishment, the next room was filled with dead people too, all with the popped up, purple veins around their mouths. Had someone poisoned them? Had someone tried to rescue Erik - is that what this was? But it made no sense - why leave Erik locked in his cell, then? Heavy, disturbed silence fell as Charles followed Erik.

The bad feeling in Erik's gut just got worse as he went on, finding more and more bodies of the CIA agents that had been supposed to guard him from escaping. Erik's tensed muscles relaxed slowly, as the eerie silence continued from room to room. He had expected a fight. He had thought he would have to kill these people - when he had felt the metal on their clothes and guns, he had never stopped to wonder why the steel and iron on them kept so still - or that their holders weren't alive anymore.

When the sixth room came into view, Charles looked more and more anguished. -Erik...they're all dead. Within less than two days." He blinked and swallowed heavily. -I saw these people bringing you to that cell. They were perfectly fine. What could have possibly..."

But then he gasped so loudly that Erik froze, and swirled around.

Suddenly the bad feeling in his insides churned and twisted into knots, as he saw Charles' face. It was full of sudden shock and realization. Charles raised his shaking hand against his mouth and all colour drained from his face. He turned to look more and more horrified every second, eyes widening. Then he swayed dangerously on his place, and took support from a doorframe, and for a moment Erik was certain he was going to pass out.

-What?" Erik hissed as his own heart started to pound, and he instinctively went next to Charles, ready to catch him if he started to fall.

Charles squeezed his eyes shut. -My God," Charles stuttered out.

There was an ominous silence in the room.

The faint smell of decay only highlighted it.

Charles shook his head fiercely, eyes starting to glisten. -No. No no no no no. This can't be happening. Gods, no," he whispered breathlessly, and Erik was getting seriously bothered and restless now. -What? What is it?" he asked, as hesitating fear was creeping into his tone too. If Charles was this badly shaken, there was something seriously wrong.

Charles blinked his eyes open with a struggle, and eyed the dead bodies like he wanted it all to be a nightmare. Charles kept heaving for breath, too fast, and swayed a little on his place again. This time, Erik grabbed his arm just in case. -What is _it,_ Charles?" Erik barked demandingly now, because he was starting to freak out a little too.

Then Charles snapped his wide eyes to Erik, and looked at him, unable to catch his breath. He swallowed several times, looking absolutely terrified. -The...the dead people," Charles stuttered out. -They're...they're not poisoned."

Erik just stared back, completely at loss. He kept quiet, just waited what Charles was about to stay. -They're infected," Charles finished, and looked torn with agony. -Erik...Dear God...This is the virus."

Erik raised his eyebrows. -What virus?"

-THE virus. F-from Alice's...from her vision. From her future."

Erik felt like his heart skipped a beat, as he words sank in. -But...but that's not possible. The future can't have...The papers were destroyed! They don't have Hank in here. Or the serum. There is no way that this can..."

-But it has!" Charles hissed in growing horror. He looked at the dead people at their feet. -These agents were killed by the virus that evolved from Hank's serum. From the mutant Resurrecter. Somehow it...It's here. I'm certain of it. And if the virus has broken loose."

Erik shook his head again, unable to accept what Charles was implying. -Charles...listen to me - there is no way that can be true. What Alice saw was in the far future, months from now. They don't even have Hank here. They don't even have your name. They have _nothing_. "

Charles looked more and more panicked. -But this is_ the_ virus, Erik! Look around you - this is the exact way it starts. First it breaks out, and when the people escape this base in panic, they take the virus out and start spreading it to the outside world. The virus is highly infectious and kills humans in less than a day."

Charles started shaking uncontrollably. -What have we done?" he whispered, and looked at Erik like his heart was breaking. -W-what have we done?" he repeated in horror, and looked pale as a ghost. And then his knees buckles, and Erik barely caught him. Gasping, Erik lowered Charles to sit against the wall carefully. Charles was falling into a full panic now, and Erik immediately took his face into his hands.

-Charles," he called with a deceivingly calm voice. Charles kept breathing too hard, like he was about to hyperventilate, and just stared at the bodies on the ground. Erik leant closer, blocking his view, and turning Charles' face towards himself. -_Charles_. Listen to me," Erik said with a harsh tone, leaving no room for argument. Charles' teary eyes flickered to his, and Erik felt his heart aching for how broken Charles looked.

-Calm down," Erik said slowly. Charles just blinked, and tried to hold back the panicked tears. -Just calm down and think this through," Erik said, not taking his eyes off Charles. Within the few seconds, Charles took a few shaky breaths, and clearly tried to gather himself. Erik had a lump in his throat, but tried to ignore his own fears and keep up his facade.

For a moment, he let himself consider that the virus had truly broken free and the only reason he had woken up was the fact that there had been nobody to inject him with more sedatives. That the whole base was full of dead bodies.

But Erik couldn't believe it was true. It just _couldn't_.

Few seconds passed in grim silence.

At least now, Charles didn't look like he was going to spiral into full panic. As the first peak of the shock passed, Charles got a grip on his breathing and it started to flow easier, even if his emotional state was still as wrecked as before. Charles closed his eyes, leaning into Erik's touch a little. For one split second, Erik felt triumphant for the small gesture of trust, but he didn't have a time for that right now.

-There is _no_ way the future could have happened already," Erik stated out loud, mostly to Charles but also to himself, too.

Charles was quiet for a while. Then finally, he managed to talk, even if his voice was thick of emotion. -But it clearly has. I...I don't know how but...it has."

He flickered his fearful eyes at Erik, panting. -The worst has happened. The virus has broken out, and it will kill thousands - even millions - of people."

There was a heavy silence.

-There is no other explanation," Charles stuttered out. -Something went wrong. Something went terribly wrong when we tried to change the future, Erik. We should have never come here. I should have...I should have just let go. I should have died, and this would have been prevented."

-_No_," Erik cut in harshly. -No, that's not true. This is not your fault. You can't be solely responsible for this. Besides, you _saw_ those papers burning. And even if they weren't the right documents for some reason, there just isn't a way the CIA could have gotten both Hank and the serum in here, and developed the serum further into its counter-version or anything else. That will take weeks and weeks, even months. It simply isn't possible."

Charles shook his head again. -I don't know how. I don't...I don't understand. But...it has happened. The worst has happened. People will die because I failed, Erik, thousands or even millions of people, because I failed and I can't..."

His voice broke and he started breathing too quickly again, and Erik had to harden his grip around Charles' face. -Stop! Stop it!," Erik commanded, shouted even, and shook Charles gently, mentally readying himself to slap Charles if needed. -Panic won't help anyone," Erik said clearly. -So just stop blaming yourself. We can think this all through once we're out of here, but right now we can't stay."

Charles looked like he was falling apart. The sheer misery in his face made Erik's heart feel like cracking too - he hated to see Charles' pain. Erik had never been an empathic person, but seeing Charles like this made him feel a little sick. Charles didn't deserve this- He had a way too soft heart for this, and his conscience was too sensitive to handle a guilt like this.

Erik had no idea what to do, so he hovered there, swallowing several times. What did people do at these situations? What did they say? How could he possibly know what was supposed to make it all better? Erik just knew that if Charles really panicked this badly, it might affect his body back in the hospital. Or even worse, Charles might do something reckless and...

No. Erik couldn't risk that. So Charles needed to snap out of this, to come back to his senses.

As an awkward, unsure instinct, Erik let go of Charles' face and pulled Charles gently against himself. Fortunately Charles just fell against his chest, burying his face into Erik's shirt, seeking comfort in such an open way that Erik could have never done the same in his stead. Erik had never had anyone to lean onto like this - he had never trusted anyone so much to show his emotions this strongly. He didn't even know how. But something told Erik that Charles had done this way too many times, and usually Hank had been the one holding him. Had Charles cried out in pain like this, all those years in the mansion? Before he had started using the serum? Had his telepathy caused him so much unbearable pain that Charles had clung onto Hank like he was clinging into Erik now?

Erik felt suddenly the void of not being there. He had been absent all those years ago, when Charles had been lost and slowly destroyed by his own powers, by his own heart.

As Erik stared absent-mindedly at a wall, he realized he couldn't stand the thought of that happening ever again. He couldn't have this, of Charles experiencing heartbreak, any longer. He hated to witness it. Charles had had enough of it already. Even enough to fill Erik's every dark need of them two being even - pain shouldn't be a competition, Erik thought. He wanted to wash all of Charles' suffering away. He wished he could just wipe it out.

Within the next two minutes, Charles calmed himself down, just breathing in and out, and composing himself back together. Erik waited, trying to make sense of the situation inside his own head - he had no idea what was going on.

Then Charles finally pulled away, brushing his face hastily, avoiding to look at the bodies on the floor. Erik eyed him carefully, and Charles fortunately had regained some colour on his face and was breathing in a half-decent rhythm already. He still looked anguished, but in a manageable level.

-Let's go," Erik said and took a grip under Charles' elbows, pulling him up to stand. Charles took a long breath and Erik lingered one moment more to make sure his legs carried him. Then he turned towards the door.

-We...we should let somebody know. So they could make a quarantine, to slow down the virus spreading," Charles said. -That's the least we could do."

-Later."

-Erik..."

-We can contact someone once we're back at the mansion. But right now, we need to leave."

Charles seemed to be ready to disagree, but Erik simply pulled him after himself, and they quickly left the room and stepped into a longer corridor. The corridor was dim, and several alarm lights were blinking but there was no sound coming from them. Erik eyed the corridor critically - it had to be one of the more secure interrogation wings. Fortunately he had memorized where everything was. The fastest way out was through the labs, so that's where he headed.

Charles followed reluctantly. The corridors were decked with fallen agents and broken glass - some of them had obviously tried to escape or then had just collapsed on the floor. Either way, their death looked like it had been painful and not too swift. Erik didn't pity them, not really, but he was worried of the virus breaking out into the outside world. It would kill humans and mutants alike, just like Charles had told him. Even if Erik was immune to it himself according to Charles, other mutants wouldn't be that lucky. This needed to be stopped. Global crisis didn't help anyone. Erik might have been brutal, but he found no joy in this.

Erik hurried his steps towards the locked doors of the labs.

-Erik..." Charles suddenly said, hesitating.

Erik stopped and turned to look at him.

Charles eyed the door leading to the labs, then at Erik. -Do you think this is a good idea? They...they have mutants imprisoned in those labs."

Erik shrugged. -They'll all probably dead because of the virus anyway. There's nothing we can do to help them."

But suddenly there was an odd, squirmy look on Charles' face and he looked at Erik with something new. Erik raised his brows - he wasn't sure what to make of it.

-I don't think we should go there," Charles muttered hesitantly, stepping backwards a little.

Erik was quiet for a while, and then tilted his head slightly. He scanned Charles, and now that he really looked, Charles looked tensed and slightly slumped, like something was bothering him.

-Is there something you're not telling me?" Erik asked, tone becoming tighter.

Charles looked like a startled deer for a moment - and Erik blinked in astonishment. Then he shook his head and bit his lip, hiding that he felt offended. Charles was such a bad liar, and didn't even try to cover it up this time.

-What is it?" Erik demanded.

Charles just shook his head. -Erik, this is not the time to..."

-What is _it_?" Erik asked, harsher. He wasn't used to Charles keeping things from him, especially when they were important. The sense of danger and desperation heightened, and Erik felt his insides sinking with hurt and worry, mixed with a feeling of growing dread.

-_Charles_," Erik said meaningfully.

Charles flickered his eyes nervously to the door and back, stepping a little backwards. He looked guilty, and uncertain. -Erik, I..."

But right then, the doorknob on the lab wing door suddenly shifted, and Erik almost jumped out of his skin. He yelped in surprise, swirled around on his heels and stepped backwards, between the door and Charles. Despite the sudden mistrust towards Charles, Erik's instincts to shield him from any danger kicked in immediately, and Erik gathered guns from the dead agents, pulling them quickly towards himself.

Somebody was coming through the door - even if nobody was supposed to be alive in the whole base.

-Get behind me," Erik barked and Charles obeyed. Erik had only a few seconds to brace himself. Maybe it was an agent who had lived. Someone who was obviously coming from the labs.

Then the doorknob turned, and Erik floated the guns into the air, ready to face any attacker as determinedly as ever. Erik hardened his features and heightened his senses.

Then the door opened, and a revealed a tall man.

Time froze.

Everything froze.

Erik stared at the man, and the man stared back. Then recognition spread to the other man's familiar features, and twisted them into a mad, sick smile that still haunted Erik's every dream. The man threw his hands up to the air in a dramatic gesture of joy.

-Erik, mein Gott!" he exclaimed.

Charles gasped behind Erik, but Erik couldn't even breathe. His whole body trembled in shock, and his heart felt like it had just stopped. Nausea was filling every cell of his body.

-Hello, little Frankenstein's monster! _Daddy's_ home!," Sebastian Shaw shouted, sadistic grin taking over his face.


	18. Chapter 18

For a few, horrible seconds, it felt like Erik's whole word was falling apart.

Every horrible old memory, every scar, every torture session, every slash of a scalpel on his skin, smell of the mud in the camps, every unbearable day that Erik still carried with him sparked into life, and the old burning need for revenge lit up in flames. Erik was hit with disbelief and disgust, as that one sick face that he could still remember way too well stared back at him. Erik's whole body started to tremble, and every bit of the closest metal around him creaked as his rage started to build up into an inferno.

Shaw let out a hysteric laugh, and eyed Erik with glimmering eyes, like this was the best thing he could have ever imagined. He eyed Erik from head to toe, like an insect he wanted to pin against a board or a toy he wanted to abuse.

-You've become a masterpiece, I see," Shaw said.

Erik stared at the spot on Shaw's forehead where that one damn coin had went in, but there was nothing there. Absolutely nothing - the skin was unpierced, unharmed. Shaw put his hands on his hips, licking his lips in a satisfied manner. -Aren't you going to greet your old friend, Erik? I think I raised you better than that."

Erik tasted bile on his throat, and tried to hold onto his rage until his head cleared from the devastated shock. It seemed like his vocal chords were stuck, unabe to produce any sounds. This should _not_ be happening. This shouldn't be happening in any way, in any scenario ever. Erik had _killed_ that man. He had driven that coin through the bastard's brain. Erik had seen the life go out of Shaw's eyes, his body grow limp. Erik had dumped his disgusting corpse into the Cuban beach, bones cracking.

-_Nein_," Erik could only mutter through his teeth.

-Oh but_ yes," _Shaw said. -You see, this is a rather surprising turn of the events. I do realize that I've been dead over a decade. You're no fun in that sense - we were having such a good time back with the possible third world war."

Erik eyed Shaw from head to toe - he looked exactly the same as he had during Cuba. The same age, the same posture, the same arrogance on his face. Then again, Shaw had never really aged that much because of the nature of his powers. Now, only his eyes looked different, but Erik was too distracted to pay attention to them.

Shaw flashed a grin. -It seems that I never left the party for good, Erik. You see, this morning I was still dead. And the next thing you know - there's this one truly fascinating mutant that can raise the dead. They gave him a fitting name - Resurrecter. That's what he did with me, and so many others - resurrected us. It's almost biblical to be back - I might even start calling myself Lazarus."

_Resurrecter._ Erik's mouth dropped open, because there was no way that.._Alice's vision_. It was coming true. Just like Charles had described to Erik - that the virus would break out and start killing people fast, and then the Resurrecter would rise and start bringing dead mutants back to life, gathering an army from them. But _how_? How on Earth could this be possible? This was supposed to happen _months_ from now on, not right now. The CIA had barely started looking into this whole thing, they didn't have Hank or any version of the serum in their hands.

They had _nothing_. This wasn't supposed to be happening, not in a million years.

It was like a jigsaw puzzle made of the worst imaginable nightmares.

Shaw waited Erik to reply, but when he didn't, Shaw sighed and rolled his eyes. -You look like a goldfish, _liebling,"_ he said. -Come on, Erik. I've missed your voice. I've been alive for only a few hours and you were one of the first people in my thoughts." He let out a chuckle. -I'm just_ dying_ to hear what you've been up to. It was such a cliffhanger for me to die when things just got interesting - I mean your telepath pet was holding me still, and it must have done a number on him to feel all that skull-wrecking pain..."

But it was then when Shaw's eyes flickered behind Erik and his face lit up with recognizition. -Oh, but there he is!" he exlaimed loudly.

Nausea hit Erik harder than ever before, and he just saw red. He wanted to carve those sick eyes out of Shaw's skull - that man didn't deserve to set them on Charles. Shaw and Charles were never supposed to get this close to each other. They should never be even in the same room. Whatever the CIA could have ever done to Charles was nothing compared to the things Shaw was capable of, and the mere thought of Shaw threatening Charles...

Erik stepped further, eyes flashing dangerously. He sobered from his shock and his every instinct sharpened quickly.

Shaw jumped a little for the surprise, and looked at Erik curiously. Then he looked at Charles instead, and a wry smirk filled his face. -Oh," he said while tilting his head. A few seconds passed, as Shaw inspected the empty space between Erik and Charles. -This is...this is too good."

Erik wanted to skin him alive, to tear him apart and stomp on the pieces, that's how much he _hated_ this man. Erik hadn't even remembered how intense his hatred could be, how consuming and overwhelming. He narrowed his eyes, jaw tightening.

Shaw crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow suggestively, eyes sliding to Charles. -I wonder what you did to my dear boy Erik," Shaw said to Charles. -I didn't think anyone could wrap my best student around their finger with this kind of devotion. Charles, was it? I've never been good with names, but you certainly left an impression. And right now I'm curious - did you use your telepathy? Did you enslave little Erik? Whatever it was, I think you two broke up back in Cuba. Erik took my helmet, you see - that detail didn't escape my attention. I don't think he would have done that if he had trusted you."

Charles let out a soft breath, and Erik gritted his teeth so hard it hurt. -Charles, don't answer him," Erik managed to say.

Shaw's smile widened. -Bossy, bossy." But then something strange flickered on his face as he eyed Charles. -Oh," he muttered. -You're not really here, are you?"

Erik's heart skipped a beat. He wanted to separate Charles and Shaw from each other as far as he could, he couldn't stand having them on the same continent. Shaw turned to look at Erik. -He's half-dead, isn't he? Interesting. No matter why you're so protective of him."

Shaw slowly opened his arms and lifted his hands into mid-air, taking one step closer. Erik glared at him venomously. -Take one more step and I will rip you to pieces with my bare hands."

-Ooh," Shaw said and winked. - Kinky."

Erik felt so disgusted that he couldn't even think straight.

There was a wary silence, and Shaw's eyes never left Erik's.

-Fine. I'll stay right here," he said, exaggerating obediance. But then something dark flashed in his face. -But you know, Erik...I wasn't the only thing that came back from the dead. I mean, apart from an interesting variety of murdered or otherwise deceased mutants who all have some steam they need to let out. That should be entertaining to watch, by the way, when they take their anger out on the world that treated them so badly," Shaw said conversationally. But then fake smile dropped from his face. -I was right, was I not? You should have let the third world war happen when you had the chance. Our kind, our _superior_ kind - has become hunted. I just can't wait to see what the mutants that Resurrecter woke up will do now. I think I will join the party."

Erik lifted his chin. -Most of them will end up dead anyway soon. The virus will finish them off."

A genuine-looking confusion spread to Shaw's face now. -Dead?"

He smiled like it was a joke, but then his features froze and he looked at Charles, then back at Erik. There was a short silence when Shaw seemed to calculate Erik's words. Then some kind of realization spread over his face.

-Ooh, I see. You..." he chuckled and tapped his finger on his lip like in a mocking thinking posture. -You think that the virus is killing the resurrected mutants."

Erik just stared.

Shaw spread his hands now. -How come? They seem perfectly fine to me. In fact, not a single mutant has shown any ill effects from being in contact with the virus."

Erik' mouth dropped open a little, then he closed it again. He knew this was important, but couldn't over-ride his overwhelming fury for just setting his eyes on Shaw and hearing hisvoice.

Shaw chuckled. Then he tilted his head. -But where was I? Oh yes, like I was about to tell you, in addition to my dashing person, my powers came back too." There was a pause as Shaw let it sink in. -And since the circumstances have offered me the perfect ammunition for this...Let's just say I just can't _resist_."

Erik just stared blankly at him, bracing himself for any kind of attack, but nothing came. Shaw stood in place, only appearing like he was using his absorbing powers.

But the whimper that broke the silence behind Erik made Erik's stomach drop, and he turned to look backwards. Charles was staring at Shaw, wide-eyed, holding a hand on his own chest, like he was in pain. And for Erik's horror, the very edges of Charles started to turn transparent, shimmering into thin air slowly, his projection flickering dangerously.

Shaw was killing him.

Shaw as absorbing Charles' life energy and killing him in the process. Charles took a shuddering breath, clearly trying to think what to do and looked shakily at Erik.

That one brief look was all it took from Erik.

Something cold and grim inside of him awoke, and Erik turned to look at Shaw. He had learnt his lesson - never hit or physically attack Shaw - it just made Shaw stronger. Using metal against him didn't work either - Shaw could absorb everything that was inflicted against him and use it to his own gain. So Erik needed to go very basical, and very feral - he needed break Shaw's neck. He didn't even consider anything else - he wanted that bastard _dead_.

Threatening Charles' life had sealed Shaw's fate, if there had been any doubt about it.

Something icy took over Erik's instincts.

Lesser man would have felt afraid for the easiness and brutality of the transformation inside Erik's head and in his actions, but there was something about Shaw that had always lured the predator out of Erik.

Erik stepped forward. and with surgical movements, he grabbed Shaw before Shaw had the time to react. Erik sank his nails so deep into him that they almost pierced the skin underneath the fabric of his clothes. Erik felt disturbed to even touch the man, but the only thing he could think of was Charles, _Charles_, Shaw couldn't have him. He was the last thing Shaw couldn't take away from Erik, because he had already taken everything else Erik loved.

_Wait,_ Erik's mind stumbled on its own thought. Everything_ else_ he loved? All of Erik just seized when he realized what he had just thought inside his own head, automatically, without deeply analyzing it. No. That was just...

No.

He didn't...

He wasn't...

Erik simply did **_not_** do love. Rage, anger, bitterness - yes. But not that. Not that one thing.

No.

Absurd.

That's what it was. A product of fear in his brain, nothing more.

And just _not_ the right time to ponder over it.

Erik tipped Shaw off balance, letting out a grunt as he took a violent grip from his old mentor's hair, other arm locking his shoulder into place. Erik needed to have the right angle, just the right angle, so he could pull and snap the neck. Cold and effective. But he realized that his grip was faltering - Shaw was absorbing his physical energy to himself, was crippling him like anyone else who had ever tried to raise their hand against him.

Erik had had this same struggle countless times as a boy, since he was no match for a mutant that could suck the resistance out of anyone, one way or another.

Energy absorbing was a cruel power to have, especially when it was wielded by someone like Shaw.

Erik felt a flash of fear, and tried harder. But Shaw just laughed in his grip, even if the situation had turned into a life-threatening for him in just a few seconds. Shaw looked at Erik like he was a petty entertaining child and his laughter vibrated everywhere in the air around them. Erik was shaking from rage and disgust, throwing in all he got.

But he was losing the fight.

He was losing his grip - his mucles were simply draining of strength, and Erik couldn't do anything about it. Shaw was...maybe he was killing Erik too. Out of self-defence. Maybe he was draining Erik's life energy until his heart stopped, Erik wondered frantically. And just as his fingers laxed and they were about to let go against his will, something suddenly slipped into his awareness, right inside his mind.

It took Erik a split second to realize what it was - who it was - but he recognized Charles' presence better than anyone else's. Charles projected slight pain and fear, mixed with worry, but mostly he was filled with determination.

_"Erik"_, Charles breathed out into his mind, and Erik felt relieved to hear his voice. But there was no time, and they both seemed to share that thought at the same time. _"Erik, raise your hand to his face. Immediately."_

Erik hurried to do so, even if his muscles barely responded and they weighed like lead. But with sheer will power, and with no hesitation, Erik raised his hand and more or less smacked it against Shaw's face. Shaw was surprised of the movement, and was also obviously confused by it.

But that was also the moment when Charles' presence rushed forward, and Erik could feel Charles taking over both his mind and his outstretched arm and fingers, shoving Erik gently to the side. It was almost like getting posessed, becoming a marionette on strings - this was nothing like Charles had ever done before. Charles had never used Erik's mind or body against his will in such a profound way. Even in front of the White House, even with Trask, Charles had just made Erik stand up and remove the fallen debris that had been crushing Charles. But instead of getting insulted or angry, Erik was just astonished by how easily Charles pushed him aside and used him like a puppet now, once again manifesting by how powerful he truly was, no matter the fact that he was physically in a coma and countless miles away.

It was like an outer body appearance in a way, since Erik was just watching what Charles did through him.

Charles glasped Erik's hand against Shaw's face, and now there was a flicker of fear in Shaw's face too. He obviously sensed something was different.

Erik had the most surreal feeling when he could feel Charles inside his own head and simultaneously reaching outwards towards Shaw's.

_-Sleep," _Charles' command rang out inside Erik's head. And just like that, Shaw's eyelids started to flutter closed and his body slump in Erik's vague grip. Shaw tried to fight back and absorb more power with a surprised look on his face, but Charles' command was something he couldn't go around. Erik let go, now by his own will, and Shaw finally dropped to the white floor with a thud, eyes closed.

For a moment, it was deadly silent.

Erik just kept panting for air, staring at the fallen Shaw at his feet. His energy returned to this muscles slowly but surely.

Erik could still feel Charles' presence inside his head, making sure Erik was alright. The moment was incredibly intimate in its own way, since Charles had never been this deep inside Erik's head before, not when he had been fully awake. And not without permission. Erik didn't mind, not really, since it clearly had been a desperate measure from Charles, but it still felt...fascinating. _ExcitingStrangeConfusingWonderful._

Because it was Charles. Had it been anyone else, Erik would have felt disgusted by the idea of having someone else inside his head. Intrigued nostalgia hit Erik, since Charles had usually communicated telepathically with him all those years ago, even if he only had entered Erik's mind that one time properly, in front of Westchester when he had accessed Erik's memories and helped him to unlock his powers to move the satellite dish. That moment was filled with such warmth and light in Erik's memories, and fortunately his still present rage and adrenaline-filled disgust was blocking his inner, deeper emotions about the situation.

Erik didn't mind. He didn't mind at all. And it bothered him more than anything that he didn't.

Because he almost felt protective around the vague presence in his head - even now, it felt polite and careful and gentle, and it was so umistakably _Charles_ that Erik wouldn't have mistaken it ever to someone else. It almost made Erik believe in souls. If they existed, surely they felt like this.

And surely, Charles' would feel like a lake's surface on warm summer day when sunlight hit the water. Deep, infinite. Blue, always blue, like his eyes. Blue like the sorrow that had claimed Charles and taken him into its claws, but with the hope and bright flame that quite never had burnt out. Blue, yes, but never black like Erik's insides - never pitch black like coal.

What did you get when you mixed black and blue?

Dark blue.

It seemed fitting. A colour for the two of them: colour of sadness and twilight sky, but not as harshly final like black. Nothing about it was final - and Erik liked that.

Charles' mind flickered gently inside Erik's head.

_"-I'm sorry,"_ Charles' said telepathically. _-I'm afraid I had to intervene."_

Erik just nodded. He didn't take his eyes off Shaw, just to make sure he didn't move. Erik took a long, steadying breath.

Charles still hadn't left his mind.

Erik didn't know what to make of the sense of intimacy it had. Even if Charles' presence was slightly shaky and unorganized. Suddenly some distant relief-mixed horror transferred from Charles, and Erik raised his eyebrow in surprise.

He waited for some kind of explanation.

Charles seemed to gather himself for a moment.

_"-R-remember that in Alice's vision...In her future, Shaw killed you, Erik. And I had to see it,"_ Charles said quietly. And yes - it made more sense now why Charles' reaction had been so strong, and why he had stepped in before Shaw could do any actual damage to Erik.

Erik was quiet for a while, wave of gratefulness, fondness and worry washing over him. His fate wasn't indifferent to Charles after all. This was like a final proof that those years of bitterness and hatred hadn't been able to wash it away, that they hadn't hardened Charles' heart from him completely. There was something deeply hopeful in that thought, and Erik didn't know whether to feel delighted or slightly frightened. Hope was a vicious motivator - vicious and hard to kill. And Erik was good at killing things.

But not with this.

If he could have killed this...this hope, this chain he seemed to wear that chackled him to Charles, he would have cut it away years ago. But he couldn't - and sometimes it felt like that the chain was hanging around his neck.

This longing would probably last forever.

Gods, his thoughts were just a mess.

-Are you alright?" Erik asked quietly from Charles. He talked aloud because trying it any other way would have felt odd.

There was a pause.

-Charles?" Erik called immediately again. He glanced behind himself, but the corridor was empty. _"I will be fine,"_ Charles said quietly. There was something tired in his voice now. _"I just...never wanted to touch Shaw's mind ever again."_

Erik swallowed - he had never wanted to think in too much detail that Charles had felt Shaw die. Just when he was about to reply, Erik felt Charles' presence shift a little inside his own mind. Then it was gone, but fortunately from the corner of his eye, Erik saw Charles reappearing to stand next to him.

Erik was alone inside his head again, and he quickly scanned Charles with hidden worry. But Charles was fortunately looking complete and solid again.

They shared a small silence, just taking in each other and making sure they were both fine.

Then Charles stepped further away. He turned his head to the other direction, swallowing heavily and averting his eyes; clearly avoiding to see Shaw.

Seconds passed.

Without asking permission, without even needing to think twice about it, Erik crouched to the floor, pressed his boot to Shaw's shoulder and took a grip from the man's hair. With a hard pull, Erik yanked Shaw's head sharply to the side. The satisfying crack made Erik's nerves calm down immediately, but Charles startled and looked disturbed, no matter the fact that he had obviously known this was coming. He had seen it in Erik's most superficial intentions and thoughts inside his mind, and Charles knew Erik too well.

There was nothing upon this Earth that could have convinced Erik to spare Shaw's life.

Yet, Erik found no pleasure in killing him twice.

He might have fantasized about it, about doing it slow and torturous, but now he wanted it to be just done. Over.

Erik didn't like his old demons awakened, his old memories revisited. He had made his peace with his past when he had killed Shaw the first time. It was the moments_ after_ that coin that had defined Erik's life, ironically. It wasn't the coin that had pierced Shaw's brain, it had been the bullet sinking into Charles' spine.

Some people even might say that the two extremes of Erik's life had been taken away from him that day - both the good and the bad. The one person to hate and the only one to...to _care about._

What was a man without his hatred?

Now that Erik stared at Shaw, he realized he had been wrong all these years. His hatred had never left him. Erik had always convinced everyone he had redirected it at the humans, but it was a lie. Self-deception. Erik's hatred for Shaw _had_ been redirected, yes, but not at the humans. The humans had awoken disgust and spite in Erik, not hatred - if that was the case, Erik would have destroyed them all like Shaw.

No.

Erik's hatred had turned towards himself.

Ever since the day in Cuba, Erik had hated himself. Not because of becoming exactly what Shaw had wanted, but...

But for ruining the one good thing Erik had been granted in his whole life.

By deflecting a bullet.

By wrecking Charles beyond repair. Charles' broken spine was like a cruel reminder that they could inject as much as serum as they liked into Charles' veins, but it would never truly fix the damage. It was temporary solution, and a desctructive one at that.

Just like them being apart all these years.

Erik bit his lip.

They couldn't go on like this. It was the moment of truth, this reunion. Where ever this mission would lead, every last bit of Erik's doubts were erased right there and then: the silence and the distance between him and Charles that had lasted all those years- it was only a temporary solution. An adjourned chess game without a result.

They had quit playing, but it didn't mean the game was over. It never had been.

Maybe that's why they always ended up on the opposite sides of the board.

They still needed to set the record straight, to finish that game.

Erik knew he had already lost, and it had taken him painfully long to realize. Charles owned every one of his chess pieces, had check-mated him so many moves ago.

In the end, it would be about Charles realizing he had won. And to decide what to do about it. Erik was too tired to lie that the words he had said in Cuba weren't as true as a decade ago - _I want you by my side._

Erik never lied.

He didn't bother.

_"It's been a while since I've played."_

_"I'll go easy on you."_

That he had. Erik remembered the moment from the plane with great detail. He had taken the easy way; he had let Charles go.

_""I'll go easy on you. Might finally be a fair fight._"

_"You have the first move."_

Erik had betrayed Charles in Paris, had once again proved Charles' distrust right. It had been easy, in its brutality. There was no hardship in being the villain. It had been the look on Charles' eyes when Erik had raised that gun towards Raven's head - the look of utter betrayal. You can't betray your enemies.

You can only betray someone who thought you were fighting on the same side.

_Mein Gott_, how it hurt. Charles had forgiven him for the second time in Paris. Did he posess the ability to do it one more time? Third time was supposed to be the charm.

Erik didn't care about salvation of any kind, but Charles' forgiveness meant everything to him.

He wanted it. More than anything. He wanted Charles - by his side, on the same page, in every possible way. If this had only been Erik craving kindness or any kind of human relationship, it would have never mattered. But it was worse, because this was about _Charles_, it always had been, and how can you be so completely wrapped around another person that you can't replace them with other things? How could just one telepath matter so much?

Erik has never believed in soft spots or Achilles heels.

They were kind words for weakness, for the lack of ambition.

What a hypocrite he was.

He would rip thousand Sebastian Shaws to pieces if it meant to keep Charles out of harm's way. He would rip thousand more innocent people as collateral damage if he needed to.

It was terrifying.

Erik guessed Shaw had been right about one thing - "_Monsters can't do lukewarm. We only have ice or fire."_

How true it was. Frighteningly so.

Erik's world had been full of ice - icy hatred, icy determination. Icy mission towards the humans.

The last embers of fire that he had ever had in him, had gone out when his mother had been murdered.

Or so he had thought.

Because when it came to Charles, Erik had no fight left in him. No true coldness. And if there had been any ice at all, it would have melted.

As long as Charles existed, Erik would be burning.

He swallowed slowly. -Come on," Erik finally managed to say aloud, and stepped over Shaw's twice-killed corpse, and towards the lab doors.

But Charles didn't follow.

He stood in place, looking at Erik, face far too pale.

-Charles, we need to go."

Nothing.

Charles just swallowed, and kept staring at Erik. His eyes flickered to the lab door, then back at Erik. He looked as uncertain as the moment Shaw had appeared, and suddenly Erik's earlier suspicion rose.

-What?"

-I don't think we should...go through the labs."

-Why not?" Erik said, and his voice was tightening. He didn't like this. He didn't like it all. Charles wasn't like this usually.

There was no reply.

Erik sighed and stood up taller. Adrenaline and restlesness were still making him edgy - he wanted to get out as soon as possible. -There probably isn't that many people alive in the labs anymore. And we can't free any mutants since they will be just spreading the virus further," Erik said quickly.

That's when a shadow passed Charles' face, and suddenly a nagging, ugly doubt started to dawn on Erik.

There was something he was missing.

Something he hadn't quite thought through, even if he had been told what it was.

Charles looked...almost guilty.

-Erik..."

Then it suddenly clicked.

What Shaw had said.

Why Charles was so reluctant go to the labs.

Erik narrowed his eyes.

Suddenly an ugly chilliness filled his chest. -Shaw wasn't lying, then," he said through his teeth.

Charles' eyes widened and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Erik felt a nasty, dirty sting. Shaw hadn't been the _only_ one lying.

-Erik, you have to understand..."

-The virus, it doesn't affect mutants then?" Erik asked harshly.

There was an ominous, tensed silence.

But Charles didn't deny it.

Erik stared at him, feeling a sudden distance gnawing its way between them again. Erik stared mercilessly forward, claiming the answer. The truth. And Charles obviously hated this moment, hated it so much, and fortunately wasn't even trying to lie.

-Charles..."

-No," Charles finally said. He took a calming breath and looked Erik steadily into the eyes. -Shaw was right. The virus doesn't affect mutants."

Erik shook his head in confusion. -But you said...You said that in Alice's vision..."

-I lied."

All words escaped Erik. He felt like he had just been slapped. Out of all people, Charles had lied. Lied to Erik. The righteous, saint-like Charles had lied.

Erik opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again.

Charles bit his lip and looked beaten. -I'm sorry," he muttered sadly. -The virus only affects and kills humans. I don't know why, it must be about its genetic compounds. It kills humans in less than a day, but contrary what I told you, all mutants are immune to it."

Erik's mind was working fast, twisting and turning what he was hearing.

He started to see the situation better.

Charles had used him, then. Lied to make Erik obey a plan he wasn't even aware of. Made Erik feel like he was choosing to do this, even if Charles had played with his intentions like a puppet master.

Charles stepped closer, and Erik was unable to move.

Charles eyed him critically, slightly worried. He looked something between apologetic and wary. -Everything else I said was true. This was the only detail I altered."

Erik was numb. He didn't know what to think or to feel. Is this how it felt to be truly distrusted? To be stabbed in the back - by someone he had never expected to use their personal knowledge against him? Charles was the only one Erik had opened himself up to, and now...

Erik knew he was being irrational. He knew it, but he couldn't help to dull down the anger.

-You _lied_," Erik hissed like, child-like, because it still felt unbelievable.

Charles' eyes flashed, and he looked at Erik a bit more harshly now. -Yes, Erik, I did. Can you really blame me? Would you have shown this amount of motivation and determination to stop Alice's vision from happening if you had known that the virus only kills humans?"

Erik just glared back.

Charles shook his head, getting angry now too. But it was defensive, apologetic anger in its weird way. -Tell me one good reason why you wouldn't have just let it all happen like it did in Alice's vision? Can you honestly tell me that you would have helped to destroy a virus that could potentially kill the whole human kind in the worst case scenario?"

Silence.

Erik just stood there, emotions thundering beneath his stiff posture.

He could only breathe in and out, and stare.

Charles was obviously bothered by Erik's unresponsiveness, because he got more and more distraught by the second. -Even if you knew that in Alice's future, Shaw ended up killing you, you would have been arrogant enough to think that you could change your fate. Tell me I'm wrong, Erik! You would have let the virus run its course, let it spread. You would have probably rejoiced about its existence, because you finally get the 'evolution' you always wanted to!"

It was an odd, numb disbelieved state Erik had fallen in. He listened every word Charles said, but they sounded so oblivious to him. They were right; Charles was right. Erik would have embraced a weapon against the humans that destroyed them all without harming any of the mutants. That was true. A perfect leverage, a perfect way to rule out the weak.

But.

_But_, to think that Erik would have cared more about destroying the humans than...

-You would have died without me," Erik said slowly, pronouncing every word with care.

Charles froze, and whatever he had been about to heatedly say, died on his lips. He looked at Erik, confused, like that was the last thing he had expected Erik to say.

Erik started to laugh. It was an eerie, joyless and hollow laugh, born out of the insane stupidity that Charles was radiating.

Oh, Charles really, really didn't_ see_.

It was maddening.

It was infuriating.

By Gods, Erik shook his head and laughed a dark, short laugh.

Charles looked even more confused now, eyeing Erik warily and furrowing his brows.

It took Erik so much effort to say. He felt tired to the bone. He felt old, so old, because he shouldn't have to go through with this. Charles shouldn't be so blind, he just _couldn't_ be so blind, yet Erik knew Charles was now telling the truth and he really didn't see the most obvious motivation behind Erik's every action ever since leaving Nevada.

-Do you really, really think that I would have let you die?" Erik asked, voice solemn. He eyed curiously Charles' face - every emotion crossing them. Confusion, disbelief. Erik marked it all down with sad tiredness. Charles didn't really see how he owned every bit of Erik. Charles might have not had them all those years ago, but now - Erik could deny it and fight back if he wanted, but he found much more dignity in acceptance.

-If it came down to choosing a weapon to the mass destruction of the human kind, and saving your life, do you really think I even had a choice?" Erik asked, now a bit more quietly.

Charles looked compeletely lost now.

All of his anger was gone, he was just staring at Erik with astonishment.

Erik sighed, and despite his earlier hurt, he felt a wave of affection. How could a mind-reader be so deaf and blind? How could Charles _not_ see what he was saying?

-If...if I had told you the truth about the virus..." Charles muttered uncertaintly, studying every inch of Erik's face as he talked. -...would you still had chosen to come here?"

There was a pause.

It wasn't because Erik hesitated with his answer. It was because he was lost in his own thoughts, of realizing the true extent of how faulty Charles' perception of him was.

Erik sighed. -Back with Trask, you had the chance to do what you considered to be the right thing: you had the chance to turn me in to the authorities. Charles. Yet you let me go."

Charles blinked in surprise. -Of course...You would have been as good as dead if I..."

Erik raised a meaningful eyebrow, indicating Charles had just answered his own question.

A realization dawned on Charles' face, and for a moment he looked very fragile. There was a deep silence. It was almost like Charles wanted to deny what Erik was saying, because it was easier to lull himself into the old belief that Erik was the monster who had murdered the president. That things were as black and white as they had been before Trask. But nothing was easy anymore, and the old warmth that had gotten them both into this mess in the first place was there, and just as strong as before. But instead of a warm flicker of a flame it had turned into a raging fire. Charles blinked hard, as he was having an internal struggle with himself.

He hovered in place, like unsure whether to take a step back or not.

Several long seconds passed, and an odd atmosphere had fallen over the corridor.

Erik felt his own hurt dissolving slowly.

He understood.

Of course he did.

It would have been easier if he didn't. But Erik couldn't really blame anyone for thinking the worst of him when it came to treating humans.

Charles looked so lost, looking at Erik like he was the never-ending puzzle he couldn't solve. Like Charles just didn't know what Erik was thinking or what was going on inside his head, ironically enough. And that might have been the case. Charles would never pry - he probably hadn't even taken the slightest peek just a moment ago, otherwise he wouldn't have been so damn oblivious.

-I don't...I don't understand you," Charles finally mumbled, barely audible.

Erik almost wanted to bury his face into his hands. Charles was being honest - his blue eyes were filled with confusion as he stared at Erik.

Erik felt his throat tighten - he was getting lost in to his own thoughts, into the moment. They didn't have time for this. _One more day_, he reminded himself. They needed to get out of the base, and Charles needed to wake up. Then they could finally talk. About everything - about the things left unsaid for too long. The things that vacated the space between them.

So Erik straigthened himself and took a deep breath.

-Priorities first: we need to leave this place. If the virus isn't affecting mutants, we might as well walk through the labs."

-But..."

-_No_. We are going through the labs, Charles, because there might be still some mutants held captured there, and I want to free as many as I can."

That silenced Charles, even if he seemed reluctant. He glanced at Shaw uncomfortably, then at Erik. He hesitated for a moment, before stepping a little closer.

-Fine."

Erik nodded and quickly turned around, pulling the door open with his powers.


	19. Chapter 19

The first thing that hit Erik was the disgusting smell of rotting bodies.

The unmistakable stench of corpses decaying washed over him as the threw the lab doors open with his powers, and for a moment Erik automatically closed his eyes and held his breath, because the stink was nauseating. He was immediately both surprised and worried - the mutants weren't supposed to get infected by the virus, so why would there be so many bodies?

When Erik blinked his eyes open, he froze dead on his tracks. He looked ahead, seeing a very long corridor in front of him with several side corridors and open doors flung open here and there. And then there were bodies on the floor; some CIA agents, some mutants, and some that Erik couldn't instantly tell apart. The floor was filled with broken glass, pieces of debris and some kind of goo.

Erik straightened himself and his instincts told him that this wasn't a good idea. Some of the mutants in these labs must have been there for a very long time - months, even years. They had been imprisoned and experimented on, and treated like animals. As much as Erik hated the humans for what they had done to the fellow mutants, he also wasn't stupid. These mutant prisoners might have had lost their minds; they could be reckless and violent towards anyone or anything, mutant or not.

Not to mention that...

_Shaw_ had been here.

And Shaw had said that he hadn't been the only one that had gotten back from the dead - powers included.

Erik almost didn't dare to think what this could mean. If Shaw had been raised...then others could be too. Countless others. And knowing that only the Resurrecter could have done it meant that he had to be nearby. Somewhere in the base, likely. According to Alice's vision, the Resurrecter was a prisoner here after all.

-Erik..." Charles said warily.

Erik bit his lip and hated to admit that this idea didn't feel that good after all. He had mostly acted on an instinct, on a righteous principle to help fellow mutants. But right now, Erik reconsidered his choice. He could be very well be endangering both himself and Charles.

Distant noises could be heard: running, fighting, screaming.

This place was in chaos, or at least spiraling into one. Erik's fingers twitched and distantly sensed the metal around him; ready to use it to attack any second if needed. Could he just open every door in the base? The idea felt inviting, but Erik also knew that he might accidentally free Resurrecter at the same time. While Erik detested the idea of any mutant being imprisoned against their own will, he knew that some of them might do more harm than good outside locked doors.

Charles stepped unconsciously closer to Erik, while looking carefully at the corridor. No matter how small the gesture was, Erik noticed it immediately; he had to flicker his eyes sideways and swallow for the sudden closeness. It felt like a sign of trust, once again. And alarmingly more satisfying than it probably should have. Erik quickly pushed his thoughts away as he slowly stepped onwards, Charles right behind him.

-I don't think that this is..." Charles started, but he was interrupted by a loud bang that made them both startle and freeze.

Some mutant ran to the corridor, broke the window by throwing some kind of electric bolt at it, and started to struggle her way through the bars. She had a wild look on her, and she was full of scars. Erik raised his hands mid-air, ready to defend himself and Charles if she tried anything. But she didn't even notice Erik, she just kept pulling the bars on the windows, while letting out frustrated noises. Then finally, she gave the window one last punch and turned around, running to the next corridor.

She probably had no idea that anyone had seen her; she was too deep in manic survival mode.

This place; it was like rats trying to escape a sinking ship.

Partly trashed walls and broken electric wires sending sparks flying to the air at times made the whole place even more gloomy. Dark. Almost scary; it was like a violent asylym. Travesty of a scientific laboratory. This was organized torture, Erik thought with bitter anger. It made his blood boil to think that the humans could lock any mutants up and poke and prod as much as they wanted.

Charles seemed to sense Erik's quickly darkening mood. -Erik, we need to do something about the situation. As...horrifying as this is, we need to think in a wider scale. The virus must be stopped; the authorities must be informed so they can set up the quarantine and maybe even try to work on a cure."

-Are you suggesting we leave those too weak to escape here?" Erik said harshly, realizing he was channeling his anger at Charles without actually being angry _at_ Charles.

Charles sighed. -No, I'm just..." he started passionately, but suddenly his voice faded. Erik immediately turned his head to look at him, and saw that Charles had frozen on place staring into the distance with a glassy look on his eyes, his body still partly turned towards Erik.

-What?"

Erik felt a spark of worry, scanning Charles' face closely. Charles' brows furrowed, and there was something like disbelief filling his eyes.

Several seconds passed, and Erik's bad feeling just grew. -What is it?" he hissed, glancing at the corridor, then at Charles.

-It can't be..." Charles just muttered, and started suddenly walking quickly forward, like he had completely forgotten to be cautious. Erik hurried after him, pulse starting to take pace. They passed several fallen bodies, and Erik almost slipped to something that looked a mix of blood and some kind of blue liquid. Quite frankly, he didn't want to know.

-Charles!" Erik called, trying to make sure nobody was standing nearby on the open doors or hiding somewhere - they could attack Charles way too easily if Charles continued to storm onwards with such speed. Erik didn't like this. He didn't like it at all. Feeling of both dread and nagging worry filled him, and Erik reconsidered his choice to ever come here. Maybe sometimes it was better to just let it go, to turn a blind eye for the sake of greater good - no matter how much like Erik's thoughts started to ironically sound like Charles' moral could be on their way by now; Charles had already promised to wake up. They could finally talk; _really_ talk.

Erik took a deep breath, the metal humming in the base as he looked at the corridor restlessly.

But Charles hurried onwards and took a sharp turn to the right, only to be stopped by a big door. He pushed it hastily once, then twice. But the door was obviously heavy and locked; probably protected by several codes and cameras and fingerprint identifiers.

Charles swirled around on his heels, and now there was something openly distressed and angry about him. -Erik, open the door!" he said in a tone that wasn't a request. There was something desperate and scared in his voice, and Erik's heart leaped just a little for hearing it. Charles' eyes were a little wide and startled, as he looked pleadingly at Erik.

Suspicion creeped into Erik's mind immediately, and his instincts just sharpened even more.

-Open the damn door, Erik!" Charles hissed, while turning again around and trying to push the door open without success again.

He even punched it weakly, and took unsteady breaths.

Erik stepped closer, feeling equally disturbed and worried now. -Why?"

Charles' eyes darted on the surface of the door, like he was seeing or hearing something Erik couldn't. His sudden change of emotions was somewhat troubling: Charles was rarely this easily provoked to intense emotions within just a few seconds. To this kind of sharp, reckless acts, and Erik guessed it definitely wasn't a good sign. Charles had always been the one who could stay calm in the middle of a battlefield.

Charles once again punched the door and tried to fiddle with the opening mechanism, but it was too complicated, and Erik grabbed him by the wrist, making him stop. Charles swallowed and looked up to Erik, eyes now too wide. -Open the door. Please, Erik."

Erik swallowed, and was losing his remaining bits of patience and calmness. He didn't like seeing Charles like this, it just didn't seem right. And what could even be so important? -I will open the door if you tell me why you're acting like this," Erik said truthfully.

Charles blinked, looking like his heart was on his throat. -They...they have Raven," he whispered to Erik.

Erik just stared.

Charles looked like he was somewhere between anguised anger and misery, and shook his head. -I can...sense her. I don't know how. It doesn't even make sense, I haven't been really been able to hear anyone's thoughts after I ended up in the hospital. I just know she's here, behind this door. It's some kind of locked department."

He looked at Erik with a pleading look. -We need to save her," he said and turned towards the door. -I can feel her mind. And I'm not going to leave this place before we get her out."

Erik felt an ugly hesitance taking over him. He instantly detested the fact that Raven had been involved in this in any way. Her whole existence was something that had played its part as a cause for the drift between him and Charles. She had been one of the key factors in Cuba, and in the whole mission with Trask.

Erik silently cursed Raven and the way she had gotten caught - he had taught her better. And besides, Erik wasn't weren't on the best of terms with her after what had happened in Paris. Not even nearly.

Why was she even here? Had she tried to sneak in? Or save other mutants? Or had she just been caught because of her abilities, because of her blood and mutation? Had Trask inspired other 'scientists' after Raven had accidentally got herself recorded on television cameras in Paris? Erik felt a wave of irritation passing through him.

But Charles was getting more and more desperate, and there was almost something like potential panic building in his behavior. He suddenly closed his fingers around Erik's knuckles that were holding his own wrist, and shook Erik gently. -We are wasting time," Charles said. His touch sent shivers to Erik's skin, and for a moment he got completely distracted by it. Erik had to blink several times before he regained full concentration and remembered that he was supposed to answer.

-We don't know what else is behind this door," Erik said with a tight voice.

Charles raised a surprised eyebrow. -What does it matter? It didn't seem to concern you just a moment ago."

-But why keep this door locked? Most of the doors in this whole wing and corridor is open, Charles. I am sure some of the mutants in here had the ability to open locked doors by whatever powers they posessed, because they surely weren't opened by keys. The metal in the locks are disheveled; like they were melted or something similar. So why didn't those same mutants open this corridor? Why did they leave their fellow prisoners in there? Why is _this_ the only locked door in the whole lab wing?"

-They weren't thinking straight, they were scared and alone," Charles replied, clearly growing more restless. He shook his head. -And it's not important. We can't leave Raven there."

Erik bit his lip, notorious bad feeling rising in his guts. -Surely one or two of the mutants capable of opening these doors posessed some kind of altruism," he muttered. He glanced suspiciously at the door. It was the heaviest in the whole lab; Erik could feel it. -But they still left this door locked."

Charles' grip on Erik tightened. -_Erik_. It's Raven," he whispered, voice cracking a little. Erik tried to look away, but couldn't. And once he locked his eyes with Charles', he had lost the debate. Charles looked so scared on Raven's behalf, and yet so demanding and fierce at the same time. Erik could feel old guilt and misery lurching in his chest - the weight of Paris was suddenly heavy in the air. The disappointment, the mistrust; all of it. The way Erik had betrayed Charles' hope in one of the worst ways he could have. He couldn't do it again. He just couldn't. It was just like with Moira - Erik couldn't stand the idea of losing whatever progress and healing that had happened between him and Charles during this whole mission.

Erik knew he was being selfish, and that he was letting his emotions cloud his judgement. He knew that he was frighteningly easily swayed whenever Charles asked something from him, that Erik was orbiting Charles so desperately that he didn't follow his own intuition or normal rules. Nothing applied when it came to Charles. Not even logic. Not even simple and strategic logic that Erik would have followed in any other situation. But Charles fingertips were touching his knuckles and he was looking up to Erik, and Charles was too close and Erik couldn't think straight and he definitely couldn't say no.

With defeated, distantly irritated nod, Erik sighed and stepped further away from the door, pulling Charles with him. Charles let go of him, and Erik felt like his head wasn't half as muddled all of a sudden now. It was like there was more air to breathe when there was some distance between them.

-We need to do this quickly then," Erik mumbled, raising his hands to the air. He mentally forced himself to map every detail of the door, to listen closely and pay attention. They had no room for mistakes. -Let's find her and get out. I can free the rest of the prisoners by opening their doors while we leave this place for good."

Charles just nodded distractedly. Erik might have felt like a hypocrite for changing his mind about the labs, but there was something so out of place here. Something deeply...unnerving - it wasn't just the bodies or the chaos that had clearly ensued. It wasn't even Shaw.

It was something else completely.

Something dark and uninviting.

Erik wanted to get Charles and himself out of here as quickly as possible.

He took a steadying breath and twisted his fingers, letting his power flow, reaching to deep inner mechanisms of the door. He could have just twisted the whole thing into a heap or blasted it out of its hinges, but the bad feeling that had been growing ever since he had set his eyes on Shaw made Erik reconsider. He might need this door afterwards; that's why he decided to keep it functional. So that he could lock it again, if the need arose.

The door finally creaked open, and Charles was on the move before Erik had even properly gave the door a slight magnetic nudge.

Charles hurried through the door, and Erik reluctantly but instantly followed because he didn't like Charles acting so careless about himself and his own safety.

When the corridor came to view, in itself it was similar to the others - it just was a lot of cleaner than the ones before. Tidy and controlled - and impressively colder. It looked like nobody had broken out here yet, not at all. Oddly enough; since none of the doors in here was locked. Charles seemed to navigate with some kind of telepathical compass, and only stopped briefly to be concentrate on something to make sure he was heading to the direction of Raven's whereabouts. Erik's breath turned slightly into steam; the temperature was disturbingly cold in here. It could have been just the heating malfunctioning after the virus had spread through the base and killed every human on its path, but...this was a CIA facility. There was no way they didn't have generators kicking in.

If Erik had felt wary and suspicious before, the feeling definitely increased tenfold now.

This whole place just felt wrong on a very basic level.

Suddenly Charles hesitated on his movements, like he had just spotted someone from the corner of his eye. Erik followed his eyes, and Charles seemed to see someone right behind Erik.

Erik immediately turned around on his heels, ready to knock any attacker down. -Erik, don't!" Charles shouted, and Erik stopped himself just in time to...

...to realize he knew the person who had stepped to the corridor behind them.

And when Erik's mind caught up and he understood who it was and what it meant, he felt his insides twisting in anger.

-Hank?!" Erik hissed.

The shy scientist was standing just a few metres behind him, arms wrapped around himself like he was feeling cold. He looked squeamish and bothered, like he knew he wasn't supposed to be here. For a moment, Erik just stared, his frustration building up as he stared at him.

The echo of Hank's name repeated itself quietly on the corridor, bouncing on the walls until quieting down. It sounded eerie.

-What the hell are you doing here?!" Erik said angrily, staring at Hank with rising disappointment and fury.

Hank flickered his eyes at Erik, and there was something in his look that immediately caught Erik's attention. Hank looked...defeated. Lost, even.

Like he wasn't in a hurry, and was almost in a dreamy state of some sort of shock. His eye movements were slightly sluggish.

But as soon as Charles also called Hank's name in wonder, Hank forced his face into a warmer look. Erik could only see the whole thing because he was standing so close to Hank. Erik stood in silence, getting more and more bothered - this didn't make sense. Charles hurried back towards Hank.

Hank let out a faint smile.

-Hey," Hank said to Charles with a croaked voice, like he hadn't been talking in a while.

Charles came and pulled Hank into an embrace. -Hank," he breathed out. Hank swallowed and hugged Charles back, and Erik stood next to them, eyeing the situation with an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. Hank squeezed his eyes shut and hugged Charles tightly, and there was almost something desperate in his movements. Hank looked just a little too edgy, like he was about to break into pieces, as he buried Charles beneath his arms and took a shuddering, muted breaths. The whole embrace was too needy, too emotional. And Erik knew that Hank had almost lost Charles once already, but...

Hank had been mostly fine when they left the mansion.

This wasn't the behavior Erik would have expected from him, and something set his alarms bells ringing inside Erik's head in the quiet corridor.

-Hank, I'm going to ask you one more time: what the hell are you doing here?" Erik said with a harsh voice.

Hank swallowed hard and blinked his blood-shot eyes open. But it all was too slow. There wasn't any of the regret or defensiveness Erik would have expected - Hank showed no intention to talk back to Erik and raise his voice, or justify what he was doing here when they had made a clear deal of him staying behind. Something was _off_, and Erik tilted his head while he studied the scientist.

And now that Erik really looked, he spotted tear tracks on Hank's face.

Actual tear tracks.

Erik felt icy feeling take over his insides and mind - something was wrong. Terribly, terribly _wrong_. Of course Hank would have never left Charles' side willingly in the hospital. Of _course_ he wouldn't have. There was no way Hank would have endangered Charles like that - Erik knew it. He might not be in the closest terms with Beast, but Hank had proved his loyalty.

Hank shot a sudden, breath-takingly haunted look on Erik.

It was a plea.

It was like a secret conversation, a secret request.

_Please don't say anything_, it seemed to say.

Erik blinked, and his mouth dropped open, but Hank just quickly nodded with a poignant begging in his eyes. But when Charles started to pull away, Hank quickly rearranged his face into a more neutral and almost smiling one, forcing a mask on his face. It was like a circus show taking place in the matter of few seconds.

Erik felt a needle of ugly worry stinging his heart.

There was something final in this.

With sudden clarity, Erik realized that this mission had gone to hell. Ever since the virus had broken out, everything had gone wrong. And it seemed it was only going to get even worse.

-Hank," Charles said with a warm voice, -While I appreciate your help, I'm also as surprised as Erik to find you here." Charles stepped a little backwards and eyed Hank.

Hank tried to put on a brave smile. -Yes, I know. I'm sorry, but I..." He glanced at Erik, and there was a small shade of helplessness in his eyes now. -I...I found out that..."

Erik's mouth went dry.

Inside, his mind was screaming that something was wrong, something was so wrong that he started to feel sick.

Hank would have never sought Erik's help like this normally.

He had to be desperate.

And he had been _crying_.

And on the contrary of the popular belief, Hank McCoy had a thick skin, despite of his good heart. Not that many things could throw him off the edge.

Erik stiffened and clenched his hands into fists, almost forgetting to breathe.

Hank blinked and forced himself to look at Charles, who was obviously starting to suspect something. -I found out that Raven is here," Hank quickly blurted out, and the mention of her name made Charles immediately snap back into his earlier worry and look away from Hank.

-Yes. She is here," Charles said distractedly, now stepping backwards and turning away to the corridor again.

Hank shot a look at Erik.

They locked their eyes in the quiet, cold corridor while Charles started to walk towards the spot he had been in earlier.

Hank swallowed, not taking his eyes off Erik. Hank was talking loudly, making sure Charles also heard him:-I found out Raven had gotten captured...And taken here." But his voice was too hollow; it lacked any passion. It was too serious. Despite whatever crush Hank had had on Raven all those years ago, he would have never left Charles unprotected and alone in the hospital, but Charles was just too worried for his sister's fate to realize that. Or too selfless to see that Hank would protect him to his last breath if it came to it.

Erik felt numb.

Hank blinked, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. -She couldn't escape because she was put into this department. None of the people but in this department have been able to escape."

-But we can save her now!" Charles said hopefully, scanning the doors further away while somehow concentrating on whatever telepathical reach he was using to sense Raven. Charles was completely oblivious of the grim moment Hank and Erik were sharing.

Hank had to blink and look up at the ceiling to keep himself together and not to start crying.

That's when Erik knew.

If he had been any doubts anymore, they were now gone.

There was no way Hank would be here without a reason. And whatever it was, it was something horrifying.

-She's in here!" Charles suddenly exclaimed, and reached for the door knob. For his surprise, the door was open. Charles froze in surprise but then just simply pulled it open, disappearing into the room.

Now Erik was left alone to the corridor with Hank.

He stepped closer to the room Charles had gone into, not wanting to let Charles out of his sight. But Hank stepped forward too, gesturing Erik to stop.

Now, he looked completely defeated.

-It's alright," Hank said quietly. -It truly is Raven in there. She won't harm Charles."

Erik stared. He glanced at the door, then back at Hank. He decided to trust Hank's word and stayed where he was, standing on the corridor alone with him.

Erik scanned Hank from head to toe. Hank was wearing normal clothes - they were a little wrinkled and far too light for this coldness, but there wasn't anything odd about them per se. Hank was still shivering from the cold, but seemed too distracted to care. He was still fighting tears.

-What the hell is this about?" Erik hissed quietly, making sure Charles couldn't hear.

For a moment, there was silence and the corridor was filled with faint sounds of Charles calling Raven's name both in relief and in worry; from the sounds of it she had been knocked unconscious or was otherwise in the need of waking up - and Charles was mumbling soothing things to her, just like he had done when they had found her in Paris.

But Erik barely listened to the whole exchange, his whole attention was on Hank.

And now that Hank wasn't even trying to put on a show, he looked utterly miserable. He drew in a breath that sounded like a sob.

-Erik..."

There was an ominous, heavy silence.

-I never wanted to leave Charles unprotected back at the hospital. But..." Hank's face was taken over by a dark memory. -But the CIA...they found me. I don't know how, or how is this all even possible...But I tried to fight back."

Erik narrowed his eyes, barely keeping his voice down. -Well you weren't doing that much of a good job with that!" Erik said angrily, stepping forward. His rage was crawling right under his skin, about to burst out any second now. -Are you saying that the CIA found Charles' body in the hospital? That he is in danger?"

Hank looked beaten. -No."

Again, there was a too long silence.

Erik was running out of patience - Hank was acting way too strangely. -Then _what_? What happened?" Erik asked through his teeth. -Why are you acting like this? You're supposed to be in Westchester!"

-I _was_," Hank said. -But...but something went wrong. At first I didn't know what it was, but the timelines are all messed up now. The virus broke out, even if I still had everything related to the virus back at the mansion. The CIA wasn't supposed to know who I am, or who Charles was. They weren't supposed to even have anything _vaguely_ reminding of the serum."

-I know all of this, spare me the details. Just tell me what happened to you?" Erik said, waving his hand angrily in the air.

Hank's shoulders slumped, and he glanced at the direction of the room Charles was in. He lowered his voice. Now there was some kind of ancient sorrow in Hank's eyes, and the way he looked at Erik made the air feel even more colder than it was.

-I...I got killed."

Erik's mouth dropped open, and for a moment he forgot to breathe. He closed his mouth, then opened it again. He stared at Hank in utter confusion, trying to make sense of it all.

-What do you mean by..."

-I was in Westchester," Hank said quickly, as if he was struggling to get it out. -The CIA found me, and...I got killed in the mansion. Charles should be fine back at the hospital, Erik - as far as I know anyway. I think you would have noticed him disappearing if something had happened to him."

Erik shook his head, feeling like he was developing a headache. -You...you don't look dead to me," he said, detesting the whole idea of Hank dying. Not because of himself - he had no sentiment towards Beast. But Charles...

Charles couldn't lose Hank. He had lost enough already.

So Erik just wished this was some kind of a bad joke; or a misunderstanding.

Even if somewhere deep down, Erik was starting to realize how irreversibly everything had gone wrong in the worst possible way.

Hank wrapped his arms around himself more tightly. -That's because right now, I'm not dead," Hank explained. Erik just shook his head in confusion, and Hank hurried to continue. -Please don't tell Charles. Not yet. But I was killed. I was dead, and they brought my body here yesterday. And this morning..."

There was a disturbed look in Hank's eyes now. -And today I woke up here." He gestured at the locked department.

Seconds passed in heavy, tensed silence.

Hank looked tired to the bone. -Erik...this isn't a laboratory wing. I remember this from the times I worked for the CIA. This...this is a _morgue._"

Erik's eyes widened, and he looked around. But somehow it made so much sense now - it was so cold in here. It wasn't any malfunction of the heating - it was because of the CIA had kept the corpses in here. That's why nobody had bothered to open that heavy door - because nobody wanted in, and nobody was getting out. Dead mutants could not escape. So they had just loaded them here. Corpses like Hank's. And...

-Raven...Raven is _dead_?!" Erik stuttered out in horror.

Hank rushed a bit forward, lifting his hands to air as a shushing gesture. -Shh," he said. -Erik, I'm_ begging_ you, you can't tell Charles that. Raven doesn't know what has happened to her either. She doesn't know that she's..."

Erik just stared Hank, open terrified shock in his face.

Hank swallowed, and now one tear broke free. -I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry," he muttered and shook his head in agony. -I didn't know they had Raven. I only saw her corpse this morning."

It took several moments when Erik tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Just the mental image of Hank and Raven _both_ as corpses...-Just...stop for a minute. So you..." Erik said slowly, pointing at Hank, trying to hide how disturbed and emotionally compromised he was at the moment. -You're dead. And so is Mystique. And you're both here because this is a morgue."

Hank just nodded, even if he looked like he felt a little sick.

Erik had to swallow several times to keep the taste of bile out. -But if you're _dead_, how are you standing there? And why can I hear Mystique waking up in there?" Erik pointed at the room Charles was in.

Hank bit his lip. -The Resurrecter. It's the Resurrecter, Erik. He was woken, just not in the way that he was in Alice's vision. Everything in Alice's vision have been changed, more or less critically. Right now, the Resurrecter can raise dead mutants, yes. That's why he brought me back to life - and Raven too. And several others - I'm pretty sure also Emma, Angel, Azazel and few others were raised too. Even Shaw."

Hank looked a little wary now.

Erik's face darkened. -Shaw has been taken care of."

Hank just nodded, like he didn't even want to know. And besides, he was far too emotionally invested in his story to care about details. He let out a long sigh. -So yeah. The Resurrecter brought us all back to life."

Erik suppressed the urge to rub his temples. But he was too intensely listening to Hank's words to even look away. -But?"

-But..." Hank said slowly. -But there is a catch."

There was an ominous silence. Erik just waited, his insides twisting into a slow knot.

-The serum wasn't as strong as it was originally in Alice's future," Hank finally whispered. -So the Resurrecter can raise the dead, but...once he has done so, he can't keep us that way. When we come back to life...we only live for one day. Only until midnight."

Erik tightened his jaw, gritting his teeth. -So...you...you all are going to just...drop dead when the midnight arrives?"

Hank nodded. -And once we go...the Resurrecter can't bring us back. Then we are gone forever. It's like one extra day that we get, living on a borrowed time."

Erik reflexively covered his mouth now, too shocked to care about appearing detached. This was...this was _bad_. To put it lightly. He had to turn around and stare into a wall to keep himself functioning and thinking logically. -So you...you and Raven. You are both already dead, and you're going to die permanently this midnight," Erik repeated with a distant voice.

-Yes," Hank said with a shaking voice.

Erik stared into nothingness. -Charles is going to lose you both," he finally whispered, and there was something terribly final once he said it aloud.

Charles was going to lose both his sister and his closest friend.

Hank and Raven were going to be dead.

Because of this mission, because of...

Because of Erik intervening.

Charles was going to be _alone_. Alone in the mansion, without a family, without anyone taking care of him. Charles, who had went as far as tried to kill himself to protect others and Hank. Charles, who had a too good heart for this world. Charles, who had been wrecked by Raven just_ leaving_ him behind.

_Dear God._

Erik couldn't help his own breaths becoming quicker and too shallow. He realized he was feeling sick and like his blood was filled with insects. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not to Charles.

Erik could live fine without Mystique or Beast - to him, they were only casualties in this war. But to Charles...This would break him. This would ruin Charles beyond repair. He wouldn't be able to live with this. With the grief and misplaced guilt. Without his sister, no matter how lost she might be to him, and Hank, the loyal Hank who had looked after Charles all those years.

Suddenly, it dawned on Erik that Charles would never agree to wake up at all if he found out.

Charles would refuse to.

He would just end up slowly dying or killing himself by letting go, and it made nausea wash over Erik just to think about it. He started to shake a little, he distantly realized. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be real. There just couldn't be a way that everything had gone so horribly wrong in just a few days.

Erik was painfully aware that he wouldn't be enough for Charles - Charles wouldn't live just for Erik's sake. Why would he? What there was possibly for Erik to say or do to convince Charles to cope with the pain and loss? To live through it, just because Erik asked him to? Just because Erik couldn't stand the idea of...

No.

He couldn't do this.

He couldn't let it happen.

What was there on this Earth that Erik could say to make Charles stay if he found out the truth?

There was _nothing._

-Mein Gott," Erik stuttered out, a lump forming to his throat.

Hank let out a sound that sounded awfully like a sob, while in the background Charles was quietly chatting gently with a confused, drowsy Raven. Raven who thought she had just woken up from sleep or a drugged haze, who didn't know she was dead. That she just had just a few extra hours to live, until the clock would strike twelve and they would all drop down dead like flies.

Erik ran a hand through his hair, barely noticing the unhealed gash on his forehead. He took a few restless steps, the coldness of the morgue just making him feel even more unnerved.

-Is there any way to...stop you from dying all over again?" Erik asked with a heaviness settling to his chest.

-No."

Erik swirled around with an angry look on his face, about to lash out at Hank just because he couldn't channel his horror and worry in any other way, but Hank looked so broken that Erik just ended up staying in place.

Hank looked small. And vulnerable.

It haunted Erik to think that this one good-willed scientist would end up dead soon. That he had been _killed_ in the first place. Who would strike down someone like Hank, completely harmless unless seriously provoked? Who would slaughter a too-young scientist? It seemed surreal when Hank was still right there, talking and breathing.

-Is there _anything_ that can be done?" Erik asked with tired finality, hope dying fast in his chest.

Hank looked uncertain. -I...Actually...There might be."

Erik blinked and was almost too afraid to believe in it, in case it wasn't true. Hank lifted his chin. -Not to save me and Raven. We are as good as dead."

Erik felt his shoulders sagging, but forced himself to listen.

-But...there might be a way of undoing this whole thing from happening," Hank said. -I mean the whole future Alice dreamt off - it might be possible to erase the whole timeline. A bit like Logan did when he came back from the future to stop Trask."

-How?" Erik said, throwing his hands to the air in frustration. -We don't have anything to go back to the past with."

-No, we don't. But that's the thing. We already have altered this timeline," Hank stepped closer. -Alice saw the future in her visions, right? And Charles read her mind and that's how he found out about the virus, and why Charles ended up trying to commit suicide - because Charles was trying to stop the future from happening."

Erik just nodded.

Hank looked very serious now. -Apparently that's how all of this started in the first place. When Charles took one proper action to alter the future, he made a crack into the foundation of the future. It was like a crack in the mirror, or a pillar of a bridge, right? But Charles' attempted suicide wasn't enough to alter the future completely, or shake down the bridge, since he didn't really die. It only made an access point to the flow of time."

Erik just stared at Hank, trying to make sense of it. -This is not making any sense."

-Yes it is, just listen," Hank said, once again making sure that Charles was too busy with Raven to notice the grim conversation in the corridor. -Just...think about this was all with the bridge metaphor, okay? So basically, Charles tried to break one of the pillars that are holding the bridge up - so holding up Alice's future coming true. But the bridge didn't break. There were other times that new cracks were made - when you attacked the first CIA base, Erik. And the moment you burnt those documents and spared Moira's life - she was supposed to die in Alice's vision."

-Wait," Erik said, interrupting. -How do you know about Moira?"

Hank shook his head distractedly. -Because I talked with someone who has lived through our current timeline. Just...listen closely. Alright, so where was I? Yeah, right. Um, so there are cracks in the bridge now, but nothing has truly stopped it from existing, or crumbled the bridge. The structure of the bridge has been changed, yes, since some things have been sped up - like the virus from spreading."

-Just...just stop right there," Erik said. -I don't get it. How is it even possible that the virus broke out, when the CIA didn't even know your name? I _destroyed_ those documents two days ago. There is no way the CIA could have gotten to you, captured you and developed the serum during that time. That would have taken months, and that's exactly what happened in Alice's vision. And what's more, they ended up _killing_ you, Hank, not capturing you."

Hank sighed. -Look, I know this whole thing is...a mess. But basically the whole timeline is messed up. Let's just...Just hear me out, Erik."

Erik crossed his arms and tilted his head in a clear gesture he was listening.

Hank looked as lost, like he had a hard time of understanding it himself. -When I woke up this morning...I met this one guy who here in the morgue who has the power to time travel. He can't do it just like that, by snapping his fingers or anything, it doesn't work like that. So he can't do it whenever he pleases. His name is Kyle, and he can only time travel if there are cracks in the timeline. Kind of like loopholes, like holes in a net. You see, Erik, there's this theory in quantum physics that time is immutable. That time is like a river — you can throw stuff into it to try and create a ripple, but the current always corrects itself. No matter what you do the river just keeps flowing in the same direction," Hank explained.

Erik raised an eyebrow.

-But in this case, it doesn't seem to be true," Hank said slowly, making sure Erik was keeping up. -It's like we have two rivers existing side by side - the one where everything happens as Alice saw it, and the one we live in right now, where Charles' attempted suicide started to alter things. Charles' attempted suicide broke the order of those rivers, and now they are sometimes joining together, sometimes not. But the main things is that there still _are_ two of them, two rivers that haven't yet been corrected into one. So the future is not set in stone. What we can do now is to try and go back in time before one river was created into two. And stop it from ever splitting."

-So a time before Charles even tried to kill himself," Erik asked, and Hank nodded.

-Exactly."

-So what does it mean?" Erik asked.

-It means that we need to fix things. You have already created cracks - saving Charles' life, burning the documents, letting Moira live. But all of this was set in motion by Charles' suicide attempt. And that is the key, because it's a paradox in the time continuum."

Erik raised an eyebrow. -A paradox?"

-Yeah. So we need to compromise the time continuum so greatly that it has to fix itself. This timeline couldn't exist without Charles' suicide attempt, because you would have never come from Nevada without it. We wouldn't be here, on this exact moment, if Charles had never tried to take his own life. None of this would have happened."

-So..." Erik tried to think hard. -So we need to wake Charles up?"

-No," Hank suddenly had an oddly pale look on his face. -We...uh...we need to make sure he succeeds."

Silence.

Erik tried to make sure he had heard right. For a moment he was so stunned that he was unable to even be outraged. -_Excuse me_?"

Hank looked squirmy and raised his hands to the air in a calming manner. -I know it sounds..."

Erik stepped closer, eyes flashing dangerously. Hank shook his head and took a quick breath. -Kyle told me that it was the only way it could be done. We need to create a paradox so great that neither the current future or Alice's future can happen. So in other words...Charles' suicide attempt needs to succeed, the documents have to stay burned, the mutants that were raised from the dead need to die, and...and the Resurrecter needs to die with us."

For a moment, the sounds of their breathing was the only sound in the corridor.

Erik tried to suppress the urge to punch Hank in the face for even suggesting something like this, but...he knew that Hank would never say anything like this unless he was truly desperate. And truly serious.

Erik took heavy breaths, shifting his weight nervously and clutching his hands into fists. He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all. He wanted to disagree to all of it immediately, but something made him hesitate.

-Erik..." Hank said, looking vaguely pained. -I know this is a desperate measure, but...This is the only way we can fix things."

There was another long silence.

A storm of emotions were swirling right under Erik's calm facade, and he was close to losing the battle with it. -Fine," Erik said slowly, struggling to keep his voice down again. He was breathing too heavily. -Let's just say, for _argument's sake_, that I would agree to this. What then? What would happen?"

Hank sighed. -Then...the time would correct itself, and erase the past few weeks from ever happening."

Erik's face fell. -And leave you, Raven and Charles dead?"

-No," Hank said passionately, shaking his head. -No, that's the thing. If Charles and the Resurrecter die in this timeline, the timeline will erase itself. It will cease to exist, and rearrange itself. And in that timeline, the Resurrecter never got his power, the virus never broke out, and Charles never tried to kill himself. So if we succeed in this plan, then the situation will be like it was after Trask: Charles and I would be back in the mansion, without either of us knowing anything about Alice or the Resurrecter."

Erik tilted his head. -But even if that happened, the documents or the mutant Resurrecter would still exist."

-Yes. But Resurrecter wouldn't _yet_ have his countered power. The serum counters the abilities, remember? So without, the Resurrecter would just be a mutant with the ability to kill people with his touch."

It made sense. As complicated and infuriatingly hard it was to think it through, it did make sense. Erik repeated the thought pattern in his head, twisted and turned it, but whatever way he tilted it, it made awfully lot of sense. And Erik felt a tiny twinge of reluctant hope now. He wanted this version of the events more than anything - but he couldn't stand the idea of letting Charles die. Not in any circumstances.

Hank seemed to sense Erik's thoughts too. -I knew you wouldn't agree to this easily. But Erik, you are the only person capable of changing things. I'm dead, and so is Raven."

Erik bit the inside of his cheek, trying to shake off a slight shiver. His worry was turning into a restless anger. -What would you have me do, then?" he spat more angrily than he intended. -I'm not going to let any harm to come to Charles."

-You wouldn't be. You would save him and all of us," Hank whispered, and once more glanced at the direction of Charles' and Raven's quiet mutters further away in the room. But they were fortunately taking their time with their reunion. Hank turned back to Erik, hesitating with his words.

-What you would need to do...You need to make sure every single person in this facility dies before midnight. I mean, the resurrected mutants like me and Raven will die anyway, but...we are the first ones the Resurrecter raised. We need to make sure he won't raise anyone else after us, because the consequences could be disastrous. I mean there were people like Shaw among us...So no. Erik, you need to destroy the Resurrecter. He...he needs to go. Including all of remaining corpses in here. All of us."

This whole plan was like a bad, grotesque dream. Erik felt his heart pounding against his rib cage, no matter how much he tried to keep his composure. -How exactly?" he asked bitterly, not still completely agreeing to this bizarre scenario.

Hank straightened his classes in a weirdly casual way, even if his hands were shaking badly. A grim atmosphere settled into the grey corridor. -There are gas pipes in here. I suggest they get a sudden leak and the gas fills the whole base," Hank said in a hollow but meaningful voice.

_Gas leak._

So explosive demolition.

In any other situation, Erik might have been able to appreciate the scientific way of Hank's logic, but not now. Not with this.

Erik was starting to feel adrenaline filling his veins. He swallowed and his voice came out as strained. -And then what? After this facility, you and Raven, and Resurrecter have been blown to bits? What then?"

Now Hank looked even more pale, and faint tears were glistening in his eyes. -Then..." he said, voice cracking. -Then, Erik, you...have to make sure Charles dies."

Erik drew air in so quickly that he had to cough. He widened his eyes and a wave of shock and disgust so sharp passed through him that it sliced like a knife.

Hank fought back tears and shook his head fiercely, quieting Erik down. -I'm s-sorry. But you _have_ to. Otherwise all this death and suffering have been in vain."

Now Erik stepped forward, losing his shaky control and grabbed Hank's shirt into his fist, almost squeezing his own nails into his skin. Hank gasped but didn't look away or back away an inch. Instead, he grabbed Erik's arm and took a steady grip on it, and stared back at him with odd fierce determination that Erik had rarely seen in him.

-I know this is hard," Hank said. -Trust me...I know," he said, thousands of emotions and memories and warmth loaded into his words. But now, there was deeply empathic and knowing, and almost something...pitying...in Hanks' face. Like Hank was too tired to be the quiet perceiver. He sighed. -Look, Erik..."

He scanned Erik's face with sad sympathy. -I know I can't really understand what is it with you and your...whole relationship with Charles. You have hurt him worse than anybody else, and if I were him, I probably would have never even spoken to you again. And I don't even want to know, it's nothing to do with me. But...even if I never trusted you in anything else, I trust you with this. So within a few minutes, there _is_ going to be a gas leak, and it will destroy this facility, killing everyone inside. You _will_ get Charles outside, and you will explain this all to him afterwards, because he won't ever agree to this otherwise. Then you are going to drive back to Westchester, and then to the hospital. And then you're going to kill Charles, Erik, you _are_, and then the timelines will correct themselves."

Erik tightened his grip on Hank's shirt, opening his mouth to disagree.

But there was something startling in Hank's utter calmness about the plan.

-What if it doesn't work? What if you all just end up dead?" Erik hissed. _What if Charles ends up dead?_

Hank lifted his chin. -We won't. Because when the timeline has corrected itself, we all - including Charles and me and you - will all still remember all of that has happened. But the starting situation will be exactly the same as it was before Charles' suicide attempt - the CIA can't know about my identity, and Charles can't destroy the documents by himself, so _you_ need to come to this CIA base by yourself and destroy the documents and take care of Resurrecter. That's how the timeline will be permanently corrected, there is only one river left, and Alice's future have been avoided."

In any other situation, Erik might have pointed out how cold Hank was acting while listing all these things. But right now Erik didn't care. Hank's plan was too...too perfect, too inviting. Erik couldn't automatically say no. Because what option did he have? Hank and Raven were dead already, they were already lost. And without Hank and Raven, Charles would never wake up. Erik was under no illusion about that - so the only scenario where Charles still lived was the one Hank was suggesting.

As much as Erik hated it, he started to feel his resistance fading.

As much as it terrified him.

Erik slowly easened the grip on Hank's shirt, swallowing hard and stepping backwards, letting his hand drop.

The atmosphere in the corridor had gone from dark to absolutely bleak.

-Are you absolutely sure this plan of yours will work?" Erik asked slowly. He gave Hank a grim look. -This can't just be a theory. I need you to be completely, irreversibly _sure_."

Hank just nodded. -I would never suggest this if I wasn't sure. I would never endanger Charles' life like that."

Erik turned to stare blankly at the floor.

Thinking.

Seconds ticked away.

His breaths turned into steam, that danced slowly in the unmoving air.

But the more Erik thought about it, the more sense it made.

And the more he thought about it, the more Erik realized it was the only option they had. The Resurrecter couldn't be allowed to continue. He would raise people like Shaw, and he wouldn't even be able to keep them alive. And the virus had broken out, and as little as Erik cared about the sufferings of the humans, the virus wouldn't just kill off humans but bring down entire civilizations and societies with it. Having a global crisis and complete destruction of any order wouldn't serve anyone.

This whole thing needed to be stopped. In just one day, it had gotten completely out of hand - and things would continue to escalate from now on. It _had_ to be stopped.

Even with the highest cost possible.

Erik closed his eyes tightly for a few moments, trying to swallow the taste of bile from his mouth again and again, but it just didn't leave. A devastating finality had settled over him, and the anguish of what was to come already lurked at the edge of his mind. The undeniable responsibility seemed to wrap its bony fingers around his throat and squeeze, making it had to breathe properly. Without saying a word, Erik stood in place and let his power slowly crawl to the pipes and the inside walls, finding the fatal screws and air condition entrances. He showed no outer sign of what he was doing while he stood in the middle of the corridor, but in reality Erik was sealing the fate of the whole base.

Pipes broke, metal broke and screws fell. The changes were so deep in the building structures and so distant that nobody could even hear it happening.

Gas started to fill the air like a sneaky ghost. Tasteless, invisible.

Like a perfect murder.

Erik stood on place numbly, feeling the weight of the situation settling into his chest. He let his eyes wander to the direction Charles' voice was coming from, and Erik loathed what he was about to do.

Hank studied Erik, and Erik glanced towards the ceiling. Hank seemed to understand what Erik meant, and there was a new solemn look on the scientist's face.

Hank nodded.

They both knew that the time bomb had been switched on.

Erik would have wanted more time to think this all through, but time was a luxury they didn't have.

They needed to act now. Before the situation got even more worse, or turned into unchangeable one.

This was it, then.

The ultimate, unchangeable desperate act.

There was almost a funeral-like feeling lingering in the air.

-I hope you have a lighter," Erik mumbled darkly.

-I will take care of the rest," Hank assured.

They fell into a thick silence, knowing too well that they couldn't tell Charles about this. Charles was so happy to find his sister, and to help her...And Raven was as oblivious to the situation as Charles was. Erik had never been faint-hearted, but...

This was Charles they were talking about.

And Charles didn't deserve this.

Not at all, not in any way. And Erik couldn't even start to think about what would happen after this. The inevitable fate. How ironic, that Erik seemed to be the only one walking out of this alive until the end. Even if he had been supposed to die at Shaw's hands in the future that Alice had dreamt of.

Erik knew he needed to lie and cheat; whatever it took to get Charles out of this building. Charles might not understand it at first, but...the time would come. They would all make it out alive, and they would remember this and Charles would forgive him when he found out the truth, and learnt of Hank's plan. At least that's what Erik hoped.

The gas slowly filled the corridors and the air in the facility, Erik could feel it escaping the pipes and wrecked metal.

Soon, the perfect catastrophe would be ready.

There was almost something beautiful in chaos, yet this time Erik found no joy in it.

Erik glanced outside to the dark night air, and took a steadying breath. Hank brushed the corners of his eyes, and tried to look brave. Erik almost found new admiration for him; Hank could be tough in his own loyal way. When the situation got bad, even the most noble people were ready to take drastic measures and last resorts.

What people wouldn't do for Charles Xavier...

Erik sighed and straightened himself.

After a few more seconds, the moment was broken by Charles and Raven stepping outside to the corridor, Charles' hand lingering in the air ready to support her, while Raven walked with slight unbalance. She still looked confused, and she shot her golden eyes at both Erik and Hank.

Erik knew this was the last time he would see her alive.

Well...alive was a shaky term these days.

But one way or another, Erik knew they couldn't waste any more time.

A very vague odor was spreading to the air - it was the gas. There was no time for goodbyes, or any hesitation.

-Charles, we need to go," Erik said with a voice full of authority and haste. Charles' flickered his surprised eyes at him, then at Hank. Raven stopped, and looked as uncertain.

It was a good think Erik was such a good liar when needed to.

-Raven, you need to go with Hank," Erik said as he straightened himself. -The other door only opens with retina identifiers, so you need to take the form of someone working in here to get out. Me and Charles will leave through the door we came from," he said and walked next to Charles, taking a steady grip from Charles' arm.

Charles opened his mouth and let out a confused huff of air. But fortunately Hank played along with Erik and stepped next to Raven, nodding towards the other corridor.

-Wait, wait!" Charles said demandingly. -Can't we all just leave from the same door?" he asked, glancing between Erik and the others.

But Erik didn't stop to hesitate, to appear like he knew what he was doing. He tugged Charles' arm lightly, so Charles had to step forward, away from Raven. Erik was utterly glad Charles couldn't hear his thoughts right now, otherwise the plan would have never worked.

Charles tried to resist by planting his feet harder to the floor and looking at Raven intensely, seemingly unsurprised by Erik's straight-forwardness but just reluctant to leave his sister behind.

Erik tried to appear as normal as he could. -They need to free the rest of the mutants in this department, Charles," he said with a deceivingly calm and emotionless voice, while Hank flashed an uncertain smile at Raven. Only Erik spotted the broken shade in it.

-I need your help. Are you alright to walk by yourself?" Hank asked from Raven, as polite as always.

Raven just nodded slowly and looked confused. -Why didn't you come and wake me up if you were here all this time?" she asked, tilting her head.

For a moment, panic flashed in Hank's eyes but fortunately he turned his head in a shameful way, and made it look like it was all about his shyness kicking in, not his head going blank from any believable lies.

-I arrived just a while ago," Hank mumbled and waved his hand dismissingly. His movements looked a bit jittery and Erik's need to leave increased every second.

Charles too furrowed his brows, sensing something was off with Hank. Erik inwardly cursed how well Hank and Charles seemed to know each other, because right now it was a disadvantage - so Erik just impatiently tugged Charles' arm a bit more.

-Well we can come with you," Charles argued, while Raven took a step towards Hank.

Erik instinctively wanted to share a look at Hank, but forced himself not to. Otherwise Charles would have guessed that something was going on. So Erik played nasty.

-No, Charles, we need to go back where we came from so I can ensure all the locks in these labs are opened. That's the only way to guarantee freedom to the mutants who have suffered here too long," Erik said with a voice that didn't falter at all. He had been in so many interrogation rooms and lied so professionally that not many could detect anything wrong in his facade.

Raven started to walk forward with Hank, even if she glanced unsurely behind her. -Let's meet outside," Hank said over his shoulder, appearing casual but in a hurry.

The performance was impressive. Bittersweetly believable.

Charles still looked after them, looking like he wanted to follow and not let them go, but Erik simply pulled him forward after himself. And the movement forced Charles to take a step so he didn't lose his balance. Then he partly walked and was partly dragged after Erik. Erik didn't look back, didn't even spare a glance at Hank or Raven. Even if he knew that this was the last time he would see them alive.

-We don't have any more time to waste," Erik said as he sensed that Charles was about to ask something.

It had been odd, the whole encounter, and it had been somewhat obvious that there was something more to it than met the eye. But the less time Erik gave Charles to think about it, the better. After all, Erik was starting to shake from adrenaline and anticipation, feeling guilt rising somewhere deep within him.

-Erik, I don't think..."

-This is the quickest way to get out of here while freeing the mutants," Erik said, almost a bit too hastily. He could almost feel Charles' suspicion growing. Erik knew that the continuing grip on Charles' arm just fueled it further, but Erik didn't dare to let go.

-What about the Resurrecter? What about..."

-The Resurrecter has escaped. That's why Hank is here - to warn us about him. So we go after him next," Erik lied. It was almost too good, almost too believable. He could only hope that whatever Raven had said to Charles didn't contradict his words.

They finally reached the door, and Erik quickly stepped through it, finding the closest entrance. Hurrying his steps, he kept on walking and pulling Charles after him so tightly that his grip must have hurt a little. With distant concentration, Erik sent his power surging forwards everywhere into the base and made metal turn and twist. Had they still been inside on the main corridor, they could have hear locks turning and clicking into places.

-Erik..." Charles once again started, now voice gaining more and more doubtful.

But then Erik finally set his foot outside and stepped on fresh grass, and he felt instantly relieved. Fresh, chilly outside air hit his face and despite Charles' stumbling steps to keep up or his half-finished, confused questions and increasing frustration, Erik didn't stop.

He kept walking forward, further away from the facility, on the yard of the CIA base.

Behind him, Erik could feel the base almost radiating with gas now. It was a disastrously effective ticking time bomb. It would be only a matter of time now - time and Hank.

-Erik, let go!" Charles finally hissed, and tried to pull his arm free. But Erik just tightened his grip and kept pulling.

-What is going on? Why did Hank...Erik, are you listening to me?" Charles said, raising his voice.

They had made their way quite far already - almost far enough to be completely safe. Just a little a bit more, Erik calculated. Behind him, Charles was getting more and more distressed and suspicious.

-Erik!" Charles shouted now, angry and confused, and Erik felt a sting in his heart. This wasn't like anything he had ever wanted to do. Charles gripped Erik's fingers around his own arm, trying to lift them away.

-Erik, what is this all about? Let go of my arm," Charles said hastily, still trying to free himself without success.

Then finally, Erik had to stop and Charles almost walked right into him before he regained his balance. Then Charles looked up at him, irritation on his face. But when Erik slowly turned around and Charles finally saw his face and looked, really looked, his eyes widened and he froze. Erik didn't even try to hide his emotions or the apologetic, sad expression that had spread over his features. It was the same one he had worn back in Paris, just before he had raised the gun and tried to shoot Raven.

And Charles instantly knew something was wrong. He paled and looked at Erik with growing fear, clearly thinking fast.

-W...What is it?" Charles mumbled, scanning Erik's eyes and whole face, every bit of his attention on him.

The cold, damp night air surrounded them and the dim light sent shadows on their faces. When Erik didn't answer, Charles looked even more startled. He started to yank his arm frantically, glancing towards the facility behind them.

-Where is Raven? And Hank? Erik, what did you _do_?"

Erik just swallowed.

With every second, Erik could see Charles rethinking what had happened in the corridor - the way he and Hank had separated Charles from Raven. Heaviness settled into the space between them, and Charles got more and more distressed.

-Why aren't they coming out? Why is...why is nobody coming out?" Charles asked, turning to look at the entrances of the base. It was almost eerily quiet here, even if there were so many people still inside. It was like a haunted house - and in a sense, it was, since it contained so many dead mutants that were breathing for one more day.

Charles fell deeper into fear, and panic started to grow in his blue eyes. Now his attempts to free himself were almost impressively hard, and Charles grew less careful not to scratch Erik with his fingernails or use proper force.

-I didn't open the doors," Erik finally said aloud. Charles blinked, and for a moment he stopped and looked at him in surprise. -What?"

-I didn't open the doors, Charles, when we left. I re-locked them. In fact, I locked the whole facility down with my powers," Erik explained with a quiet voice.

Charles' eyes were too wide and fearful, and he looked at Erik, expecting the worst. -But...but why? Erik, Hank and Raven are still _in_ there..."

-I know," Erik said.

The betrayed, horrified look spread into Charles' face almost in slow-motion. The disgusted, disbelieving astonishment took over his face and Charles smacked Erik to the chest. -No. No, no, no. Don't you dare to do this. Let them out. Let them out right now," he said.

Erik tilted his head and let out a sad, sigh that turned into steam. Charles eyed his every movement with perfect detail, still trying to fight his way free.

-Why are you doing this?" Charles said, voice rising to a shout. The teary-eyed and overwhelmingly emotional look he shot at Erik made all of Erik's ancient demons and guilt wake; he absolutely hated that look and everything it represented. But even now, Charles didn't look just angry; he looked afraid and hurt.

He looked like he still had held on a hope for them; like he hadn't lost his hope on Erik. Like he expected good things from Erik.

-Why would you do this to them, Erik? Tell me!" Charles said with a demanding but unsteady voice.

And that was the thing that broke Erik's mask and made it falter, and Erik could feel sorrow cracking to his face. He opened his mouth to explain, but right then a loud hissing sound filled the air somewhere far away.

They had no time to prepare, no time to get further away.

Because right then a deafening bang roared out and right when Erik saw the first spark of fire, he instinctively threw himself in front of Charles and guided the movement towards the ground.

The huge, bone-rattling pressure wave that hit the air knocked them both down, and stole their breaths away.

* * *

><p>Erik's ears were ringing.<p>

His head was spinning.

Suddenly the seconds seemed to last forever, and he couldn't see anything.

Slurring, whirring.

Bright lights, dark shadows, mixing into each other.

Erik just had a vague sense of the horizon and the ground, and he tried to crouch down and hold up a magnetic field to protect them both from any possible debris flying in the air.

White noise filled Erik's awareness.

It took several moments before Erik managed to blink his eyes back to focus and look up. He sat up a little, settling on his knees; the damp ground already soaking through and making him shiver.

Seconds.

Thrumming.

The ringing of his ears quieted down a little, and Erik smelled something like sulfur.

He got a sense of his own body and time, and before Erik knew it, Charles was trying to push himself up. Charles struggled to get up and see something. He pushed Erik shakily out of his way and then froze completely when the facility came to view.

It was all up in flames.

Most of the roof was blown to bits and gone; and huge, hungry fire was eating it's way through the windows and open spaces, reaching over ten metres to the dark sky. The base had turned into an inferno after the explosion of the gas, and was now a total sea of flames and heat.

It took just a moment before Charles recovered enough from the sudden explosion and the confusion of what had happened. Before the first shock hit him and he realized what he was seeing.

Then he screamed.

And as Erik blinked his eyes from the destruction, he knew the plan had succeeded. The rattling of the fire made an awful noise, and heat was starting to radiate itself from the ruins of the building. Burning pieces of walls and roof floated slowly to the grass, and black smoke started to curl into small clouds.

It was like from a bad dream, or from a black and white old photograph. A memory of a bad thing that had once happened.

Except this was real and raw and Erik had just helped to kill dozens of mutants - maybe even hundreds of them.

It felt like broken shards of glass was tearing his veins open through his bloodstream; that's how sick and wrong it looked like, and that's how strongly Erik's guilt resonated with the heart-breaking, broken breath that escaped Charles' mouth.

Charles struggled to get up, but with a heavy heart, Erik threw his arms around Charles from behind and held him down mercilessly.

-NO. No. NO. Let me go. Let me go. Let me go!" Charles shouted with a broken voice, so unsteady that it was barely recognizable. -T-they're still in there!"

But Erik didn't let go.

And he was not going to.

Charles was quickly spiraling into panic, his movements getting more desperate. He drew a breath so shaky that it sounded like a sob now.

-Hank...Raven...They're still in there!" Charles hissed, sounding miserable.

He tried to pull and twist and push, but no matter how harshly he tried, Erik had no trouble keeping him still. Charles was smaller than him, and in a physical fight he was no match to Erik, even if Charles' attempts were laced with desperate, blind panic. His nails and fingers would leave bruises, but Erik barely noticed.

-Erik! Erik, let me _go_!" Charles cried, while he pushed himself against the ground and tried to stand up. All in vain.

Erik felt numb and like something deep inside him was breaking. -No, Charles," Erik said with a quiet voice. -Hank and Raven were already dead - before we even met them."

The word 'dead' made Charles freeze and his thrashing stopped.

Erik instantly knew he had said the wrong thing.

Fortunately Erik instinctively knew what was to come - otherwise he would have really lost the next fight. Blind panic easily morphed into blind anger, and Charles was no exception to that. Charles turned in Erik's grip and started to raise his hand towards Erik's temple, ready to tame him telepathically, but years and years of training and several violent fights made Erik faster. Erik raised his elbow and collided it with Charles' forehead, hard enough to hurt but not too hard to knock him out.

Charles yelped out in pain and slumped a little against Erik, and Erik hated himself for having to do this.

He hated every second of this, of it all.

He hated the fact that everything had gone so terribly wrong.

He hated that Charles had lied to him about the virus, that he truly thought so little of Erik's intentions.

Erik hated that he had to trick Charles to get him out from the labs, hated the fact that this was the only way that could save everyone and find a way out of this nightmare.

But most of all, Erik hated the utterly heart-broken look on Charles' face as he looked hazily up to Erik, slow realization filling his eyes.

And hope dying in his eyes, dying out and flickering into blackness like a candle.

The blow to his head had made Charles go partly limp in Erik's grip, but he didn't try to squirm out anymore - the first shock and urgency had passed. Instead, he stared at Erik with growing horror, tears threatening to escape from his eyes. -We n-need to...They can't..."

Erik felt his own eyes burning too.

How much pain could one person endure? How many people could they lose, how many times could they be betrayed?

Charles had lost too much. He had suffered enough, and Erik was just so sick of it. He wanted it to _stop_. He wanted to wash that haunted look away from Charles' eyes, heal his sorrow and his broken body somewhere far away, and in that moment, Erik felt every single year and day weighing down on him, closing around them both, narrowing down the airways and making his chest tighten like a wounded animal.

Charles was shaking, and he looked far too pale. Shadows from the fire danced on his face and hair, and in another life Erik might have liked the colours, but now they all just made his guilt and disgust sharper. Red and yellow and black - blood, betrayal and death.

Death, so much death.

-I'm sorry," Erik barely managed to breath out, looking down at Charles. There was a strangling feeling in his throat. -I'm so sorry, Charles," Erik said, and this time, he couldn't have meant it more.

Charles blinked furiously and let out a whimper, tears finally breaking free. He shook his head and took unsteady breaths, sounding like his lungs were barely functioning.

He was getting more heavy in Erik's grip, like all fight was draining out of him.

Erik swallowed, a lump in his throat. -They were already dead. Both Hank and Raven; the CIA had got to them," he said with a softer voice. -They would have only lived until midnight."

Charles struggled to look at Erik. He was bleeding agony, radiating it, looking like he was slowly falling apart.

Like words started to lose meanings.

He blinked with teary eyes, gasped, and glanced sideways, like something was drawing his attention.

His blue eyes widened in barely contained terror, and he was pale as a sheet.

-I...can...I can sense them," Charles finally muttered out, looking at Erik like he was drowning.

Erik just stared back, eyes widening. -What...?"

Charles looked at Erik miserably. -They're not dead yet! I can sense them. They're...they're_ dying_. Erik, they're dying! Burning, burning. Their bodies, they're on fire, they're in pain, and I can..."

Erik just looked at him in shock, as Charles squeezed his eyes shut and lifted his badly trembling hand against his forehead, like he was trying to shut it all out. Erik guessed that emotions as strong as dying people had could still reach Charles, no matter the fact that he wasn't even fully here. Then the whole cruelty of the moment dawned on Erik.

He was holding a telepath in his grip, a telepath who could feel the agony and pain of his sister and closest friend dying inside a burning building.

Charles let out another pained moan, and turned himself further away from the facility, like he wasn't able to look. In the end, he ended up dropping his face into Erik's shoulder and burying it there, like all strength and fight had left him. Like Erik was all he had left in the whole world to hold onto, and despite all the old resentment and hurt between them, at this moment none of it mattered.

Because Erik _was_ the only one left.

And as Erik easened his grip on Charles, the grip that had held him down just a moment ago, and turned into an almost embrace. His fingers became more gentler, his muscles relaxed.

Charles wasn't going to fight.

They both knew that nobody inside would survive anymore, and no threats or tears would make it better.

Erik didn't even try to find anything to say. There was nothing.

This was beyond comfort.

All they could do was wait until Hank and Raven would disappear from Charles' reach. Until their minds were quieted and they would be gone forever.

Fortunately Charles seemed to understand that there was nothing to be done about it; he was just gripping Erik's shirt and breathing through his teeth, eyes squeezed shut.

And despite none of this probably made sense to Charles, Erik got the feeling that Charles had still believed Erik's earlier words. That no matter Erik might do, he always was honest when it came to Charles. He had never been quiet about his intentions: he had told Charles about his plans for Shaw all those years ago without hesitation. He had told Charles his views about the humans. And Erik had told the truth about Hank and Raven.

There were just two more truths left.

The fact that according to Hank...Charles needed to die too, very soon.

And the then the final fact, the final truth, the ultimate secret that had never really been a secret at all. It had been just unverbalized between them, obvious for everyone to see but impossible for anyone to define. As Erik watched the flames roaring high towards the sky and Charles clutched his arm and let out sharp gasps, muffled into his shirt, Erik felt true fear.

Not because of any enemy, of any misfortune or physical pain - he had never been afraid of dying or torment. Shaw had carved that out of him long time ago.

No.

Erik was afraid, deep down, because as Charles held his hand against his face and the tears flowed, Erik knew that they would change the roles too soon.

Erik would need to do the only thing that had always been an unacceptable idea for him. An impossibility.

Hank, Raven and the Resurrecter had died.

Charles needed to die too.

But the idea of it was so banal that Erik's mind just rejected it completely, even if he acknowledged that the clock was ticking and it needed to happen soon. But not here, not tonight. There was still time.

-They were already dead, both Hank and Raven, and that's why the Resurrecter could bring them back to life," Erik said with a hollow voice. -But something went wrong. The Resurrecter could only give them one more day."

One more day.

The raised mutants had been like mayflies - butterflies that only lived for a day.

And even if those mayflies had been doomed from the start, it still felt wrong. All of it felt wrong. Here they were, Charles and him, witnessing a funeral. Burning butterflies, turning them into ash and making them disappear to the night sky.

Butterflies that would never fly again - not in this life.

Long seconds passed, and time lost its meaning.

At some point, the rest of strength left Charles and he slumped fully against Erik. It was quiet. So quiet; Erik guessed the voices had quieted down from Charles' head. Raven and Hank were gone. Resurrecter too - a man whose face Erik never even saw - but with a high price.

All Erik could do was to pray from the bottom of his heart that Hank had been right about this all.

Silently, Charles face was nuzzled somewhere on the crook of Erik's neck and shoulder, as if he would fall apart if he faced the flames that were slowly turning into smoke and hot embers.

Charles' heart had been smashed to pieces. Hank and Raven were dead.

Erik's was barely holding itself together.

_One more day,_ Erik once again reminded himself, but now that small promise had turned sour.

One more day and he would get to tell Charles everything.

One more day and he would have to let Charles go.

How cruel of fate, of destiny to force Erik's hand into all of this. He had never wanted to hurt Charles, not in Cuba, not in Paris, not in Washington. Not then, not even once - not ever. He always just ended up doing so anyway.

And tomorrow he had finish this plan. To take a life.

Of the only person he had ever...

_No._

Not yet.

_One more day. _

So for now, Erik just stayed still and watched quietly, strong smell of smoke filling his nostrils and Charles' tears dampening his shirt.


End file.
